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The Carriage (Shrek)

By: Swift_M0nkey on Mar 3rd, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 2.25 KB  |  hits: 56  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Fuck parfait in Equestria
  2. >You are taxi driver Anon
  3. >You sit in the front of the carriage and tell these computerized ponies pulling where to go because you've memorized all of P0nyville
  4. >You get all of the profit so it isn't that bad
  5. >As you sit in the front of your carriage, guess who jumps in the back?
  6. >Pinkie Pie...
  7. >She's fucking adorable but also wants your "Scadoodly bop in her bizzity doop" as she says it
  8. >Basically she wants the D
  9. >But you will not break your code for anything
  10. >Momma didn't raise no horsefucker
  11. >"Can you take me back to my place Anon?"
  12. That'll be five bits.
  13. >She hands you a sack of well over five bits and winks at you
  14. >Okay then
  15. >You ignore that
  16. >You type in the number pad the coordinates and the mechanical ponies begin trotting
  17. >"So Anon..."
  18. >It begins
  19. >"Why don't you like me? Last time I asked you just jumped out the window."
  20. >Hah, you remember that
  21. I just...okay do you truly want to know?
  22. >"Yes."
  23. I don't have a penis.
  24. >"WHAT?! Are you a girl then?"
  25. Nope. Humans reproduce asexually.
  26. >"What does that mean?"
  27. I have no sexual parts and when I grow old an weak, a newer form of me splits off and grows.
  28. >She throws up out the side of the carriage
  29. >What a gullible bitch
  30. >"I'm...I'm sorry Anon...that's..."
  31. >She throws up again
  32. >"God it tastes awful! Like onions!"
  33. >The strong stench of onions wisks past your nose
  34. >Shrek comes out from behind a bush and pulls Pinkie out of the carriage
  35. >"GET OGRE HERE!"
  36. >He drags her back to the bush and you hear the wonderful sounds of >rape
  37. >Then he stops and comes over to the carriage and gets in
  38. >"Switch places with me."
  39. >And you do because you aren't gonna fuck with Shrek
  40. >He's a mean green raping machine
  41. >He takes out the manual whips for the computerized ponies
  42. >"Lets shift into maximum ogredrive."
  43. >The sides of the carriage warp and close in to form an onion
  44. >And Shrek makes the carriage take off super fast
  45. >"You're in way ogre your head laddy!"
  46. >He warps you through time and space, stopping in a trippy mirage dimension
  47. >He then asks you if you would take his hand in marriage and become Shrekicorns
  48. >You obviously accept
  49. >Now you and Shrek dedicate your immortal lives to finding ponies that didn't check themselves
  50. >And making sure they shreked themselves
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