Title:           Mr. Friendly in Equestria - Wuten x Chronicler Collab
Author:          Wuten
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/x6zHZDE0
First Edit:      Tuesday 5th of June 2012 06:46:05 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 5th of June 2012 06:46:05 PM CDT

Mr. Friendly in Equestria. 200th Thread Special.
By Wuten and Chronicler.
Dear god help me.
 
>You are Anon.
>And you are fucking bored as hell.
“Hey Pinkie Pie, what exactly did you call me here for, anyway?”
>Pinkie grins happily, hopping next to you. “We’re gonna meet my super-special-awesome friend! He’s really friendly, I’m sure you’ll like him.”
>She came to you early in the morning, like 4-fucking AM, and wanted you to follow her for something.
>You got no sleep that night. And you’ve walked at least 8 miles without a break.
>You’re proud of your physical capabilities, but you’re fucking mad at the lack of sleep that night.
>”Why are we so far outside of Ponyville?” you ask, rubbing your eye as you walk next to the pink pony.
>Your legs are screaming at you for what you’re putting them through.
>You’ve come to a small shed, out in the middle of nowhere in a field.
>”Here we are, Anon!” Pinkie exclaims, grinning up at you before bouncing off towards the shed.
>Wait…
>…This is too weird.
“Pinkie, wait, I-“
>Too late, she’s already entered the shed.
>Fucking pink horse.
>You run up to the door, and slowly open it, walking inside.
>The door closes behind you without you closing it yourself. That’s weird.
>Wait…
>You look around the room.
>…Wasn’t the shed smaller on the outside?
>Inside, you see Pinkie hopping over to a strange pony in the middle of the room.
>”Heya! I’m back!” Pinkie exclaims, smiling at the pony. He turns and smiles at her, nodding silently.
>”And even better, I brought another friend! His name is Anonymous, but you can just call him Anon!” she giggles happily, pointing a hoof at you.
>You walk up to the pony, and he looks up at you.
>You swear his eye twitched a bit after staring at you for around 4 seconds.
>”…You need me.”
>Wait… what?
“Huh?”
>”You need me…” he mutters, before his body shudders and twists, writhing on the ground as it slowly morphs into some kind of abomination.
>Oh god what the fuck is that?
>…Six heads slowly sprouted out from his neck, and morphed into human heads.
>”You need me…”
>Holy shit. Run.
>Run Anon.
>Run!
>This shit is fucked beyond fucking fuck.
>You dive the fuck away as that pink floppy thing begins to waddle towards you, an obtrusive drone drowning out all coherent thoughts you might formulate.
>You reel away as the long, pink mass with so many heads begins to flop towards you like a sausage with tiny legs.
>You trip over your feet, desperately scrambling, before turning your horrified gaze away.
>Your feet cannot move fast enough as you slam into the door.
>Six mouths chorus, “You need me… You need me…”
>You grab the handle, rattling it, trying to open it.
>Blast it all, why is this damn thing locked?!
>You toss your shoulder into the wooden planks, dust and nails rattling as you quickly try to force your way out.
“… You need me…”
>You look over your shoulder, your eyes pinpricks.
>Piss is probably trickling down your leg, but it might be spaghetti sauce.
>Can’t rule anything out.
>“YOU NEED ME!”
“FUCK!”
>You turn back to the door and put your shoulder into the door.
>You pull back for another blow, and nearly void your bowls when you feel a slippery something on your shoulder.
>”This way, Gordon!”
>With a scream befitting a child, you toss every fiber of your power into this final, do or die slam.
>With a crack, you blast open the door, landing in a crumpled pile upon the top of the ruined door.
>You scramble to your feet and take off like Ranbowdash being swarmed by Bull Dykes, the wet flopping behind you going far faster than you thought this thing could go.
>Your legs burn with the fury of a thousand suns, but adrenaline and terror drive you on.
>Mostly Adrenaline.
>Hell of a drug…
>The sound finally fades, and you fall down, too tired to take another step.
>After a few ragged breaths, you hear wing beats to your left.
>You look up at a gray Pegasus as Derpy slowly floats over to you, mailbag on her flank.
>”Heller there Anon!”
“Derpy! I need your help! There’s some... Monster, following me! Please, I need your help to get me back to Ponyville.”
>She lands, and looks at you sideways for almost four seconds, before her eyes begin to focus on you.
>”So, you’re saying… You need… Me?”