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Chapter 1

By: White_Steel on Sep 20th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 1.96 KB  |  hits: 16  |  expires: Never
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  1. (Haven't written in a while. This ought to be good. By that I mean terribad.)
  2.  
  3. >be 22
  4. >playing devil may cry 4
  5. >trying to do that fucking royal guard mission
  6. >fail for the 10th time
  7. >it finally sinks in, and I shout it out:
  8. "MY LIFE IS SO BORING!"
  9. >wake up dogs
  10. >one of them is a pug chihuahua mix, other is a greyhound husky mix
  11. >best dogs ever
  12. >give them some love, then I head down to basement to try to find something new
  13. >find a statue that I don't remember buying
  14. >looks like...discord?
  15. >dafuq?
  16. >decide to do equestria a favor and throw this shit out
  17. >as soon as I touch it it cracks
  18. >put on my best poker face
  19. >realize if I sipped a pepsi I would look more casual
  20. >go to get it
  21. >something touches my shoulder
  22. >turn around
  23. >FUCK HE BROKE FREE
  24. >about to shat bricks when suddenly
  25. "BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK"
  26. >pug-chihuahua mix to the rescue!
  27. >quickly I thank jesus despite the fact I'm atheist
  28. >next thing I know she has a titanium muzzle
  29. >whelp
  30. >I turn to Discord
  31. "I'm royally fucked, aren't I?"
  32. "What do you mean?"
  33. >I blink
  34. >is he...sparing me?
  35. >mentally fist pump
  36. "No, I'm not going to tap you. I'm just going to take you for a little trip."
  37. >oh shit nigger
  38. >I brace myself for my trip to hell
  39. >suddenly Discord becomes a giant Discord head
  40. "Now just hop in and take it easy."
  41. >fuck no I'm not
  42. >but then again he could kick my neckbeard ass
  43. >get in
  44. >suddenly music plays
  45. >start to sing along
  46. "LET ME TAKE YOU FOR A RIIIIIDE~"
  47. >next thing I know we're descending
  48. >FUCK THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA
  49. >BOOM. get launched far off
  50. >holy shit I can see Twilight's house from here
  51. >then it sinks in
  52. >I'M IN EQUESTRIA
  53. "HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAA-"
  54. >crashes in a flower field
  55. >oh god my head
  56. >barely conscious
  57. >last thing I hear is a squeak of terror
  58. >oh shit is the last thing I think
  59. >pass out
  60.  
  61. (Oh god that took way more effort than you'd think. Most of it was resisting Tribes Ascend. Please, for the love of god PLEASE tell me what I did wrong. I must know.)
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