Title:           Anon Tried to Kill Himself - Act I, part 1
Author:          Writefag_Roulette
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/SMwuGbvP
First Edit:      Thursday 25th of August 2016 11:47:22 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Thursday 25th of August 2016 11:51:33 AM CDT

ACT I: How Anon Learned to Stop Being an Autist and Love the Horses
Part 1: Anon is Cast Into Slavery
 
>wake up
>the local noblehorse is standing over you, her mouth a smile but her eyes all a-panic
>fucking hell
>stupid fucking horses
>you manage to live in your shitty yurt without any form of contact with any of these horses for nearly a year straight
>and right when you desperately need to be left alone the new fucking wing unicorn in town decides to drop by
>"Hi there, uh,…"
>the purple one pauses
>"ANON"
>you look over to notice five other ponies, the one who spoke likely being the pink bouncing one
>you stare at her, unsure of how exactly she knows your name
>"I never forget a name! I learned yours about a year ago when I thew you that welcome-to-Ponyville-my-condolences-for-losing-everything-you've-ever-known-or-loved party when you first got to Equestria!"
>goodness fucking gracious
>you remember the party vaguely
>you got your yurt there as a present
>but you had to step out pretty early in; big crowds and parties always made your chest feel all tight
>after about a week or two of limited interactions with the horses you simply set up your yurt near the forest and shut yourself away in it
>and nobody came to visit you ever again
>until yesterday anyways
>the purple horse looks at her companions
>"Thank you, Pinkie. Why don't you girls clear out? Anon probably needs some space."
>they do so, an orange hoof dragging Pinkie out with the others
>"Now Anon…"
>uh oh
>you know what this phrase means
>some self-righteous normie is going to lecture you about how you need a social life and you need to go out more and it's just not healthy to blah fucking blah blah blah
>"I happen to be very well-read on the topic of psychology."
>"And I happen to know that, well…"
>she pauses, clearly uncomfortable
>"…attempts at what you attempted"
>fucking pansy
>"are a symptom of very severe depression."
>not this shit again
>"Now I know how rough it must have been to lose your home, your family, friends… significant other…"
>she'd be right if you'd ever had any of that
>"and I imagine that your way of coping with this, locking yourself away in that giant tent, didn't exactly help things."
>as if it was all that different from what you'd be doing on Earth right now
>"And I think we can both agree that your way wasn't the best way to healing now."
>"Equestrian psychology proposes that talking about traumatic incidents can help speed up the healing process. Would you like to talk about it?"
>you lie there silently
>"Ah, I figured as much."
>"So I've got another way to set you straight."
>"I've been zipping around all Equestria solving friendship problems as of late, but I've been ignoring this very serious - life threatening, even - friendship problem right here under my own nose, and for that I am truly sorry and I hope that some day you'll be able to forgive me for not reaching out before all this unpleasantness."
>"But I'll start now, Anon. My friends and I are going to work to make you feel valued and wanted around Ponyville."
>this can't be good
>"Now I can't leave you alone, it's very basic suicide prevention to never allow a suicidal pon- er, uh, person to be alone."
>why.jpg
>"So…"
>she lays her horn on your shoulder
>"I do hereby appoint you my vassal. You shall accompany and assist me in my daily princess tasks until such time as I release you from servitude."
>>servitude
>fucking what nigger
>now you're pissed
>and you finally get up
>with mock courtesy and an exaggerated bow, you ask
"And may I have the pleasure of knowing my mistress's name?"
>she's apparently too surprised to be pissed
>"You don't know who I am?"
>your glare answers her question
>"I am Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship."
>goodness fucking gracious that's way too cheesey to be an actual title
>whatever
"And what if I don't want to be your servant, princess?"
>she smirks
>"Too bad, we already moved all your stuff into Spike's room; you'll be bunking with him."
>JUST
>her smirk turns devilish
>"And if you try to run away then I've got a lovely dungeon downstairs where you can spend a week with a lovely zebra named Rapestripe."
>FUCK MY SHIT UP
>surely she's not serious about that, but you can't tell by looking at her snarky countenance
>"So again, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I'm going to teach you about friendship for however long it takes."
>she extends a hoof
"And how long is that?"
>now her eyes are throwing daggers
>"Until you don't wanna kill yourself anymore!"
>scowling, you take the squishy pony hoof in your hand
>"Very good. Now let's show you around your home."