Miscast - Chapter 9

>Day 14 in Equestria

 

"Rarity...it's...too tight..."

>You struggle against the small hole.

>"C'mon, force it in there, I need you to do this!"

"I'm not sure it'll fit..."

>"Just shove it in all the way in there!"

>A wave of relief rushes over you as you finally force your head in.

>"Well darling...how does it feel?"

"It's warm, that's for sure...and soft..."

>"Is that a...good thing?"

"For this? Absolutely."

>"I'm glad you like it!"

"The hole's a bit small though."

>"My bad, sometimes I forget how big you are..."

 

>You gotta admit, the sweater looks fabulous on you.

>You've been helping Rarity with her newest clothing line, Hu-magnifique, styles of clothes that were inspired by, well, you.

>Apparently the Manehattan exhibition went swimmingly, and they want more.

>Though she is still mastering the art of human measurements.

>You take off the sweater and fold it neatly alongside her other pieces.

>Of all the clothes you've tried, the pants she makes are bar-none.

>They should be, too! The main point of the line is the introduction of pants.

>"Ready for more?"

"Of course."

>You're more than willing to help her get more clothes ready.

>After all, she gives all the you-sized clothes to...you.

>For free.

>She levitates a new pair of pants over to you behind the screen.

>You slide them on with ease.

>They feel a bit breezy.

>You look in the back, there's a huge hole in it!

>It's not just a hole...

>The pants seem to have no back.

"Uhh, Rarity, did you not finish these?"

>"Oh no darling, those are a special pair for p0nies who still want to flaunt their cutie marks!"

>Assless chaps.

>You're popularizing assless chaps.

 

>You come out from the screen, normal clothes intact.

>"I still don't see why you need that silly screen."

"If I wouldn't need it, why would you have it?"

>Touche.

>"...well, you make a very valid point..."

"You bet I do. Is that all ya needed for the day?"

>"Why yes it was, Anon. Be sure to stop by anytime!"

"I'll plan on it, thanks."

>And with that, you leave Carousel Boutique.

>Hope she hits it just as big in Cantorlot...

>Now, what to do with the rest of your day?

>You promised yourself you weren't going drinking with Rainbow.

>Again.

>However, it is high time you check up on this 'going home' business.

>You walk over to Twilight's treefort of solitude.

>As you stride up to the door, you can hear crashing and banging going on inside.

>Oh god what is she doing now.

>With reluctancy, you knock on the door.

>...

>No response...

>Try again.

>...

>You hear pitter-patter of small feet run up to the door from the other side.

>It opens up, and your favorite housemaid Spike is there.

>"Oh, hey Anon!"

>Little guy has his apron on again.

>Poor kid.

 

"Hey Spike. What was all that banging I hear earlier?"

>Spike darts his glance away from you.

>"Twilight's a bit...nyeh...right now."

>Twilight walks in the room.

>"SPIKE! I need you to send another letter! 'Dear Princess GOOD FOR NOTHING...'"

>She sees you.

>"Oh, hey Anon."

"Hi...you alright?"

>"NO! I am NOT alright."

>Twilight looks pretty fucking depressed.

>You walk in and take a seat, ready to hear her problems.

>"Princess BUCKING Celestia has yet to respond to any of my letters!"

>You've only seen her respond to one to begin with...

"Is this out of the norm?"

>"YES!!!"

>She nearly explodes saying that.

>"She always always always had an answer for me..."

>And now she flips to depressed.

>"But right now she could care less!"

>And now she's crying.

>Wow. Never realized how important this Princess bitch was.

>What is she doing with all those letters?

 

>Meanwhile, in Cantorlot...

 

>"You dirty cheating slut!"

>Luna tosses a controller at Celestia.

>"How DARE you look at my side of the screen!"

>Celestia scoffs.

>"Like I'd need to see where YOU are to win. If anything, watching you would make me play WORSE."

>The royal sisters just finished a match of Call of Cutie: Modern Warmare 3.

>Luna finally gives.

>"Fine, whatever...fuckin' cheater."

>Celestia just strides around the couch triumphantly.

>"Don't you have some letters to send or some shit?"

>Celestia turns to the corner of the room.

>There's a pile of letters on the ground that's easily higher than the couch.

>"Ugh...Twilight Spazz keeps worrying about that whatever-it-is in P0nyville."

>"Whatever it is? You don't even know WHAT they're dealing with?"

>"Fuck if I care."

>Celestia readies a piece of parchment and quill.

>"'Dear Twilight, it's not that big of a deal. -PC'"

>Luna starts cracking up.

>"'Dear Twatlight, you can't do anything yourself. -PC'"

>Luna's loving this.

>"'Dear Dimlight, calm your flank. -PC'"

>Luna abstains from laughter for a brief moment.

>"Alright, alright, let's send her something that will make her stop."

>Celestia rolls her eyes.

>"Fine. 'Dear Twilight, while the matter you describe seems of great importance..."

 

>"...you should be prepared to take matters into your own hooves."

>Spike's reading the freshly delivered letter.

>"You may not understand what is happening, so you must take every action to understand it entirely. Study it carefully, and make sure that you are 100% thorough. I have faith in you. -PC."

>...

>"...P.S. Calm your tits."

>With that, Spike rolls up the letter and puts it down.

>Twilight is speechless.

>What kind of Princess is this?

>Wasn't exactly a very good ans-

>"SHE'S TOTALLY RIGHT!"

>What.

"About the being thorough, or the calming yo-"

>Suddenly, you feel yourself floating in mid-air.

>Oh no.

>"Of course! She's telling me to study INTENSIVELY. Make sure I'm 100% thorough..."

>Oh fuck oh fuck.

>"So that means it's time for some..."

>Please don't fucking say it...

>"...experiments!"

>Today is not going to be a good day.

 

>A few hours later...

 

>Applejack is walking through town.

>"Where could that Anon be...he's a darn giant, he can't be too hard ta find..."

>She walks up to several p0nies, asking where her human friend is.

>No one knows the answer.

>Eventually, she decides to try asking Twilight.

>Maybe she knows!

>AJ strolls up to the door and gives it a good knock.

>"Just a minute!"

>Twilight opens the door after a short wait.

>She's wearing a white doctor's outfit, and metal goggles.

>There's blood on her smock.

>"What do you need, Applejack?"

>AJ just stares.

>"Uhh..."

>"Is something wrong?"

>"I, uh, was wondering if you had seen Anon..."

>"Nope, haven't seen him."

>Bullshit senses are tingling.

>"...you sure?"

>"Absolutely."

>Bullshit radar going haywire.

>"...mind if I come in...?"

>"He's not here, AJ."

>Bullshit scales are reaching critical levels.

>But there was nothing she could do.

>"...alright...thanks for your time."

>Applejack trots off, looking back.

>She KNOWS you're in there.

>"Ah hope she knows what she's doin'..."

 

>Another few hours later...

 

>You wake up.

>In an oh-so comfortable pile of hay.

>Wait wait wait, how the fuck did you get here?

>You were...at Rarity's.

>Then...you can't remember.

>Did you even go anywhere else?

>Maybe it was a dream.

>A fucked up dream, at that.

>It involved scalpels...surgery...

>You've been eating too many apples, fella.

>As you get up, you feel a sharp pain in your side.

>Lifting your shirt, you see a large scar...

>...

>...

>"OH NO!"

>You hear a squeak from outside.

>There's an eye peeking at you from the other side of the door.

>You have a pretty good idea at who it is.

"Fluttershy?"

 

>She timidly walks into the barn, hiding in her mane.

>Why the hell was she out there?

"What were you up to?"

>"..."

"Standing outside my barn."

>"..."

"Watching me."

>"Um...I...was just..."

>Figured.

>"But...I saw that scar..."

>Okay, so you weren't hallucinating.

>You lift your shirt to take a look at it again.

>Damn that's a huge scar.

>It would be infinitely more badass if you knew where the fuck it came from.

>"That looks really painful!!"

>She goes right up to you and inspects it.

>"It looks like it's been taken care of..."

>Well that makes you feel better.

>Whoever decided to mutilate you took care to ensure it was dressed.

>Fucking fantastic.

>"Do you know where it came from?"

>Not a fucking clue.

>But you're pretty sure that's not a good thing to spread around.

"Y-yeah. It was from a, uh, tree climbing accident a while ago."

>Lying fuck.

 

>Fluttershy looks down.

>"Alright...I was just worried..."

"It's fine."

>She just keeps staring at the ground.

"Listen."

>She perks up.

>"Y-yes?"

"Please stop stalking me."

>And back down she goes.

>"..."

>You can tell that struck a chord.

>Did she even see it as stalking?

"If you want to hang out, or, something, just ask."

>There's a smile.

>"O-okay..."

>She turns around and leaves the barn.

>As she walks away, you faintly hear...

>"Well NOW how are we supposed to follow him around?!?"

>...as two sets of hooves walk away from the barn.

>...

>Fucking. Pinkie. Pie.