Title: Fall of Cleveland 17 - Fuzzy Pony in the Wild Author: Spaghetti_Land Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/WjxVpwCP First Edit: Saturday 18th of January 2014 11:52:05 PM CDT Last Edit: Saturday 18th of January 2014 11:52:05 PM CDT http://www.fluffybooru.org/post/view/1264   Written by Tabula Rojo   Fuzzy Pony in the Wild >Be a Fluffy Pony owner >… >Make that a former Fluffy Pony owner >Your most recent Fluffy, a pink unicorn filly named Giggles, died this morning >Found her smothered to death by an oversized Teddy Bear you got her >You’ll be sure to toss it before you get your next Fluffy >Assuming you get another >You’re really starting to get burned out on Fluffies >You’re sick of training them not to shit all over the place >Sick of them breaking your antique vases and expensive electronics >Sick of them whining for “sketties” all the time >Sick of them wanting to “pway” all the time >And most of all sick of trying to keep the damn things alive >You’ve spent thousands Fluffy-proofing your house and yard but it wasn’t enough to keep poor little Giggles alive >If only they were smarter and less death prone >it would save you so much heartache and frustration >That afternoon you met your friend Bill for Lunch >After sharing your problem with him Bill reveals something top secret to you >He and his company are working on developing a new improved breed of Fluffy >Smarter, Better, Faster, Stronger >Our work is never over >Anyway >Bill offers to give you one >They’re out of Beta >And releasing on time >But they could use a test run in a less sterile environment >After lunch you head off to Bill’s lab   >You arrive at the lab >You are overjoyed by the prospect of a smart well behaved less death prone Fluffy Pony >Or rather, Fuzzy Pony >Bill was rather insistent that this new breed is called “Fuzzy” >Anything to distance themselves from the mistakes of Fluffy Ponies you suppose >Before you know it you are handed a pet carrier >Strangely there’s no noise coming from it >Is it empty? >You look in and are met with the stare of half lidded blue-eyes surrounded by an all white coat >There’s a Fluf-er a “Fuzzy” in there alright >”Awfully quiet aren’t they?” you comment >”Well that’s part of them being less annoying, they only speak when spoken to” Bill replies >You look in again >”Hey little guy I’m your new Daddy, wanna say hi?” you say softly >”Hewwo new daddy.” The Fuzzy pony says, nowhere near as loud or enthusiastic as his Fluffy predecessors >He then follows it up with what seems like a very forced smile >”What did I tell yah, so much more obedient than the old Fluffy Ponies!” Bill said proudly >”Yeah… well I better get this guy home” you say > And so you arrive home >You place the pet carrier in the safe room and open the door >Nothing >You remember each and every one of your previous fluffies would shoot out of the pet carrier when you brought them home for the first time >Well if you can call a faster than usual waddle “shooting” but I digress >”Fuzzy why aren’t you coming out?” you ask >”Daddy no ask Fuzzy to come out” he says >His voice is very odd >It’s still very child like, but monotone at the same time >It’s like how Ben Stein probably talked when he was a toddler >Kinda Creepy >”Well now I’m asking, please come on out” you say >Fuzzy waddles methodically out of the carrier >He then turns to you and stares up at you >His huge eyes not filled with the love and happiness like your past fluffies >But rather they are cold and empty >You try to ignore his creepiness and break the ice with a question >”So what’s your name little guy?” you ask, a big smile hiding your growing discomfort >“Fuzzy haf de-zig-nation Tea-Ach-Ecks-eweven-tuwdy-eigh, Daddy is wewcome to gif new name” >THX 1138? >Facepalm >Bill was always a Star Wars fan >Which is all well and good, except he actually likes Episode 3 over Empire! >No Taste >Putting the train back on the tracks >”Alrighty… lets call you Jango” you say Star Wars still on your mind and this little fuzzy reminds you of the clone troopers >”Ack-no-ledged, Fuzzy name is Jango” Jango replies, monotone as ever >For the next several moments Jango continues to stare at you with those eyes >Those increasingly unsettling eyes >Cold, souless >Finally to break the tension of his stare you ask >”So what would you like to do Jango?” >Typically when asked this question your previous Fluffies would respond with a cacophony of “PWAY WIF BAWW” “BIL WIT BWOCKS!” “HAF SKETTIES!” “MAKE POOPIES” >The Last one of course would result in a mess for you to clean up along with a sore rump and time in the sorry box for the offending Fluffy >However Jango doesn’t shout any of these things >No instead he only answers your question with a question >”Wha daddy wan Jango to do?” he asks in a not too loud monotone >You are somewhat agitated, you find it nice that he cares about what you want to do (or atleast he’s programmed to) however you’re not great a making decisions. >After a moment you do decide on a game of ball >You tell Jango to stay and leave the room >You fetch the ol’ shiny red ball from the safe room, no Fluffy Pony owning experience is complete without one >When you come back in the living room to find Jango standing in the exact same spot >This shit is still fucking creepy >Like you get the idea of obedience but this is just a bit much >You figured he’s look around the room or something >One of your favorite things about getting a new Fluffy was their curiosity and how they’d “expwowe” their new home >Well you’ll just have to make the best of it >”Alright Jango go get it boy!” you say as you roll the ball past him >He just sits there >”Err… what’s the matter Jango?” you ask, never seen a fluffy resist a ball rolling past them >”Jango unabwe to cawwy out owdew, daddy no specify wah he mean by ‘it’” monotone again >Facepalm with the force of a thousand suns >They are appearently not that much smarter than Fluffies after all >”THE BALL STUPID THE BALL!” you shout >First 20 minutes of ownership and you’re already yelling at it >New Record >”Undastood Daddy” Jango replies as he carefully retrieves the ball, and slowly nudges it back to your feet >You kick it away and Jango once again retrieves it, with slow joyless precision >While you repeat this a few times you reminisce about your old fluffies >And how when they played ball they would run and giggle >Sometimes they’d trip over their underfluff, but were having too much fun to complain about “owwies” >And sometimes they’d “run” after the ball and then completely forget they were supposed to roll it back to you >After 5 flawless, cold, calculated, returns from Jango you realized you didn’t want to play any more   >”Alright Jango how about some Foodies?” you ask trying to be cheerful as much as this souless creature is rapidly draining you of cheer >”Jango wan foodies if daddy wan gif” >No demands of “Sketties”, No cheers of joy at the prospect of eating >This just can’t stand >Now you know Bill gave you that bag of “Fuzzy Chow” and was pretty insistent that Jango had to eat it or he would die >Fucking Jurassic Park style >But you hatch a scheme >Perhaps if you satiate the number one desire in the life of every fluffy >The desire for “Sketties” >Just maybe you could get this… Thing to stop acting like a goddamn robot   >And so you tell Jango to once again, stay >And Covertly you duck into the kitchen >You then proceed to make the most delicious spaghetti possible >You add Garlic, Olive oil, butter, gourmet tomato sauce, parmesan cheese, you even garnish it with some parsley!  >You return to the living room >Big steaming plate of Pasta in your hands >The scent is intoxicating >You place it before Jango >AND… >He just stares at you >That cold icy fucking stare >”Go ahead eat it, Sketties!” you say pointing at the delicious plate of Italian cuisine >He continues to star and then replies >”Jango no like sketties, Jango onwy eat de-zig-nated Fuzzy Pony bwand Fuzzy Food, avaiwabwe fo’ da woo woo pwice of 29.99 at hasbwo dot biotoys dot com” >… >… >That fucking tears it >You roughly grab Jango off the ground >Even in your fit of rage memories surface of your precious pink fluffy Giggles >And how when you picked her up she would kick her stubby legs and shout “YAY FINGEW WIDE!” >Of course Jango remains silent as you storm out the back door, clutching him in an angry vice like grip   >You could never bring yourself to hurt a fluffy, not even this horrid thing >So you take a short trek into the woods behind your house >Predictably you find an average sized herd heading east >They all stop and look at you >The Smarty friend of course steps forward, cheeks puffed out and stomping his little hooves >Just as he opens his mouth to shout some inane threat you shout >”SHADDUP, I have a new member for your herd, enjoy” >You roughly toss the Fuzzy into the gathered crowd of fluffies >”Jango, I order you to follow this fluffy do everything he tells you, and never come back here” you shout as you point at the Smarty >You turn your back on Jango and the heard and go back inside >Tomorrow you’re gonna get a real fluffy ------------------------------------------------------------------- >Be Smarty Friend of herd >Strange hoomin forcibly added a new member to your herd >New Fluffy is strange, he’s big and white with blue eyes >His eyes make you kind of sad for some reason >But you are Smarty Friend so you stay strong >You inform your new herd member where you and your kin are heading >”We goin to Sketties Wand in Cwewewand!” you say cheerfully >”Jango no like sketties, Jango onwy eat de-zig-nated Fuzzy Pony bwand Fuzzy Food, avaiwabwe fo’ da woo woo pwice of 29.99 at hasbwo dot biotoys dot com” he replies >You and your herd stare at him for a moment >”Wut?”