Title:           Anon Tried to Kill Himself - Act I, part 7
Author:          Writefag_Roulette
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/6SwDPQJf
First Edit:      Thursday 25th of August 2016 12:15:54 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 25th of August 2016 12:15:54 PM CDT

Part 7: Anon Fucking Hates /fit/
 
>"Anon, how was Fluttershy's last night? I came back with refreshments, but you'd already left."
"I-it was"
"fine."
>"Are you sure, Anon? I know Discord showed up, and I know he can be a little bit…"
>she bites her lip here
>the look on your face probably tells her everything that happened
>"… possessive."
"A little bit."
>a minute of silent breakfasting ensues
>"Anon, I'm asking because I don't really know if you should be wandering off on your own like that yet. There's just no telling what you might, you know,"
>you very intentionally give her the most morose, pissy face you can give
>"do to yourself."
"Thanks for the concern, princess, but as you can see, I haven't fucking killed myself yet."
>more silent eating
>it is at this, the least appropriate moment, that a bolt obnoxious blue lightning zips into the dining room
>"TWILIGHT. You have got to see this!"
>Rainbow Dash shoves a piece of paper into her princess's face
>Twilight takes hold of the letter and reads aloud
>"Dear Rainbow Dash, we are pleased to inform you that your service has been transferred from the Equestrian Wonderbolts Skyfleet Reserve to the Equestrian Wonderbolts Regular Reserve. Bi-monthly musters will be held…"
>"Rainbow, this is great!"
>the two hug
>"But what exactly does it mean?"
>"It means that I'm one step closer to being a real Wonderbolt!"
>"Oh, Rainbow, I'm so happy for you!"
>what the fuck is a wonderbolt
>"But that's not the only reason why I came here!"
>Rainbow turns her attention to you
>fucking why
>"You know half of Ponyville saw you walking around without a shirt on last night, right?"
>your gaze drops and you groan a little bit
>"Rainbow, what are you doing?!"
>Rainbow Dash ignores the royal question
>"That's right. You seriously need to get in better shape. Fortunately for you, I am Ponyville's leading expert in fitness!"
"Wh-wh-wh-what are you saying?"
>she bumps your chest with her hoof
>"I'm saying you should come work out with me today, Anon."
>Twilight's visible concern evaporates
>Rainbow smiles eggingly
>you don't really want to be here with Twilight all day
>but you only ever worked out alone back home
>before you got here, you'd even built up a respectable home gym just to avoid interacting with gym-goers
>a workout partner just sounds…
"I'm down."
>"YES!"
>fuck
 
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>you're flopping on the ground
>Dash looks over to you, still effortlessly pushing herself up and down with her wings
>"Really, Anon? That was only forty pushups."
>and you could barely squeeze out fifty situps
>and you couldn't even make a mile run in under ten minutes
>with this latest failure, you sink your face into the backs of your hands
>you truly have lost all your gains
>a year of not lifting and not eating will do that to you
>she pushes herself up off the ground and into the air, from which she immediately takes to flying
>"All right, come on then, Anon. Warm up's done. We'll get you in shape yet."
>shame
>absolute fucking shame
>she leads you over to what feels like an old friend that you've been ignoring
>free weights
>"All right, Anon. Let's get your max weights for the five big lifts; then we can figure out a plan for you."
>"First up, benches."
>she sets up the bar over the bench with fifty pounds
>fifty?
>whatever
>"Just lay down right here, grip here and here, and… go."
>one
>two
>fuck
>three
>is this really just
>four
>just fifty pounds?
>f-f-fi-
>come on you nigger
>Dash starts reaching over to help
>fuckshitcuntniggeringdicklickers
>f-f-five
>"Not bad. Fifty pounds it is then."
>fifty
>that's just depressing
>silently, you follow your trainer over to a bar already set up on the gym floor
>"Let me see here… sixty pounds."
>she looks you over
>"That should be good for deadlifts. We might have to take a little off though. I don't really know how this'll work for a two legged… uh, thing like you."
"I know how to deadlift."
>she gives you the doubt.jpg look
>"All right then."
>you step over and give it a shot
>but your back catches fire before it gets above two inches of clearance
"Shit… fucking… damnit!"
>and the whole thing clatters to the floor
>"Oh, that's all right. I'll just take a little off."
>you can almost taste what seems to be disdain rolling off of this blue horse's tongue
>she takes ten pounds off of the bar
>and about fifty off of your sense of self-worth
>you get through deadlifts at this weight
>bent over rows go equally unimpressively
>your OHP is beyond pathetic
>"All right, Anon, we're almost done. You're not doing too bad here. This last one is pretty tough though."
>and there she is
>apart from your rig and various obscure imageboards, this beauty in front of you was the only thing you'd ever considered to be your friend
>the squat rack
>Dash misinterprets your longing gaze
>"Yeah, squats are pretty tough. I'll make this one easy on you."
>she sticks twenty pounds on the bar
>seeing your frustration, she winks and adds another ten
>"But not too easy!"
>that's just insulting
>even when you'd just started lifting you had sixty on that bar
>surely you can't be any worse than that now
>you slap an extra thirty onto it
>"Whoah there, buddy. That's a lot of weight. That's what I do!"
>fuck you cunt just you watch me squat this shit
>you step under the bar and take hold of it
>"Anon, I am talking to you! Don't take that bar!"
>it is too lake sergei
>it was always too late
>you come up
>and you go all the way down
>and you come all the way back up
>for the first time since you've met her, Rainbow Dash seems to regard you with some amount of respect
>"Anon…"
>she breaks into a sly smile
>"I didn't know you were holding back on me. You can do more than that too, can't you?"
>her tone is eerily similar to when she was encouraging you to drink at that fucking party
>but fuck yeah you can do more
>you change the weight yet again
>lmao1plaet
>it's not quite what you used to lift, but you'd really like if you could do this
>Dash is looking at you expectantly
>one
>another gym goer takes notice and wanders over
>two
>two more follow suit
>three
>a small group of cardiobunnies trots over to see all the hubbub
>four
>you're no longer focused on the growing crowd
>five
>your only feeling is the feeling of your glutes ascending to the heavens
>six
>YOU'VE STILL GOT SOME GAINS
>seven
>your left leg receives a sharp jolt
>and you come crashing down
>fortunately, the rack catches the weight
>but you get a faceful of floor all the same
>"Anon! Are you okay?"
"I'm… just… great."
>ignoring the fact that you're clearly doing less than great, Rainbow rushes you up to your feet and prances around
>the whole gym is excited
>">plz respond"
>"dat posterior chain"
>"TIME TO SCHLICK"
>"I'll take 2,2 go!"
>"It was so deep!"
>"My appres! Shamefur dispray!"
>your autism nearly makes you tell them that 90 really isn't all that much
>and then you remember that these are 3-4 foot tall quadrupeds
>and you shut up
>and you stop being a sperglord for one time in your life
>and you just bask in it