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Twine

By: Zeikfried on Apr 29th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.20 KB  |  hits: 286  |  expires: Never
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  1. >A herd of five abandoned fluffies has recently started camping out around your apartment building.
  2. >They ate the tiny strip of grass on day one and, since they're usually too dumb to shit in the dirt, it grows back slowly or not at all.
  3. >One of the mares is pregnant as well.
  4. >The fluffies haven't moved on to another area because the hambeast in 1B keeps feeding them and playing with them.
  5. >The building is strictly 'no pets' so this is probably her outlet for all the crazy cat lady feelings she has because no one loves her.
  6. >However, she doesn't feed them often enough, meaning that the little beggars are always crying through the night about being hungry.
  7. >When they're not crying for people to come play with them.
  8. >You've brought it up to the super but the chickenshit won't do anything to her since she's technically feeding them on public property.
  9. >Sometimes people will feed them or smack them around until they're quiet, but more usually they get ignored.
  10. >Yesterday they knocked over everyone's garbage and tore the bags open for food.
  11. >Then cried all night because their tummies hurt from eating rotten food.
  12. >No shit, Derpy.
  13. >In the morning the sidewalk was covered with trash and fetid garbage diarrhea, and the little shitcunts were covered in it.
  14. >motherofgod.jpg
  15. >They smeared it all over the building steps and everyone's bumpers and hubcaps trying to scratch itches in their fluff.
  16. >You've had all you can stands, and you can't stands no more.
  17. >On the way home from work in your new fluffyshitmobile you stop at Wal-mart and pick up a bundle of twine and several cans of Spaghetti-Os.
  18.  
  19. >That night after sundown you come out of your building.
  20. >The fluffies crowd around you immediately with cries of "Pwease foodies!" "Tummy owchies bad!" "Hungwy!"
  21. >They've been cleaned off, probably by the hambeast since anyone else would have 'cleaned' them with a shotgun full of rock salt or a nine-iron.
  22. >You kneel down and the fluffies all put their front hooves expectantly on your legs.
  23. >"Pwease foodies, fwiend?" "Fwuffy tummy huwties bad!"
  24. >You tell them that you'll feed them if they agree to become your pets.
  25. >The fluffies agree pretty much instantly with cries of "New daddy!" and "Daddy, gib us foodies!"
  26. >You ask them to wait there and head inside.
  27. >You can hear the fluffies pawing at the front door as you walk back to your apartment.
  28. >"Pwease no go!" "Daddy, pwease foodies! No weave fwuffy!"
  29. >Little idiots, do they think you have spaghetti in your pocket or something?
  30. >You open the cans of Spaghetti-Os and cut five loops of twine.
  31. >Back outside, you walk to the curb, surrounded by salivating fluffies crying "Gib sketties now!" "Fwuffy wan sketties! Gib daddy!"
  32. >You dump the cans' contents into five piles on the ground and watch the fluffies carefully to make sure they share equally.
  33. >The pregnant dam is crying and trying to reach its pile with its stubby legs while two other fluffies chow on its portion.
  34. >You kick the stupid greedy pigs away and tilt the pregnant, swollen dam's face down so she can eat her food.
  35. >They puff their cheeks and stomp their little hooves on the pavement, defecating in protest.
  36. >Fucks given = zero.
  37.  
  38. >Once all the fluffies have eaten, you begin tying twine to their fluffy tails starting with the dam, making sure it grips firmly.
  39. >"What dis scratchy?" the pregnant dam asks.
  40. >You tell her it's a ribbon and that it means she's your pet now.
  41. >The fluffies go apeshit, crying "Yay! Wan wibbon too!" and practically mobbing you for their twine.
  42. >You tie twine to each one.
  43. >You tell them all to stay right there, and tie the loose end of the twines to the hitch on the back of a blue SUV parked at the curb.
  44. >Once all the fluffies have been roped, you tell them that it's sleepy time for fluffies and that you'll be back later.
  45. >The fluffies all crowd you anyway, asking "Pway?" "Daddy wuv fwuffies? Pway?"
  46. >Brush the dumb critters off and stand up, telling them you'll play later.
  47. >The fluffies cry for a bit when you refuse to play, but having eaten well and being unable to run around because of the twine, they eventually get bored and go to sleep.
  48. >At 4:00AM, while it's still dark out, the hambeast comes out to go to work, climbs in her blue SUV, turns on her music, and drives off.