Title:           Pirate Anon #2 (edited)
Author:          Waynon
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/sivaPnMm
First Edit:      Wednesday 13th of June 2012 01:37:08 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 13th of June 2012 01:37:08 AM CDT

>you are Twilight Sparkle
>you were going to do some tests on a recent spike in magical energy coming from the outskirts of the everfree forest
>you had received a letter from princess Celestia herself so this was a VERY important matter
>so you had left Spike to watch the library, gathered your many tools and measuring devices and took off for the forest
>of course Fluttershy wouldn't let you go without her
>ever since the incident with the cockatrice she's been extra careful about her friends going in without her
>speaking of which there she is, you walk up as she comes out of her front door
>"hi Twilight, are you ready to go?" she says
"yep, I've got everything I need to check the residual magical radiation in the area"
>you gesture to your overstuffed saddlebags
>"how long do you think you'll need" Fluttershy says
>you both start to walk to the trail near Fluttershy's cottage
"I'll just need a few minutes today, but I'll have to come back tomorrow and the next day to get accurate measurements"
>you start on about the procedure for testing the magical energies for tartaran impurities
>Fluttershy nods along quietly, she must be listening intently, it's good she's so interested in magical theory
 
>you are Captain Anonymous
>and you're pretty pissed off right now, because you're being violently shaken out of a pretty good nap
"what be tha meanin' of this Mr. Peg, you'd better have a damn good reason fer rousin' me like this"
>he looks behind him and then back to you
>"Cap'n, thar be voices comin' from tha underbush"
"well, ya have any idea who it be, I'm not in tha mood fer an ambush an' a trip to tha local jail"
>"they soun' like ladies cap'n, two of 'em, an' by the way theys talkin' their not expectin, ta find nobody out 'ere"
>you listen for a moment, and lo and behold, you hear the sound of two girls chatting the day away
>now you're sure to Ol' Peg this is a bad thing, but thats why you're the captain
>and you smell a great opportunity to score some cash for your everhungry coffers
>and your pretty sure Peg can see the pieces of Eight in your eyes
>so you two follow the voices to an old beaten trail you'd missed on your way here
"well, this be mighty convenient"
>you and Peg take up position on the side of the road
>your plan is really simple, thats because you didn't have one, you figure jumping saying "boo" and waving your pistol in the air would do the trick
>it always worked on the wenches back home
>as the voices draw closer you start to notice something, these girls are speaking perfect english, but with an accent you've never heard before
>it was so... plain, they didn't talk like any english women you were familiar with
>of course you figure that these girls aren't tavern wenches so that might be it
 
>you are Fluttershy
>and you wish Twilight would talk about something interesting
>you know she loves her studies and you're glad for her but...
>well she could get very passionate about her research and it was a little boring
>but you could tell she loved to have you listen to her so you were content to just halfway pay attention to your friend and look at the sights
>the everfree could be really scary sometimes but at others it could be really pretty
>you wished it wasn't so dangerous so you and your friends could take walks like this more often
>but it just wasn't safe and none of the others would know what to look for to avoid the more vicious animals
>almost on cue two huge roaring monsters came thumping out of the bushes by the side of the road
>one was wearing some kind of strange hat on his head, and had a big hairy muzzle that drooped straight down
>he other had a head-wrap and a squashed unnatural looking face
>and by Celestia they STUNK
>they stunk like Winona after she fell into the pond but worse
>You and Twilight recoil in horror as these beasts come at you.
>you're scared but, you know what you need to do
>you need to use THE STARE
 
>you are Captain Anon
>you lie still in the bushes, however you regret picking one full of thorns
>too late now, the two ladies sound like they're right in front of your oh, so sneaky hiding spot
>you and Peg jump out yelling various threats and obscenities like any other robbery you've taken part in (quite a few)
>but what you completely ruins your momentum
>before you stand not wenches but some kind of horse thing
>you give Peg your "what the fuck is this shit" look
>the horse things look just as surprised to see you
>they look like horses, but they aren't, one their too damned small to be ridden by a grown man
>especially one as foul tempered and larcenous as yourself, they're about as tall as your belly button
>but they have a face more like a man's than a horse's, hell given by the fact you can read emotion off of them tells you that
>your jimmies are at maximum rustlage, in fact they were so rustled that you just stood there dumbstruck, and it seemed that Peg was suffering from the same issue
>then, just as you thought your rustled jimmies could take no more
>there's fucking more, you look even more confused as one of them flies, FLIES, FUCKING FLIES! up to your face
>she looks you right in the eye, and you start to realize that what you just did was a terrible idea from a man with a history of bad ideas
>and then it begins
 
>you can feel her boring into you
>Dear God it's like she's staring into your fucking SOUL!
>well it would be if you had a soul
>you can feel one other thing that worries the hell out of you
>you are completely paralyzed, you can't move your arms or legs, even though your brain is screaming "RUN RUN RUN IN THE NAME OF ALL THATS HOLY"
you were never a religious man, but you know evil when you see it
>and this shit was evil, no doubt
>and thats when your third big surprise of the day came about
>Peg ties to punch the yellow and pink demon in the side
>but he's suddenly surrounded by purple light
>and then he's tossed into a tree with a good amount of force
>"What are these creatures fluttershy" the purple thing says, all that purple light is pouring off of her horn
>now you were really flipping your shit, these things were TALKING to each other, just like people do
>but horses don't talk, every part of your Pirate self tells you that
>however, here they are having a conversation while you and Peg are held fast by some kind of unholy witchcraft
>this was horrible, you're starting to think Kalypso set all this up to torture you
>at least you think she did, it makes a lot of sense
>still now you need to focus on getting outta this jam
 
>well, with your body unable to move and your matey pinned against a tree, you'd have to turn to the worst possible thing
>every fiber of your being tried to keep those word from coming out of your mouth but you knew you needed to say them or you'd be in deep shit
"we request... phmlay
>you said that so softly no one could tell what the last word was, not even you
>both of the horses perk up at your words though
>"Oh! you can talk" the purple one says, instead of hostility though her voice shows amazement
>she then walks up to you and listens intently "but I can't quite tell what you said, what was that again?" she asks inquisitively
"we request parley"
>you say it just loud enough that Twilight could hear it
>Peg starts shaking his head when he hears your words
>"What in Equestria is parley?" she asks you, and the bottom of your stomach drops out
>how the hell could these things not know parley, if they were anywhere NEAR your home turf they'd know what you meant
>and thats when you realize your not in Kansas anymore
>of course you have no idea what a Kansas is, it just seems to fit the situation and thats all you need
"We be tryin' ta say we wanna negotiate with ya"
>you say this, still wondering to yourself why you're even talking to a horse
>of course she might be thinking similarly, from her reaction
>the purple horse then addresses the flying yellow horse directly
>"okay fluttershy, let him go so we can talk" she says
>"Twilight you don't know what these things are, you can't just let them go, they could be changling spies for all we know?" this fluttershy says nervously
>then the one called Twilight turns to you and says "only one way to find out" and her horn's glow swirls around you as well as Peg