Soviet Smarty 4 "Thieves"

 

>Your eyes snap awake

>god damn sun, it's like it's picking on you personally

>you look out your window and mumble

>you go down to your dingy kitchen and eat a can of spam and drink the backwash in your last bottle of booze

>at least work will be fun

>you head out and arrive at the dump

>the quiet man is working over by the gate again

>he's always welding on that same old go kart

>your experianced russian sense of worksmanship tells you it's a hopeless endevor

>not your problem though

>he smiles at you as you walk by, you nod casually in return

>you follow your normal routine, slip away go deep into the dump

>stick that idiotic mask on your face and head to your fluffy garbage fort

>the sight that greets you boils your blood

>there seem to be 10 or so fluffies sneaking around

>you know these aren't yours

>you didn't keep track of your expendables too closely

>but you know you didn't have a bright blue fluffy

>nor would you allow said fluffy to wear THAT thing on it's head

>it's some kinda ornate (for fluffies at least) headdress made out of barbie tiara

>the worst part is this little cretin is bossing the other raider fluffs around

>what amounts to a whisper for a fluffy appears to be a hushed whine

>and boy is that little shit whining

 

>of course he shuts his filthy mouth as soon as he sees you

>you see the closest thing to absolute dread in a fluffy pony cross his face

>it mostly consists of his little jaw hanging open and hiseyes bugging out

>he looks like a gypsy who's just been caught by the secret police

>they see you as a truly imposing figure, but they don't run yet

>the mask seems to trick them into thinking your just a huge fluffy

>but thats why you bought it of course

>you ponder striking this foolish smarty down but then much like the grinch who stole christmas another far more dastardly plan comes to mind

>you shout you shout as loud as you can (pretty god damned loud)

"bad fluffies sneak in, Big Smarty catch bad fluffies!"

>the smarty with the fancy hat looks like he's about to shit himself

>too late he did

>christ these smarties were such cowards, how they get to lead is beyond you

>you assume it's due to their ruthless selfishness, even more of a reason to teach these fluffies true honor

>of course the first of your fluffies to reach the bewilderd group of bandits is Patch

>he leaps at top speed and slams full tilt into the nearest rival fluff

>it takes him less than a second to tear it's esphogus out with his teeth

>if the thieves weren't scared a minute ago (and your pretty sure they were if the puddles of shit and piss around them were any indicator)

>they were freaking out now

"I want bad smarty alive"

>you shout this at the now growing mass of your fluffies wearing their trademark bowls on their heads

>another thing about the bowls is they make your troops normally weak pitiful headbutts into devestating (to a fluffy at least) strikes

>and just as you predicted your fluffies have no problem telling whos who

>you watch gleefully as you see a group of 3 of your fluffies holding down one of the unfortunate robbers

>then one of the unicorns jabs it's eyes out with it's horn

>years of hardship has created a very tough very imaginative fluffy, you doubt domestics could pull that off

>the now eyeless fluffy bawls and tries to instinctually hug the nearest fluffy

>happens to be yarrick, bad idea little buddy

>yarrick kicks the blind fluffy in the face

>it's nose breaks and a peice of skull is jammed into the brain

>didn't kill it though, it's just lying there twitching and babbling and alternating between laughing hysterically and crying

>"huggies...Pway?...Sgetties...babbeh...wuv daddy..." it slurs, mustve hit some kind of soft spot or something

>you remember a coporal who took a round to the head and survived back in bosnia

>he couldn't stop shaking his head back and forth like he was saying no

>must be similar, if not the same, but fluffy programming is strong

>another fluffy was pushed off of the newspaper hill and rolled to a stop, a screwdriver embedded in it's stomach

>it quietly sobs for "mummuh" to help it and vomits blood every third or fourth word

>eventually a racoon snatches it and runs further into the dump

>Patch is still wading through the melee, he shouts orders and insults as he beats a small brown earthie to death

>he's surprisingly good at that seeng as most fluffies take almost 5 minutes to beat each other

>Patch is doing it in about 30 seconds

>he seems to like to stomp on his opponents throat

>speaking of which you can see two of the invaders rolling around and choking on crushed larnyxes

>the smarty freind accedentally crushes one's skull as he tries to flee an approaching yarrick and a mob of your army fluffs

>he turns and runs with his eyes closed

>right into your ankles

 

>you pick him up and the other survivors are brought forward

>your fluffies know the drill by now, they learned like you learned in the army

>by having it beat into them

"Bad smarty is stupid" you say

"try an steal nummies from good fluffies"

>your fluffies shout out various agreements to your statement and a few deroaggatory remarks at the cowering uni in your hands

"WHAT DO WITH BAD FLUFFIES!?" you ask your adoring subjects

>"to gwag" they shout even the mares and foals can't resist the bloodlust

>you walk over to the birdcage nd toss the smarty into it

>the other captives are stufed into it to

>you then hang the birdcage on an old half buried coatrack near the entrance of your herd's territory

>Right out of reach of any fluffies that might pass by

>You read that they called this a "gibbet" back in mideval england

>and it serves as an effective warning to the rival herds

>you look right into the cage and right at the smarty

>that little prick has the nerve to still puff his cheeks out at you

>and he's still wearing that infuriating little crown

>"King no scawd a oo big fwuffy! King gif big owwies when king ge' ouwt"

"Riiiiight"

>you smirk as you say that

>"oo wet king an' fwuffies go, oo wet king an' fwuffies go!" it begins to shout while shaking the cage up and down

>you just laugh and turn away, you start walking back to your herd

>cue begging for life like pathetic weasle now

>"king sowwy we sowwy we twy take nummies an' babehs wet king ouwt wet fwuffies ouwt pwease pwease fwend wet go" it yells after you pitifully

>music to your ears, conan had it right when he said what was best in life

>you turn, if the fluffies in that cage could see your grinning face they'd probably not look so chipper