Title:           Anon Tried to Kill Himself - Act II, part 3
Author:          Writefag_Roulette
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/w7BWvfTb
First Edit:      Thursday 25th of August 2016 01:14:59 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 25th of August 2016 01:14:59 PM CDT

Part 3: What I Learned in Friendship School
 
>"ANON"
>your resolve vanishes at the prospect of a stern talking to
>you shake and shudder and simply stare in response
>"YOU CAN'T GO AROUND ASSAULTING PONIES"
"H-h-h-h-h-h-hhe threw brownies and hot coacoa at me though…"
>"THAT'S… THAT'S…"
>"Look, Anon. I really think this is what the map sent us up here for. It would just mean so much to me if you just helped me help Sombra here."
>how are you supposed to help the bastard?
>you're barely more adjusted than he is
"What can I possibly do to help him?"
>Twilight is momentarily stumped
>she magics up a pen and parchment
>"I know you're not very far along yet, but I think it would be really helpful to Sombra if he could get some advice from another junior student in friendship."
>junior student in friendship?
>goodness fucking gracious
"Advice?"
>"Yeah. Just write down what you've learned this week."
>you haven't learned anything
>after an awkward pause, she places the pen into your hand
>"You must have learned something, Anon. Here, let me start it for you."
>she magics your hand and the pen within and begins reciting what she's writing
>"Dear Princess Twilight, this week I learned…"
>she admires her handiwork for a second and giggles
>"There. I'm gonna go apologize to Cadance for you. I'll be back in a bit when you're done."
>oh fuck
>alone with nothing but this awful task, you panic a little and start talking to yourself
"Okay."
"Okay."
"What the fuck did I learn?"
>…
>inspiration strikes you
"That's fukken it, son."
>and you compose what must be, in your humble opinion, your most masterful shitpost ever
 
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"Done."
>"R-really?"
"Yep."
>she seems disappointed
>"Are you sure? I have some good writing tips for you."
"It's done."
>"Okay then, let's see what you've got so far."
>she reads the opening line with a great big smile
>"Dear Princess Twilight, this week I learned…"
>and her face transforms into one that grows increasingly frustrated
>"The fat chicks really do eat dick the best…"
>"The disadvantages of not having a coat of fur…"
>"That, no matter how hard you try to be friends with someone, there will always be a… chad?… to fuck everything up…"
>"That… sloots love… gloots…"
>"And that some people aren't good at anything and should probably just not even try…"
>the paper whips into the floor
>she looks pissed
>"ANON!"
>you are 'abbin the giggle of your life right now
>"This isn't funny!"
>you clearly think it's pretty funny
>even after the paper slaps into your face multiple times
>"Anon, this is important! I'm sure Sombra is the reason why the map sent us here, and I know it picked you to come for a reason!"
>the genuine frustration beats you back into beta mode, and you pay attention
>"Look, Anon, I know you're not quite a social butterfly like the rest of us"
>damn son
>"But you don't seem to want to hurt yourself anymore."
>"So, as per our agreement, I can release you from your servitude."
>AW SHIT NIGGA
>"You won't have to live in the castle, you can have your tent back, and I won't be constantly breathing down your neck anymore."
>fuckin nice, son
>"You will, of course, receive visits from me on a semi-weekly basis. To make sure you're doing okay and to continue your education in friendship."
>i-it's still a better deal than what you've got now
>"But first"
>shit
>"You have to help me with Sombra."
"But how will we know when we're done?"
>Twilight waves her ass in your face like it's a perfectly normal thing to do
>When this"
>she touches the purple star on her butt
>"starts flashing again, we'll know we're done here."
>you take it all in for a moment
>"You don't have to have that paper written up today, but you do need to have it done, and you will interact with Sombra until we're done here."
"And then I'm free?"
>"And then you're free. Good night, Anon."
>she leaves
>a yellow pegasus pony wearing crystal armor walks in and gives you a face somewhere between a friendly smile and a superior smirk
>"Let me show you to your room, sir."