Behind Blue Eyes in Equestria - Part 11

>Clink-clink

>You open your eyes.

>Its Rarity.

>You really needed a better system, other than p0nies knocking on your helmet to get your attention.

>You blink your optics at her.

>"Oh, um, welcome back, Anon."

>You labour to breathe.

>Your entire body aches, but you know your suit is doing its best to fix you.

>The laundry list of injuries sits on the bottom corner of your HUD, waiting for inspection.

>You don't bother.

>Your eyes leave Rarity's and check the surroundings.

>It looks like Twilight's library again.

>You struggle to sit up but Rarity pushes on your helmet with a hoof, forcing you back down.

>"Now now, Anon. Miss Rarity will be taking care of you today."

>You sigh.

>You really didn't like this.

>"It’s all right, Twilight spoke with Pearl earlier this morning and is getting everything ready for the repairs to your suit," she explains.

>*You will have to forge the latch, but it will be ready for you once you have made your recovery.

"Thank you," you whisper.

>"Oh it’s no trouble. We were told about how you stared down those -awful- Changelings and didn't even bat an eye."

>Rarity swoons at the thought of a fearless hero staring danger in the face.

>"Rarity?" Spike interrupts her. "I thought you said you'd go out with me today."

>"I'm very sorry Spike, but Anonymous needs me here. We'll go some other time."

>Spike waddles away, rebuked and muttering to himself.

 

 

>"Pearl also told us about your... second encounter with the Changelings."

>You try to back away from her, but your armor stiffens up. It won't let you move and aggravate your injuries.

>"It's all right, Anon. I want to let you know that you're safe now, and we're all here to help you."

>She tries her best to comfort you, by looking directly into your optics and running a hoof down your chest.

>It scrapes against your armor.

>She reddens in embarrassment, not really knowing what to do.

>"Rarity, what are you doing?"

>Twilight trots into the room, looking upon the scene with confusion.

>"I was trying to speak to Anonymous. You'll be pleased to know he spoke to me."

>"What did he say?"

>" 'Thank you.' "

>Twilight smiles and touches her horn to your armor, flooding you with a shiver of cold.

>The bad feelings seem to wash away, leaving you refreshed.

>You blink through your suit's menus, trying to disable the medical lock.

>Pearl stops your attempts, citing rest.

>You'll have none of it.

>You have an objective in mind, and won't rest until it’s completed.

>You grimace and unlock it anyway.

>You can feel the tenderness while you sit up: your body was past the breaking point.

>Being damaged was an awful feeling. You needed to be ready for what came next.

>You fall backwards onto the table.

"Twilight, let me up."

>"I'm not doing anything, Anon."

>You try to sit up again, but your strength fails.

>"Anon, you're hurt. You have to rest and recover your... ahem, ample strength," Rarity points out.

>Pearl's pink dot blinks approvingly.

 

 

>And so you were stuck on that table for two weeks.

>Your suit worked tirelessly to repair the damage you had inflicted upon yourself.

>Twilight comes by a few times a day to visit, and Applejack stops to check on your progress, but Rarity sticks near you for the majority of the time.

>Most of the time she speaks with Pearl, about the various facets of humanity.

>She's very interested in what clones are like.

>"We don't have anything like that in Equestria," she notes. "Well, except maybe the guards in Canterlot... they look so much like one another I simply cannot tell them apart!"

>*"A similarity may exist. Clones aren't as expressive as p0nies are, from the data I have gathered. Your guards may seem stoic and distant to you, but their expressions are simply more subtle and subdued. I suspect you have a difficult time with Anon, as this suit doesn't provide anything of that nature."

>"It's true... I look into those eyes but I see... well, it’s an empty space! Like clothing missing a button. There should be something there, a certain... je ne sais quoi."

>You eavesdrop on the conversation silently.

>*"Are you hoping to find something?"

>"Oh my stars! What are you implying?"

>A hoof meets her mouth.

>*"Nothing. I'm just asking about some behaviour I've seen."

>Rarity's face turns red.

>"Um... it’s nothing; I just care about the one who saved my life, that's all."

>Pearl's inner skeptic nearly drips from your HUD.

>*"It is impossible for organic beings to fool an AI with access to scanners and programmed for psychology, Miss Rarity."

>"B-But I wasn't-- How can you possibly think-- Oh you're right..."

>*"I'm right? I'm merely stating a fact," Pearl pauses for effect.

>She enjoyed playing games like this.

>*"You thought I was asking about your feelings for Anon? Silly me. That's obvious to any observer who spends 3.27 seconds observing your reactions to anything Anon does."

>Rarity stammers.

 

 

>You blink at Pearl's dot on your HUD to get her attention.

>*"Oh, Anon, you're awake. I was just speaking to Rarity about--"

>"The weather! Y-Yes, the weather has been just -awful-. The pegasus p0nies say we needed lots of rain this week... you aren't missing anything!"

>You reach out your gauntlet to try and comfort her, but you pause.

>They were frail.

>You recoil your arm and rest it beside you again.

>"Anon?"

>You're silent.

>"What is it?"

>She lowers her face to your hand and nuzzles your thick, armored fingers.

>The image of effortlessly crushing Thrystra's horn floats into your mind.

>Her feelings about you were poorly placed.

"You're wrong."

>"What?"

"What you seem to see. It is incorrect."

>She looks up from your hand.

"You expect a dashing hero, one that falls in line with what you have heard about. You expect me as a pillar of self-sacrifice, one who will fight to protect whatever it is that you hold dear."

>Rarity listens closely.

"If this is what you expect, you are wrong. I am a butcher: I sow fear in the hearts of my enemies through horrific tactics and unfeeling, unending cruelty. We have weapons that can kill, instantly and painlessly, from far away... but instead..." you raise your gauntlet, showing Rarity your arm-blade. "Instead we brutalize and gore. We do not kill: instead we maim and cause as much suffering as possible."

>Rarity is stunned.

"I am not your hero, Rarity. This land... Equestria, it is everything that I am not."

 

 

>You suddenly feel self-conscious.

>What you were supposed to stand for - what the Union stood for - was an ideal of a balanced society, one where equality reigned, and a concept of the least possible suffering was an active goal.

>Instead, you were a terror.

>The entire galaxy knew what a terror suit looked like.

>They knew what you were capable of.

>They knew that everything you did brought them one step closer to an agonizing death.

>And they knew that there was nothing human behind those pale, blue eyes.

>But this encounter... the one with Chrysalis...

>Her smile, seeing that image of these p0nies being drained away...

>That horrible feeling...

>Was that what you did?

>Were you an agent that caused such abjection, such sadness?

>Were you a villain on the same level as that... that insect?

>You feel sick.

>That dissonance roils across your mind.

>"That may be, Anon, but you're still -my- hero. Now, I must be getting back. You can keep thinking that if you must, but - as your friend - and as Pearl is so fond of saying... that data doesn't add up."

>Rarity then turns and trots away, leaving you with your thoughts.

 

 

>*"Anon, Miss Rarity does have a point."

>You sigh.

>*"Despite what you do as a clone soldier of the Union, you are not a bad person."

"I am equipment."

>*"Incorrect. You're a clone. You can think, feel, and react creatively to unpredictable situations. That makes you a person. By extension, you can also consider yourself on the same level as p0nies. My observations have shown they are, functionally, no different than human beings."

>You answer her with silence.

>*"Tell me, why did you rescue Rarity? You discarded secrecy for this p0ny, disregarding standing orders to avoid contact with alien races, especially first contact. You didn't even know her name, or anything about her. Those distinctions didn't matter at the time. Why?"

>Your eyes narrow.

>*"And once again, you send yourself headlong into danger, going into the caves to dissuade the Changelings from further attacks. Even going so far as to nearly destroy yourself to avoid never coming back to your friends. These traits, and such connections, that is unheard of in 'organic equipment', Anon. Equipment is utilitarian in nature, it has a distinct and clear purpose. That isn't good enough for a living, thinking, and feeling person."

>A deadly silence fills your thoughts.

>*"You should rest, Anon. It will be some time yet before you're fit for duty."

>Pearl darkens your HUD, and you feel fatigue setting in.

>Were you really different?

>Was that a good thing?