Cadance Greentexts: Anon the Hypnotist

>You are Anonymous.

>You had just received your "Hypnosis for Dummies" kit through the Crystal Postal System today.

>It contained an instruction booklet, a pocket watch, and a list of simple commands.

>You read through the booklet and heeded the instructions well.

>You grabbed your pocket watch and stuffed it in your pocket.

>You were going to Ponyville to spend time with Twalot and the other manes today, so this kit couldn't have arrived at a better time.

>Problem was, you needed to take it for a test drive to make sure you got the technique down.

>Who would be your first victim?

>"Anon? Where are you?"

>Cadance.

>You exited your room to find pink princess.

>"Anon, there you are! Twilight and her friends are going to be here soon to pick you up. I hope you're ready!"

"Of course I am, Cadance."

>She nodded.

>"Hope you have a good time!"

>She started walking off.

"Wait!"

>She turned around to look at you.

>"What is it, Anon?"

>You brought out the watch.

"I just wanted to show you a neat antique pocket watch I got today!"

>You didn't exactly want to tell her she'd be hypnotized.

>After all, what if she refused?

>You held it by the top of its chain, letting it hang out.

>"Oh, it looks neat, Anon!"

"The coolest part is, when you stare at it while it swings back and forth, you can see a neat engraving pop out at you!"

>"Really?"

"Yeah, check it out."

>You started to swing the watch back and forth, making sure Cadance kept her eyes on it.

>Her eyes moved back and forth in rhythm with the watch.

>You decided to speak after about a minute of silence.

"You see it yet?"

>"...huh? Oh, not uh...not yet."

>Her eyes stayed on the watch as she spoke.

>She was going into a trance smoothly.

>The watch moved back and forth, back and forth.

>Cadance's eyes followed it, never once blinking.

>Her mouth started to hang open.

>Now might be a good time to put her under.

"Alright Cadance, you're getting sleepy. Your eyes are getting real heavy, and it's hard to stay awake."

>Her eyes got droopy, and she yawned.

>"How long have I been awake? I'm tired."

"Yes. You're getting closer to completely falling into a deep slumber."

>Her head started to lower, and her shoulders relaxed.

"Okay, good. You're now asleep, but aware of my voice. You will listen to my suggestions obediently."

>She slowly slipped to the ground, fast asleep.

>You sat there, amazed that you had actually put a pony under your spell.

>What would you tell her to do, you wondered?

"Hm...okay Cadance, when I snap my fingers, you will be a chicken."

>A classic, really.

>You snapped your fingers.

>Cadance arose from the ground, her eyes wide and swirly.

>She looked around the hallway, quickly snapping her head into different locations like a chicken.

>When she found nothing of importance, she began to peck at the ground.

>"Brrrk."

>She's even clucking.

>You couldn't help but laugh.

>She ruffled her wings like a chicken, and pecked at them.

"Alright, alright, when I snap my fingers, you will go back into a trance."

>You snapped your fingers.

>She sat there with a blank expression.

"Okay, next, you will have a normal conversation with me, but you will only remember yourself as an earth pony. When I snap my fingers, you will start speaking. You will still be susceptible to suggestion."

>Another snap.

>She shook her head.

>"Oh, hey Anon."

>She looked around.

>"What are we doing sitting in this hallway?"

"You invited me here so you could show me your magic tricks, remember?"

>"...magic tricks? But I'm an earth pony."

"Then why do you have a horn?"

>She touched her horn with a hoof.

>"What are you talking about, Anon? I don't have a horn."

>You went up and grasped it in your hand.

"Then what is this I'm touching right now?"

>"My...mane?"

>You groaned in mock frustration.

"Alright, whatever. You still said you had something to show me on your wings though."

>She raised an eyebrow.

>"Anon. I'm an earth pony. I don't have wings."

>You ruffled the feathers in her wings.

"Then what are these?"

>She scoffed.

>"My ribs? Look, Anon, you're acting a little weird. Why do you think I'm an alicorn?"

"Because you are. See these wings? See that horn? You're an alicorn, Candyass."

>"It's Cadance."

>You snapped your fingers.

>She went out like a light.

"Your name is now Candyass. When someone calls you Cadance, you will question why they call you that."

>"Anon, are you here somewhere?"

>Oh, there was Twilight.

>You didn't have much time now.

>Time to really fuck shit up.

"Cadance, listen to me good. Twilight Sparkle no longer looks like how you remember her. She is an orange earth pony with a stetson and 3 apples for a cutie mark. She now speaks with a southern accent. The purple unicorn you will see with her is Applejack."

>"Anon?"

>Twilight's voice was getting closer.

>What else?

"Oh, and whenever someone uses the word 'to'. you will touch your left ear."

>You snapped.

>The seed was planted.

>And just in time, Twalot and her friends came around the corner.

>"Anon, there you are!"

>Purple unicorn saw her sister-in-law.

>"And Cadance!"

>"Cadance?" The pink princess shook off the odd name and ran to Twilight, who was actually Applejack.

>"Howdy Prince-"

>"Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!"

>"Uh..."

>The 6 ponies looked at Cadance strangely.

>"Princess Cadance, are you feeling alright?"

>"I'm feeling great Rarity! It's not often I get to," she tapped her left ear, "see my girls!"

>If this were any other situation, you'd cringe at the spaghetti being spilled everywhere.

>But right now you were laughing on the inside.

>"Um, Cadance, any reason you decided to," Cadance tapped her ear, "do our secret hoof-shake with Applejack?"

>"But I did it with Twilight, like I usually do, Applejack."

>The six's blank expressions did nothing to convince her otherwise.

>Alright, fun was fun.

>It was time to step in.

"Girls, Cadance has been acting like this all day. I'm not sure why."

>"Why do you all keep calling me Cadance? It's Candyass!"

>It was really hard to not laugh at that.

>"Maybe she bumped her head on something?" suggested Fluttershy.

"I dunno, but I'm ready to," Cadance tapped her ear, "go. I'm sure Shining Armor will schedule a doctor appointment or something."

>"But Anon, I don't want to," Cadance tapped her ear, "leave her like this."

"Relax, Twilight. She has tons of Royal aides, I'm sure one of them will do something."

>"Don't worry Applejack," Cadance said with a reassuring hoof wave, "I'll be fine."

>"But-"

"Let's just go, Twilit. Come on."

>You began to make your way out of the hallway.

>Reluctantly, the six Elements followed you.

>"Well, bye Cadance," Twilight said awkwardly.

>"Bye Applejack. And it's Candyass."

>Twilight frowned, but continued to follow you.

>That went better than you could have expected.

>The next couple days in Ponyville were gonna be fun...