Dealing with Smarties (favourite one yet I think)

 1/3

>lovely day outside, decide to take a stroll around the local park

>fluffy feral herd approaches you while you're sitting down with a little picnic you prepared, soaking in the lovely vitamin D

>smarty friend at the front

>"mustah go 'way! dis smawty gwassies!"

>other fluffies behind him cheer

>"piss off rodent, I'm not going anywhere."

>this gets him angry

>"GET OFF GWASSIES WIGHT NOW AND GIVE NUMMIES OR BIG OWWIES!"

>"well you're going to have to give me owwies then, cause I aint movin'."

>unicorn charges you with all his might

>feels like a light prod at best

>okay, you've a pretty cool headed guy, but little pricks like this really take the fucking biscuit

>you decide to punish him the best way there is, psychologically.

 

2/3

 

>you start by getting up and putting your food in your rucksack and walking over to the nearby play park

>you hear the smarty friend bathe in praise and self achivement

>"keep walkin munstah! smawty fwend am smawter than ouu!"

>this will make your revenge all the sweeter

>you put your rucksack at the top of the platform of the jungle jim type structure

>you then climb a top and sit down with your legs hanging off the platform

>the platform is maybe 5ft high so fluffies wouldn't be able to get up

>anyway, you take out your food (tuna pasta) and start eating

>as expected, smarty leads the fluffies over, and given him thinking he managed to make you move earlier he thinks he can get your food now

>"munstah, give fwuffies nummies!"

>"okay, fine, you win, I'll give you fluffies my food"

>fluffies cheer

>however, now you decide to fuck with him

>you jump down from the platform and pick up one of the ferals

>he gets scared and the smarty starts shouting at you

>"put fwend down now munstah!"

>"oh, I'm just going to lift you on to the platform so you can get my food"

>this eases the fluffies

>you perch all of the fluffies (4 of them) on the platform, all but the smarty friend

>you then clamber back up and start feeding them out of your hand

>"fwuffies wuv nummies, fanks hooman!" "new daddie fow fwuffies?"

>they are so cute nibbling on your pasta

>"MUNSTAH SMAWTY EATS FIRST GIVE SMAWTY NUMMIES!"

>you ignore him

>he starts getting really mad

>"DUMMY FWENDS GET DOWN HEWE, NO TAKE FOOD FROM MUNSTAH IT TRAP!"

>"It's not a trap fluffies, you're free to eat my food, it's safe"

 

2/3

 

>"sowwy smarty but fwuffies need yummy nummies!"

>"GIB ME NUMMIES NOW MUNSTAH OR BIG OWWIES"

>"No, little shits like you don't get pasta, only good fluffies do"

>his primal instincts kick in and he starts bawwing his eyes out while looking adorable

>"pwease give smawty nummies hooman, smawty so hungy and wuv ouu"

>you continue to ignore him and continue to feed the other fluffies

>20 minutes later and you decide to pack it in

>"Hey fluffies, want to come live with me at my house?"

>"yay! wuv new daddy! new daddy wuv fwuffies!"

>you put them all in your bag (not the smarty of course) and head home with them

>smarty still crying and before you go asks you

>"why hooman no wuv smawty?"

>"because, you're a bad shitty fluffy and no one will ever love you"

>the next day you go back to the park and see smarty lying there

>he died, drowning in a mess of his own tears

 

END