Title:           Strelnikov Appears
Author:          allyourwut
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/8cytDWTz
First Edit:      Tuesday 24th of September 2013 03:12:17 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 24th of September 2013 03:12:17 PM CDT

>Day random appearences in Equestria.
>You are Anonymous.
>It's been about half a year since you were stranded in this strange world
>You begin your day with the sacred S triumvirate.
>When you're done you head downstairs, and begin breakfast.
>You were just getting done with your eggs and cinnamon toast wh-
>*knock knock knock*
>Well, at least you got most of it down the hatch bef-
>*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK FUCKIN' KNOCKITY!!!*
“Goddammit, Fluttershy!! At least let me finish my inner fucking monologue!!”
> “O-Oh...Ok...!”
>You put the platter into the sink, and open the door.
“What...?”
>She looks at you and you look at her.
>She slowly takes out a mini-stache and puts on a shitty rendition of the German Nazi Uniform.
>Seriously yo, shit's lookin' like her mom bought it from good will during a Halloween sale.
>Or Nightmare Night sale.
>Whatever.
>The point is, it sucks.
>You look at her in disbelief.
“Are you fuckin' kidding me?
> “S-So...oppressive maniacal Dictators aren't your fetish Anon?”
>You flex your body muscles and your shirt rips off into shreds of fabric.
>Underneath it you have a gigantic Star of David tat across your chest.
>It covers well over half of your upper torso.
“FUCKING NO!!”
>You grab as much of her hair as you can, swing her around, and throw her into the air.
>As you watch go careening into Twilight's Treebrary, a good ways away you shout
“If you've got time to figure out who that guy was, then start tryin' to figure out how to get me home!!”
>Suddenly a giant worm hole opens up in the middle of Ponyville.
>Allmywat.jpeg
>It spits out...whoa...
>Whoa, whoa, whoa!
>No fuckin' way!
>“EYYY, I AM BEING IN LAND OF BRIGHT COLORED HORSES AGAIN!”
>With great effort a fat, sweaty, and infinitely drunk Russian climbs to his feet.
>He downs a half of a 2 liter of vodka.
>Sweet merciful pony christ, help us all...
>While you are frozen in abstract fear, he has finished the 2 liter and is now in search of more alchohalic beverage.
>“WHERE IS VODKA BEING?”
>You watch as he pulls some Kool-Aid man type shit and bursts through a wall.
>He throws the residents through their own house all the while shouting
>“YOU BE HIDING VODKA FROM STRELNIKOV!?”
>You rush back into your house and upstairs.
>In your room you have a box under your bed.
>It says “In case of depression”.
>Inside you find a bottle of whiskey and a hand gun.
>You grab the whiskey.
>AUTOBOTS ROLL OUT!
>You track the beast through Ponyville via the demolished homes and the crying mares with semen in their hair.
>You don't mean just the mane either.
>This guy makes Genghis Khan look gentlemanly...
>You find him at Berry Punch's house.
>He's just standing there wheezing angrily.
>Staring.
>You check what's up.
>There're shit loads of birds on Berry Punch's windowsill.
>The Russian finally speaks.
>“HERE...STRELNIKOV SMELL VODKA...BUT CANNOT ENTER...”
“Umm...W-Why not?
>“WHAT, ARE YOU FOOL? LOOK AT BIRDS, SMALL MAN! IS MARKED WITH DEATH!
>Oh, yeah.
>Russian superstitions.
>You decide to bring something to his attention.
Dude...You broke about 20 mirrors on that rampage.
>This sends him into some sort of hyperventilation fit.
>You give him the whiskey and he shuts up.
>Starts drinking it like a baby bottle while in the fetal position.
>Fucking Strelnikov.
 
LeFin