The Anonymous Inquisition

>You are Chapman, project head of the wood mill in Ponyville.

>You saunter into your house, kicking the door shut with a hind leg.

>Continuing into the kitchen your wife is making a stew, the smells wafting into your nostrils. A happy break from the sawdust and gases at the mill.

"Trouble at mill"

>You're wife looks up from her stew on the stove, a slight shock on her face.

>"Oh no-what kind of trouble"?

>Picking up a mug and the pitcher of water you fill your mug up and take a sip, sitting at the table as you do so.

"One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle".

>Confusion now rest upon your beautiful wife's features.

>"What"?

"One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle".

>"I don't understand one thing you're saying".

>In an annoyed tone you slowly repeat yourself.

"One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle".

>Your wife still has a look of confusion.

>"Well what does that mean"?

>You shrug your shoulders, taking another sip.

"*I* don't know, Mr.Wentworth just told me to tell everypony I met that there was trouble at the mill, that's all, I didn't expect a kind of Anonymous Inquisition".

>A ear splitting eruption of sound had come over the house, as your front door had flown open.

>In comes a tall, green bipedal thing. Wearing a red robe with some necklace, in come two ponies behind it wearing the same thing.

>"NOBODY expects the Anonymous Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise..."

>It stops talking as you and your wife look on in awestruck...well awe.

>"Our *two* weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency..."

>"No damn it...Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to Celestia..."

>"No that's not right...Our *four*...no..."

>"*Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise... Ah screw it I'll come in again, just repeat what you said last".

>They exit the house, shutting your door behind them.

>The two of you are still dumbstruck at this thing unraveling in front of you.

"Well I didn't expect a kind of Anonymous Inquisition".

>The same jarring sound explodes as the bipedal creature tumbles into the room, with the two ponies backing it.

>"NOBODY expects the Anonymous Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to Celestia, and nice red uniforms...Oh Damn!"

>It turns to one of the ponies behind it. The pony is wearing the same red robe thing but has what looks like a Pegasus flight helmet on.

>"I can't say it, you'll have to say it".

>The pony looks slightly terrified, as he starts shaking.

>"W-What"?

>"You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'"

>"I-I couldn't do that..."

>The creature heaves a very large sigh and picks up the two ponies, throwing them outside the door.

>It turns to you and quickly speaks, "We'll be right back".

>Slamming the door you and your wife look to each other in utter confusion.

>The door opens a crack, the voice of the bipedal one rings through the room, "Say it again"!

>Humoring it you let out a slow sigh.

"I didn't expect a kind of Anonymous Inquisition".

>Expecting the bone shaking noise nothing comes, just that creature barreling through the door with the other two in tow.

>The one with the helmet speaks up, "Er.... Nobody...um....".

>The creature leans in the pony's ear, "Expects...".

>"Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Anonymous...um...".

>The creature now has their head in their hoof, "Inquisition".

>"I know, I know! Nobody expects the Anonymous Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect".

>The creature raises it's voice, "Our chief weapons are...".

>"Our chief weapons are...um...er...".

>This is really starting to annoy you.

"Isn't it surprise"?

>The pony goes to restart his speech when the creature silences him, "Stop. Stop. Stop there. Our chief weapons are surprise and blah blah blah, CARDINAL"!

>The other pony nearly hits the ceiling when the creature calls to him.

>The creature yells again, "Read the charges"!

>The pony clears his throat before two muffled voices could be heard from outside.

>"I mean c'mon Lyra, I didn't expect some kind of Anonymous Inquisition".

>The creature's eyes light up, before it picks both ponies up and runs for the door, "Let's go get them! And let's get this right this time"!

>They tumble out of the door, which you promptly shut and lock.

>You are definitely getting a metal door.