Faggot's first writefag attempt

>Equestria

>Home of technicolor horses and your sorry ass apparently

>After some horse named Twilight fucked up some telepads/runic teleportation shit, you ended up getting pulled through TIME AND SPACE, ending up here

>Luckily enough, said horse was ever so kind as to keep you in her well equipped and fully suited estate

>And by estate, you mean a fucking library/treehouse/treebary

>Just dandy, ain't it?

>She also has decided to dedicate her time to figure out a way home

>Which, you gotta admit, is pretty rad since you were expecting to be dissected or some shit

>Cause alien

>But these "ponies" (they don't like being called horses for some raisin) seem to be more or less peaceful, helpful creatures that want nothing more than to be your best friend

>So... yeah it isn't all bad being here, but you'd rather not be here forever

>Family and whatnot back home

>Also, no meat

>You like meat

>Alot

>It's pretty easy living here though, since Twi takes care of pretty much all your necessities

>The only thing she really asked for in return was for you to record everything you know bout humans on a scroll

>Guess that makes sense; new species, new knowledge

>Besides that, all you really do is dick about in ponyville

 

>Speaking of dicking about,you've yet to stick it in anything for a while, and it's really building up

>But the last thing you want is to relieve yourself on these horses, or ponies, whatever

>And it's been a bit awkward to tug the rope ever since that one time spike caught you with those books about apes

>Shit was so hot

>Anyways, bottom line, you've got blueballs of frustration, and it's really getting to you

>It's fine though, you can control it as long as you don't end up in a strange and intimate scenario with one of these ponies

>They don't seem interested in you that way anyways, cept Twi

>Something about when she looks at you while you talk bout your species creeps you right the fuck out

>You swear she was drooling a bit at one point

>Beyond that, you've yet to notice any rapey or erotic behavior though, so you try to keep it out of mind

>Anyways, walking back to the treebary after a successful day of dickery, you can't help but feel that something is off

>It may be due to all the smoke coming out of the windows

>Or the screaming coming from Twi and Spike

>Either way, you decide now is probably a good time to check up on them

>Knocking down the front door with your ape-ish strength, you leg it upstairs where the fire and screaming seems to be originating from

>"SPIKE, HURRY UP WITH THE BUCKET!"

>"I'M COMING, HOLD UP"

>You come up to her room door and are about to open it, but you stop yourself from being stupid

>Rule 1 of fire safety, don't open doors that lead to fire, back-draft may occur and fuck you in the face.

>You hesitate, since you really want to help her out, but at the same time you don't wanna get fucked in the face

>Decisions, decisions...

>Deciding to just fuck safety and dive in, you place your hand on the door, but before opening, your ears perk up and your brain decides to listen for once

>Turns out to be a good decision

>"I got the bucket of water from the bathroom Twi"

>Excellent, now stand back, I can take it from here Spike"

 

>You pause right as your hand is on the doorknob, waiting for something to happen

>Nothing happens at first, but you slowly feel the electric tingles of magic building in the air

>Early on, you found out that she's like a magic prodigy

>Pretty cool shit if you ask me

>The sensation builds up more and more, until you feel a slight burst, indicating a spell was cast

>The sounds of burning fire are soon figuratively and literally drowned out by an explosion similar to a popping water balloon

>You also hear the unexpected shrieks of a dragon and pony

>Deciding that was your cue, you open to the door

>Only to slip on the soaked floor

>And do the dinosaur

>But seriously, you fell on your ass, that shit hurts man.

>Standing up, you see Twilight and Spike

>Who both looked wetter than a Ron Jeremy porn shoot

>Sex jokes aside, you decide to break the awkward silence that permeated the room

So what? I leave for less than an hour and you go full arsonist on your room?

>Twi, who looked less than pleased by the events that unfolded and your recent comment, decides to go full bitch mode

>"For your information, I don't tend to set my belongings on fire for fun, Anon."

>"Furthermore, it was Spike who set in on fire after receiving a rather large gift from Princess Celestia that was meant as a 'welcoming present' for you."

>"Sorry, Twi"

>"It's okay Spike."

Really, a present? What did I get?

>"Ashes, because that's all that is left. Have fun Anon."

>Jeez, it's like she's trying to blame the fire on you.

>"Sigh... looks like my room is toast till I can get some help from somepony to fix it..."

>Looking to the remains of her old bed, you feel a pang of guilt, even though none of this was your fault

>Something you also found out early on is that ponies make the best puppy dog eyes

>Fucking christ...

Look, Twi, if you want, I can try to fix up your room for you. I owe you that much since you've let me live here.

 

>Twi looks up from the ashes, and gives you a little smile

>Fuck that made your dick tingle

>"That's really sweet of you to offer, but it's okay Anon. Sorry about complaining to you earlier."

It's okay Twi. You were pissed, and rightfully so. Shit happens, right?

>Her smile widens, and she give you a little hug.

>Patting her on the head, you all head downstairs for a refresher after all the excitement.

>"Man, this stinks. My basket burned up with all your stuff too Twi. Where are we gonna sleep now?"

>"I don't know Spike. I guess we will just sleep out here on the main floor for now."

>Like fuck that's happening

>In all seriousness, you weren't going to let your new found landlords and friends sleep on the hard, wooden floor while you sleep in a comfy bed

>That's just plain rude

Oi, just take my room. I can sleep out here.

>"Really? Thanks Anon, you're a real bro!"

>Twi was less than impressed by Spikes reaction

>"Spike!"

>"What?"

>She simply gives him a stern look, before turning her attention to you

>"As kind an offer that is, we will decline. You are our guest, not just from another city or even country, but from another universe! It would be rude of me to not let you stay here as comfortably as possible."

>Shit, she's a real sweetheart

>But you're also a gentleman

>That's right I said gentleman damnit!

Twi, seriously. This is your house, and you shouldn't be the one kicked out to sleep on the couch. Granted, being polite to your guests is nice and all, but you still deserve the right to be as comfortable as I am as well.

>She blushes noticeably at your comment.., wait, how the hell did that even happen

>Seriously, her face is all fur, blushing shouldn't even be possible.

>Complete bullshit right there

>Whatever, magic, sentient pones, different universe, blah, blah, bitch.

>Anyways, blush, cute, you're oblivious to it

>Same shit different day

>"Well, that is very considerate of you Anon, but I must insist that you keep the room."

>Fuck that

 

Heh, maybe we can just sleep together than? Haha!

>Yeah right, she doesn't seem like the "share-bed-buddies" type

>"That's not a bad idea Anon!"

>Wot m8

>"I've been meaning to study your nocturnal patterns anyways, since it seems that a lot of traits that you humans have are very similar to us ponies, but I want as much data as possible to confirm my new found hypothesis on sentient aliens. I hypothesize that creatures that operate on a similar mental level will exhibit both mental and physical similarities on most, if not, all levels."

So you want to watch me sleep.

>"Pretty much, yes!"

>Ah, so that's it

>She just wants an excuse to watch you in your sleep and study at the same time

>Creepy shit man

>Well, its not the first time this has happened

>And by not the first time, I actually mean first time

>Ever

>Like, fuck does she not see the creepy implications in what she wants to do?

>Looking into those big, sweet, innocent, magenta eyes, you find your answer

>She does not see the creepy implications

>Fuck

Twi, don't you think it's... weird... to watch me sleep?

>"Why would it be? It's just for study really. And when I finish, I can just climb in with you and sleep too. It's a win-win!"

>Oh great, as if this wasn't awkward enough

>But you don't want to take back your offer either

>That's just plain hum dickery

>So, with a weary sigh of uncertainty, you drop your head

Sure Twi, sounds... great

>Yep

>Just great

>"That's great Anon! I'll get my blankets and parchments and move it all to your room now. It'll be like a sleep over when the girls came over! Oh, this is going to be so much fun!"

>She giggles a bit before prancing off to find her gear

>Damn... that was fucking cute as a basket of kittens

>Well, shit, you know you're not gonna sleep tonight

>Fuck me and my kindred spirit

>Stupid self-righteous faggot

 

>Well, you've got yourself in a shit situation, haven't you?

>Having a pony watching you sleep all night

>Never thought shit like this would ever happen, eh?

>Poor foresight aside, you seriously don't want to go through with this

>And you could've even avoided this whole mess had you kept your fucking mouth shut

>But no

>You just had to play the nice guy

>Fucking christ

>Well, whatever

>No point getting your flim flams fluctuated now

>I mean, it's not like she's studying something weird, like how humans procreate or what fetishes we have

>That would be straight fucked up

>Well, it's getting late anyways

>May as well do what you always do when you have some free time

>Dick about

 

>After a successful bout of dickery, you look to the clock to see that its time to go to bed seth hurr hurr overused may may

>Deciding to forego the ol' shower routine, due to fire related shenanigans, you get to your room

>Open the door

>Get on the floor

>Because you slipped and fell over on a loose scroll like a retard with polio

>Smooth moves, Michael J

>Rubbing your bruised cheeks, you get back up to see that the room is littered with those paper landmines

>You have suspicions that a certain purple pony is behind this

>You managed to figure this out with your Sherlock like powers of deductions due to Twi being in the middle of all the fucking scrolls

>Yeah, no, this is not happening

Twi, what the fuck is all this?

>"Hmm? Oh hello Anon. I'm just preparing for tonight. I need to make sure to collect as much data as possible, so I need all these scrolls and parchments. Last thing I want to happen is run out of writing space when I'm on a roll!"

>God damn it Twi, stop planning ahead so well

>Glancing over to your bed, you cringe in horror at the sight of

>Fucking

>Machinery

Twi... what is that?

>"Oh, that's my Automagical Neuro-Scanner, or ANS for short. It scans for changes in your brain activity as you sleep. It's meant for ponies, but I'm 96.8% certain that no harm will come to you!"

>Welp

>She has a fucking MRI built

>Wow

>How did she... what?

>Ugh, you have to stop this now

Listen, Twilight. I know that you really want to learn as much as possible about my species, but don't you think this is a little bit much? Why not just ask me a couple questions, like you usually do?"

>"Well anon, when I ask you questions while you remain in a conscious state, I can't expect to get solid or honest answers, n-not that I don't trust you or anything! However, if you're sleeping, you will be in a sub-conscious state, which means that blahblahbl-"

>Oh god what have I done

>Fuck

>Stop

 

>She's been going on for 10 minutes now

>You've lost track of what she was preaching after something about "string theory"

>Fuck, gotta fix this

>Like, now

>"...and with that, I can figure out all sorts of info from you, like your fetishes for example!"

>1.21 gigawhats

>Did you hear that right?

>Probably not

>Hopefully not

Uhh... Twi?

>"Yes Anon?"

I'm gonna be honest with you, and for the love of god, don't be offended for what I'm about to say, but this is all... creepy. Like, really creepy. Fucking staring through the window of someone's home at night while a thunderstorm is happening creepy. I'm sorry, but can't we just, I don't know, skip all this and just go to bed?

>Twilight looks from the notes she was reading, and stares at you with the face of a man who was just told that his waifu was stolen by some guy named Brad or Flash

>"Anon..."

>Oh god here it comes

>Please be gentle Twi-chan

>"... I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way about all this. I guess looking at it now, it is a bit much, huh?"

>Her face breaks into a sheepish grin

>Huh?

>She's okay with it?

>Okay cool, but you were expecting, I dunno, crying and whining followed by vigorous rape to force you into submission so that you never talk back to her again

>Something along those lines

>Ah well, win is a win

>"I'll get all this junk put away and we can call it a night. Sound good?"

Y-yeah, you too.

>"Great! I'll just be a few seconds, be right back!"

>Utilizing her magic, she lifts all the paper and the ANS up and walks out of the room with all the shit in tow

>As she closes the door, you let out a breath you didn't know you were even holding

>Finally, time to get some rest

>Although, you can't help but be a bit on edge

>You literally compared her to a stalker, and she thinks nothing of it

>Maybe she just has a good sense of humor?

>Or she's just really understanding.

>Yeah, that's probably it

 

>Utilizing the privacy given, you quickly change into your nightwear and drop dead on the bed

>Man, fucking long ass day

>Fires and possible forced neurological scans are surprisingly exhausting

>But that's all past and done with

>Time for some special time with you and miss bed

>But wait a minute Anon, aren't you forgetting someone?

>Someone purple and is a pony?

>Someone you just blatantly insulted by comparing them to a stalker?

>Someone who is sleeping with you tonight because you offered her your bed?

>...shit

>You turn over to stare at the ceiling and think about what you have done, as most men will do at least ten times in their lives

>All she wanted was to learn more about you and your species

>And you just had to be a whiny bitch and burst her bubble, didn't you?

>Yeah, sleeping with an MRI hooked up to your head with a pony watching you is pretty freaky

>But you could have let her down with a bit more tact, right?

>She's your landlord, your roommate, and your friend

>The first friend you made since you got here

>Good job on blowing her off like that

>Real kind and friendly of you to do

>Well, that's that then

>You have to man up and apologize for being the biggest faggot this town has ever seen

>As if on cue, the door opens slowly, and a certain purple mare pops her head in

>"Anon? Are you still awake?"

I am now

>Her ears flatten against her head

>"Oh... sorry..."

>She seems really down

>AND I FUCKING WONDER WHY, PIMPLE-DICK?

No, its okay Twi, I was still awake. C'mon, lets just hit the hay, okay?

 

>She perked up a bit and nodded, walking into the room and closing the door behind her

>You move over to make some room for her to get in the bed

>After some shuffling, you both eventually find comfortable positions to sleep

>She decided to hug one of your arms, strangely enough

>Usually, you would tell her off for doing this, but you decide that you've done enough dickish things for today

>Before you completely pass out and lose yourself in dreamland, you feel something... wet, yet fuzzy against your arm

>You turn over to see her sobbing a bit into your arm

>herewego.jpg

>"A-anon *sniff* I'm r-really sorry!" I-I didn't mean *sniff* to force y-you to do any-*snerk*-thing you didn't like. I-I understand *hork* if you h-hate me now. I-if you don't want to l-live *waagh* here anymore, I can a-arrange for one of my friends to keep you at th-their house."

>Oh boy

>You fucked up big time

>Just stop it Twi, you're better than this

Twi, relax. It's fine. I'm not mad at you nor do I hate you. Look, what you did was a big invasion of my privacy and yeah, it did creep me out. A lot.

>She seems to relax a bit, but she's still sniffling in your arm

>Euugh, pony snot. Fucking disgusting

>"B-but I thoug-"

Stop. Just stop. You have nothing to feel bad for and you have nothing to apologize for either. The way I reacted to what you were doing was stupid and wrong. I should have taken more consideration in what I was saying to you at that time.

>She stopped crying at this point

>Thank the tiki gods

So, with that, I want to apologize for how I reacted and all the stupid shit I said. Can you forgive an idiotic ape like me, Twilight?

>She looks up to you and simply stares at you for a bit

>You're not sure, but you think you got this

>Eventually, she gives you a small smile

>"Yeah, I can forgive an idiotic ape like you. Thank you Anon. I-I really value our friendship."

>She snuggles up a little closer to you

>Fuck yeah, you got this

Cool, thanks Twi. Now, lets just get some fucking sleep, eh?

>"Yeah, sure thing Anon. And thank you for being a great friend, albeit a... unique one."

>Awww, thanks nigga

>You should pay her back somehow

>Hmmm.... should you?

>Fuck it

>You turn over so that you're facing her and wrap your arm around her waist, pulling her in

>She gives a slight gasp at the unexpected action, before giving in and snuggling closer to you

>God damn that was adorable

>Shit's so cash

>Drifting off into your dreams, you can't help but think about how nice cuddling a pony actually is

>You could get used to this

 

Mediocre ending/10