Title:           Soviet Smarty 4 "Thieves"
Author:          Sovietanon
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/Ev2vi6Kn
First Edit:      Sunday 10th of June 2012 06:23:25 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 10th of June 2012 06:23:25 PM CDT

 
>Your eyes snap awake
>god damn sun, it's like it's picking on you personally
>you look out your window and mumble
>you go down to your dingy kitchen and eat a can of spam and drink the backwash in your last bottle of booze
>at least work will be fun
>you head out and arrive at the dump
>the quiet man is working over by the gate again
>he's always welding on that same old go kart
>your experianced russian sense of worksmanship tells you it's a hopeless endevor
>not your problem though
>he smiles at you as you walk by, you nod casually in return
>you follow your normal routine, slip away go deep into the dump
>stick that idiotic mask on your face and head to your fluffy garbage fort
>the sight that greets you boils your blood
>there seem to be 10 or so fluffies sneaking around
>you know these aren't yours
>you didn't keep track of your expendables too closely
>but you know you didn't have a bright blue fluffy
>nor would you allow said fluffy to wear THAT thing on it's head
>it's some kinda ornate (for fluffies at least) headdress made out of barbie tiara
>the worst part is this little cretin is bossing the other raider fluffs around
>what amounts to a whisper for a fluffy appears to be a hushed whine
>and boy is that little shit whining
 
>of course he shuts his filthy mouth as soon as he sees you
>you see the closest thing to absolute dread in a fluffy pony cross his face
>it mostly consists of his little jaw hanging open and hiseyes bugging out
>he looks like a gypsy who's just been caught by the secret police
>they see you as a truly imposing figure, but they don't run yet
>the mask seems to trick them into thinking your just a huge fluffy
>but thats why you bought it of course
>you ponder striking this foolish smarty down but then much like the grinch who stole christmas another far more dastardly plan comes to mind
>you shout you shout as loud as you can (pretty god damned loud)
"bad fluffies sneak in, Big Smarty catch bad fluffies!"
>the smarty with the fancy hat looks like he's about to shit himself
>too late he did
>christ these smarties were such cowards, how they get to lead is beyond you
>you assume it's due to their ruthless selfishness, even more of a reason to teach these fluffies true honor
>of course the first of your fluffies to reach the bewilderd group of bandits is Patch
>he leaps at top speed and slams full tilt into the nearest rival fluff
>it takes him less than a second to tear it's esphogus out with his teeth
>if the thieves weren't scared a minute ago (and your pretty sure they were if the puddles of shit and piss around them were any indicator)
>they were freaking out now
"I want bad smarty alive"
>you shout this at the now growing mass of your fluffies wearing their trademark bowls on their heads
>another thing about the bowls is they make your troops normally weak pitiful headbutts into devestating (to a fluffy at least) strikes
>and just as you predicted your fluffies have no problem telling whos who
>you watch gleefully as you see a group of 3 of your fluffies holding down one of the unfortunate robbers
>then one of the unicorns jabs it's eyes out with it's horn
>years of hardship has created a very tough very imaginative fluffy, you doubt domestics could pull that off
>the now eyeless fluffy bawls and tries to instinctually hug the nearest fluffy
>happens to be yarrick, bad idea little buddy
>yarrick kicks the blind fluffy in the face
>it's nose breaks and a peice of skull is jammed into the brain
>didn't kill it though, it's just lying there twitching and babbling and alternating between laughing hysterically and crying
>"huggies...Pway?...Sgetties...babbeh...wuv daddy..." it slurs, mustve hit some kind of soft spot or something
>you remember a coporal who took a round to the head and survived back in bosnia
>he couldn't stop shaking his head back and forth like he was saying no
>must be similar, if not the same, but fluffy programming is strong
>another fluffy was pushed off of the newspaper hill and rolled to a stop, a screwdriver embedded in it's stomach
>it quietly sobs for "mummuh" to help it and vomits blood every third or fourth word
>eventually a racoon snatches it and runs further into the dump
>Patch is still wading through the melee, he shouts orders and insults as he beats a small brown earthie to death
>he's surprisingly good at that seeng as most fluffies take almost 5 minutes to beat each other
>Patch is doing it in about 30 seconds
>he seems to like to stomp on his opponents throat
>speaking of which you can see two of the invaders rolling around and choking on crushed larnyxes
>the smarty freind accedentally crushes one's skull as he tries to flee an approaching yarrick and a mob of your army fluffs
>he turns and runs with his eyes closed
>right into your ankles
 
>you pick him up and the other survivors are brought forward
>your fluffies know the drill by now, they learned like you learned in the army
>by having it beat into them
"Bad smarty is stupid" you say
"try an steal nummies from good fluffies"
>your fluffies shout out various agreements to your statement and a few deroaggatory remarks at the cowering uni in your hands
"WHAT DO WITH BAD FLUFFIES!?" you ask your adoring subjects
>"to gwag" they shout even the mares and foals can't resist the bloodlust
>you walk over to the birdcage nd toss the smarty into it
>the other captives are stufed into it to
>you then hang the birdcage on an old half buried coatrack near the entrance of your herd's territory
>Right out of reach of any fluffies that might pass by
>You read that they called this a "gibbet" back in mideval england
>and it serves as an effective warning to the rival herds
>you look right into the cage and right at the smarty
>that little prick has the nerve to still puff his cheeks out at you
>and he's still wearing that infuriating little crown
>"King no scawd a oo big fwuffy! King gif big owwies when king ge' ouwt"
"Riiiiight"
>you smirk as you say that
>"oo wet king an' fwuffies go, oo wet king an' fwuffies go!" it begins to shout while shaking the cage up and down
>you just laugh and turn away, you start walking back to your herd
>cue begging for life like pathetic weasle now
>"king sowwy we sowwy we twy take nummies an' babehs wet king ouwt wet fwuffies ouwt pwease pwease fwend wet go" it yells after you pitifully
>music to your ears, conan had it right when he said what was best in life
>you turn, if the fluffies in that cage could see your grinning face they'd probably not look so chipper