Title:           Cutie Swap
Author:          StuffedShirt
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/1msN6UcY
First Edit:      Thursday 28th of August 2014 02:49:04 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Monday 20th of October 2014 03:45:42 AM CDT

>Inside a completely dead Carls Jr.
>Browsing /mlp/
>Suddenly Glitch
>What the hell
>You get a white screen
>No response to input
>It's overheating
>Drop it like its hot
>Some sort of plasma starts spewing out
>A cartoony green scaled claw pushes out of your screen and squishes your half eaten burger
>Lights go out
>Shit starts exploding all around you
>Employees nope the fuck out
>He pulls himself out of your screen while laughing maniacally
>He looks exactly like he does in the show
"Fluttershy said I can't cause chaos in Ponyville"
>His expression turns mischievous
>He gets in your face
>"but this isn't Ponyville"
 
>He pokes you in the nose.
>Your nostrils flare, as your face pushes out into a light blue muzzle
>You claw at your gut as your organs reshape
>Oh God, it's like having appendicitis
>He shakes off the burger
>"Oh my, where are my manners! Allow me to introduce myself!"
>He conjures a lightning storm
>"I am Discord master of chaos!"
>You wheeze
"I know"
>The lightning disappears
>He takes a seat
>"You do?"
"Ungh... yeah"
>"Oh come now, how is that even possible"
>You reach for your phone, but struggle to grab it with your hoof
>Discord hands it to you
"Thanks"
>You promptly drop it on the table
>"Don't mention it"
>You fumble with the interface
>It's hard to see through the tears, but you manage to load a Youtube video
>It plays a clip from the show
>"What... you have magic too?"
"No its not magi~"
>A slight tickle develops in your throat. Your voice cracks, and loses it's bass
>It jumps a couple octaves, and sounds decidedly female
"~ic it's technology. What the fuck?"
>He blankly stares
"You know"
>Holy shit, your crotch is on fire
"m-machines run by electricity, uh... lightning!"
>He grabs it and holds it to his face like a pair of goggles
>"Fascinating"
>Your feet leave the ground despite being fully extended
>Are... are you fucking shrinking!
>You hazard a look down your now extremely baggy jeans
"Umm... Discord!" you choke
>You point at your crotch
>He doesn't take his eyes off your phone
>He flicks his wrist, restoring your burger!
"Oh, um... thanks"
 
>He flips the screen
>You assume the video rotates with it
"What an inventive people you are!"
>A pocket appears on his hip, then he slides your phone into it
"Hey, give that back!"
>You go for the phone, but now you're way too short to reach it
>"Well its been fun erm"
>He zaps your mare ass
>And you gain a flower as your cutie mark
>"Lilac, but I'm ready to get started."
>He cracks his knuckles, and prepares to teleport
"Wait, what about me!"
>He strokes his beard thoughtfully
>Then snaps his claws
>"I'll be right back"
>You wait for what seems like hours
>It's beginning to sound like hell on Earth outside
>When, finally Discord returns carrying something
>He drops the poor thing into the chair across from you
>"Dude, what the fuck!"
>This stallion is clearly out of his element
>"You're another friggin cartoon!"
>Discord claps gleefuly
>"Ahh, a perfect match!"
>He elbows you in the shoulder
>"I told you I'd set you up"
>You hear an alarm
>"Whoops I almost forgot"
>He silences his wristwatch, leans down to you, and whispers
>"I promised Fluttershy I'd be in bed by nine"
>He slides the phone over to you
>"Can you take care of this until I get back?"
>You don't respond
>"Atta' girl!"
>He pats you on the head
>Which you enjoy more than you'd like to admit
>Discord hands you your phone and is promptly sucked in
>The stallion is shaking
>His teeth are chattering
>He's seen some shit out there
>Shit you wouldn't believe
>Well, someone's got to break the ice
"Hey, wanna fuck?"
 
>He drops his head into his hooves and sobs
>You blush
"Uh, hey that didn't come out right. What I meant was what's your name"
>"I... can't remember."
>Alright, so Discord messed with our heads a little no biggie.
>He lets out a sob chuckle
>"I'm sorry, it's just that"
>He blushes
>"I'm not used to having uh, this sort of equipment"
>His er, her eyes dart downwards
>Ducking under the table, you spot the bulge in her thong and unleash a girlish giggle
>You tear off your briefs and twirl them before the new stallion
"It looks like we've got that in common sister"
>You share a laugh
"So tell me about yourself."
>"Well, I work part time as a florist while going to the local college."
"Are you studying for a degree in botany?"
>She blushes, "Oh no, nothing that difficult.
>I'm just going for a certificate in floristry"
"Interesting."
>"And you?"
"I'm majoring in physics. I'm actually pre-med."
>"Ha ha, brainiac. Maybe you can help my with my Algebra homework sometime."
>You smile
"Yeah when Twilight fixes this."
>"Who?"
 
"Oh, Twilight is a powerful Alicorn from the show My Little Pony, The universe that Discord, the beast who transformed us, came from.
here let me show you."
>You grab your phone, but somehow forget what to do next
>She taps it somewhere, and it's on
"Oh, thanks."
>And now this screen pops up, how are you confused?
>It's your phone!
>She giggles and unlocks it, "That's okay, I know how it is, I'm not good with technology either
>Well not usually at least..."
>She casts her gaze downwards in contemplation
>"Lilac, I need you to answer some questions for me."
"O-okay."
>"Whats the integral of x to the third?"
"Uh, x to the..."
>"Third. X times x times x?"
"Uh... what's x?"
>She chuckled a bit
>She continues on like this asking a multitude of complex questions
>ranging from math, to physics, to chemistry
>Most of which you can't even begin to understand, until she's rolling in her seat laughing
>"Wow, it's like you don't know anything!"
>Your furry pink face now burns a deep red
"What was that all about!"
>"Discord must've swapped our talents!"
"What! why?"
>She wipes a tear from her eye, "I don't know, but I think it's kinda cute."
>Cute! Wait, cutie mark!
>"Ha, now you're as dumb as I was! Help me with my Algebra..."
>You leap over the table and grab the stallion
"Dude, I need to see your flank!"
>She stares dumbfounded, then bursts out laughing again
>You leap over the table and take a look
>A red cross graces his haunches
"Oh shit, it's true!"