Shy-Pie 5 - Punchline

Shy-Pie 5 - Punchline

 

Previous Chapters:

http://pastebin.com/u/bettyspaghetti

 

>"Catch that mare!"

>you snap back to reality

>the elderly employee trots over to you

>"Young man, could you go catch that mare for me? She's shoplifting!"

Uhhh...

>you freeze

>"I'll pay for your groceries! Just go!"

O-okay!

>you start to run after Pinkie Pie out of the store

>you almost run into the automatic door on your way out

 

>it's easy to spot Pinkie running off

>she's crying tears like a garden hose off into the distance

>however, she's running at sanic level speeds

>Pinkie is somehow the fastest mare in Equestria on hoof

>considering all she eats is cakes and candy, this is surprising

>she's also easy to spot since she's bright pink and Ponyville is covered in snow right now

>you run as fast as you can, but you just can't keep up

>you assume she's going to Sugarcube Corner, so you head in that direction

 

>on your way there, you spot a large crowd of ponies in the street

>you push your way through the crowd

>Pinkie is on the ground in the snow, she tripped on a rock

>she's crying her eyes out and babbling non-sense

>there are adult mare diapers spread all over the place

>the ponies of the crowd are muttering about what to do

>you step forward and scoop the crying mare up in your arms

 

>she opens her eyes and sees it's you

>PP:"AHHHHHHH! KIDNAPPER!"

>nop0ny pays it any mind, everyp0ny in town knows you're a stand-up guy

>Pinkie is trying to wiggle out of your arms

>PP:"OWIE!"

>it seems she hurt her hindhoof in the fall

Let's get you home.

>PP:"N-NO! You're just going to..."

>she's breathing heavily

>her hooves dart for her stomach and she starts crying gallons of tears again

>you're soaked

 

~~~~~~~

 

>the Cakes are on their first family holiday with the foals

>Pinkie has the place all to herself

>you set Pinkie down on her bed

>you've never been inside Pinkie's room before

>it's how you would expect it to be

>balloons everywhere

>party shit

>the usual

>except, now there's a crying Pinkie in the bed

>you're sure that doesn't happen often

 

Pinkie, what's wrong? You've been acting weird lately.

>PP:"*sniffle* What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG!"

What!? Why?

>PP:"I hate you... I don't know why exactly... I JUST DO!"

I'm confused. What did I do? Are you jealous of me? That's what Twilight said.

>PP:"Jealous!? No WAY! I'm not jealous! You just... make me feel bad!"

Huh?

>Pinkie Pie bites her lip

>PP:"It's embarrassing..."

Please! Tell me. I really want to be friends again.

>PP:"W-well... *gulp* whenever I think about you... I get a fever-- AND I NEVER GET SICK!"

That's weird.

>PP:"I know! And... sometimes... when I think of the times we shared... my tummy gets all rumbley and there's a PARASPRITE in there I'M SURE!"

That sounds improbable...

>PP:"It's NOT since I KNOW you snuck into my room when I was sleeping and FED ME A PARASPRITE!"

I didn't do that!

>PP:"YEAH! You DID! I would NEVER eat an icky wiky parasprite! You opened up my mouth and you shoved it in!"

Do you have any evidence?

>PP:"YEAH! I..."

>...

>PP:"No... I don't..."

>Pinkie's face turns blank as it seems she'd just remembered a lesson from long ago

Pinkie... I think--

>PP:"AND THEN! When I go to sleep, I dream of you and... *sniffle* and..."

>she bursts into tears again

>you reach over and try to give her a hug, but she dodges your advance

>PP:"W-when I d-dream of you I... wet the bed-- BUT IT'S NOT PEE! So that's why I bought diapers and it was super wooper embarrassing and you saw me and.... WAHHHHH!"

>more tears soak the bed

Pinkie--

>PP:"Th-then you h-hugged me and I c-couldn't even breathe!"

Pinkie please liste--

>PP:"AND the WORST part is! *gulp* I've NEVER hated anyp0ny before! And I really really majorly super don't want to hate you! I just DO!"

Pinkie will you just--

>PP:"I'm so scared!"

PINKIE!!!

>she quiets down

Pinkie... you don't hate me. I think you have a crush on me.

>...

>PP:"B-but!"

The parasprites? Those are just butterflies in your stomach. You're nervous to see me.

>PP:"BUTTERFLIES!? I should ask Fluttershy! She knows all about--"

>you put a finger to Pinkie Pie's mouth

>her little mouth scrunches

It's a figure of speech.

>Pinkie's mouth muffles a response around your finger

>PP:"Mmff... Oh... what about the hugs? I couldn't breathe!"

Well, I hate to toot my own horn but...

>Pinkie Pie pokes your nose

>PP:"Honk! *giggle*"

I think you're just enamored with me.

>PP:"What about the dreams?! The ones that make... a mess..."

Uh... I think you're... uh... *cough* Um... *ahem* turned on by me? Maybe?

>PP:"I don't understand."

You're... horny...

>PP:"*giggle* I'm not horny! I'm poofy! Look at my mane, silly! Twilight and Rarity are horny!"

R-right... Anyway, I think the fact that you're talking to me this way proves you don't hate me.

>Pinkie puts a hoof to her mouth in thought

>PP:"Hmmm... I guess you're right... what is a crush!?"

>well then

A crush is when you fall in love with someone... but you're not sure if they feel the same way.

>PP:"Like Mr. and Mrs. Cake!?"

They're married, so... no. This is like the beginning of love.

>PP:"Heh Anon... you're sure a smart guy, but riddle me this. I love cakes and candy, but I've never had a CRUSH on candy! Unless... it's crushed candy but-- ANYWAYS! Crushes don't exist and I just proved I know more about love than you, kissless virgin!"

Okay. First of all, where did you learn that term?

>PP:"*giggle* I heard Rarity say it to a nerd once! Hehehe!"

>you nod, that makes sense

Second of all, romantic love doesn't work the same way as love for food does.

>PP:"Oh..."

Third of all, YOU'RE actually the kissless virgin.

>PP:"WHAT!?"

Yeah, unless you've had sex.

>PP:"I play the sax all the time! Just watch!"

>you grab her hoof just before she zooms off

Sometimes, I think you misinterpret what I say on purpose.

>PP:"PORPOSE?!! That's funny because I have this inflatable dolphin under my bed and--"

>...

>PP:"Okay. You caught me. I was doing it on pOrpose that time. Heh heh..."

 

>PP:"So how do I end this crush?"

You have to fall out of love with me or date me I guess.

>PP:"Dates huh? Like PARTIES?!"

Kinda. You should ask Twilight about it. She's probably read a book or two about them.

>...

I gotta go.

>you turn to leave

>Pinkie grabs your wrist with her foreleg

>you turn around

>Pinkie has bedroom eyes

>PP:"Anon. Do you want to go on a date with me?"

>...

*gulp* Y-yeah sure!

>her demeanor changes completely and she springs out of bed

>PP:"WHOO HOO!"

 

~~~END PART 5~~~

 

>PP:"I was honestly worried you were going to have me poop or fart or something."

---Oh come on!---

>PP:"You're BETTY! What else should I expect!?"

---...---

>PP:"That's what I thought. I liked how I'm a virgin though. Just like I asked~♥"

---Don't wet yourself.---

>PP:"SHUT UP!"

---Hue Hue Hue---

>PP:"Gibe anon pls i report u"

---Oh yeah. This one is for you Holy Oats! Love ya bud!---