Axel Jones: Highway to Hell

The Bradically Unlawful Adventures of Axel and Brad: Highway to Hell

 

>"GUUAUHHH!"

>Brad had just submerged from a warm lake in a park.

>His coat, burnt and scratched.

>He held on to some ducks as he went to shore.

>Fluttershy sees Brad and quickly comes to his aid.

>>"Oh my gosh! B-Brad!"

>"AHK, it's...it's over."

>Applejack follows Flutters to see Brad.

>She's surprised.

>>>"BRAD? I thought you were..."

>"Axel...he's...he sacrificed his life for us."

>>>"WHAT?"

___________________________________________________________________

HOURS AGO

 

>Tis a beautiful late afternoon here in Canterlot High.

>Everyone's going home, smiles on their faces, hearts filled with glee.

>Except for you. You'd be bored as hell this weekend.

[spoiler]*cough*[/spoiler]

"Hurrmm."

>You decided to go to the library to check out a book to read for the weekends.

>After all, what's a hall monitor to do if he's not monitoring the halls?

 

>You went inside the library, skimming through the titles of the books.

"Life of Pi...nah..."

>The math life isn't for me.

"Lasso Lass"

>It's not even finished!

"Dredd: Official Movie Novel"

>Read that like three hundred and three times.

"Old Man Norman"

>Laziest author ever.

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

>Been there, explored that.

"The Life and Times of a General in /mlp/"

>I'm not that miserable.

"Abnormal Boreman"

>Title says it all. Pass...

"The Divine Comedy"

[spoiler]*cough*[/spoiler]

>I don't see anything funny about divinity.

 

>So many books, but nothing for you to -

>Wait! THAT'S IT!

>DELUXE ENGLISH EDITION OF THE RUSSIAN HISTORY AND LAWS.

"I don't care about Russia, but the word 'law' knows how to reel in customers."

>You take the book to the librarian.

>Librarian stamps it and gives the due date.

>You thanked her and walked away from the humble librarian.

>As you did, Sophia approaches you.

>"Well well. Surprised to see you out of the halls for once."

"Can it, lawyer girl. I am here to rid my weekend of boredom, and I shall do it with this book!"

>"Whatever you say, though I'm not here to exchange pleasantries."

"Then what?"

>"Got an anonymous tip. Someone intends to break the law tomorrow night."

>The words 'Break the Law' that came from her lips oozed you with adrenaline.

"I SHALL BREAK THEIR SPINES AND USE THOSE AS CHOPSTICKS!"

>"Calm down. Heard they were planning to do some illegal things on the school grounds at 11:30."

>There it is again.

>Her words spoke of 'planning' and 'illegal'.

>You just want to grab the flag pole and stab it at those cruel violators.

>"Err...Axel, are you alright?"

>You shaked your fist at the ceiling as your shades lens-flared' across the library.

 

"IN HIGH-SCHOOL HALLS, IN UNPAID TAX"

"NO EVIL SHALL ESCAPE MY AXE!"

"LET THOSE WHO QUESTION THE LAWBRINGER'S MIGHT!"

"BEWARE MY POWER, AXEL JONES' FLIGHT!"

 

>With that, you fart with the intensity of a regular taco-bell eater and  blew your pants away.

*PHHHHHWWWBBBBTTTTTTTTT*

>Leaving behind a smoke of undescribable horror, you flew away to your home to ready yourself for tommorow's entrapment operations.

>"*cough*...I will never get used with that guy. *cough*" Sophia said.

 

THE NEXT NIGHT AT CANTERLOT GROUNDS

 

>One night in a closed Canterlot High, a group of students stands by to wait for...HER.

>"Mate, are you sure she's coming?" says a shady person wearing a hoodie.

>>"She will."

>The night is as bright as a lit billboard.

>From beyond the fog, comes a woman of pure apple culture.

>The woman they call...LASSO LA-I mean, APPLEJACK!

>And she pushes a wheelbarrow carrying a surprise wrapped in a huge blanket.

>"You're late."

>>>"Fashionably late, as Rarity would say. So, you got the thing?"

>The shady group looks at each other, before taking out...THE THING.

>A small fruit of red complexion. An apple, if you will.

>The apple is surrounded in a dark and demonic aura, based on the floating little burning seeds around it.

>>>"Now that's an apple."

>"Our payment?" one of the shady people asks.

>Applejack puts her hand on the blanket, and shoves it away, revealing...THE PAYMENT.

>>>>"MMMPPH!"

>It's Brad, and he's tied up with handcuffs. His mouth is muffled by a BDSM gag.

>Applejack takes it off.

>>>>"PTUUWEEY! Applejack, when you said you wanted to tie me up, I didn't mean you'd take it this far!"

>>>"Sorry about this, Brad. Nothing personal. Just the fate of the earth depends on...YOUR SACRIFICE!"

>>"The great demon of hell shall be unleashed, and we needed a human sacrifice. That sacrifice...IS YOU!"

>>>>"Will you please stop emphasizing the ends of your sentences, please! W-wait, I'm about to die!?"

>>>"Yep. Your life for the demonic apple."

>>>>"B-BUT I CAN'T DIE! I'M STILL A VIRGIN!"

>>>"..."

>>"..."

>"..."

>>>"We're wasting time. We need to do the ritual now!"

>"I'm sorry for this, boy. Your sacrifice shall not be in vain."

>>"MATE! PREPARE THE RITUAL!"

>"Yeah!"

 

>The ground lights up with a ritual circle.

>The symbols slowly burns with fire.

>Fire spreads throughout the school grounds as Brad's impending doom makes him scream like a little girl.

>>>>"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~"

>Oh the horror!

>Oh the insanity!

>Who can save him now?

 

*rumble*

>"Did you hear that?"

*rumble grumble*

>>>"Any of y'all bring a haunted closet out in the open?"

>"How did we not notice a random closet in the middle of the school grounds"

>The closet shakes as one of the shady people moves in closer to investigate.

>He listens closer, and closer, and closer...

>Until he hears a voice of law and order.

>>"Oh shi-"

 

*KRACKA-BOOOOMM!"

>You, Axel [spoiler]Forsythe[/spoiler] Jones, bursts out of the closet and beats up the nearest guy to the closet.

>>"GOOPHH!"

>You stomp on his face as you finish your midnight sandwich.

 

"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH! DEMONIC RITUALS OUTSIDE OF WINTER IS COMPLETELY ILLEGAL! I'M TAKING YOU PERPS IN!"

>>>"Aww shucks, the ritual!"

>"If the ritual doesn't finish, we'll all be damned by the end of the world!"

>>>"Ahh'l keep 'im distracted!" Applejack says as she gets her lasso.

 

>You spinned your axe and posed for justice as the lasso-wielding lass [spoiler]*cough*trademark*cough*[/spoiler] tries to throw her rope at you.

>But she is of no power against you as you chopped every inch of her rope.

*SWHINGWHSWANGSHWINGSHWANG*

>>>"Aww Shucks."

"NO THREADS, ONLY JUSTICE!"

>You lunge onto the apple woman, preparing to slice that apple in two!

>But she had already forseen such an occasion.

>She gets her hand to her pocket and pulls out...POCKET SAND!

>She throws it at you whilst dodging to her side.

"AAAHH MY EEEYYYEEE...GLASSES!"

>Your sight has been sanded! You roll in defeat to one side.

>>>"HOW'S THE RITUAL, FELLAS?"

>"WE'RE ALMOST DONE! THE DEMONIC HANDS HAVE RISEN TO CLAIM OUR SACRIFICE!"

>>>>"I am so not in the mood for a hellish hand-job. HEY! KEEP YOUR BURNING PALMS OFF ME!" Brad says as he kicks the giant hands from the ground away from him.

>You regain your strength and went in to tackle Applejack.

"FIEND! HUUMPH!"

>>>"CRUD!"

>You pin Applejack to the ground as she bumps the ritual-bro out of his place.

>"NO! THE RITUAL! THE APPLE!"

>The mystical demonic apple falls from his hands and rolls to Brad's lap.

>Brad, being chained by cuffs at the moment, couldn't do anything.

>But the mystical apple does something on its own.

>It magically opens a black hole that sucks everything near it.

>>>>"NOT BRADICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhh-"

>Brad is sucked inside the black hole.

"HUUUMPH!"

*TSHAAANK!*

>You hold on to your axe, latched to the ground as everyone else holds on to whatever they could find.

>But not for long, as your little pocketbook from your pocket get's sucked in the portal.

"NO! MY LIBRARY-BORROWED DELUXE EDITION OF THE RUSSIAN HISTORY AND LAWS! I'M NEARLY AT THE LAST CHAPTER!"

>>>"PUTIN IN DISGUISE THREW THE SHOE ALL ALONG!!!" Applejack yelled with a teasing smile.

"CURSE YOU APPLEGIRL FOR RUINING THE PLOT TWIST!"You yell at the top of your lungs.

>Still, no time to slice the girl in two. You need to save your book!

>It's the law to return that book to the librarian before its due date!

>You unlatch your axe and dived into the black hole, hoping to find the book.

"GRRAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

>The surprise and horror on Applejack and her shady friend's faces hits max.

>>>>>"THE END IS UPON US!"

>>"WE'RE DOOMED!"

>>>"SAVE MAH APPLES!"

>>>>"IT'S HAPPENING!"

>"Whoa, calm your tits, mates."

>The summoner calmly closes the portal.

>Everyone falls to the ground as well as the items that had been lucky enough to stay in midair.

>"Think about it, fellas. Instead of 10,000 years of peace, we have 20,000 now with two sacrifices."

>>>"Oh yeah. MAH APPLES ARE SAVED!"

>>"HUZZAAAH!"

>"I'M GONNA GO HUMP A TREE!"

 

 

Meanwhile, in the void of unknowingness of knowing.

 

*PPSSHHHWWEEEEWWW*

"HURGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRGGH... UMPH!"

>You land on ground. a rocky place of unknown territory.

>You shook your head from the heavy fall.

>Tasting the ground, you knew this was not the same dirt back at Canterlot.

>You stood up and fixed your glasses.

>Looking left and right, the ghost-infested place may chill a normal person's spine, but not yours.

>For you are Axel Jones, and as you read the sign above the fiery gates, you stood bravely.

 

[[ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTERS HERE]]

 

"Drokk, am I in 4chan again?" you pondered to yourself.

>But something beyond the gate captures your curiosity.

>You entered anyway, ignoring the warning.

>As you walk, you slowly realize where you are.

>Burning souls of the damned.

>Corpses, lined up to recieve their punishment.

>Demons flying about, taunting and torturing with their pitchforks.

"I'm in hell..." You quietly remarked. "Darn."

>A demon starts poking your cute little buttocks with his own pitchfork.

>"NYEAHAHAHAHAHA. GET A MOVE ON, RINGO!!"

>You grabbed the drokker by the throat and interrogated him.

>"GYAK! Y-YOU DARE CHALLENGE A DEMON, DAMNED SOUL?"

"I'm not here to play games. I'm here to find a book."

>"AAAHH...THE BOOK THAT CAME THROUGH HERE, EH?"

"Drokk straight. WHERE IS IT?"

>The demon laughs.

>"NYAHAHAHAH. Too late, boy. Our lord Satan has already grabbed hold of it. If you want to get it back, you'll have to travel through the NINE CIRCLES OF HELL!"

 

*DEN DEN DEEEEEHHHHNNN*

 

"Oh, okay." You calmly say as you threw the demon away effortlessly.

>"GAK! W-wait a minute! Are you stupid or something?"

"Hmm?"

>"The nine circles of hell is the foulest, place ever imaginable. You'd lose your sanity and humanity before you could even reach Satan!"

"Ugly man, I've been through a convention for furries chasing down a perp. I've gone through a Star Wars convention dressed as George Lucas in a Jar Jar Binks costume. I went to 'Dreddchan' and survived through their hugcubing threads. I'VE BEEN THROUGH SIMULATIONS OF HELL."

>You step to the end of the room to where the souls are lined up.

>They await their turn to jump into the crack at the end of the room.

>Beyond the crack, the yells of the damned ring through your ears.

>Burning lava lights up the room through the crack.

>"Heheheheheh." The demon laughed. "Not so tou-"

"Hush, ugly man!" you say as you covered the demon's mouth."

>You looked at the demon one last time, and asked;

"What circle is Satan in?"

>"The ninth, of course. But can you survive the the HORRIFIC, TERRIFYING, NIGHTMARI-"

>You ignored him and jumped anyway.

>For your library book is in danger of making you break the law!

>AND YOU WILL NOT ALLOW THAT, FOR YOU ARE, AXEL FORSYTHE JONES!

 

>"I wasn't finished yet!" the demon yelled at you.

>Too late. You're already far below

>"Prick."

 

CIRCLE OF HELL ONE: LIMBO'S LINT

 

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...UMPH!"

>You land on a small cabbage pot...OF DOOOOMM!

"DROKK!"

>The cabbage patch rises up to try and attack you, but they were no match for your axe-fu!

"HURGH. HAH. HAA-YAAAH!"

*SWIIING*

>The cabbages are defeated.

>You walked along the first circle of hell to see the giant demon judge each poor damned soul to whichever hell they belong.

"Hurm..."

>You decided to forget the line and started to cut through.

>"HEY WATCH IT!"

>>"THERE'S A LINE HERE, PAL!"

>>>"HEY! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WAITING TO GET CONDEMNED HERE, ASSHOLE!"

"This is official law business, scums!"

>You caught the giant demon's attention.

>"You. The one with the axe. Come forth."

>You come forth as requested.

>"Hmm, you are neither living nor condemned. What is your purpose here."

"I need to go to Satan's circle. That man has my library book, and I will stop at nothing to retrieve it. It is the law of the library that I should return it before it's due."

>"You play a dangerous game, boy."

"What is your name, oh giant ugly being of hell?"

>"My name is Minos, and I deny you the right to go directly to Satan's circle."

"What? Why?"

>"Mostly because no one's ever used that 9th circle elevator right there. It's been rusting ever since Judas last used it, that dunderhead."

"Ugh."

>"Look boy, I got a lot of souls to condemn. If it's any consolation, you can take the long way through the stairs."

>You see the stairs and walked to it.

>Down the stairway goes on and on and on, like a pitless hole.

>Tired souls crawl up in an attempt to escape, but they couldn't go through another step.

>It's a stairway to hell, and no way can a soul go up again.

"I'LL TAKE IT!"

>"Good luck, pal."

>You salute the bro of a demon and went down the stairs

 

CIRCLE OF HELL TWO: LUSTER'S LEVEL

 

>You see harpies flying through the air as you went down to the second circle of hell.

>Naked harpies, succubus tempting the paralyzed souls, bestiality...

>They make you sick.

>As you ignore the ladies trying to seduce you, you hear a cry for help.

>"HEEEEEEELPPP!"

>And it's a dude's voice.

"What the drokk?"

>You look around to see BRAD, and he's swimming in pussy.

>Like literally being clawed to death by cats with human vaginas.

 

>As a man of the law, you must protect your fellow man from the demonic seduction of EEEEEVIIIIIIIL!

"I'M COMING, MAN-WHORE!"

>You grabbed your axe and started slashing away against the women of sex and violence.

>>"GET HIM AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" The succubus demons scream at you with their super sonic voice and their jiggling flesh.

>Their voices barely makes a crack on your shades as you ran awkwardly to their direction with an axe raised up.

"I have an axe to grind with you punks!"

>You crouched, slashed and burned your way throuh.

>Bits of their wings, hair and nails fly through the air.

>"OH GOD, AXEL? SHIT! SAVE ME SEXY DEMONS! SAVE ME FROM THAT MANIAC!" Brad yelled.

>Brad flailed his arms up as he is pulled down the pits of feline hell.

"NOT TODAY HUUURRMPH!"

>With the Superman themesong playing in your head, you leaped up in the sky and tackled Brad out of the pond of cats in slow motion.

>You and Brad stumbled down to the ground.

>"OH GOD, YOU'RE HERE! I AM IN HELL!"

"Quiet, man-whore! I'm here to save you and my book."

>You and Brad stood up as a stampede of hot harpies goes to your location.

>As you readied your axe, a giant head of a dog bursts from the ground, upon hearing the commotion.

>>"RUFF!" said the giant dog as it captures Brad into its mouth."

>"AAAAHHH!"

"MAN-WHORE!"

>The dog's head burrows back down the hole.

>The harpies are still coming after you.

"Alright you drokks, who wants to give me a ride?" You say with a smirk, holding the axe of justice close.

>The harpies screamed as they make their way to you.

>You jumped and latched on to one of the flying dastards.

>>"AAAAIIIEIEEE!"

>You then hung on tight as you surfed down the dog's hole with a bleeding harpy as your guide.

 

CIRCLE OF HELL THREE: GLUTTONOUS GUTS

 

>The large hole leads you through the bottom, revealing the hole to be a shortcut portal to the next

>>"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!"

"SHUT IT!" you say as you decapitate the demon's head.

>Jumping off the lifeless damned soul, you land on the ground and smelled the foul decaying corpses of the circle.

"This is revolting."

>You walked around as giant blobs eat through the meat and rot.

>Their stomachs have been busted open, as the skin under their tongues are broken through, forever cursed with the insatiable hunger that they've always had in their lives.

>One of the blobs sees you and waddles towards you, yelling 'FRESH FLESH!

>You took a large bone, presumably a T-Rex's leg and used it as a baseball bat.

"Batter up."

>You smashed the bone on its side, flipping away to the fog of unknown decent.

 

"Looks like team blubber's blasting off again."

 

>The other blobs heard you and began waddling to you as well.

"WHO'S READY FOR ROUND TWO?"

>But before they attack you, a howl was heard.

>>"AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

>The blobs are startled. They ran away in fright.

>The ground then shakes as multiple 'thumps' are heard.

>Something giant comes.

 

>Lo and behold, a large three-headed dog with tiny wings comes towards you.

>Judging from the small smudge on the left one's face, that's where that blob landed.

>"AAAXXEEEELLL!!!!"

>Brad emerges from their mouth, desperately trying to avoid their vicious teeth.

"HANG ON!"

>"NO SHIT!"

>The Cerberus then comes to stomp you with their paw.

>You showed them your axe.

>The wooden complexion, the beauty of carved wood.

>Their tails wagged in delight.

>Brad then drops from the middle one's mouth, covered in demonic saliva.

*PLOP*

>"EUGH, GROSS!"

>You then raised the axe one more time.

"HERE BOY! FETCH!"

>You played fetch with the dogs as you threw the axe with all your might.

>>"BARK! BARK BARK!" The dogs happily said.

>The axe spinned in midair as the dogs happily chased it.

>But little did they know, that it was all part of your plan.

>You called upon your axe as you reached up in the air.

>The axe does a 180 degree turn from where it spun and slashed through the cerberus' three heads.

>>"*WEELLP!*

>Despite the axe's small size, the axe does heavy damage as it slices through the three dog's lower jaws.

>The axe rejoins you once more.

>You look at the jawless dogs and said;

 

"Yeah, I know. It bites."

 

>The Cerberus dogs ran away in disgrace as you help the oozing Brad up on his feet.

>"Aww man. I'm covered in dog slobber. Guess this must be what the ladies feel when they see my little Brad."

 

*Audience Laughter*

 

"Come, man-whore. Before we can escape this wretched place, we need to find my book.

>"Do I even have a choice?"

>And so, you and Brad ventured forth onto the stairway once more, going down a million steps.

 

CIRCLE OF HELL FOUR: GREED'S GREIF

 

>"OH GOD.*huff* I...I CAN'T *puff* AWW JEEZ!"

"Oh quit your yapping. We've only gone like 500,000 steps."

>"S-SCREW YOU *gahh* MAAN!"

"Hurrm."

>You and Brad made it to the fourth circle of hell. GREEED.

>[spoiler]inb4 jew jokes galore[/spoiler]

>The place is filled with hoarders and thieves.

>People, mirrored by their thin personality, forced to carry their ton of gold and precious collections on their backs as a literal burden, believing they still have worth in the after-life.

"Stay close."

>"R-Right."

>Brad stayed behind you as you sneaked past the demons of no generosity.

>But it wasn't successful, as a greedy man who had been collecting teenagers in his life spots them both.

>>"MORE FOR MY COLLECTION! HUAAH!"

>The demon grabs another demon's treasure and throws it at you.

"What the-UUMMF!"

>The large bag of money pounds you to the ground.

>Brad is then stolen by a guy. Yes folks, he's been stolen.

>"OH CRUD! AXEL HEEEELLP!"

"MMPPH!" You say as you try to push the large bag of coins away from your face.

>The Brad-stealing  demon jumps down another circle like the do-gooder square that he is.

>But before you could go after them, more of the greedy demons tackle you to the ground.

>>"I MUST HAVE YOUR SHIRT!"

>>>"I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THOSE SHADES"

>>>>"GIVE ME YOUR SHOES. THOSE PURDY SHOES!"

>Their hands clutched at you as your clothes are being torn apart.

>You struggle with them as you tried to punch your way out.

>Finally, with enough room you raised your axe in a valiant attempt to fight back.

>But it's stolen by an axe-collecting demon.

>>>>>"YEESS! TO MY COLLECTION!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

>The demon runs away as you struggle with the demons.

>By then, you have flashbacks of the axe that was stolen from  you.

"A-Axe...Axe..." You say as you fade into unconsciousness

 

__________________________

*flashback sounds*

AXEL JONES - AGE 1

 

>>"Oh dear, it's his first birthday." your mother commented.

>"Yes indeed, and for him, I give his DESTINY!"

>Your father hands you a long present wrapped in gift wrapper. It's shaped like an axe.

>OOooh, I hope it's a Batman figure!

>...

>EVEN BETTER! IT'S AN AXE!

"U-GUUH GAH!"

>"That's right, son. As you grow up, I shall teach you the ways of axe-fu, as my father before me as his father before him." he said.

>You were too young to understand, and proceeded to suck on the axe like a pacifier.

>>"Aww, he looks so cute." your mother commented.

 

AXEL JONES - AGE 10

 

"DAAD! I LOST MY AXE!"

>Your father slaps you in disgust.

>"DISGRACE! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT LOSING YOUR AAXXE!?"

"I'M *sniff* I'M SORRY DAD! I WAS JUST WALTZING AROUND THE WOODS *sniff* AND A WOLF FRIGHTENED ME."

>"OH WHOA IS ME, HOW DID MY SON GROW UP TO BE SUCH A MAGGOT?"

>Your dad goes into the forrest with you and encounters the wolf.

>He rips his clothes off and yelled 'GRAAAAAAAHHH!"

>The wolf, scared as shit, drops the axe he carried in his mouth and runs away.

>"DO YOU SEE SON? IF YOU ARE TO ENFORCE THE LAW, YOU MUST NOT BE AFRAID OF THE DANGER. YOU MUST BE...THE DANGER!"

>Your father hands you the axe.

>"As a new law, you must never lose this axe, or I'm disowning you as my son."

"*sniff* yes dad."

*flashback sounds*

_______________________

 

>You woke up, beaten and bare.

>Your clothes were stole, save for your shades.

>Apparently, the shades guy was the one you managed to knock out.

>Right now, you need to find your axe, and then your book.

>And probably Brad too.

>You walk among the pile of scattered bags and tired souls, hoping to find your axe.

>Among those scattered bags is the hole the Brad stealer used to go down another circle to escape.

>Scratch marks made by your axe is present. You know its from your axe because the scent of its luscious metal is still fresh.

"I'M COMING, BABY!"

>Down you go into the rabbit hole.

 

CIRCLE OF HELL FIVE: WRATH'S WRAPS

 

"AAAARRRRGHHHHH"

*PSHHHH*

>You landed in the sea of blood.

"*PTWEEY!* This is definitely not catsup!"

>You swam away to a nearby island.

"GAH, ugh..."

>Resting for a bit, you then stood up to see where you are.

"Fifth circle, eh?"

>Around the endless sea of blood, you find souls fighting each other with their bare hands...and feet in the sea.

>Their never ending rage makes them blind to everything, and they are forced to endure their suffering to no end as they get punched till eternity.

>Standing naked, you find on the island more blind souls that managed to escape the sea.

>However, their simulated starvation makes them the weakest corpses to walk on the island.

>Ironic, how a circle of hatred ca-

"OH DROKK! MY AXE!"

>Amidts your cynical and philosophical outlook on the place, you found the bastard greed demon beaten to death (again).

>Your axe lies on its own, strong and shiny.

"MY AXE!"

>You run to it in slow motion, music ringing at the back of your head, like some romance movie's climactic scene.

>You jumped to your axe and hugged it dearly, dancing with it in the pale hell light.

"Oh axe, I will never leave you again. *smooch*"

>After a heartfelt and award winning scene with your axe, you went through the sea and sliced everyone in your way, happily whistling a tune as you head on to find the stairs that will lead you to the next circle.

 

CIRCLE OF HELL SIX: HERESY MERRILY

 

"900,000 steps in a hole, 800,000 steeepps! Step one down, sing it around, we got 900,001 steps in a hole!"

>You arrive at circle heresy, where all the heretics come together to do...heresy stuff.

>Nothing useful here.

>Before you come down some more steps, a soul comes to try and haunt you.

>"STARE ONTO YOUR DOOM, FOR-"

"STARE ONTO MY AXE, CREEP"

*chop*

"900,001 steps in a hole, 900,001 steeepps! Step one down, sing it around, we got 900,002 steps in a hole!"

 

CIRCLE OF HELL SEVEN: VIOLENCE TENSE

 

>Alas, tireness has caught up to you.

"UUGH!"

>You fall down the stairs and you land on the doorless doorway.

>You arrive at the seventh circle, violence.

>The only difference between this and wrath, is that this circle is more focused on self harmers and religious damned souls.

>Nothing of value in here.

>And I'm running out of energy.

"Drokk..."

>Holding your axe tightly, you kept on being optimistic

>You weakly crawled down the stairs of hell some more, hoping to reach your destination.

 

CIRCLE OF HELL EIGHT: FRAUD HOD

 

>The stairway ends here.

>Crawling outside the doorway, you see the circle of liers and frauds.

>All of them deceiving each other in the most desperate way imaginable.

>Looking away, you see the elevator leading to the 9th circle below.

>It's inside a large tree, bearing apples with the skin of snakes.

>You could just suck an apple's juices dry.

"DROKK! SO...THIRSTY!"

>A demon comes in to offer help.

>"Want a bottled water?"

"Ugh..."

>"Too bad."

>The demon disintegrates the bottle of water as he laughs away.

>The eight circle of hell. Fraudulence.

>At this point, you wish you could find a way out of the damned place to get a glass of water.

"HHURRGH."

>Is this it? IS THIS THE END OF THE LAW BRINGER?

"I'm...I'm too weak...I..."

>You almost pass away in the den of frauds.

>However, a vision of your deluxe russian law book appears in  your mind.

>The sight of it reminds you that if you give up now, you give up protecting the law.

>And the law needs protecting.

"DROKK! I'M GOING TO DO IT!"

>You crawl through the eighth circle's disgusting location.

>Avoiding the demons that try to decieve you left and right, you only have one goal in mind.

>TO RETURN THE BOOK TO ITS RIGHTFUL LIBRARY.

 

"HUURGH!"

>Only a few more meters left, but...

>"AXEEL! HEEELLP!"

"What the drokk?"

>IT'S BRAD!

>And you totally forgot about him.

>He's too far away. He's being swindled by the other greed demon with the fraud demons.

>You're nearly to the elevator, the final place before you escape.

>However, the sight of an innocent being tortured isn't something you'd live with, or die with in your mind.

"I'M...I'M COMING...*huff*... MANWHORE!"

>You crawl through the demons, going into Brad's path.

>For you are a lawbringer, a protector of the innocent.

>YOU ARE A MAN OF THE LAW.

>AND IT IS YOUR DUTY.

"HAAARRGE!"

>Crawling to Brad, you jumped and chopped away the demons with your remaining strength.

*SHHWWIIING*

*SSHWWAAANG*

>>>"HUUURGH!"

>>"HAARRGH!"

>The demons disintegrate as you fall into Brad's arms.

>"Bro? Axel?"

"Carry me to the lord of evil...I wish to hit him with my axe."

>"Whatever you say, bro."

>Brad complies and brings you to the tree after saving his everlasting soul.

>"Oh man, we really are in hell."

"Lawbreakers seemed to have had it in for you."

>"I am never trusting that apple-loving hottie again!"

"Yet if she shows you her breasts, you would forget about this nightmare."

>"Man, Applejack's breasts. You think they taste like apples?"

"Focus, man-whore. How could you think of naked women at a time like this?"

>"Because I'm the *coolest* guy in this fiery hellhole. Get it? Because puns are *cool*"

"sigh"

 

*Audience Laughter*

 

CIRCLE OF HELL NINE: TREACHARY'S TRENCH

 

>You both arrived at Satan's level.

>"Whoa."

>You and Brad see the large demon, munching on the regenerating remains of Judas' body while he reads on the tiny book you borrowed from the library.

>>>/WHO DARES ENTER MY CIRCLE?/

>"GYAH!"

>Brad drops you out of fear.

>Since you've rested in the elevator, you speak.

"MY NAME IS AXEL JONES."

>>>/HMM. I'VE WATCHED YOU SLASH YOUR WAY THROUGH MY DOMAIN. SERIOUSLY, MY DOG LOVED THEIR JAWS. NOT COOL./

>Brad just shivers at the tone of his voice.

>>>/Say, you guys aren't dead yet. How did you enter my domain?/

"Bunch of ritual maggots offering him as a sacrifice."

>>>/Seriously? I never even made up the damn rules about that. No wonder they keep sending me some worthless soul every 10,000 years./

>"S-SO, you'd let us go then?"

>>>/hahaha, what do I look like to you, a saint? Nah, you guys are here for eternity./

"I cannot allow that, giant fiend."

>The demon is surprised at your bravery, though he just thinks it's just ignorance.

>>>/And why should I listen to you?/

"As a man of principle, I must return that book you're reading to my superior, and to have this man-whore be returned to the earth safe.!"

>>>/And you think I would just give it to you like some saint of generosity?/

"Then I offer myself as a sacrifice."

>"WHAT?"

>>>/What would I gain from having you as a sacrifice?/

"I can punish perps from those eight circles

>>>/AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE WORTHY OF-/

>You point to a picture of his Cerberus  dog.

>>>/Oh...hmmm.../

>The king of demons thinks lord and hard...

>>>/I could use a man of the law here. Ever since my mods had quit to work at purgatory, it's just too chaotic....DEAL!/

>And with a shake of a finger, you're promoted to 'GUARDIAN DEMON'.

>"Whoa..."

>Covered in hellfire, your axe transforms into a large axe-scythe.

"BRAD!" You say in your new voice.

>"GYAH!"

"Return this book for me, or I'll haunt your soul."

>And you conjure a portal up and kicked Brad inside.

______________________________________________________

 

>"And that's how I got back here."

>>"Whoa."

>>>"Hot dog, that's the weirdest thing I've heard all day."

>"Oh sure, it's a surprise to you, considering YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!"

>>>"OH don't be mad. You're still alive!"

>"I WAS TRAPPED IN HELL FOR YEARS!"

>>>"Brad, it's just been two days!"

>"TIME PASSES SLOWER IN HELL!"

>>>"Err..."

>Applejack then flashes her apples.

>"I instantly forgive you."

*FFFSHHHHWIIIING!*

>You burst out of the lake, naked.

>Fluttershy screams.

>>"AAAAAHHH~"

>After seeing your superior mini-Axel, she faints.

>"AXEL? WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Coup d'état. Apparently I was so good at my job that Satan fired me."

[spoiler]*cough*[/spoiler]

>"Hah, that's hilarious."

"And he hired me for a new job."

>"What?"

>You then spontaneously burst into flames as you transform into the Ghost Rider.

>With your demonic voice, you tell Brad;

 

"I'M HERE TO HUNT YOUR SOUL FOR JUSTICE."

>"WAIT! WE HAVEN'T RETURNED THE BOOK!"

"Hurm?"

>Applejack grabs the book and tells you;

>>>"Sorry sugar cube, looks like you're late."

"NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

>And you burn the park down as the echos of the demon master's laughter haunts you for the rest of the day.

 

 

End?

 

 

 

circle lust=Brad

Satan meets axel, offers him a job punishing the damned in exchange for delaying the end for 10000 years

Axel gladly accepts, and happily punishes the depths of hell.

Because lawbreakers deserve their just rewards.