[AiE] Anti-social Anon, Ch. 1

>you’re standing against a wall

>Pinkie Pie invited you to a party

>normally you’d say no, but lately you’ve been too much of a shut in

>What’s the worst that could happen?, you asked yourself

>you take solace in that you’ve yet to spill any s’ghetti, so the worst is on hold

>you sip on your glass o’ cider as everybody mingles in that brightly coloured, well-lit room

>talking everywhere, smiles, energy, mingling, joy

>it makes you feel like an outcast

>more of one anyways

>as if being a bipedal ape among pastel-coloured pones wasn’t enough

>it also doesn’t help that you’re taller than all of the regular ones so you’re easily spotted in a crowd

 

>it wasn’t supposed to be like this

>you came here exactly to avoid situations like these

>the pones were supposed to be better than people

>they weren’t supposed to make you so anxious, so antsy

>but they do

>like always you fear ridicule, fear judgement, generally just fear contact with any sapient creature

Still...

>you murmurr to yourself

It could’ve turned out worse.

>and that it could have

>you could still be home, posting on /mlp/, jerking to ass threads, reading AiE and PiE stories...

>now you’re at least living one of those

>and god damn you if it isn’t as glamorous as you hoped

>shit, you still haven’t gotten laid

>not for the want of trying

>Italians would have cried when you tried asking a nice mare you knew for about a week for some casual pelvic pinochle

>And again, but that time with one you didn’t know so well

>And once more for good measure with one that was already taken (by Roid Rage no less)

 

>yup, your stint here has only been a marginal improvement compared to your old life

>you would gladly leave, but your ever present anxiety tells you that everyone would notice

>ignoring for a moment that you’re aware that that’s a stupid conviction, you are then faced with the option of staying where you are

>that does not seem like a pleasant path to take either

>you’re already done with your cider

>so you’ve got very little to do that isn’t embarassing or uncomfortable

 

>fuck it

>you make like fucking Negan and fuck the fuck right the fuck off

>you, of course, leave the fucking mug on a nearby table too fucking short for a fucking tall fuck like yourself

>it’s night and the air is cold, giving everyone a hint that winter is coming

>it’s refreshing, especially after the stuffiness of the party

>while Equestria is far from completely safe, at least you don’t have to worry about getting mugged at night

>’’Hey, Annie! Where ya goin’?’’

>but Satan loves you, so he makes sure you still have something to dread, regardless

>she needs no introduction

>the candyslut, the ultimate autist, the very embodiment of the words ‘’ditzy cunt’’, you know her, you loathe her

Home, Pinkie.

>’’Awww, but the party’s in full swing. Come back. There’s still some cake leeeeeeft.’’

If I wanted caked, I’d’d gotten it, thanks. But I’m tired and I’m going home.

>’’Oh, that’s too bad. You know what, I’ll make sure you don’t miss a thing. We’ll have another party just like this at your home next week! Whaddaya say?’’

I’d rather clean out Satan’s fetted foreskin with my tongue, thanks.

>’’Sooo, that’s a yes?’’

No.

>’’C’mon, everyone likes to party. Even Twilight, and she’s a shutin just like you. No offense.’’

Some taken. It was a mistake to come to the party.

>’’Now that’s where your wrong. Your mistake was in ever leaving it, silly!’’

>oh dear god, does this thing never shut up?

 

Did I look like I was enjoying the party?

>’’Now that you mention it you did look grumpy while leaning on the wall. All alone. With no one to talk to. Just drinking away. All alone. Stuck with your thoughts. Isolated.’’

>the tact and grace of a sufferer of cerebral palsy on crack in a china shop

>with a blindfold on

>and a vibrating horse-dildo lodged inside his ass

Make like a urine-powered rocket and piss off, Pinkie.

>that does not deter her

>’’Oh, Annie, you just have the weirdest expressions! Say, why don’t you go inside and do some stand-up! I know everyone will have a laugh and a half with you!’’

>Sooner at me than with me, you think to yourself.

>Instead of pursuing the nigh-unobtainable goal of having her shut up you start walking away

>’’Where you going, Annie! The party’s over there! See?’’

>She jumps on your back and twists your head so hard a few vertebrae crack (no damage, thank god)

God damn it! Get the fuck off me!

>You reach behind yourself and push Pinkie off

>she lands behind you, making an audible squeek with her mouth, obviously surprised at your actions

>’’Now that wasn’t very nice.’’

Neither was cracking my goddamn neck.

>’’Well, see if I invite you to anymore parties then.’’

>She pouts

Is that a ‘’Pinkie Pie promise’’?

>you don’t wait for a reply, you just continue walking

>’’Oh I see what it is...’’

>She bounces along until she and you are next to each other

>’’You’re not comfortable in other people’s houses!’’

>wrong

>’’That’s why you rarely leave yours and why you never visit anyone in their’s!’’

>you give a low grumble that would tell anyone to shut up and fuck off

>’’Maybe if I throw you one at your place, you’ll finally open up! It’ll be so cool!’’

 

> she just drones on and on and on about how great parties are for meeting people, and relaxing, having fun, being yourself, making friends, experiencing life for what it truly is: a great big party where everyone is invited

>Autism Time finishes her thesis on why parties are awesome and asks:

>’’So, Annie, whaddaya say? Party at your place next week?

>That’s it.

No. Absolutely not. Never! No parties in my house! I’ll burn it down if that will stop you from hosting a party there! Am I clear?!

>she looks at you confused, like Valentine Michael Smith when first introduced to the concept of God

>then the epiphany hits: you don’t like parties, at all

>she puts on a big sad face, a folds her ears back

>’’Oh, OK, Annie. If that’s what you want.’’

It is. And I’m not Annie. I’m Anonymous.

>you promptly fuck off, unaffected by the display she put on