Horse The Horse Episode 2

"You're telling me that /you're/ the one who made this?"

>Twilight Sparkle nods her head cheerfully.

"But how? Why? I mean, how did you even get my measurements?"

>"Rarity helped me sow it and I took your measurements just now, while you were asleep..."

"Oh well that answers all my questions."

>She lets out a sigh of relief.

"Except for the one about why."

>"That, I can't tell you, not yet."

"Why not?"

>"Because," she hops off the bed and twirls, "y-you m-must first...uh."

"Uh?"

>"T-take me on-," she gulps, blushing.

>TAKE ON ME, /take on me/.

>TAKE ME ON~

"On a?"

>"A DATE!" she shouts, bursting from her seat before curling back into an embarrassed ball.

"What? I hardly know you. And the only reason I saved you today was because I'm a nice guy. I think you owe me some answers."

>"B-but, we're suppose to go on a uh," she struts to the door, obviously trying to show off.

>What has gotten into her?

>Usually she's so nervous and not confident.

>Maybe books put her into some sort of subdued state?

>You wouldn't be surprised.

"Meh."

>Hopefully this works.

>"What do you mean 'meh'," she asks, looking from her rump to you.

>She looks a little nervous, her facade is breaking up, perfect.

"Meh."

>You try your best to subdue a smile.

>"B-but, how else will you find out why I want you to fight Sunset Shimmer?"

>You glance over at her, turning your head slowly for effect.

"Meh."

>She starts pacing around, looking sweaty.

>"W-we have to go on a date though."

"I don't think so. I don't have to fight Sunset either."

>She gasps, spinning around.

>Twilight jumps into your lap, burying her face into your...'horn'.

>"Please Anonymous, do it for me!"

"Hmm."

>Should you do it for her?

>She looks up hopefully, eyes twinkling.

"I'll think about it."

>"Ugh."

>You tell her it would be best if she left you to rest, and she does leave with little complaint, just some mumbling about horn sizes.

 

>You're left to your own devices, and that bottle of pills.

>Horn growth, huh?

>Well, one couldn't hurt right?

>Maybe you'll even grow a horn, magic might be pretty cool to have.

>You pop a pill, undress down to your under-roos...

>Uhm.

>You can't recall your underpants being a bright pink.

>Well, it's the only clothes you have now, you're just going to have to deal.

>Superb.

 

>Finally, a Friday!

>Today will be a good day, you think, rising out of bed.

>This time you aren't an idiot and remember to eat breakfast.

>Unfortunately you forgot your clothes when heading out the first time, and had to bolt back home to get into your suit.

>Sure gave that mare something to scream about.

>You're still shocked those horn enhancers worked!

>Shame you still don't have an actual magic horn.

>You get to school with no trouble, but you find some the moment you step into the courtyard.

>Ponies are gathered in their groups, chattering lolwy as they wait for the school's doors to open.

>You think you spot Twilight, buried in a book, near the entrance but you can't be sure.

>Well why not take a closer look?

>Oh you can't.

>Two runts block your path.

>They're saying something, but you're too focused on Twilight.

>"-Ya heard? No one messes with the great and powerful Trixie," the shorter of the two says.

"Meh."

>"BWAH?" they say in unison.

>They look to each other and then back at you.

>"No one simply brushes off the word of Trixie!"

"The word of who?"

>"HER NAME IS TRIXIE."

>They stand back to back, a flare of light coming from them.

>"We must defend her honor, Snips," the lanky one says."

>"Right behind you, Snails," his tubby companion replies.

"What are you two planning?" you question, taking a step back.

>"We're none other than Snips," there is a pause as Snips stands on two legs and rubs a hoof down his tummy.

>"And Snails~" Snails does the same thing, his mane flowing in the wind.

>"AND WE WILL CRUSH ANY WHO DON'T BOW TO TRIXIE," they say in unison, eyes flaring with rage.

>As quick as possible you throw off your suit coat, toss off your tie and unbutton your shirt.

"Are we going to fight?"

>They chuckle like two cartoon villains.

>"No, we are going to stomp you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sGg0at4mI4

[Theme of Snips & Snails]

 

"Meh."

>You adopt your fighting stance, dancing between two feet, fists raised and body turned at an angle.

>Snips charges at you first, chub wiggling as he runs and pounces.

>You send out a punch to meet his smug face halfway.

>AH!

>Quickly you withdrawal your hand and stumble back, finger pulsing with pain.

>A bit of blood trickles down your index.

"Did you just stab me?"

>Snips produces a pair of scissors and cuts the air with them a few times.

>Now you've just got to wipe the smile off that guys face, with your fists!

>You hop toward him, just about to delivered a 5-finger sandwich to his stupid horse face.

>Without warning you're hit from the side with something wet and slimy that topples you to the ground.

>Ow,

>W-what?

>What hit you?

>Snips was right there and Snails was right behind him.

>The two cackle.

>An upset little snail crawls away from you in the grass.

>Twilight Sparkle comes up, joining in the ragged circle that's begun forming.

>"Work up a sweat, Anon!" she says to you from across the way.

"What?" you ask, springing to your feet and swinging your fist at Snails.

>"Get sweaty~"

>Instead of soft pony jaw you hit something soft and wet.

>A octopus slides off Snails giggling face, the intent from your fist still on its back.

"I thought your gimmick was suppose to be snails?"

>"My 'gimmick' is slimy things!" he shouts, tossing another octopus.

>You bat it away, but before you can throw a punch Snips is at your side, snipping away.

>Dodging, you give him a quick jab that makes him back off.

>You can't keep this up.

>That last attack was all luck; you can hardly get a hit in with both of them keeping you cornered and dodging.

>"YOU'RE OUT MATCHED!" they shout in unison, flexing their muscles.

 

>You huff and puff, why is it so hot?

>Look up at the mellow sun, you figure it's just a hot day.

>Sweat trickles down your back and touches your boxers.

>Whoa, that feels weird.

>Tight all of a sudd- OW.

"My naturally enhanced horn!" you yelp, grasping for your crotch.

>Feels like your underwear is getting sucked into you.

>Your button-up shirt slides to the floor as you're forcibly contorted.

>Snips and Snails and everyone else look on in shock as your clothes wrap and twist around you.

>There is hardly anything you can do as your suit is turned into nothing more put a pair of boxers and suspenders.

"W-what the hell?"

>You can see Twilight smiling like a goof in the back.

>Looking down, you see only bright pink boxers and suspenders.

>"DELICIOUS!" some overly saccharine voice calls.

"W-what was that?"

>Your opponents look at you with a confused face.

>"Down here buddy," the voice says.

>Once again you turn your gaze to your under garments.

"Uh. Hello?" you say to your dick, face getting red as you realize what you're doing.

>"T-that's so lewd," you hear some one in the crowd whisper.

>"Hi, I'm Pinkie!"

"God, what? Like, the one from Sugar Cube Corner?"

>"No silly, just a reflection of her," your boxers giggle.

>YOUR BOXERS ARE GIGGLING.

>It tickles in all the wron- RIGHT places.

"I have no idea what the hell is going on."

>"Neither do we, are you gonna fight or what?" Snips asks, Snail's gaze trickling down to your package.

>"I'm gonna help you defeat these two hooligans."

"Hooligans?" you ask, skeptically.

>Your boxers just said hooligans.

 

>"Anonymous, I'll give you the extra speed and mobility you need to evade both of these chuckle...huh, what's the word?"

"Chucklefucks?"

>"Yes! Now go beat up these chucklefucks."

"O-okay."

>"What did he say about my mother?" Snails asks, eyes still on your underpants.

>You leap over to him, feeling some strange power coming from your loin-area.

>Whoa.

>With one fluid motion you tug on his horn with one hand, forcing him down, and with the other you give him a brain jarring uppercut.

>"Violence! More violence!" Pinkie-Pants squeals as you nimbly avoid Snip's attacks.

>It's so much easier than it was before, this is taking no effort.

>You jump up, Bruce Lee'ing the shit out of his face with your foot.

>"Behind you!"

>Spinning around you accidentally deck the downed Snails with a reaction punch.

"Whoa."

>"You're welcome!" Pinkie-Pants squeals.

>Seems you've defeated them both.

>You feel so invigorated!

>YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

>All around you stallions and mares are bickering, some collecting money, some giving it up.

>Looks like there was only one guy who bet you.

>"Oh, he's one of those stallions," one mare says while looking at you.

>"One of them exhibitionists?"

>"Yeah that kind."

>You turn away, blushing a bit, to spot Twilight walking off to the school doors, which just opened.

 

>You don't catch up to Twilight, and you don't get to talk to her in class, but you do get a chance at lunch.

>Thankfully your suit has gone back to normal, but you still get stares and giggles as you pass by.

>Twilight is munching on a daisy sandwich or something similar when you get to her.

>She's sitting outside in the shade of a tree, while other students chat or magic-toss a hacky-sack around.

"I don't even know where to begin, but I need some answers or something Twilight. I mean, I got stripped to my underwear by your 'suit'. And it talks ya know, my pants talk."

>She says nothing, finishing up her lunch.

>With a giddy but nervous smile she looks up at you.

>"Don't worry Anonymous, all clothes do that."

"W-what?"

>She leans in a bit closer.

>"We'll talk later, the school isn't safe," she looks up at the building itself.

>Following her gaze you spot a open window, and someone leaving that window.

>She brushes some crumbs off her and saunters off.

 

 

>You spent all day grinding your teeth together, the first time in weeks that's happened.

>For quite sometime you were relaxed, everything was nice and cool, everything was meh.

>Just as you liked it!

>But now all this craziness has stirred up and no one wants to tell you anything.

>You meet Twilight just outside the school.

"So, can you tell me things now?"

>"No, follow me."

"Ugh."

>She smirks and starts walking away.

>You trudge behind her for FIVE whole minutes until she stops in front of a little restaurant.

>"This place is...uh, safe," she mumbles.

>She looks up at you.

>"C-can you treat me to dinner?"

>You gaze at your watch.

"It's 4 o'clock, who eats dinner at 4?"

>She sniffles a little bit, eyes watery.

>"P-please."

>Aw how can you say 'meh' to that face?

"Fine."

>She squeals like a happy pony and bounds inside.

>By the time you catch up to here she's already at a booth, stuffing herself with a hay sandwich.

>You grudgingly sit across from her.

>At least she got a booth.

>"You want one?" she asks, bits of hay sticking out of her teeth, crazed expression on her face.

"Uh, no."

>Various munching noises come from your dinner partner.

"Perhaps now you can tell me why this suit," you grab onto your lapels, "turns into underwear when I get sweaty?"

>"I-it's my fe-fet-" she mumbles.

"YOUR WHAT? SPEAK UP," you slam a fork into the table.

>The restaurant falls dead silent, dozens of pony eyes locked onto you in shock.

>Somehow you're half way across the table, your knife pointing at Twilight.

>You slither back to your seat.

 

>Hmm, this suit is rousing your angry side.

>OR MAYBE IT'S JUST TWILIGHT BEING A BIG MORON?

>"Oh right. The suit is just regular horse fabric."

>The FUCK is horse fabric?

>"But I imbued it with a special magic! When your fluids come into contact with it, it will transform into something more fitting for the task at hand. To help you fight each transformation comes with a reflection of one of my best friends!"

"Fluids? Magic? Transformations?"

>She puts down her sandwich.

>"Yes, sweat, blood, tears and..." she disappears.

>You flick your head around.

"Whoa!"

>She's right next to you, fuzzy pony cheek rubbing against yours.

>"...Other juices~"

>You shy away from her and she's magically back in her own seat.

"So, /why/ did you make this suit for me?"

>"I think it makes you look n-nice."

>Before you can tell Twilight how much she is a mumbling, bumbling, fumbling pony you're interrupted by a vinyl hitting your face.

"M-meh," you mewl, laying on your back in the booth, vinyl imprint on your face.

>Sitting up you spot a white mare, a unicorn to be exact, standing on the table nearest you.

>She's got red goggles on, rapidly spinning vinyls at her sides.

"What the hell was that for?"

>"For being a big meanie and beating up those poor kids today."

>"Uh-oh, watch out Anon, this is one of Sunset Shimmer's closer friends."

"She can't be any tougher than Colgate, can she?"

>The mare laughs, "Colgate wasn't exerting her full power."

"Meh."

>On the outside you're calm as a cucumber being pickled.

>But on the inside you're a nervous wreck.

>Colgate wasn't using her full power?

>Could that whole thing have been set up?

>Set up for what?

>Maybe to get your confidence up?

>"So, let the battle commence," she says, voice ringing through the restaurant.

>Patrons and employees alike either scurry out or hide behind tables, watching in relative safety.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNKu3-FdZdA

[Theme of Vinyl Scratch]

 

>You 'accidentally' throw your suit jacket over Twilight's face while assuming your stance.

>If you can get sweaty this fight will another piece of cake, you think.

>Before you can taunt, or converse with your enemy for 13 episodes and then transform, you're hit in the gut with a walkman.

>"Radical!" she says, giving herself a pat on the back.

>You look straight into her loathsome goggles, clutching your side.

>Urge to kill, rising.

>You dive to the side, taking cover by a table as vinyls dig into the wood right near your head.

>"Hiding? You wimp! Come out and face me like a mare."

"But I'm a man," you reply, sneaking behind her while she tosses a laser disc at your previous spot.

>Smiling to yourself you pounce from your position behind her, ready with a punch.

>"PSYCH!"

>You're smacked in the face with a VCR player, the plug whipping you as you fall to the carpet.

>It hurts pretty bad, but the carpet is kinda soft.

>"What's the damage, you square?"

"I've got like 70% healt- uh did you did you just call me a square?"

>You rise to your feat, eyes locked with her goggles.

"It's hip to be square."

>You dexterously duck under her flurry of discs and cassettes, only to have your uppercut blocked by another vinyl.

>Once again you disengage.

>How can you get close if she can detect you from behind!?

>And why the hell aren't you sweating?

>You look around; damn...

>Air conditioning!

>No way you can get sweaty with the cool comfort of an A/C keeping your body chilled.

>You're boned.

 

>More vinyls come spinning your way, Scratch smiling smugly.

>You dodge two but are too slow to evade the third.

>Time to pull some tough guy shit.

>You catch the third in your hand.

>The disc cuts into your flesh, digging into your palm.

>You stumble back into another table, grunting as the corner pokes your butt.

>"Anon! Wipe the blood off on your pants," Twilight calls.

"But what if it stains?" you question, looking over at her, your suit jacket wrapped around her head like a turban.

>"But you'll transform!"

>OH RIGHT.

>Vinyl's eyes go wide and she jumps up to stop you, but before she can even get close your already wiping blood all over your shirt and pants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYDdEYI8y1w

[Theme of Anonymous' Blood Suit]

>There is a ringing in your ears as your clothes tighten up again.

>The shirt and pants don't disappear this time, but they do change.

>Your once relatively clean slacks are transformed into black, ripped up jeans.

>Ow.

>GOD OW WHAT THE HELL.

>You open up your jeans and look down.

>By god it's like a rose bush down there.

>Thorns, flowers!

>It's both painful and sensual.

>The button up shirt suffers a far worse fate.

>Black shoulder pads sprout long, thin spikes.

>The buttons meld together to form a regular t-shirt.

>Seems to be for some sort of grunge band.

>You look down at your new garb, seeing a skeleton pony dripping blood, the words "Pain is forever" under it.

>In the corner you spot a rather unfitting little cloud and rainbow lightening bolt.

>Rainbow Dash's cutie mark!

>Oh god.

>"FEED ME MORE BLOOD, MORTAL," your clothes yell in its female, and hoarse, horse voice.

>"W-what happened to your face?" Vinyl asks in fear, taking a few steps back.

>You frantically look around, looking for a toaster or something.

>The window reflects some strange creature back at you.

>Gasping in shock you get closer to confirm it's really you.

>Jet black spiky hair, black eyeliner and lipstick.

>God, you look like you should be in a band called Green Day or Licking Park Benches.

>But, you feel like you're burning up with angst and power.

"YOU INSOLENT FOOL, THIS IS MY FACE NOW. EMBRACE THE DARK."

>"You catch on quick," Blackbow Dash comments.

>You march up to your enemy.

>She's just shivering in fear of your shadow.

"MUWAHAHAHA."

 

IN THE NEXT EPISODE:

Will Anonymous or Vinyl achieve victory?

Will Anonymous stop crawling in his skin?

Will Twilight Sparkle ever get in Anonymous' pants?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON HORSE THE HORSE!