- [Anon and the Ugly Pony 10]
- >after another time in rehab, your girlfriend Pinkie Pie is back to normal
- >in fact, you're much closer because you were there for her during a hard time
- >unlike Rainbow Dash, that bitch
- >it's your birthday today
- >for a present, Pinkie Pie got you a giant foam finger
- >aw! Thanks Pinkie!
- >Rainbow Dash got you a Jack Daniels
- >you'll have to sell it, you're off the sauce
- >Spitfire busts into you home
- What do you want crack whore?
- >Spit:"I just want to spend some time with my best friend on his birthday!"
- >you cautiously let her in Sugarcube Corner (your house you live with Pinkie in now)
- >PP:"I know we've had our differences, but we should be friends! What makes you smile Spitfire?"
- >Spit:"Meth."
- >PP:"A-anything else?"
- >Spit:"Making crystal meth."
- >PP:"I don't have a meth lab... ummm..."
- >Spit:"Could I use your basement to make crystal meth?"
- >PP:"I don't knoww--"
- >Spit:"It's my birthday."
- >PP:"I guess that's okay then, if it's your birthday..."
- >it's been three months and Spitfire hasn't left
- >she has a permanent meth lab under sugarcube corner now
- >Pinkie won't let you call the police this time because it was Spitfire's birthday present
- >Sugarcube corner slowly goes out of business because it's a meth hang out
- >you and Pinkie move away into a regular house
- >Pinkie has clinical depression now
- >fucking spitfire
- [Anon and the Ugly Pony 11]
- >Pinkie Pie let her hair down during her depression and it was both beautiful and sad at the same time
- >it was all Spitfire's fault
- >she wrecked your girlfriend's life
- >she wrecked your life!
- >you're going to wreck her shit!!
- >you go down to the meth lab and light some fires
- >all of a sudden, Sugarcube corner is totally ablaze
- >you don't even care if Spitfire died right now
- >you hear some explosions from under the ground
- >it turns out that Spitfire wasn't there because she was just coming back from the grocery store
- >Spit:"AW SHIT NIG NOG! NO YOU DI-EEENT"
- I did.
- >Spit:"UH UH GURL, THAT AIN'T RIGHT!"
- You betrayed the law!
- >Spit:"LAWWWWWWW"
- >you kung-fu fight
- >she goes in slow from the left just like Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars™ Episode II Attack of the Clones™
- >you catch her off guard with your punchy fists of doom
- >her only weakness
- >you trust your fist into her eye at full force
- >Spitfire lay unconscious on the ground
- >you yell like Vegita in dragonball z
- AHHHHHHHHHWHWWHWWWWWHAAAAAAAA
- >the methlab finally explodes the entire house
- >Thuderlane's burning corpse falls to your feet
- >you situate his body so that it looks like Spitfire was trying to consume his flesh
- >the police show up
- >Pinkie is there and she breaks up with you on the spot since you caused no smiles this day, only sads
- NOOOO!!!
- >you get thrown in jail for framing Spitfire for cannibalism
- >the next day, you find out you're in the same cell
- >she's uglier than ever
- >Spitfire tries to sell you some cigarettes as if nothing happened
- >fucking Spitfire
- [Anon and the Ugly Pony 12]
- >you're in jail for framing a pony for cannibalism
- >Spitfire is your cellmate
- >she tries to extol sexual favors from you but you wont budge
- >she could have STDs
- >you don't want to risk sexual involvement with such an ugly pony
- >she still smells like kicked trash and an ancient fart
- >it makes it hard to sleep
- >manual labor is a blast
- >you're forced to clean all of the fun-balls in the MacDonalds' play-place by hand
- >it's hard for ponies who don't have hands
- >but you have hands so it's really easy
- >sometimes there's horse poop on them, but it's no big deal
- >Since Equestrian society is so matriarchal, most of the ponies in prison are mares
- >some of them are even hot like you're banging ex-marefriend Pinkie Pie
- >Spitfire scares them all away with her threats though
- >she wants you all to herself
- >after a week of prison, Pinkie Pie comes around and forgives you
- >in the meeting room, you have dirty sex that's witnessed by security cameras
- >you will save yourself for your marefriend
- >Spitfire has other ideas
- >she sneaks a crack rock into prison and forces you to smoke it
- >in a crack-rage, you beat the shit out of your cell-mate
- >she farted multiple times
- >just before you can finish the final blow, you're dragged away by the authorities
- >it would be four years until you saw Spitfire again
- >you were on parole
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Anon and the Ugly Pony 10-12
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