- >You're Cap'n Anon
- >and you're about to shit your britches
- >it's a good thing you wore the brown ones today
- >some kind of midget unicorn is blasting you with some kind of purple light
- >but that light is very very FUCKING UNSETTTLING!
- >it feels like it's crawling around under your skin and poking around in your guts
- >like horrid unholy EELS
- >god you fucking hated eels
- >and this feeling of nausea and violation is made worse by how bright the purple light is
- >you made it a point to bring up how unnecessary the light is after the invasive probing was over
- >it felt like a million years but the light finally faded and this “Twilight” looked exhausted
- >you also made a mental note of how ridiculously funny that name was
- >you collapse to your hands and knees, and thus are about face level with the purple horse
- “YE BE SOME KIND OF HEATHEN WITCH HORSE!”
- >thanks mouth, just thanks, you couldn't let brain think of something first?
- >The pair are shocked by your outburst
- >Twilight's eyes widen and her look of curiosity turns into one of surprise.
- >Fluttershy just puts her hoof to her mouth
- >you slowly glance over at Peg
- >he gives you that oh, so familiar, “With all due respect Captain you just fucked up bad” look.
- >finally Peg breaks the awkward silence
- >”What he be meanin' is we ain't never had that come about before”
- >Twilight's look changes from surprise to one of glee
- >You mean you've never heard of a Changeling detection spell?” she says
- “Err... no, we're sayin' we ain't never seen no magic unicorn before”
- >with that her already ear to ear grin grows twice as wide
- >dear god it looks like her head's gonna split from that smile
- >”Hell, we don't even know where we are” Peg says carefully getting to his feet
- >Twilight makes a sound you can only describe as a “squee” and starts pacing back and forth
- >”nowonderyouweresosurprisedtoseeus!doyouknowwhatthismeansforequestrianscientificstudyImeanI'vejustdiscoveredanewspecies....”
- >you've never heard something talk so fast and use so many words you didn't understand
- >if you weren’t totally lost out here in Port Lunacy you'd just run her through to get some quiet
- >as Twilight talks and starts walking Fluttershy timidly gesture's for you two to follow
- >having no other choice, and secure in the fact you weren’t going to prison you followed them
- >as you walk Twilight goes on and on and on about all sorts of confusing shit
- >she talks about how her people aren't called horses they're called ponies
- >how horse was akin to the term whore where your from
- >something about two princesses
- >one was called Celstika or some other nonsense
- >how she raises the sun each day
- >that's an outright lie, the sun is blown across the sky by the wind everyone knows that
- >she talks about some place called Canterlot, you had no idea why the spelled Camelot that way
- >and she talks about how she's gonna get some kind of award for finding you
- >all you knew was if it was gold you'd just take it off her hands
- >uhhh, hooves, whatever, you'd be stealing it
- >but for now, you were gonna see if you could get some free eats
- >You keep walking, for about an hour before the forest starts to become more sparse
- >you reach the actual treeline and find yourself standing next to a cottage
- >it looks like any old house you might see in the countryside back home
- >you're swiftly lead past it, it feels like the ponies are talking to you
- >but you've long since stopped listening
- >it's not like anything Twilight said was interesting or was anywhere near relevant to nautical thievery
- >you feel a tug hard tug at your beard and look down to see it covered in purple light
- >and you also see a very annoyed looking Twilight
- >”have either of you been listening to anything I've been saying!”
- >you honestly haven't but Peg said something that surprised you
- >”I been listnin' miss Sparkle”
- >when the hell did anyone say a thing about sparkles
- “Mr. Peg, ye can't honestly say ye was listnin' ta all that gibbrish”
- >he looks as serious as a Spanish inquisitor, “I think all this stuff is right fascinating Cap'n”
- >he wasn't joking, Twilight's face lights up
- >”well at least one of you has some enthusiasm, This is a very big event for the ponies of Equestria”
- >she says this very proudly
- >You are far less impressed with all this, for all you knew none of it was happening
- >you could be dead and lying at the bottom of the sea right now
- >still, if you were dead you figured you wouldn't be so hungry
- “all of this aside, where can we get some grub, me belly be growlin' with a fierceness”
- >Twilight looks back to you “we'll let Pinkie Pie take care of that once we get into Ponyville”
- >Ponyville, suddenly you knew exactly where you were
- >you were in [spoiler]the of teriible puns[/spoiler]
- >well, at least you were going somewhere where there was food
- >take care of the basics first, then move on to plundering and running amok
- >you can easily see where your headed now, it looks like your average farming town actually
- >but as you approach you can see more of these ponies meandering about
- >most of them stop and stare when they see you, some of them even faint or run full speed away
- >it's good to see your reputation proceeds you
- >or at least you hope, they could just be running from the big hairy giant that's stomping through town
- >well it's not ALL that different than what you're used to
- >Then you see it...
- >it looked innocent enough at first, all it was was a pink pony with a poofy mane
- >not all that exotic considering where you are, a land of multi-coloured talking equines
- >but then it looked at you, when it did it's eyes went from average (from what you've seen)
- >straight to a 10 mile wide expression of insanity
- >it was upon you in a flash, there was no escaping it
- >the pink one impacts your chest with such a force it knocks you on your ass
- >is this what it's like to be hit with a cannonball
- >you look up into your assailant's eyes, completely stunned by the blow
- >and then it opens it's mouth
- >and you thought ol' Twilight could talk fast
- >this thing's lips move faster than a bluefin tuna “HI” it nearly shouts “I'm Pinkie Pie and you must be new in town, I'm friends with everypony in town, but your not a pony now are you...
- >”Pinkie.”
- >twilight tries to get the overexcited pony's attention
- >”... But thats alright I'm sure we'll be best friends soon, hey do you like parties. OF COUSE YOU DO! Everypony likes parties, how could you not...
- >”Pinkie!”
- >”... and we'll have the biggest welcoming party Ponyvilles ever seen!, there'll be balloons and games and cake and...
- >”PINKIE PIE!”
- >Pinkie looks up at the irritated purple unicorn
- >”Yea Twilight?”
- >”We'll have plenty of time for a party later we need to get these two to the library and I need to send the princess a letter”
- >just as she says this your gut lets loose a furious growl
- >”Oh twilight you silly filly, he can't go to the library yet, he's hungry, he's going to sugarcube corner first!”
- >her enthusiasm rustles your jimmies, but they haven’t stopped rustling all day now have they
- “now now it's quite alright I'll...”
- >you don't finish that sentence
- >because pinkie pie is dragging you along by your coatsleeve
- >or at least until Twilight grabbed your other arm with her magic juju power
- >”we...need...to... run..some..tests” twilight says gritting her teeth with much effort
- >”But twilight he'll starve before your done with those tests, you'll take a million billion years!” Pinkie says whilst showing no fatigue whatsoever
- “Ladies Ladies please, This be me only coat and ye's gonna tear it!”
- >but your words fall on deaf ears, you're being used as a tug o war rope and it was getting old fast
- >initialize loud ass piratey voice now
- “GYAAARRR!, YE TWO BE TEARIN' ME ARMS OFF WIT YER SQUABBLIN!”
- >you then turn to Pinkie
- “just go get some food from yer “corner” an' bring it to wherever tha hell I'm gonna be!
- >you turn to twilight next
- “And ye juss take me to yer Library an' get all this nonsense over wit!”
- >you see Fluttershy giggle at this as the two are totally speechless
- “Ye should've figured that one out inna first place ya bellowin' crazies”
- >”okie dokie loki!” pinkie says and starts hopping off to her destination
- >”Twilight just mutters “come on” and mumbles under her breath about “who the real crazy is here”
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