Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)

Soviet Smarty 3

By: Sovietanon on Jun 10th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 9.05 KB | hits: 68 | expires: Never

download | raw | embed | report abuse | print

Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)

>you set about gathering old bowls and scraps of cloth
>not hard to find in the dump, lots of old clothes and junk like that
>and it's really not hard when you have 15 or so fluffies combing the dump with you
>you gotta give it to them for idiots they make good scavengers
>must be how they've lived so long as you've had 2 casualties so far
>One fluffy fell down a hill of trash and onto a broken lightbulb
>it lacerated his throat and he shit himself and bled out
>the other was from a stray beagle snatching one of the older fluffies and running off
>not fit for the army, need fluffies that can at least STALL a dog
>Yarrick seems to be a clever one, must've been from surviving on the bottom of the pecking order
>he found an old box of surplus fatigues
>american pattern but hell, you're gonna cut 'em up anyway
>You then issue your small army with "helmets" and "Sneaky Coats"
>You pride yourself on explaining complex things simply
>you told them that the coats would hide them from bad fluffies
>you also told them it would tell them who the good fluffies were
>bad fluffies don't wear scraps of cloth or bowls on their noggins
>you smile to yourself
>these fluffies are so easy to order around
>the best part is they rarely complain
>you then decide to do some "recon"
>and by that you mean watching the two grass heap herds fight
>one is at a significant disadvantage
>fluffy battles are a numbers game
>when half your soldiers are going to fall flat on their faces
>You need overwhelming odds
>still the battle isn't what you'd call pitched
>in fact the only way you could describe it would be a deadlock of stupid
>half the time fluffies can't even tell who their allies are
>the other half they spend shitting themselves and crying
>a few stand out though,, one or two that score multiple kills
>hell one has even been using a rock as a weapon
>you guess that she's the smarty
>she's a unicorn after all
>Seems most smarties are unicorns
>they seem the most entitled that for sure
>always demanding one thing or another
>well not in your herd
>lest Yarrick pays them a visit
>He seems like smarty material
>It must be because he's a Pegasus that he wasn't the original smarty
>he's taken to his job though, most of the fluffies that ever treated him poorly are dead or mutilated
>he operates just like Che
>you've outfitted your troops
>you've established a state of order
>and a military government (for now)
>now it's time for expansion
>at this point your sure you can take on the two herds in the heap
>the heap is what you've taken to calling the 3 10 foot height piles of compost
>10 feet? fuck you've been in america too long
>using inferior measuring system instead of glorious metric
>no matter you have bigger fluff to fry
>you chuckle at your own pun
>now is time to rally the troops
>both of the heap's factions are taking a nap after their row
>they fought until they all passed out from the effort
>did somebody say super soviet sneak attack
>you and your army move out
>fluffies don't have the coordination to march in rank
>so you have them move in small groups instead
>your plan is to surround and capture the sleeping fluffies
>you don't want them dead when they can be useful soldiers
>these ones have combat experience, that's valuable in it's own right
>of course you have REAL combat experience so the actually planning and set up was easy
>your surprise attack is forming up well
>with yarrick and patch leading the other groups
>you don't have to worry about a wayward fluffy mucking this up for you
>you see a red hoof wave from the opposite mound
>patch is good to go
>so is yarrick apparently
>you then give the order to attack
>it
>consists of you yelling "GET EM!"really loudly
>that in itself scares most of the enemy into a stupor
>which is what you planned for
>your fluffies then pin any resisting fluffies to the ground with sheer weight of numbers
>and a bit of total surprise helps too
>fluffies are obviously not known for sneak attacks so it's super effective
>you then speak quietly to Yarrick
>"Big Smawty wanna kno who ovva smawty fwends awe"
>you love the moniker they've given you
>"big smarty" certainly has a ring to it
>of course the fluffies immediately point out their respective leaders
>sure enough one of them is the mare with the rock from earlier
>your proposal is simple
>honestly, it's got to be
>you look at the two smarties in front of you
>they both have a look of defiance and hate on their mugs
"Big Smarty gives bad fluffies choice"
>you say this with obvious glee tinging your voice
"join big smarty's herd or get big owchies"
>your fluffies (god bless the little bastards) shout out various other threats
>the two smarties look at their herd
>scratch that, they look at your BIGGER herd
>the female looks down at her hooves and sobs slightly but seems to suck it up
>good she'll breed some tough new recruits
>the male however did just what you expected him to do
>you gotta love the predictability of a preprogrammed genetic bio construct
>he puffs his little cheeks out and says "Smawty herd no weave, Smawty gif oo big owchies an' take oo fwuffies too"
>you pull out an icepick
>packed it just in case you needed a piercing tool
>works good fro punching holes in helmets for unicorn horns
>but you've got something else planned than haberdashery
>you snatch the male smarty up by his neck
>he's a little blue unicorn
>pretty young too
>too bad you think as you grab his lower jaw and force it open
>you ram the icepick through the soft cheek flesh and out of the other side
>the blood trickles out of the ragged hols that were once cheeks
>so do the tears as the pain signals slam into the smarty's brain
>"WAAAAAAAAHH!" he yells but it comes out more lisped than your average fluffy
>you laugh as you toss him back onto the ground
>he tries to puff his cheeks up
> all that does is make a low hissing noise as the air escapes the dumbfounded smarty's mouth
>that and another cry of pain as moving his jaw is super painful now
>"make an example of them", that's what your granddad used to say
>you loved your granddad
>the rest of the fluffy captives wasted no time changing allegiances
>or dying, quite a few of them were
>you hung them from the gate into the compost area
>It was kinda like that time you wiped out that afghan town and hung all the children
>people say it was unwise to hang them from the local mosque
>they said it was even more unwise to drench the corpses in pigs blood
>hooo boy was command pissed about that
>but these fluffies cheered while the condemned strangled
>even their former comrades, you'd have to watch for turncoats
>these little things were not a loyal bunch
>well except patch and yarrick
>but that might be because you were the first creature to show them any kindness
>none of the other fluffies payed them any mind until now
>they were the most popular fluffies in the herd now
>of course were you come from "popular" means something more along the lines of feared
>still it seemed like every 10 or so minutes another mare would walk out of the cardboard box that yarrick resided in
>most of them were walking funny
>and patch was just content to sit on a pile of old scarves and stare maliciously at the other fluffies
>you're pretty sure patch has some anger problems
>of course who are you to talk mister shoot 10 afghan's over a stolen crate of rations
>well at least he hasn't killed any fluffies from your herd yet
>works out well enough you suppose
>you spend the rest of the day constructing building out of duct tape and cardboard
>with the occasional bit of wood or metal sheeting thrown in
>by the end of the day not only has your herd doubled in size but they have the closest thing to a meeting hall, hospital and barrack houses you could muster
>duct tape only goes so far, even in soviet hands
>still it's better than anything the anarchist rabble surrounding your herd has
>and besides you've got over 100 fluffies now, most of which have dug dens and the like in the newspaper
>you helped them along of course
>you lead by example and expect your officers and soldiers to do so as well
>before you leave you make another rule
"Big Smarty says, all the pregnant fluffies get extra nummies
>not a single argument from the herd
>at least they realize the importance of breeding
>of course the fluffy birth rate worked to your advantage
>and new strays everyday being abandoned here helps even more
>it's an unlimited supply of fluffpower (you laugh at your play on words)
>and the fact that your boss does not seem to care that you spend you work day playing with fluffies
>he's just happy to get his scrap
>at least you think that's why
>his orange fluffy seems to know something but you know it's too dumb to tell
>you'll have time to go through the quiet man(as you've taken to calling him)'s office once your plan is complete
>you wonder if anyone's tried what you're doing before
>You forget all about that question once you get home and get good and drunk
>you fondly remember that huge Belorussian who taught you how to smoke dope with your gun cleaning kit

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>you set about gathering old bowls and scraps of cloth
>not hard to find in the dump, lots of old clothes and junk like that
>and it's really not hard when you have 15 or so fluffies combing the dump with you
>you gotta give it to them for idiots they make good scavengers
>must be how they've lived so long as you've had 2 casualties so far
>One fluffy fell down a hill of trash and onto a broken lightbulb
>it lacerated his throat and he shit himself and bled out
>the other was from a stray beagle snatching one of the older fluffies and running off
>not fit for the army, need fluffies that can at least STALL a dog
>Yarrick seems to be a clever one, must've been from surviving on the bottom of the pecking order
>he found an old box of surplus fatigues
>american pattern but hell, you're gonna cut 'em up anyway
>You then issue your small army with "helmets" and "Sneaky Coats"
>You pride yourself on explaining complex things simply
>you told them that the coats would hide them from bad fluffies
>you also told them it would tell them who the good fluffies were
>bad fluffies don't wear scraps of cloth or bowls on their noggins
>you smile to yourself
>these fluffies are so easy to order around
>the best part is they rarely complain
>you then decide to do some "recon"
>and by that you mean watching the two grass heap herds fight
>one is at a significant disadvantage
>fluffy battles are a numbers game
>when half your soldiers are going to fall flat on their faces
>You need overwhelming odds
>still the battle isn't what you'd call pitched
>in fact the only way you could describe it would be a deadlock of stupid
>half the time fluffies can't even tell who their allies are
>the other half they spend shitting themselves and crying
>a few stand out though,, one or two that score multiple kills
>hell one has even been using a rock as a weapon
>you guess that she's the smarty
>she's a unicorn after all
>Seems most smarties are unicorns
>they seem the most entitled that for sure
>always demanding one thing or another
>well not in your herd
>lest Yarrick pays them a visit
>He seems like smarty material
>It must be because he's a Pegasus that he wasn't the original smarty
>he's taken to his job though, most of the fluffies that ever treated him poorly are dead or mutilated
>he operates just like Che

>you've outfitted your troops
>you've established a state of order
>and a military government (for now)
>now it's time for expansion
>at this point your sure you can take on the two herds in the heap
>the heap is what you've taken to calling the 3 10 foot height piles of compost
>10 feet? fuck you've been in america too long
>using inferior measuring system instead of glorious metric
>no matter you have bigger fluff to fry
>you chuckle at your own pun
>now is time to rally the troops
>both of the heap's factions are taking a nap after their row
>they fought until they all passed out from the effort
>did somebody say super soviet sneak attack
>you and your army move out
>fluffies don't have the coordination to march in rank
>so you have them move in small groups instead
>your plan is to surround and capture the sleeping fluffies
>you don't want them dead when they can be useful soldiers
>these ones have combat experience, that's valuable in it's own right
>of course you have REAL combat experience so the actually planning and set up was easy
>your surprise attack is forming up well
>with yarrick and patch leading the other groups
>you don't have to worry about a wayward fluffy mucking this up for you
>you see a red hoof wave from the opposite mound
>patch is good to go
>so is yarrick apparently
>you then give the order to attack
>it
>consists of you yelling "GET EM!"really loudly
>that in itself scares most of the enemy into a stupor
>which is what you planned for
>your fluffies then pin any resisting fluffies to the ground with sheer weight of numbers
>and a bit of total surprise helps too
>fluffies are obviously not known for sneak attacks so it's super effective
>you then speak quietly to Yarrick
>"Big Smawty wanna kno who ovva smawty fwends awe"
>you love the moniker they've given you
>"big smarty" certainly has a ring to it
>of course the fluffies immediately point out their respective leaders
>sure enough one of them is the mare with the rock from earlier

>your proposal is simple
>honestly, it's got to be
>you look at the two smarties in front of you
>they both have a look of defiance and hate on their mugs
"Big Smarty gives bad fluffies choice"
>you say this with obvious glee tinging your voice
"join big smarty's herd or get big owchies"
>your fluffies (god bless the little bastards) shout out various other threats
>the two smarties look at their herd
>scratch that, they look at your BIGGER herd
>the female looks down at her hooves and sobs slightly but seems to suck it up
>good she'll breed some tough new recruits
>the male however did just what you expected him to do
>you gotta love the predictability of a preprogrammed genetic bio construct
>he puffs his little cheeks out and says "Smawty herd no weave, Smawty gif oo big owchies an' take oo fwuffies too"
>you pull out an icepick
>packed it just in case you needed a piercing tool
>works good fro punching holes in helmets for unicorn horns
>but you've got something else planned than haberdashery
>you snatch the male smarty up by his neck
>he's a little blue unicorn
>pretty young too
>too bad you think as you grab his lower jaw and force it open
>you ram the icepick through the soft cheek flesh and out of the other side
>the blood trickles out of the ragged hols that were once cheeks
>so do the tears as the pain signals slam into the smarty's brain
>"WAAAAAAAAHH!" he yells but it comes out more lisped than your average fluffy
>you laugh as you toss him back onto the ground
>he tries to puff his cheeks up
> all that does is make a low hissing noise as the air escapes the dumbfounded smarty's mouth
>that and another cry of pain as moving his jaw is super painful now
>"make an example of them", that's what your granddad used to say
>you loved your granddad

>the rest of the fluffy captives wasted no time changing allegiances
>or dying, quite a few of them were
>you hung them from the gate into the compost area
>It was kinda like that time you wiped out that afghan town and hung all the children
>people say it was unwise to hang them from the local mosque
>they said it was even more unwise to drench the corpses in pigs blood
>hooo boy was command pissed about that
>but these fluffies cheered while the condemned strangled
>even their former comrades, you'd have to watch for turncoats
>these little things were not a loyal bunch
>well except patch and yarrick
>but that might be because you were the first creature to show them any kindness
>none of the other fluffies payed them any mind until now
>they were the most popular fluffies in the herd now
>of course were you come from "popular" means something more along the lines of feared
>still it seemed like every 10 or so minutes another mare would walk out of the cardboard box that yarrick resided in
>most of them were walking funny
>and patch was just content to sit on a pile of old scarves and stare maliciously at the other fluffies
>you're pretty sure patch has some anger problems
>of course who are you to talk mister shoot 10 afghan's over a stolen crate of rations
>well at least he hasn't killed any fluffies from your herd yet
>works out well enough you suppose

>you spend the rest of the day constructing building out of duct tape and cardboard
>with the occasional bit of wood or metal sheeting thrown in
>by the end of the day not only has your herd doubled in size but they have the closest thing to a meeting hall, hospital and barrack houses you could muster
>duct tape only goes so far, even in soviet hands
>still it's better than anything the anarchist rabble surrounding your herd has
>and besides you've got over 100 fluffies now, most of which have dug dens and the like in the newspaper
>you helped them along of course
>you lead by example and expect your officers and soldiers to do so as well
>before you leave you make another rule
"Big Smarty says, all the pregnant fluffies get extra nummies
>not a single argument from the herd
>at least they realize the importance of breeding
>of course the fluffy birth rate worked to your advantage
>and new strays everyday being abandoned here helps even more
>it's an unlimited supply of fluffpower (you laugh at your play on words)
>and the fact that your boss does not seem to care that you spend you work day playing with fluffies
>he's just happy to get his scrap
>at least you think that's why
>his orange fluffy seems to know something but you know it's too dumb to tell
>you'll have time to go through the quiet man(as you've taken to calling him)'s office once your plan is complete
>you wonder if anyone's tried what you're doing before
>You forget all about that question once you get home and get good and drunk
>you fondly remember that huge Belorussian who taught you how to smoke dope with your gun cleaning kit

Pastebin.com Tools & Applications

iPhone/iPad

Windows

Firefox

Chrome

WebOS

Android

Mac

Opera

Click.to

UNIX

WinPhone