- >Day Infamous in Equestria.
- >You wake up precisely at 0758.
- >Two minutes to go.
- >You get out of bed and instantly feel a sharp pain in your foot.
- Yow!
- >You jump to the side and look down.
- >There stands a spider poised to attack.
- >Only this ain't no spiderbro.
- >This is a huge, Macho Man Randy Savage, hairy, Eight Legged Freak, slaughter a village and drink the childern's blood type of spider.
- >You can see it's fangs ready to get at your skin again.
- FUCK! I'M GONNA DIE!
- >You hop back onto your bed and begin throwing things at it.
- >A pillow, your lamp, Pinkie Pie's dragon dildo she left over last night, Twilight Sparkle's human dildo she left over two nights ago.
- >But this spider moves like a certain German player for the Dallas Mavericks.
- >You can't D him up.
- >He dodges everything and skitters under your bed
- Fuck this!
- >You barrelnope off the bed and run downstairs.
- >There's the knock on the door.
- >Maybe you can sacrifice Fluttershy to the steroid-spider to appease it.
- >Seems legit.
- >You jump down the last couple stairs into your living room
- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST CUNT!
- >It's absolute horror
- >Centipedes and spiders are all over your home.
- >On the walls, on the ceiling, on your furniture.
- >Two scorpions fight on your television.
- >You pick up a book to cover your head and run for the door watching where you step.
- >As soon as you open it, Fluttershy is in your face.
- >"Oh oh! H-hello Anon!"
- >A beetle with huge pincers crawls outside from between your legs.
- >You scream like a bitch and throw the book at it.
- >It misses and hits Fluttershy in the face.
- >Never were a star athlete.
- Fluttershy my house is INFESTED!
- >She wipes the blood from her nose and looks behind you.
- >"Oh my... So that's where they went..."
- YOU DID THIS?!
- >You make to strangle her but she steps back and hides in her mane
- >"N-no! Honest! I was just helping my cousin look for them.."
- >Cousin?
- >Now you notice a pegasus pony that's been standing behind Fluttershy the whole time.
- >She has a dark green coat and a very straight black mane that covers one emerald eye and almost touches the ground.
- >She looks miserably at the grass.
- >Fluttershy puts a hoof on her shoulder.
- >"Um, this is my cousin Skitter Flitter, he's from Canterlot."
- >Oh shit, it's a dude!
- >You had just assumed from the long mane and possible anorexia he was a chick.
- >He looks up to you and waves sadly.
- >"Hi..."
- >His voice could pass as female.
- >The silkyness of his mane could pass as a female's.
- >His adorable little spider cutie mark could easily be on a female's butt
- >Whoa, not so much homo amigo.
- Are these your insects bro?!
- >He looks up at you again with no emotion
- >"They're not all insects. In fact, most are arachnids..."
- >Why does that emotionless drone make you hnnnng?!
- >Are you a gay horsefucker Anon?
- I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE! THEY'RE IN MY DAMN HOUSE AND I WANT THEM OUT!
- >Skitter and Fluttershy both step back and hide in their manes.
- >"Okay Anon, Skitter Flitter is a professional creepy critter herder! He'll h-have them out in no time!"
- >A fucking bug herder?
- >Only in Equestria.
- Get them all out! A big ass spider bit my foot!
- >Skitter tilts his head and looks down at your foot
- >"Really? Hm... I see."
- >He doesn't even show any emotion at seeing the two holes in your skin
- >No
- >Instead, he wraps his lips around the top of your foot.
- >You flinch and look at Fluttershy as her cousin begins sucking
- What is he doing?!
- >Skitter pulls his lips off of you and spits into the grass.
- >"Venom. I'm imune. You're not."
- >You look at your foot
- Oh... Thanks.
- >Skitter skitters into your house.
- >Fluttershy tries to follow but your slam the door in her face.
- >You grab a newspaper and roll it up for a weapon as the green pegasus extends his wings.
- >His finely preened larger than normal wings...
- >Homo erotic thoughts be gone!
- >A cetipede charges at you and you jump onto a chair
- MAKE THEM GO!
- >Skitter flaps his wings.
- >Once.
- >Twice.
- >He hangs his wings and head sadly.
- What's wrong?
- >He looks back at you with tears in his one visible eye.
- >"I can't fly."
- >You press start, go to 'settings' and click on 'disable feels' before it's too late.
- What does that have to do with getting rid of these things?!
- >He scuffs the carpet with a hoof, "I'm impotent..."
- >He really is Fluttershy's family.
- Just get rid of the spiders and shit please? I don't care that you can't fly, it's no big deal!
- >Skitter looks up at you in shock.
- >"You're not gonna laugh at me?"
- >You swat at a locust,
- No man! Hurry with the plague elimination!
- >Skitter actually smiles a little and stands on his hind legs.
- >He spreads his wings and whinnies.
- >All of the creepy crawlies scatter, crawling and flying out of the windows.
- >You get off the chair and look around.
- >Not even the giant four foot millipede remains.
- >You smile and pat Skitter's head
- Thanks. I know you were the reason they were here in the first place, but I'll just assume it was Fluttershy's fault.
- >Skitter frowns and nods.
- But thanks for getting rid of them. And sucking out that venom. You're a solid dude.
- >He tilts his head.
- >"Dude? What's that?"
- It's like a friendly term guys use for eachother.
- >Skitter looks sad again
- >"I-I'm not a guy..."
- >You're not a homosexual!
- >Those cute thoughts you were having about Fluttershy's cousin were not gay!
- Then why did Fluttershy say you were a male?
- >Skitter rolls her eye, "she's always wanted me to be a stallion. Said it's her fetish or something."
- >You laugh
- Well what brings you to Ponyville Ms. Skitter Flitter?
- >She looks down miserably.
- >"I was... Lonely in Canterlot. Stallions don't want a mare that passes for a male..."
- >Start, settings, enable feels.
- >"Or a pegasus that plays with spiders all day and can't fly."
- >You scratch behind her ear.
- Well you're welcome here anytime.
- >She blushes and looks at you in awe.
- >"Y-you don't care that I can't fly? You'd still... Rut me?"
- >Fluttershy scratches at your door and whines.
- You know what?
- >Skitter flaps her useless wings nervously.
- >Ponies might not be your thing
- >But there was something about depressed defenseless ponies.
- Why don't we go upstairs?
- >Skitter smiles and swishes her tail, "o-okay Anon."
- >You lead her up the stairs.
- >She stops and looks back at you with a wide eye, "you should know, my fetish is spiders..."
- >Hmm.
- >"And I'd like you to introduce a centipede into my urethra..."
- >Fuck it.
- >You shrug and give her a thumbs up.
- >Looks like you'll be
- >Fucking Fluttershy's adorably creepy cousin with spiders and shit.
- >But at least you're not
- >Fucking Fluttershy.
- >Outside a swarm of scorpions, spiders and centipedes advance on Fluttershy from all sides.
- >She tries to fly away but screams when a swarm of locusts and wasps surround her.
- >She's completely enveloped in a sea of wings, pincers, legs and fangs.
- >Today was a good day.
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Skitter Flitter
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