Crippled in Equestria - Part 10

>You really wished that this insanity would end, you almost considered prayer.

>"W-What do you mean, Twilight?"

>"Well, we both like Anon, right?"

>Fluttershy sinks towards the floor and mumbles.

>She didn't want to say it.

>You thought back to that night you'd spent with her.

>These p0nies liked you like that?

>The hell was wrong with them?

>They'd known you for less than a month, and on top of that, you were some weird creature they'd never seen before.

>And they were miniature p0nies for christ's sake.

>This place had issues, and you couldn't escape.

>It was a soft-walled prison.

>A land of sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, magic, and love.

>It was sickening.

>You could feel your heart squirming, the air of this place suffocated you.

>"Nop0ny should be alone for Hearts and Hooves Day, Fluttershy, not even you."

>She seems to accept what Twilight is saying.

>"B-But, I've never heard of someone having TWO special somep0nies..."

"Won't you get jealous of one another?"

>You had to put a stop to this insanity.

>Twilight Sparkle had jumped off the deep end.

"I mean, think about it for one second," you avoid using your condescending voice. "If the two of you decide you want me for your special somep0ny, it’s suddenly a lot less special for both of you, because you won't be getting my undivided attention."

>You let them think about it for a moment.

>They seemed to be moving towards the next point.

"You'll both be jealous, you'll both be unhappy, and if I pick just one of you, the other will be very unhappy. You've put me in a tough spot," you explain.

 

>You sit in silence for what seems like an eternity.

>They seemed disappointed.

>That hadn't been your intention either, you felt like...

>...both of them deserved happiness.

>You shake your head.

>What?

>They were already happy.

>This place was happy.

>It tugged on you like a small child, that innocence slammed against your heart.

>You felt like you were a thousand miles where you were supposed to be.

>Coming here was a mistake.

>The silence crushed you downwards.

"What were you really doing before I got here?"

>'Enjoying each other's company' was a bullshit answer.

>"W-Well..."

>"Um..."

>They both had a guilty look on their faces.

>"We were just talking..."

>"Uh, yeah!"

"About?"

>Silence.

>You guessed the answer.

"Me."

>They knew they were caught.

>They squirmed.

>At least the other topic was derailed for now.

>That was going to be the world's slowest trainwreck.

"Well?"

>"Well... I want to write down everything we know about humans," Twilight started to explain.

>"You've told us a lot," Flutters continued. "W-We thought we could share what we knew."

>"All of our knowledge into one place!"

>Maybe they just wanted an excuse to talk about you.

"How much do you have?"

>They showed you a chart.

>What they had was accurate, but there were huge holes that just wouldn't do.

"You said you wanted to spend Hearts and Hooves Day with me, looks like this is your chance. This chart you have is a drop in the pond."

 

>You spend all night with the happy p0nies explaining what you knew about the human condition, and moving on into history.

>Reading the news and studying history seemed to have paid off.

>When you get up to the present, they seem surprised that your history lesson is defined by wars and slaughtering people.

"Do you remember what I told you about humans when you asked me before?"

>They think on it.

"We aren't as nice to each other as p0nies are."

>"Is that why you're so..." Twilight trails off.

>"...distant?"

>You thought on it.

>The hard reality was plainly obvious to you.

"Yes. Think about where I come from, every day I see people in conflict with one another. Our stories are defined by conflict, war, and death. It’s ingrained in every person that life is a struggle, one that we try to win but never will. We're born into a losing battle, so we try to win every struggle over every other human, whether it’s about social squabbles or killing each other."

>You smooth your hands over Titan's slick length.

"Combined with being hurt, and knowing that I wasn't going to be around for as long as I thought... its left me..."

>The realization was clear as day.

>The p0nies' expressions seem to soften towards you.

>That one word you just couldn't say again.

"Equestria makes me uneasy. It’s like a dream, I'm so used to seeing horrible things that to see something like this place... it’s like seeing something horrible. It feels unnatural, and I don't understand it."

>You delay it as long as possible.

>Your brow furrows.

>You grimace.

"I've known pain, that much is clear to you. I'm used to being lied to so that I might feel better. Seeing this place, how it’s earnest, and everyp0ny cares about one another..." you trail off. "It’s sickening. Don't take that the wrong way, but, I can't help but feel like it’s just a dream here... a lie."

>Twilight and Fluttershy had both moved next to you, intent on listening.

>There was no judgement in their eyes; they honestly cared about what you had to say.

 

"Seeing this place care about me, from Celestia on down, it makes me sometimes wish that I really did die in that room. I can't be at peace here."

>"Why not?"

>They had both asked at the same time.

>You thought back to the schoolyard.

>You'd have to say it.

>Your eyes drifted to Titan, and to your bad leg.

>The pain burned your nerves.

"I'm broken."

>"We can help fix you, Anon," Twilight suggests.

>"You don't have to be sad," Fluttershy adds.

"It’s not that easy."

>"Why not?"

>You sat for a moment.

>Why not?

>The words echoed through your thoughts.

>Every sense in your mind pushed against this place.

>Why?

>The question slammed and bashed against your defenses.

>The answer was there somewhere.

>Buried.

>Why were you so opposed to being happy in this place?

>A fresh start.

>No cancer looming, making every drink just not quench.

>No indifferent social juggernaut crushing you down.

>Friends that appeared to actually care about you.

>What was so bad about that?

>It’s not real.

>What if it was?

>The what if's explode across your inner thoughts.

>The chain reaction, one question spawning a thousand more.

>You sit in silence.

>"You'll never know if you don't try, Anon."

 

 

>You'd left Twilight's library shortly after your encounter with her and Fluttershy.

>You hobbled home, the pain in your leg lost behind the veil of thoughts.

>'You'll never know if you don't try, Anon.'

>The phrase rattled and screamed through your thoughts like a freight train.

>You couldn't fight this place forever.

>It was either give in and enjoy your new life...

>...or hang on to the past.

>Each prospect terrified you.

>This place was unnatural; some unseen force had made this a perversion of the goodness of the world.

>It was so pure, it just could not be right.

>No, it was certainly suspect.

>Such a thing couldn't last.

>You'd seen people try to emulate the kind of kindness that existed here, the love and tolerance.

>It never worked.

>There were always outliers, unbalanced parts of the equation that caused the whole thing to collapse.

>This place was an illusion, the peace and harmony must be suspended upon a sinister force.

>'You don't have to be sad.'

>Fluttershy's words impacted your thoughts and shattered them.

>What if this place was really legitimate?

>What if - by some impossible circumstance - you'd cheated death?

>You looked up at the moon, which illuminated the landscape below with a muted glow.

>You felt out of place.

>These damn p0nies had really gotten to you.

 

>You slumped on your bed, biting back pain from your leg.

>'I want you to run your store and make yourself and your customers happy.'

>Celestia's words joined those of Twilight and Fluttershy.

>She had seen it when you had met for the very first time.

>They all knew now.

>You looked at Titan: it was your best friend.

>Through thick and thin, this length of titanium had supported you.

>It had been your companion.

>Your reach beyond arm's length.

>Your eyes in dark places.

>Your conversation piece.

>Your stress reliever.

>Your defender.

>Your best friend.

>But now... it wasn't your only friend.

 

>You thought back to when you got here, how Twilight spent hours upon hours searching for a way to cure you.

>You thought back to Pinkie Pie, who'd made you feel welcome here through your very own party.

>You thought back to Applejack, and how she encouraged you despite not being what she'd expected.

>You thought back to Rainbow Dash, who despite seeming indifferent to you, was happy to help if the need arose even if it didn't benefit her.

>You thought back to Rarity, and how she had - despite knowing you for less than a day - made you a gift that had taken considerable effort and talent.

>And you thought back to Fluttershy, in a dark moment, had shown you kindness and compassion beyond anything you had ever seen.

>Maybe this place really wasn't so bad.

>Maybe it wasn't even insanity, maybe it was your shot at a new life.

>You thought back on your old life.

>The pain and misery.

>Knowing that every day could be your last.

>Knowing that every day would bring pain.

>Knowing that the only escape would be through death.

>Hoping, desperately, for that pain to finally end.

>Fuck that gay earth.