Title:           Dealing with Smarties (favourite one yet I think)
Author:          Tartann
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/FNeqwhNZ
First Edit:      Saturday 26th of May 2012 06:08:46 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 26th of May 2012 06:08:46 AM CDT

 1/3
>lovely day outside, decide to take a stroll around the local park
>fluffy feral herd approaches you while you're sitting down with a little picnic you prepared, soaking in the lovely vitamin D
>smarty friend at the front
>"mustah go 'way! dis smawty gwassies!"
>other fluffies behind him cheer
>"piss off rodent, I'm not going anywhere."
>this gets him angry
>"GET OFF GWASSIES WIGHT NOW AND GIVE NUMMIES OR BIG OWWIES!"
>"well you're going to have to give me owwies then, cause I aint movin'."
>unicorn charges you with all his might
>feels like a light prod at best
>okay, you've a pretty cool headed guy, but little pricks like this really take the fucking biscuit
>you decide to punish him the best way there is, psychologically.
 
2/3
 
>you start by getting up and putting your food in your rucksack and walking over to the nearby play park
>you hear the smarty friend bathe in praise and self achivement
>"keep walkin munstah! smawty fwend am smawter than ouu!"
>this will make your revenge all the sweeter
>you put your rucksack at the top of the platform of the jungle jim type structure
>you then climb a top and sit down with your legs hanging off the platform
>the platform is maybe 5ft high so fluffies wouldn't be able to get up
>anyway, you take out your food (tuna pasta) and start eating
>as expected, smarty leads the fluffies over, and given him thinking he managed to make you move earlier he thinks he can get your food now
>"munstah, give fwuffies nummies!"
>"okay, fine, you win, I'll give you fluffies my food"
>fluffies cheer
>however, now you decide to fuck with him
>you jump down from the platform and pick up one of the ferals
>he gets scared and the smarty starts shouting at you
>"put fwend down now munstah!"
>"oh, I'm just going to lift you on to the platform so you can get my food"
>this eases the fluffies
>you perch all of the fluffies (4 of them) on the platform, all but the smarty friend
>you then clamber back up and start feeding them out of your hand
>"fwuffies wuv nummies, fanks hooman!" "new daddie fow fwuffies?"
>they are so cute nibbling on your pasta
>"MUNSTAH SMAWTY EATS FIRST GIVE SMAWTY NUMMIES!"
>you ignore him
>he starts getting really mad
>"DUMMY FWENDS GET DOWN HEWE, NO TAKE FOOD FROM MUNSTAH IT TRAP!"
>"It's not a trap fluffies, you're free to eat my food, it's safe"
 
2/3
 
>"sowwy smarty but fwuffies need yummy nummies!"
>"GIB ME NUMMIES NOW MUNSTAH OR BIG OWWIES"
>"No, little shits like you don't get pasta, only good fluffies do"
>his primal instincts kick in and he starts bawwing his eyes out while looking adorable
>"pwease give smawty nummies hooman, smawty so hungy and wuv ouu"
>you continue to ignore him and continue to feed the other fluffies
>20 minutes later and you decide to pack it in
>"Hey fluffies, want to come live with me at my house?"
>"yay! wuv new daddy! new daddy wuv fwuffies!"
>you put them all in your bag (not the smarty of course) and head home with them
>smarty still crying and before you go asks you
>"why hooman no wuv smawty?"
>"because, you're a bad shitty fluffy and no one will ever love you"
>the next day you go back to the park and see smarty lying there
>he died, drowning in a mess of his own tears
 
END