Random One-Shots (Updated 10-06-13)

Stavi's Request

 

 

>Ah! Tea, a blanket, and a good book.

>Spike's helping Rarity on a trip to Canterlot, and you don't have anything you need to do today.

>It's all just perfect.

>A sudden pounding on the door breaks you from your thoughts.

"And I'd just gotten comfortable." you say with a small sigh.

>Opening the door, you see P0nyville's number one, and only human.

"Hello Anonymous." you say with surprise while magically fixing your fur. "Can I help you with something?"

>"You invited me over?" He claims with a slightly confused look.

"Did I? Hmm? OH! RIGHT! It completely slipped my mind. Please come in."

>The tall biped shrugs before ducking his tall form through your door.

>You can't help but giggle a bit as he plops down at the table, his chair looking comically small next to him.

"Alright Anonymous, tell me about these non-intelligent equines of your world."

>"Sure thing. Just try to keep an open mind."

"Of course! This is so exciting!"

>"Well, where should we start?"

"Hmm, how about the start. What kinds are there?"

>"Well, except zebra and one kind of wild horse, we domesticated every kind, and even those are kept in captivity sometimes."

>"I should mention they're more mundane though. No magical types."

"No magic?"

>"Yeah, alicorns, unicorns, pegasi, changelings, crystal ponies, and bat ponies don't exist there. Though most do exist in mythology one way or another."

 

"So you have...Ponies, horses, zebras, donkeys, and seaponies?"

>"No seaponies. There are seahorses, but they're a lot smaller and just named for looks, they're not equines at all."

>That doesn't sound right. But you press on.

"So how long have equines been part of human culture?"

>"Hmm, that's hard to say. If I remember right, it's about 6,000 years ago, but they were probably kept for meat long before that."

>"Horses are also one of the most common things drawn in pre-civilization cave paintings and stuff going back like 30,000 years."

>30,000 years? You can't even comprehend that long. You doubt Princess Celestia, or even Discord could comprehend that long.

"That is incredibly interesting." you claim with perhaps a bit too much enthusiasm. "You refer to them being food in the past tense, so I assume it's no longer done?"

>"No no, there are a few places where it might be acceptable. But eating equines in most places is somewhere between taboo and criminal."

>With a small sigh of relief, you prepare your next question.

"So, what role DO equines play in human culture then?

~

>For the next several hours, Anon tells you everything you ask.

>From the mongols, a near extinction level event before humans brought horses back stronger than ever.

>Tales of cowboys and a time when "everyone and their horse had a horse.".

>Warfare, sports, new life as service animals in modern times, even specialized medical care.

>It's quite endearing really!

 

>Before you know it, several hours have passed.

>"Alright Twi. It's getting late, I should really be heading home."

"Nonsense Anon, you're more than welcome to sleep here tonight."

>"Thanks, but you've only got one bed. One undersized bed.  I'll see you tomorrow.

>Before you can protest further, he's already out the door.

>With a sigh, you set to organizing your notes.

~

>It's early morning, and you've already finished your routine and headed out the door.

>The town is almost dead empty as you make your way through towards Anon's.

>You give his large, sturdy door a few knocks, getting no response.

>Trying again, and then a third time, you're finally greeted by a rather disheveled Anonymous.

>"Twilight? What the hell are you doing here?" He asks with a sigh. "It's like...3 in the morning."

"It's 3:52 a.m. exactly."

>"That's still way too early. Even Applejack probably isn't up this early."

"Nonsense! Most ponies are surely getting ready for the day by now." you claim as you try to push your way inside.

>He stops you however, before looking you right in the eye.

>"Twilight, I'm going to go inside, and go back to sleep. And you're not going to beat on my door again. Understood?"

>His eyes bore right through you, and you find it hard to meet his gaze.

>Giving him a nod, he turns to leave, but you call back.

"Can I at least wait on the couch? It's kinda important."

>"Ugh, fine. But you better be quiet."

 

>With a squee, you prance inside and hop on the massive piece of furniture as Anon marches back upstairs.

~

"57, 58, 59, 6 a.m exactly!"

>Giving a knock on Anon's bedroom door, it's not long before the Anon responds.

>A very angry Anon.

>"There better be a damn good reason you're waking me up again."

"Anon. It's 6 in the morning. Long paste the time you should be getting up."

>"I'm going back to bed."

>Holding the door open with magic, you try to convince him otherwise.

"Please Anon. I need you up so I can get back to work."

>"Work on what?"

>You can't help but smile.

"Why, my studies on human equine interactions of course!"

>"Why exactly can this not wait?"

>Your face feels like it's on fire as you work up the courage to say it."

"Well, I was...um...kind of hoping we could do a real world study...and see how the bond transfers over intelligence."

>He shakes his head as he seems to try to piece together what you said.

>"It is way too early for technical crap. So you mean you want me to ride you?"

"Precisely! Among other things."

>"How exactly would I do that? I'm a LOT bigger than you."

"Oh, that's easy! I have an old spell that will let me take the form of horse. I haven't used it since the Grand Galloping Gala, but I'm sure it'll be fine."

>He lets out a loud sigh, and seems to fall asleep standing for a moment.

>You always hated sleeping standing.

>"Alright. But you owe me for this."

"Perfectly reasonable."

~

>"Alright, so what are we doing first?"

 

"You're supposed to be the expert, you tell me."

>"I've never owned a horse in my life."

"Come on Anon, 6,000 years. Shouldn't it be one of those things you just know?"

>He sighs again, before approaching and taking off your saddle and checking your hoof.

>"Alright, no horseshoes on or anything. Go ahead and use your horse spell thing."

>Nodding, you charge your spell, and in a bright flash of light, the change begins.

>You can feel your body growing and filling out, and your limbs becoming much longer.

>Despite the rapid changes, it isn't painful. Weird, but not painful.

>Now standing taller than Anon, you can't help but find it a little funny that your ancestors found protection and comfort in these beings. Or would they be your cousins?

"Alright! Go ahead and hop on!"

>Going through the supplies he brought with him, Anon pulls out a blanket and a rope.

>He tosses the blanket over your back for lack of a proper saddle in your size, and secures the rope on your muzzle for reins.

>Levitating the human onto your back, you take a moment to reassure him.

"Don't worry Anon. I'm sure you'll do fine. You lead, I'll follow."

>Seemingly a bit motivated, he takes the reins and gives them a crack.

>"Go!"

>Being a good horse, you take off at a brisk pace.

~

>Several hours go by as you run, jump, perform acrobatics, and build up a working control system from the ground up.

 

>By the time the sun begins setting, the two of you build up quite a rapport if you do say so yourself.

>It's not until Anon is diligently brushing the grass and mud from your coat that you decide to ask the question that's been gnawing at your mind all day.

"Hey, Anon?"

>"Yeah?"

"Do you like me?"

>"Umm, sure? Why do you ask?"

"No reason. It's just. All...this in the last two days got me thinking. Would it be weird?"

>"Are...are hitting on me?"

>You pull from his grasp, the brush lingering in your mane a moment before dropping free.

"NO! I mean...would it be a problem if I was?"

>"It's just kinda weird."

"How is it weird? There's plenty of interspecies couples around."

>"Twilight, don't take this the wrong way, but I really have a hard time seeing you ponies as...more than normal horses that can talk."

>You feel your heart sink a little, but then an idea strikes.

>Putting all you've learned to use in the last two days, you make your move while the window is still open.

"That's perfectly alright Anon."

>"It is?"

>Moving closer, you nuzzle his neck before whispering into his ear.

"Curious cavemen, tired mongolians, soldiers a long way from home, cowboys on the range, lonely ranchers, trainers that just wanna help their prize racehorse...relax."

"No, I don't think your attitude will be much of a problem."

>Planting a big kiss one his cheek, you turn to head for home, reverting to your normal size as you go.

"Just think on it." you ask before getting out of earshot, leaving behind a dumbfounded Anon.

 

 

 

----------------------

To the Fairest

 

 

"Alright man, I'll distract them, you toss it in.

>"Alright. This should be some excellent chaos!"

"We get it, you like chaos. You don't need to say it in every sentence."

>Walking over, you get the four mares attention.

"Sup royal butts!" You spout with your bottomless charisma. "I don't suppose you ladies would be up for a 5some?"

>The princesses, used to your antics, just laugh and shake their heads, except Celly, who winks and mouths "tonight.".

>While they were focused on you, Discord replaces their table's vase with the golden apple.

>With everything in place, you sit back to watch the show.

>"Oh look! It would seem I have an admirer!"

>"Neigh, tis ours." Luna claims without cracking any glass.

>Celestia gives up the apple without a fight.

>"Nonsense, it must surely be referring to the princess of love."

>However, short of the expected fighting, the 3 stop, and laugh. Cadance rolling the apple back to the center of the table.

>Just as your hopes of a spectacle die, a glimmer of hope lights your heart.

>Twilight snatches the apple from the table.

>"It's CLEARLY mine!"

>"Twilight, it's just an apple."

>"Yeah, it's MY apple. It's about time I was recognized for all I've done."

>"Don't you think you're being perhaps, a tad unruly."

>She simply cradles the fruit and turns away.

>"We do not believe she is of sound mind."

>The other alicorns nod in agreement.

>For the next hour, they try to separate Twilight from the apple, which she violently resists.

>Finally, Celestia has had enough, and uses her own rarely heard royal voice.

>"TWILIGHT SPARKLE! IT HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY CLEAR TO ME THAT I WAS IN ERROR IN CHOOSING TO MAKE YOU ROYALTY! I HEREBY STRIP YOU OF YOUR STATION!"

>Light fills the room, and just as quickly as they came, Twilight's wings are now gone.

>It takes her a moment to grasp the situation before she runs away crying, leaving a saddened Celestia behind.

>It's all you and Discord can do to get to a broom closet to laugh your asses off.

 

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------

Based on a Common OP Image

 

 

 

>It's a beautiful day in Equestria.

>The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the trees and grass flow gently in the breeze.

>And not one person gives a fuck.

>For it has been about 5 years since you introduced horseland to the glory that is the internet.

>The technology was duplicated, and its popularity exploded across the world.

>You can't really complain, it's made you incredibly wealthy, given you a large house, and all the multi-race poon you can handle.

>Speaking of, there's some shit you gotta check on.

>Rising from your chair, you head to the computer room.

>The moment you open the door, you face assault.

>"GET OUT!"

"WHAT THE HELL!?"

>Throwing off the pillow assault, you see a very nervous mare blocking the screen with her body.

>"H..hey! What do you think you're doing, Anon?"

"Why are YOU nervous? I just needed to use the computer."

>The purple mare looks around for a moment, seemingly scared.

>With a flash of magic, the manic mare launches herself at you, grappling around your stomach.

>"Play with me instead!"

"NO!

>"Brush my hair!"

"GET OFF!"

>In the confusion, you manage to shake the pony off, only for her to manhandle you out of your room with her magic.

>A few fruitless minutes of beating on the door later, you decide it's pointless and go off the get a bj from your diamond dog.

~

>The next several days garner much the same result.

>Twilight spending most of the day in that room door practically barricaded.

>The few times you manage to get in with her, she fights with an unnatural fury to get you out.

>By weeks end, you've had enough.

>Waiting until she's out of the room, you sneak in.

>The smell of soup in the room is almost enough to knock you over, as it becomes clear what happened.

>Twilight has become addicted to internet porn, and she's hogging a super computer to feed it.

>Mystery solved or not, you don't intend to let her keep your work station.

 

>Hiding in the closet, you wait to confront the unicorn.

>It doesn't take long.

>As soon as she gets back, she pulls a couple of toys from a box under the chair. Popping one into both holes, she pops in the ear buds and opens a video.

>Sneakinf from the closet, you're about to take the pony by surprise, when her choice of porn turns the tables.

>A video titled "Going_Banana.wmv" shows a very tall "earth pony" mare with a white coat and pink mane, face and mark obscured, being ravaged by all manner of primates.

>Chimps, gorillas, gibbons, bonobos, spider monkeys, baboons...

>All screeching and wailing as they take turns filling every hole in her body.

>This continues for several minutes before the very familiar masked mare seems to have had her fill.

>She calls the primates off, before trotting to the camera with a sway.

>The last shot is of an almost smug grin before the camera cuts out.

>Shaken from your shock, you look down to see an extremely satisfied Twilight, toys still merrily buzzing away.

>Attempting to salvage some dignity from the situation, you try to put on a stoic face before getting her attention with a hand on her haunch.

>She freaks the fuck out.

>"ANON! I..I...I..I CAN EXPLAIN IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"

"Twilight, if you wanted more ape action, you just had to tell me."

>The mare blushes somewhat before.

>"It's not a problem with you. It's the thrill of...taboo associated with...zoo....."

>She'd trailed off completely by the end, but you know what she means.

"Shh. Just let the alpha male make it all better." you say as you slip off you pants.

>Taking a seat, you pop the toy from her rear, before firmly planting yourself in its place.

>Having a kindred soul to share with, you close the large folder of ape porn, that you now see is several gigs in size, and open a much larger folder you kept from back home.

>Twilight looks at you in surprise, and then relief and happiness as you click open a file named "licking_a_black_mare_pussy.flv".