Title:           Anon Tried to Kill Himself - Act I, part 3
Author:          Writefag_Roulette
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/HUvTscAU
First Edit:      Thursday 25th of August 2016 11:53:04 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 25th of August 2016 11:53:04 AM CDT

Part 3: Anon Fucking Hates EqG
 
>fuckcuntering shitdicking jewniggers on a lavacock
>you have never felt so much physical agony in all your life
>you find yourself lying on a surprisingly familiar surface
>a cement sidewalk
>a dull thud to your right informs you that your damned slavedriver has a arrived
>"Oh dear…"
>you snap your head around to see a purple girl with massive eyes and a tacky skirt towering over you
>is that Twilight?
>HOW THE FUCK IS SHE TOWERING OVER YOU?
>you scramble to your feet to find that your hands are still touching the ground
>you're afraid to look down but you have to, damnit
>your arms are covered in shaggy, red fur
>your jaw is so long that you can see your lips
>your feet have thumbs
>you let loose with a string of curse words that would make even the most hardcore shitposter cringe, attracting the attention of other colorful, bug-eyed people
>Twilight just looks disappointed
>"Well, come on Anon. We've still got business here."
>she gives you the cuntiest grin she can muster
>"And no monkey business."
>wishing unmentionable things on Twilight Sparkle, you follow her into a venerable brick building
>to be greeted by another Twilight Sparkle
>oh fucking balls the world does not need two
>"Twilight, I'm glad you made it. And I see you brought a friend?"
>"I'm always glad to meet a good friend, Twilight. And this is Anon."
>"Fascinating. What was he in Equestria?"
>"Well, that's just the thing. He looked almost exactly like the people here."
>"A human?"
>"Exactly!"
>"Incredible. I see no reason for why he should be an ape in this universe."
>fortunately these two fucking nerds are too deeply engrossed in their conversation to address you
>"So, Anon"
>shit fucking fucksticks
>"Do you have any idea why this may have happened to you?"
>fucking dumb cunt asking obvious questions
"Probably because humans are closely related to chimps, dumbass."
>otherTwilight is either too autistic or too shocked to take offense
>"What? No, humans have no particularly close relatives, but we are descended from Eohippus, an ancient ancestor of horses."
>before you can angrily tell her that that's fucking wrong, your Twilight buts in
>"Really? That's fascinating! Ponies are also descended from a creature called Eohippus!"
>you're given the privilege of listening to a discussion about magic horse evolution for the next eight hours
>noticing that Twilight doesn't have a horn here, you wonder if she can still purple you, and this thought leads you to entertain yourself with elaborate mental experiments of suicide
>you think you're about dead set on sticking your chimpdick in Twilight's mouth, ripping off her head with ape strength, allowing the biting down reflex to rip off your penis, and bleeding to death
>but before you can come up with another plan, Twilight grabs your hand and leads you out of the building
>"Well, I'm sorry, Anon. I'm sure you're very disappointed about not being able to live here as a human."
>yeah, right
>"Are you sure you don't want to stay anyway?"
>she seems way too hopeful
>so all you do is glare
>Twilight sighs and leads you through the mirror
>you're fucking stuck with me now, bitch