Miscast - Chapter 5

>Still Day 3 in Equestria

 

>You and your yellow p0ny companion are headed up to Sweet Apple Acres.

>The last significant happening in your quite strange life was getting your faux-home, Twilight's Library Tree-fort of Solitude overrun by a mob of p0nies who were convinced you were a scary monster.

>Another day in the life.

 

>Walking up the dirt path, you eventually make it to a large barn complex, complete with acres of orchards.

>Sweet Apple Acres, according to the sign out front.

 

"Made it."

>"...mhm..."

>Still silent and timid.

>She was so loud and obnoxious at first!

>Whatever man, at least she isn't crying.

>You two make it up to the front door.

>You patiently wait for Fluttershy to knock on the door.

>She doesn't.

>For 6 minutes.

>Fucking Fluttershy.

>She's supposed to be leading YOU around.

 

"Are you gonna...knock?"

>"Oh no...they might not be home...what if they ARE home and I'm interrupting..."

>Serious?

>You miss the regular Fluttershy.

>Maybe this is the regular Fluttershy...

>Sucks.

"Fine, I got it."

>You reach out and knock on the door.

>"I'M COMING!"

>A voice rings out from inside the house.

>It sounds...old.

>The door infront of you swings open, revealing a wrinkly green pony.

>Definitely old.

>Lack of wings or a horn.

>"Hello, nice to me-"

>Fucking hell man, you're an alien!

>You keep forgetting these things.

>You're the worst otherworldly visitor ever.

 

>The old pony squints closely and looks you up and down.

>Oh man, oh man, oh man.

>This is gonna end badly.

>"My my, you're a tall pony, aren't ye?"

"..."

>Is she fucking stupid?

>She sounds like a country bumkin...

>"Why, Ah'd say you're even taller than my Mac!"

>Nope.

>She's BLIND.

>This just works out fine.

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

>"B-but Anon, you're not a p-mmmfmfmf"

>You manage to cover Fluttershy's fucking traitor mouth before she gets it out.

>"Oh, nice to see you as well, Fluttershy!"

>The irony stings.

>"Well Mr. Anon, Ah'm Granny Smith. What can Ah do for ye?"

"I was actually looking for Applejack?"

>She lights up at hearing that name.

>"Oh ho, yer here for mah granddaughter?"

>Guess so!

"Yes ma'am."

>"Then come on in, have a seat. She's working the orchard right now."

>You follow the old p0ny inside.

 

>The house smells like apples.

>It's a fucking amazing smell.

>Orgasmic deliciousness.

>"Go on a take a seat, sonny. I'll be out with some snacks!"

>She old p0ny walks off into another part of the house.

>when she's finally out of eyeshot, you turn to Fluttershy.

"This seems to be working well so far."

>At this point you're just trying to get this yellow ball of fear to talk.

>She was so talkative and nice before.

>That's long gone.

>"Y-yeah, it does..."

>What could have rustled this p0ny's jimmies so greatly?

>Granny Smith walks back in with a platter of apple pastries.

>"Dig in, these're fresh!"

"Thanks!"

>You grab an apple treat and take a bite.

>Time stops for a brief moment as you chew this pastry.

>Easily one of the best things you have ever tasted in your life.

"Mrs. Smith-"

>"Sonny, call me Granny. Everyone does."

"Granny, this is the best apple-related thing I've ever tasted."

>"Oh? I thought you were here to see Applejack!"

>She starts chuckling.

>What? You think she missed the compliment.

>Then again, you are here to see Applej-

>...

>She thinks you're a p0ny.

>Here to court Applejack.

>That dirty old tramp!

 

>You almost choke on your pastry at the prospect of that.

>One because it's nasty mang, getting it on with a p0ny?

>Two because it's goddamn hilarious how happy Granny is about her granddaughter getting it on.

>Rollercoaster of emotions!

"O-OH. Well Granny, I actually just needed to-"

>You hear a door swing open.

>"Ah, that must be her now!"

>Oh fuck.

>OH FUCK.

>Applejack's gonna see you aren't a p0ny.

>If she's anything like country folk where YOU come from...

>You'll be on the bad end of a Colt .45 in no time.

>Hehe, Colt .45...

>NOW'S NOT THE FUCKING TIME.

>You frantically lean over and whisper to Fluttershy.

"What do we do?!? You need to help me!!"

>She curls up even further into a ball.

>Fucking USELESS!

>You hear a call from the back of the house.

>"Ah'm all done for the day, Granny!"

>"Good, good. Come in the parlor, dear! There's a stallion here to see ya!"

>Shiiiiiiit!

>You gotta think fast...

>An orange p0ny sporting a blonde p0nytail, aside from her real p0nytail, and a brown stetson.

>Yep, definitely country.

>"Hi Granny, who's the st-"

>Awkward inevitable stare ensues.

>"...stallion..."

>You sheepishly wave at the also wing/hornless p0ny.

>You fucking spineless gelatin beta fuck, you didn't even come up with a plan.

 

>"Yes ma'am, this fine stallion came here a few minutes ago looking to speak with ye!"

>You can exploit this!

>Hopefully human body language translates into p0ny.

>"Uh, Granny, Ah don't think that's a-"

"YES, just a stallion, wanted to speak with you really quickly."

>She just stares you down. She knows you're taking advantage of Granny's blindness.

>Well now you feel like a jackass, but no stopping now.

"I promise you, it will only take a minute, and it's really important."

>You put your hands together, and pull out the best groveling look you can muster.

>You're body is a mix between 'please believe me' and 'I need to take a dump'.

>"...ahlright, mister. Let's talk in the kitchen..."

>She walks into the other room.

>Holy shit she bought it.

>Some guy out in the multiverse just rolled a 20 on a charisma check.

>After inner-self hi-fives, you get up.

"Thank you for the treats, ma'am."

>"Mah pleasure, sonny."

>You quickly walk into the room after Applejack.

 

>As soon as you walk in, she stomps and looks you straight in the eye.

"Alright mister, Ah have no idea what you are or what yer doin' in my house, but if yer here to hurt anyone..."

>You frantically wave your arms.

>For some reason, this p0ny actually had you frightened.

>Must be the resemblance to country folk on Earth.

>Fuckers are frightening.

"No, listen, it's nothing like that!"

>"Then what is it, huh? Are ye here to try and damage my crops?"

"No!"

>"Kidnap mah sister?!?"

"No!!!"

>"Have you stolen Fluttershy, is that why she's with ye?!?"

"NO!!!!!"

>With every accusation she stomps closer, eventually you're against a wall.

>Getting intimidated by a damn p0ny!!

>Just as she is about to make another accusation...

"LISTEN TO ME!"

>She stops. Still staring daggers into your soul, but she's not moving at least.

>You suck in a deep breath.

"Twilight messed up one of her magic thingies and accidentally brought me here, and another p0ny saw me, and there was a huge mob trying to kill me, and she told me I could come here to be

 

safe, and I really need your help!"

>Deep breaths, deep breaths.

>"...really?"

"They all think I'm some sort of murdering monster, but I would never hurt anyone, especially not Fluttershy and ESPECIALLY not your Granny!"

>She just keeps staring at you.

>For a good 10 seconds.

>It's a little creepy.

>Finally, she stops being so tense, and walks back a bit.

>"Ah believe ya."

 

>WOOHOO!

"Really? That's great!"

>"Honesty is something Ah appreciate, and Ah could tell you were telling the truth."

>Man, you dodged a bullet here.

>Maybe you actually dodged a literal bullet.

>Fucking country folk, man.

>"We don't use the barn fer much, ye can use it to hide out as long as ya need."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!"

>You're insanely grateful.

>Or you're still coming down from the rush of not being shot.

>Either way, she can tell you mean it.

>"Let's get movin'."

"I'm Anon, by the way."

>She turns back at ya.

>"Y'all already know my name, sugarcube."

>She gives a wink.

 

>You and Applejack walk back into the parlor, Granny Smith is partaking of an Apple Treat.

>As is Fluttershy, but she's barely nibbling hers.

>"C'mon Fluttershy."

>Applejack nods her towards the door. She timidly complies.

>You thought YOU were a spineless beta?

>"Granny, Ah'm gonna show mah friend here the barn."

>Granny chuckles at this.

>"Oh ho, so quickly? Have fun, kids!"

>Applejack groans.

>This old p0ny's such a tramp!

>Applejack leads you out past the fields into the barn, and closes the door.

>"Ahlright, sugarcube. We don't store stuff in here anymore, so ye should be fine staying in here fer a while."

>Not exactly what you would consider ideal hideout conditions, but you're in no position to complain.

"It's perfect, thanks a bunch."

>"It's not a problem at'all. Any friend of Twilight's is a friend o' mine."

>You smile. Twilight really DOES have sway over these p0nies.

>Maybe it's due to the magic horn?

>Like a p0ny class system?

>Poor talentless p0ny.

>You walk over to a pile of hay and take a seat.

>Man that's comfy.

>Applejack walks over to you, still looking at you up and down.

>Normally it'd be weird, but you're an alien, so you've gotten used to it.

 

"Got any questions?"

>You decide to be open about it with this p0ny.

>In the back of your mind, you still do not want to piss off a country p0ny.

>"Hm....nah."

>Well that works.

>"Yer an odd lookin' feller from a different dimension. Good enough for me."

>Odd how she went from questions out the wazoo to not wanting to know anything.

>It's like Fluttershy, from outgoing to extremely introverted.

>You look to see how she is doing, anyway.

>Looks like she parked herself in her own bale of hay.

>Why not, this is pretty damn comfy!

>After sitting for a few minutes, you hear a knock at the barn.

>A knock on a barn door?

>Must be someone who knows what's going on.

>Sure enough, Applejack opens the door to reveal Twilight and Rainbow.

>They come into the barn and right up to you.

>"Anon, you're safe. Good."

>Twilight sounds concerned for YOUR safety for once.

>Rainbow floats next to her, then lands.

>She has some scuffs and a rustled feather or two.

"Rainbow, you alright?"

>"Oh, it's nothing!"

>She stands proudly.

>"Had to fight back a few ornery p0nies. I already told ya, I'll always fight for my friends!"

>She points a hoof at you.

>You wonder what she's pointing at.

>Wait, it couldn't be...

>Balling your hand into a fist of ultimate magnitude, the pounding of the brofist initiates.

>As the hand and hoof connect, the spark of manly flame ignites to an inferno, the pact brohood is sealed once more.

>This bitch gets it.

 

>You get up from your comfy as shit haybale.

"So...what now?"

>Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy and Applejack look at you...

>And shrug.

>Great.

"Well, until this angry mob thing goes away, I guess I'll just chill in here."

>"Sounds fine ta me, sugarcube."

>Twilight walks closer to you.

>"Then we'll figure out where to go from there."

"Agreed."

>"Right after some experiments!"

>...