Crucishy

>Day Fuck Transcendentalism in Equestria.

>You are Woolfwood C. Anon.

>Or Anon for short.

>Wandering priest.

>There's a reason for your wandering.

>There's a reason for your being in Equestria.

>You wandered because of accusations of fondling colts in Canterlot.

>You didn't touch those colts!

>You weren't of homosexual tendencies OR interested in bestiality!

>Trixie was a liar and probably the pony Antichrist.

>You were in Equestria after a ritual gone wrong.

>But that is a story for another time.

>You light another cigarette and glare at the sun.

>The Wild Turkey was long gone and the bottle tossed aside.

>Hey, priests were permitted Earthly vices!

>Besides,

>You weren't on Earth anymore.

>Why you chose to lug around an eight foot tall metal cross, you didn't care to explain.

>But it was begining to become quite the burden to carry across this dry desert.

>Is that a mirage?

>That town.

>Either way,

>You head for it.

>You see a sign.

>'Ponyville: 2 miles'

>Allah be praised!

>Looks like you were headed for Ponyville.

 

 

>This place is nice.

>But why is there a desert at it's border that just stops and turns into lush forests?

>Cursed magic.

Satan get behind me!

>You toss a bit of pocket sand over each shoulder.

>Enough wacky and exaggerated rituals

Where is the pony in charge?

>Several ponies stop their errands in the market square to stare at you.

I am Priest Anon, I have traveled far to spread the message of God!

>They ignore you and go about their business.

>"Can you t-tell me more about G-God?"

>You turn to see a yellow pegasus pony floating mid-air and blushing.

Of course young winged horse!

>"Pony."

The word of God is for all to hear!

>"Does he look like you?"

His appearance is whatever you choose.

>"Does he have f-fetishes?"

Not familiar with the term...

>Your mouth is parched.

Excuse me pony,

>"Um, it's F-Fluttershy..."

Yes! Fluttershy, is there a bar nearby to quench a parched soul?

>She points

>'Ponyville Tavern'.

>Wonderful.

Let us drink, we can discuss the Lord's wisdom over a bottle of Wild Turkey!

>She sniffs your crotch while flying backwards as you walk into the tavern.

>She must admire your chastity.

 

 

>You sit with Fluttershy at a table.

>Smoking a fine rolled cigarette.

Where is the whiskey?

>A filly approaches with a tray holding a bottle of Wild Turkey and a shot glass.

Wonderful. Thank you young Filly er... Colt? Filly?

>The yellow unicorn with a snail cutie mark on it's butt smiles dreamily up at you.

>"Hi, I'm Snails, I'll be serving you today."

>Is that thing a boy or a girl?

>You can't even tell with the voice.

>Either way

I don't converse with children. Sorry.

>Snails slinks away after setting your drink down.

>Fluttershy looks at you curiously, "s-so foals aren't your fetish?"

>You spit some whiskey out

What?! No! Who said that?! Who told you I was a filthy foal fondler?!

>"N-nopon-"

Because I'm not.

>You stare into her eyes.

>She looks to be wetting herself.

>"I n-never said you wer-"

I'm NOT.

>She drops the subject.

>Gotta pee.

I shall return. Guard the Wild Turkey with your little pony life.

>You head back to the restroom.

>Hours worth of whiskey makes it's way out of you.

>You sigh and hope your whiskey is alright.

>And that none of those ponies are foolish enough to touch your cross.

>You button up and head back out.

>But are stopped

>By a foal.

>Snails smiles up at you.

>"Yer kinda cute..."

 

 

>Snails turns around

>Well

>It's a girl!

>She turns around

>"I always get called a boy. But I'm a little girl. I heard about you from a friend in Canterlot Mr. Anon. I heard you like little boys. And it made me so happy. Because I look like a little boy. And you like little colts right? So, how about it?"

>She slaps her ass.

I AM NOT A-

>A stallion opens the door to the bathroom.

>He looks down at Snails with her hoof on her rear exposed to you.

>He looks up at you and both of your eyes go wide

It's not what it-

>The stallion turns around and shouts out to the bar

>"THIS PRIEST IN HERE IS DIDDLING A LITTLE COLT!"

>You kick Snails out of the way and push past the stallion.

>All the ponies in the bar stare at you.

>You raise your arms

I was NOT doing anything with a foal! I am NOT a foal fornicator! And Snails is a filly! Not a colt!

>They all make disgusted faces.

>A mare throws up

>The stallion behind you foams at the mouth and throws his hooves to the air, "HE'S A FILLY FUCKER! A FILLY FUCKER!"

No!

>You try to clear your name

>But notice all the ponies staring down in horror

>You follow their gaze

>Whoops...

>Your penis hangs out of your pants from where you forgot to zip up.

>"HE'S A FLASHER TOO!"

 

 

>The bar is going crazy

>You stuff your meat back in your pants

>Fluttershy is at your side.

>She tugs on your sleeve.

>You bend down

>"Um, I know how you can prove you're not a f-filly fooler..."

>You grab her head.

HOW?! HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY BELIEVE ME NOW?!

>"You should uh, r-rut me right here..."

>The bartender is getting out a shotgun.

It's against my religion!

>She points to the raging crowd.

>"Would you rather be known as a f-fillyphile?"

>Damn.

>She hands you your bottle of whiskey and presents her sopping crotch.

>You take a long swig

Okay all you ponies! I shall prove that I am not interested in foals!

>You drop your pants and plunge into Fluttershy.

PRAISE OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN!

 

 

>You are in jail.

>The royal guard showed up in the middle of you humping Fluttershy

>As a whole bar watched.

>Fluttershy sits next to you looking depressed.

>You had been charged with indecent exposure, rape of a minor and bestiality.

>Oh the irony.

>Fluttershy grumbles, "when are you going to drop the soap?"

>You scoot away from her.

Do not speak with me heathen.

I am a pure man.

>Well,

>Maybe not anymore...

>You'll be in here a long time.

>Fluttershy giggles.

What is funny about any of this?!

>She turns to you

>"So a p-priest, a mare and a foal walk into a b-bar,"

>You punch her.

>She's knocked out.

I think I'm actually in Hell...

>Why had you ever thought it was a good idea to be

>Fucking Fluttershy?