Dude's night out

>Day bitches and whores in Equestria.

>You and your best buddy Braeburn are barhopping as more and more bars close for the night.

>The two of you have been looking for a mare to wreck, but none of the snooty bitches will put out because you're too drunk.

>And a different species.

>The racists.

>You down the last of your beer, crush the can in your hand, and throw it over your shoulder with a belch, earning you a nasty look from the Bartender.

"Fuck, man. " you say, heading toward the door with Braeburn.

"This is the last bar nearby. I guess we have to call it a night."

>He stumbles slightly as he gives an exaggerated sigh.

>"Yeah, I reckon so."

"Shame." you say, pushing the door open, and walking out into the chilly night.

"I was hoping to score some poon tonight."

>Braeburn chuckles, followed by a hiccup.

>"Why y'all wanna fuck a pony, anyway, Anon? They ain't even your kind!"

"I am so far beyond the point of caring."

>"Well, I suppose we could just buy a whore or sumthin'."

>Oh yeah; prostitution is legal in Appleoosa.

"Are you kidding me? I can't afford one of those overpriced showgirls you guys have here."

>"Well, y'all could always find a... "freelance" girl."

"Ugh... sure, why not. Lead the way."

>Braeburn leads the way, stumbling, off the main road and into a series of back alleys.

>The difference is shocking.

>The once clean streets are piled high with garbage and what appear to be various bodily fluids.

>And the SMELL.

 

----

 

>There are mares in various forms of attire, ranging from "slutty nurse" to "slutty maid" to just plain "slut."

>Looking at the inventory, you sigh again and shake your head.

"I dunno, Brae. These girls still look pretty expensive."

>The second you say the word "expensive", a cardboard box in a nearby alley starts to rumble, a raggy looking zebra bursts from it.

>The creature bounds up to you in an instant.

>You and Braeburn exchange a bemused glance.

>This has to be the ugliest looking thing you've ever seen on your life.

>"I'LL SUCK BOTH YA DICKS FO TWENNY BITS"

>Shit, for that kind of price, she's beautiful!

"Well well well, that sounds like a great price!" you say, approaching the suddenly pretty, although still very smelly zebra.

"Come on, Braeburn, we can't leave this nubile young thing waiting!"

>Braeburn recoils slightly, but follows you and the zebra back into her alley.

"So, how are we gonna-"

>You're cut off as she throws you against the wall and rips your zipper apart to get your cock out, before going to town on your half flaccid junk.

>She's not very good at it; you keep feeling teeth and she doesn't use her tongue at all.

>It doesn't help that you've got a case of whiskey dick that just doesn't want to get up.

>But, you know what they said about the worst blowjob in the world: It was great.

>Eventually, Mr. Happy wakes up and stands attention.

>Glancing at Braeburn out of the corner of your eye, you see he's standing there, bemused, trying not to laugh, which in turn, makes you want to laugh.

>However, you have your penis in the mouth of a very angry whore zebra, and you'd hate to be the reason she snaps and bites down, so you hold your laugh in.

 

----

 

>Suddenly, you feel her patting around your ass.

"Hey, what are you doi-"

>"I DIDN'T TOUCH YO WALLET!"

"What!?"

>You step away and check your back pocket.

>Sure enough, your wallet is missing.

"Where's my wallet!?"

>She gets up and tries to run, but Braeburn blindsides her.

>Bending down over her, you quickly frisk her, finding your wallet in her thick, matted mane.

"Bitch!"

>You kick her in the ribs and spit on her, then turn to walk away.

>"DADDY!" she screeches loud enough to break glass.

>"I GOT TWO JOHNS WHO AIN'T WANNA PAY!"

>Instantly, there's a rumbling in the building beside you, before a nearby door is kicked clear off it's hinges.

>Out walks a minotaur, a foot taller than you, and absolutely rippling with muscles.

>He catches sight of the two of you, and snorts; steam shooting from his nostrils.

>You both stare at each other for a moment.

>"Run, bitch! He gonna KILL you!" you hear some random whore yell.

>Finally snapping your head into gear, you and Braeburn turn and run from the leviathan.

>He's hot on your tail a split second later.

>For a minute, it looks like you might outrun him.

>Unfortunately, your pants no longer have a wait to keep themselves on your body, fall to your ankles, your semi-erection flopping around for all to see.

>A second later, you're knocked off your feet as the minotaur bum-rushes you.

 

----

 

>Pinning you down, he flips you over, and runs his fist into the side of your face.

>It's a good thing you're still drunk, or that would have hurt a lot more than it already did.

>Ge gears up for another punch, but Braeburn bucks him off you.

>"You ain't gonna treat my friend that way!" he yells, standing between you and the wall of beef.

>He charges the cow man as he stands

"Go for the knees!" you shout.

>Braeburn kicks the minotaur right in the stomach.

>His hooves bounce right off the iron-like abs of the minotaur.

>Before he can react, Braeburn's neck wanders into the minotaurs grasp.

>He lifts the tiny pony off the ground with one hand, and starts delivering punches to his fleshy stomach.

>Looking around quickly, you spot a boarded up window.

>Climbing to your feet, you hobble over and tear off a 2x4.

>Ditching your pants, you run behind the minotaur and bash the back of his knees with the board.

>He screams in pain, and falls backwards, finally drops Braeburn, who lands in a heap, gasping for air.

"I said go for the knees, you stupid shit!"

>The minotaur tries to get to his feet again, but you smack his knees again.

>And again.

>And a few more times, why not.

>The giant pile of muscle lies on the ground crying; you and Braeburn have a black eye and some bruised rips, respectively.

>You'd call that a victory.

>The two of you stagger away in silence.

>Neither of you say a word until you reach your apartment, and Braeburn sets off to his own house.

>"Hey Anon!" he calls, just before you close your door.

"Yeah!"

>"Wanna go out again tomorrow?"

"Fuck yeah I do!"