LW Spaghetti Sparkle 37 - Time Loops

Living with Spaghetti Sparkle 37

 

Previous Chapters:

http://pastebin.com/u/bettyspaghetti

 

LW/Spaghetti Sparkle is an interactive story. Check it out here:

http://spaghettisparklechan.deviantart.com/

 

>Twilight's shaking

>she puts the results from her DNA test into the computer

 

>STATUS: MOTHER-SON RELATIONSHIP

 

>she breathes a sigh of relief

>...

>Twi:"You're SO LUCKY he's mine too!"

But... it's bullshit, right?

>Twi:"Doesn't seem that way."

Wait wait wait... what?!

>she gallops over and tackles you

Ouch!

>Twi:"GLOMP!"

Twilight, you can't just headbutt me! It hurts! You have a goddamn horn!

>Twi:"Love hurts. Baka."

>she grabs both sides of your head and kisses you

 

>Luna has been awfully quiet

>in the midst of your kiss, you look up at Luna

>she looks horrified

>what the hell?

>you break the kiss

>you both look at what Luna is looking at

>there's a pony in the doorway

>it's that blue pony who saved you in the alleyway

>Swirl:"Hey Mom and Dad!"

>he waves

>Twilight, who was laying on top of you, faints

 

=======

 

>Swirl:"Oh get up Mom. You were always so lazy."

>he zaps her with a beam from his horn

>Twilight wakes up on top of you

>Twi:"You... you... you..."

>Swirl:"Yep! Good old Swirley!  Well, you haven't conceived me yet, but I'll eventually be good old Swirley. Right now I guess I'm good new Swirley."

>he trots over to you and gets a good look

>Luna is blushing like crazy

>Swirl:"Oh hi Luna, how is your sex life?"

>Luna:"I..."

>Swirl:"Yessss?"

>Luna:"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

>he whispers into your ear

>Swirl:"Here it comes..."

>Luna:"YOU! YOU CHEATED ON ME! YOU'RE BANISHED!"

>a green light builds in her horn and fires at your son

>Swirl:"Oh please."

>the laser bounces harmlessly off his face

>it makes a farting noise

>nice touch

>Swirl:"Aren't you happy to see me? It's been so long."

>Luna:"I... I went CRAZY over losing you! It was one of the reasons I turned into NIGHTMARE MOON! And you... You don't look like you've aged AT ALL."

>Swirl:"Why yes, I am immortal. How nice of you to notice, but you don't know the whole story. I never meant to cheat on you."

>Luna:"YOU SLEPT WITH HALF OF EQUESTRIA! MORE PONIES ARE RELATED TO YOU THAN ANY OTHER PONY IN HISTORY!"

>Swirl:"I went a little CHAOTIC, didn't I? hehhehehe."

>Luna:"I'D SAY YOU DID. Do you know what I'd also say?"

>Swirl:"You learned how to use contractions?"

>...

Stop egging her on! You IDIOT!

>Swirl:"Stop giving me relationship advice, DAD!"

 

>Twi:"Did you say chaos, s-son?"

>Swirl:"Why yes I did. Call me Swirley, by the way, you always do."

>Twi:"O-okay..."

Sounds a lot like 'Shirley'.

>Swirl:"DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY!"

>...

>you and your son burst out laughing

>Twi:"Wh-what? I don't get it..."

Old movie reference, Twi.

>Twi:"Oh..."

 

>Swirl:"So Luna, you gonna hear me out?"

>...

>Luna:"NOPE!"

>she shoots another spell at him

>Twilight gets off of your chest and gallops toward Luna

>Twi:"STOP! I CAN'T LET YOU HURT HIM!"

>Swirl:"Chill out Mom, she can't touch me."

>Luna:"Listen Twi. He cheated on me. What would you do if Anon cheated on you?"

>Twilight looks at you

>she smiles

>Twi:"I'd forgive him and work it out."

>...

>Luna powers down her spells

 

>Swirl:"Okay... where do I start? Ask me a question. Any question."

How about... what the fuck is going on?

>Starswirl looks at you like you just farted

Okay. How about this one. How do I have pony semen?

>Swirl:"Oh! A genius spell of mine! I casted it on you when you were an infant! I wrote the message to Twilight on there a couple weeks ago when I figured out I was supposed to reveal myself to you."

Wait... you were on Earth?

>Swirl:"Well yeah! Who do you think brought you from Earth to Equestria?"

I thought it was Trixie!

>Swirl:"Well, if you're going to split hairs, yes it was me AND my daughter."

>a silence blankets the room

>Swirl:"What? You need to have casters on both sides to transfer a non-caster to the other side."

>...

>Swirl:"Oh don't look at me that way Luna. She's yours too."

>Luna:"WHAT?!"

>Swirl:"Oops, probably shouldn't have said that. FORGETICUS!"

>Luna derps out

Why don't you make it so she forgot you cheated on her?

>Swirl:"GOOD IDEA. OH WAIT MY DAD IS A RETARD. You can only make the target forget recent memory. Within twenty minutes. I swear I've explained this to you before. You never learn."

You probably made me forgeticus.

>Swirl:"Oh HA. HA."

>Twi:"So I've already... wait... I met my granddaughter before I met my husband?"

>Swirl:"Yep!"

>Twi:"She hates me though."

>Swirl:"Nah. She loves you, it's just that she's just bitter that you made her study all the time. Hell, I loved studying, but it didn't really work on her. When she was sixteen she wanted to prove that she was better than you were at sixteen, so she went back in time to try to show you up. Boy, was she pissed when she got back."

>...

 

>Swirl:"Any other questions?"

>Twi:"I'm just trying to absorb all of this."

How come you don't have a beard?

>Swirl:"I wore a fake beard. These mutt genes you gave me suck. I hate you."

>Twi:"Wait... won't telling us this endanger the future?"

>Swirl:"Just the question I was looking for! No! This won't change the future, since this is how it's supposed to be."

Huh?

>Swirl:"As I'm sure you know, I become the greatest Magi in Equestrian history, but I do it in the Equestrian dark age."

>Twi:"How'd you get there?"

>Swirl:"Throughout my youth, I was taught magic by you. You were one of the greatest wizards of all time, but you never allowed me to read any SERIOUS magic. Nothing but beginner stuff. It sucked. I wanted more, so I tried to make my own spells. One day, one of these spells backfired. I think it was... YEAH it was the day Luna seduced me. She was such a sexy foalsitter. Anyway, the spell sent me back in time."

WAIT... WHAT?!

>Swirl:"I was seventeen! I was ready to fuck."

That just creates more questions.

>Twi:"Yeah! You needed a foalsitter at seventeen?"

>Swirl:"I KNOW! It was HORSESHIT. But I know why you did it now. You needed me to be safe so that I could go to the past and fulfill my destiny. It's also why you never taught me cool spells. You prevented me from reading advanced spellbooks because I'm the one who eventually writes them. It would have fucked everything up. I wouldn't have became the spell slinging wizz I am today without that period of my life."

 

So that's why you're here? To tell us to not give you your own spellbooks?

>Swirl:"Yep!"

Hmm...

>Swirl:"Oh. Also to make up with my hot foalsitter princess marefriend."

>you all look at Luna

>she looks livid

>Luna:" I am NOT a child molester!"

>Swirl:"Teenfucker, actually. And you will be! FORGETICUS!"

>Luna derps out again

 

So what about that pony in the alleyway? The one who tried to kick me?

>Swirl:"Oh. That."

>Twi:"Who?"

On my way here, I was almost kicked in the nuts by some crazy stallion.

>Swirl:"That was Discord. He wants me dead. Too bad he can't kill me."

So he's trying to erase you from existence?

>Swirl:"Bingo."

Why?

>Swirl:"I sealed him. He's upset about that. Something about a once in a million chance to turn all magic into chaos magic and ruin the universe or some shit. The guy's nuts. Problem is that he's in non-corporeal form right now. He inhabited that poor hobo's body and tried to bust your nuts to a pulp."

>Twi:"I would have fixed them!"

>Swirl:"I know, right? He's desperate right now. It's pretty sad."

Do you think he'll make a more serious move?

>Swirl:"Probably. If I'd venture to guess it would be during your wedding night. He likes theatrics. We'll be ready though."

>Twilight looks concerned

>Twi:"He's going to ruin my wedding night..."

It's okay Twi, we'll--

>Twi:"I'LL KILL HIM!"

 

~~~END PART 37~~~