Title: Fall of Cleveland 82 - Little Smarty: The Promised Land Author: Spaghetti_Land Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/Zp8y5thN First Edit: Thursday 23rd of January 2014 06:22:21 PM CDT Last Edit: Thursday 23rd of January 2014 06:22:21 PM CDT http://www.fluffybooru.org/post/view/3593 http://www.fluffybooru.org/post/view/3596   Written by Marcus Maximus   Little Smarty: The Promised Land >Be big strong earth fluffy. >Be very, very afraid. >After the biggest scary boom noise EVER, there is an even scarier noise. >The sound of running water. >A LOT of running water. >You point, horrified, at the giant tidal wave on the horizon. >"BIG WAWA COME!" >Even within the cars, several fluffy ponies drown at the sight of it. >Lake Erie mercilessly washes through Spaghetti Land, annihilating everything in its path. >The former fluffy paradise is reduced to ruins. >The rides, toys, and thousands upon thousands of dead fluffies... >All washed out into the Great Lake. >And, as fate would have it, a few living fluffies too.   >Two days later...   >You open your eyes from sleepies. >Waking up is getting harder and harder. >If you knew anything about science, you'd know that the downside to these watertight cars >is that they are also airtight. >Even with the small amount of oxygen fluffy ponies require, you're almost out. >Your friends are barely moving. You're sure some of them are never going to move again. >For days, all you've seen around you is water. >It's the end of everything. >With all your remaining strength, you hug little smarty. >"Fwuffy... wan' wiv..." you croak, weakly. >"You good fwuffy! Fwuffy wuv you!" >"Wuv... you... too..."   >Suddenly, there is a great crash. >Your car has smashed into something solid. >Land? Not-wawa?! >Your eyes open wide, amazed by what you see. >There are grassies! And flowers! >And no explosions or monster fluffies or floods or anything! >You bash the door with your hoofsies. Open, dumb door! >You want to get out of here! >But the door won't move. >You are trapped in the car. >And running out of air. >Irony of ironies. >You finally reached safety, but it's just beyond your grasp. >Fluffy ponies have a very limited vocabulary. >Some domesticated fluffies eventually learn swear words, but you don't know any. >So instead, you scream at the top of your lungs the most obscene word in the fluffy language. >"NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!"   >You break down crying. >You are so tired, and hungry, and you can barely breathe and barely move and you are so sad >it feels like nothing matters anymore. >"Fwuffy sowwy... fwuffy just wanted go sketty wand..." >Your friends in the car are gently sobbing too. >Except the ones who are dead. >And Little Smarty, who remains silent. >For what seems like forever, there is no sound but your own sobbing.   >And then... then, you hear human-speak! >"What the fuck? Hey, Gordon, check this shit out, eh!" >"Holy shit! It's those fucking... what are they called, fluffy ponies! Fucking fluffy ponies!" >"No fucking way!" >It's strange human speak... they talk funny. And they keep using that word you don't know. >But you'd accept help from anyone at this point. >You bang on the side of the car. >"PWEASE! PWEASE WET FWUFFY OUT!" >Your friends join in, banging and crying "HEWP FWUFFY!" >Even Little Smarty joins in, "Fwuffy fwend!" >The human reaches down and twists the handle on the outside of the car. >The door springs open, and fresh air fills your lungs. >It smells sweeter than anything you've ever known. >So weak from hunger and your ordeal, you are barely able to stagger out of the car. >Three other fluffies follow. >The rest... don't move anymore. >They don't smell pretty either. >"What happened to you guys?" asks the human, bending down to speak to you. >Wow, he smells REALLY funny. >"Dude!" his friend responds. "They must have been in fucking... what's it... Cleveland, eh!" >You and your friends all freak out and start bawling at him using that bad word. >"CWEVEWAND BAD!" "NUUU! NO MO' CWEVEWAND!" >"Yeah, yeah, you're right about that," the first human says grimly. "No more Cleveland." >"Jeff, what are we gonna do, eh? These things might be fucking radioactive!" >"But look at them, they're so cute! And they're starving! You want some food, little guys?" >Your eyes light up. You are so hungry. >You nod enthusiastically. "Pwease... pwease foodies..." >"Oh come ON, Jeff! What are we gonna feed them? All we've got is a couple packs of KD." >"These guys eat Spaghetti, Gordon. I'm SURE they can eat macaroni."   >Humans are doing something with fire and a pot. >Dump something from a box into the pot. >smells... kind of familiar... >Wait... no... could it be?! >They put out a plate for each of you and your friends. >Not for Little Smarty, strangely, but that's OK. She always shares your nummies. >She never seems to eat much. Must be because she's so little. >It's sort of like spaghetti, but not ... >You take a bite. >Your eyes bulge. >You have demolished the entire plate in under ten seconds. >This is the most delicious food EVER. >It's like sketties, but with milkies and cheesies. >This gourmet extravagance has blown your little fluffy mind. >Your friends are likewise scarfing theirs down. >You collapse, so happy and relieved, the horror of the past few days evaporating. >You feel happy and safe and full, surrounded by the soft grassies and nummies and fresh air and nice humans. >"You okay, little guy?" the nice human asks. >"Fwuffy... so happy!" you sob. >Spaghetti Land was a lie, a trick to hurt good fluffies. >But Little Smarty guided you and your herd out of there, and over the scary water, >and you ended up in the REAL fluffy paradise. Here in this... this... >"Where dis?" you ask, realizing you have no idea where you are. >"This? This is Long Point Provincial Park," your new human friend grins at you. >"Welcome to Canada, eh!" >You hug Little Smarty as you say. "Fwuffy wuv Canada, eh!" >"Dat right! Smawty fwuffy!" agrees Little Smarty.   After the Fall >Some time later...   >You are Hermes, the second-fastest fluffy pony in the land. >You are also the younger brother of Mercury, the fluffy who spread the word of Spaghetti Land, >but nobody in your herd knows that, and you'd prefer to keep it that way. >Tonight, as usual, you and your herd have gathered in front of the electronic store. >You like to watch the Talky Boxes that are left on in the window all night. >Lately, the big meanie human who lives upstairs has been torturing you by putting on footage of spaghetti being cooked... >But he's been either drunk or hung over for the past several days, celebrating the tragedy in Cleveland. >He was happy all those fluffy ponies drowned, and also not an Indians fan.   >Anyway...   >The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is on. >Your herd likes the Daily Show. >You don't get most of the jokes, but Jon Stewart talks in funny voices sometimes. >You perk up as something onscreen has caught your attention. >Samantha Bee is talking to some humans who have fluffy ponies.   >"Of course, Fluffy Ponies are something of a novelty in Canada - they don't sell them in stores up there, do they?" >"That's right, Jon," she's saying, "apparently these little guys sailed all the way across Lake Erie on a ferris wheel after the Cleveland Tragedy, and have been allowed to stay after gaining Landed Immigrant status." >"Wait, what?" asks Jon Stewart. "Not a customs or wildlife issue, but an immigration issue?" >"That's right Jon. Unlike the US, where Fluffy Ponies are legally 'toys' or 'vermin' or, at absolute best 'animals', here in Canada they're classified as 'people'." >"And why's that?" >"Because," says Samantha - with an oddly smug tone - "as I'm sure you well know, ALL Canadians are left-wing tree-hugging communist hippie liberal douchebags." >There is a burst of laughter and applause from the audience. >Everyone loves making fun of Canadians. >"I mean, crazy, right? Just because they can TALK and think for themselves and have feelings, just because of that they think they should have human rights? Those crazy hosers. Seems like it was not so long ago they were taking in OTHER immigrants that didn't have human rights in the US. Canadians... they're so wacky." >"So, fluffy, how do you like Canada?" Sam asks, offering a microphone to one of the fluffies. >"Fwuffy WUV Canada! Fwuffy am pwoud Canadian cizzen, eh! Hoomins so nice, nummies so good, nobody wan' huwt fwuffy!" >Fluffy pony holds up another, smaller fluffy pony to the microphone, who declares "Pway?" >"What do you think your FAVOURITE thing about Canada is?" >The fluffy looks thoughtful for a few moments, then... >"FWUFFY WUV KWAFF DINNA!" >This prompts another burst of laughter and applause from the audience. >"As it turns out, some other cars that had broken loose from the ferris wheel ended up in other parts of Canada, too, and the surviving fluffies are happily adopted." >There is a brief shot of a fluffy pony with a ribbon in her hair, being cradled by a blonde human on a street filled with churches. >"Pewushe t'aime!" exclaimes the fluffy happily. >"So it looks like these fluffballs will be able to live happily in a place where nobody wants to step on their faces. Let's see if Canadians come to their senses after a couple weeks of putting up with their sh, eh, Jon?" >"Thank you very much, Sam. Samantha Bee, everybody! We'll be right back!"   >You and your herd of fluffies turn to face each other as the TV goes to commercial. >Every one of you has the same expression of awe and excitement. >Canada, eh..?