Episode 3: Working Hard, Hardly Working

Episode 3: Working Hard, Hardly Working

(Scene 1: Opens up on Norman and Brad’s apartment.  Norman is looking out the window of the apartment.  He is transfixed by something hanging just outside.)

Norman: (Still looking straight ahead) Hey Brad...Get a load of this.

Brad:(Sliding out of his room like Kramer, laughter)  What is it, Norm?

Norman: There’s a message hanging outside our window....it looks like it is hanging from the windowsill of the apartment above.

Brad: (Looks at it with Norman)  Well, what does it say?

Norman: “Ich werde Sie am Ende!”...any ideas...?

Brad: Well....my German is a little rough but I reckon it might have something to do with inviting us up for ice cream and then maybe afterwards some desert. (Laughter)

Norman:...will you be serious...hold on, I’ll get my translator app....(Norman types it in...there are a few seconds and then a tone telling him it is done...he reads it and goes pale)

Brad: So when are we going to get ice cream....

Norman: She doesn’t want to give us ice cream....she wants to end us...(laughter)

Brad: End us?!?  What did you do?

Norman: I just asked her if she would stop practicing cello so late at night while some of us were trying to sleep.

Brad: Well....looks like shes gonna keep playing and go a step further...

Norman: Damn it...everyone thinks I’m a racist and now a cellist wants me dead....it can’t get much worse (There is a knock on the door both turn slowly to face it)

Brad: (walks slowly toward the door and looks through the peephole, he turns around with a look of fear etched on his face) H...H....Harshwhinny (laughter).

(Both men run to their rooms and run into each other while doing so)

Norman: One of us has to open the door...

Brad: I don’t want to see her...not after what she did to me!

Norman: Yeah but she did that thinking it was me!

Brad: Rock Paper Scissors?

(Norman nods and the two play...they play three times and keep throwing the same, they are unaware of the door slowly opening, enter Harshwhinny dressed in a blouse and short skirt)

Harshwhinny: Hello, I figured I’d let myself in....

Both: (Sweating visibly) Hello Ms. Harshwhinny...

Harshwhinny: Hello Brad....(turns to Norman, her demeanor changes, she is more seductive) Hello Norman, can I talk to you in private for a moment.

Norman: Well....if it is about the apartment or rent, I think Brad should be involved isn’t that right Brad?... (he turns to find Brad long gone having run to his room and closed the door)...I deplore you... (Laughter)

Harshwhinny: (As she says this, she backs Norman against the wall) About the rent Norman, I was thinking of a new plan that allow you to make some money and cover the rent all while doing a service to the complex...then you can take that money and we can go out again...isn’t that right Norman? (She’s nearly on top of him).

Norman: (Nervous) Well....what did you have in mind?

Harshwhinny: Curtains....

Norman: Eh?

Harshwhinny: The complex needs new curtains...You and Brad sell and install curtains, at least thats what your business card says...so what I was thinking was, you limit your catalogue down to 5 or so designs, then you can go through the complex selling new curtains to the tenants.  Its a win-win...the complex looks better, you and Brad have work, and I have a fellow with a steady source of income....

Norman: Yeah....sure....sounds great...

Harshwhinny: Good. (She backs off, Norman visibly exhales and shrinks a bit)  I will dash off a letter to all of the tenants letting them know you will start tomorrow.  Oh, and you will have a new neighbor by the end of the week.  She says she wants purple curtains...

Norman: Great...well if thats everything I guess you’ll be going then....

Harshwhinny: Ah...don’t I deserve some sort of reward....after all I found work for you....

Norman: (Pushing her toward the door)...Ah well, the German Exchange Student upstairs offered for Brad and I to come up and have ice cream with her...how about you go in our place.

Harshwhinny: I do like ice cream...after all, you figured that out the other night....

Norman: (Slams the door after her) Yeah...you should get some then...

Harshwhinny: No worries, I will “get some” soon enough.

Norman: (Cringes, laughter) (End of Scene)



(Scene 2) (Norman and Brad are walking down the hallway.  They are back in their episode one coveralls carrying toolboxes)

Brad: Harshwhinny is paying us to go door to door so we can do our normal plan?  Bradical! (laughter)

Norman: (cringes) Listen...we actually have to do work...if we do this we will never have to pay rent again.  

Brad: Okay, okay....so what’s the plan then?  

Norman: Well, today we are just going to cover as many apartments as possible taking orders and measurements...then when we get the products in we will return to install.

Brad: Right...so orders and measurements...that will be your job....then I’ll examine her measurements and fill my order...(laughter)

Norman: You know what....I don’t even care anymore....just keep out of my way while I do the work....

Brad: No worries Norm, You’ll take care of your end and I’ll take care of mine...and hers (laughter).

(The two knock on a door and are met by the human equivalent of Trixie)

Brad: Hello miss, R&R Curtains at your Service.  Are you the lady of the house?

Trixie: Yes, the Great and Powerful Trixie is the head of this household.

Brad: May we come in then?

Trixie: (Making way for them) The Great and Powerful Trixie will allow you to grace her apartment.

(The two enter and Norman immediately sets to work getting out tools and taking measurements, Brad is showing Trixie the five colors that are available)

Trixie: The Great and Powerful Trixie chooses the blue curtains.

Brad: Great...now if you will just sign here...(hands her a pen, she takes it and when she clicks the top, a small bit of chloroform shoots out at her, the results are to be expected.  Brad carries her to her room) Right, you get that Norman?

Norman: Blue...right, real original. (Laughter)

Brad: See you in a few.

Norman: Yeah, yeah.

(We proceed to hear “Spanish Flea” by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass as we see a montage of Brad and Norman visiting various apartments, Norman working on the measurements while Brad knocks out the women of the house in more and more creative and funny ways and drags them off.  These include but are not limited to giving them flowers laced with chloroform, asking them to test the new scented swatches, and, at one point setting off an elaborate Rube Goldberg contraption that drops roofies into their tea)

(We see Norman and Brad back in their apartment with a couple of beers relaxing after the long day)

Brad: (Clinking Bottles with Norman) Heres to a great day of work...

Norman: (Returning the favor) Indeed...although I did most of the work.

Brad: My body would disagree with you...(laughter)

Norman: That’s your problem not mine.

Brad: Well, heres to an even better day tomorrow! (Clink bottles as we fade out.)

(We fade back in with the music continuing as Norman and Brad make their first stop at the apartment of Berry Punch, she passes out before Brad can drug her so he just carries her back to her bed (Laughter), we then see the buy stop in front of a door with a German flag and musical notes, they look at eachother, shake their heads, and walk away (laughter).  The music begins to slow as we see them start hitting other apartments, each time we just see the tenants open the door.  An old woman, Iron Will, Snips and Snails, and a balding priest smoking a pipe.  By now the music has come to a stop. The men are knock on the next door and wait)

Brad: How have we struck out so many times in a row?

Norman: Speak for yourself, our sales are skyrocketing.

Brad: You know what I mean.

Norman: Well, thats what you get for hitting all of the single girls our age on day one and everyone else on day two.

Brad: Looking back I guess it was a bit flawed.... (Laughter)  If we don’t find a girl our age soon, we may have to take our business back outside.

Norman: I’ll be sure to turn on the air raid siren for everyone else just in case. (laughter)

(The Door opens and the men are met by Fluttershy)

Norman: Yellow?

Brad: Hellooo Fluttershy! (Laughter) (End of Scene)

 



(Scene 3: Open up in Fluttershy’s apartment.  She is looking through the curtain catalogue while Norman and Brad are taking measurements)

Fluttershy: I think I am going to go with the pink curtains with the butterfly motif on them...

Brad: A very good choice.

Fluttershy: Hey...N..Norman?

Norman: (Looking back at her) Yeah?

Fluttershy: I....I..I r-really want to thank you again for that time you found Angel Bunny back in High School.

Norman: (Smiling) It’s nothing, I was just glad we found you in the end.

Fluttershy: Bu..but its not nothing, it meant a lot to me.  If...If you ever need anything, anything at all, please feel free to let me know.

Brad: (Whispering) I think she wants it Norm.

Norman: (whispering back) No, I think she is just really thankful and doesn’t realize how she is coming off, its not like girls saying “Thank you” is my fetish or anything like that.  Plus Two-timing is a big no no.

Brad: Fine, then I’ll take care of her then.

(Both Turn to see Fluttershy giving a baby fawn milk from a bottle) (Audience: Aww)

Norman:Is that even legal in our apartment complex? (laughter)

Brad: I can’t do it.

Norman: (Incredulous) What!

Brad: I can’t do it....she’s too innocent.

Norman: I....I’m proud of you...

(Fluttershy looks up and sees them staring at her, she blushes a bit)

Fluttershy: Please don’t tell Ms. Harshwhinny about this.

Both: We Won’t.

Fluttershy: Thank you...Brad, could I discuss with you how much this will cost on my next rent.

Brad: Of course...(He get up and walks with her offscreen)

Norman: (Goes back to work, an innermonologue begins) (v/o) You know...I think Brad is slowly starting to learn that maybe he can go on the straight and narrow.  (there are banging noises and the sound of a struggle in the background)  It’s good to see that he is finally maturing and understanding that no means no.

(Sounds from Fluttershy’s room, muffled due to the closed door)

Brad: No....No!

Fluttershy: (Yelling) You’re...Going to....Love Me!!! (Laughter)

(Norman looks up briefly)

Norman:(Still Voiceover)Eh....must be the wind...(Laughter)...You know, I like this...maybe if my major doesn’t work out, I could do this for a living. (Aloud) Right...thats everything.  Hey Brad, we’re set, shall we move on to the last few....(a beat) Brad?  Must have already headed out.

(Norman Packs up his bag and heads out, he looks at his list and see that the last name to appear is....)

Norman:(Sighing) Aryan Beauty. (Fade out)

(Fade up, the door to Rarity’s apartment, Norman is nervously pacing in front of it, constantly passing by)

Norman:...Hello M’lady....no, too formal...Good Afternoon Aryan Beauty....no, I need to call her by name...Afternoon Rarity...

Rarity: (Having opened the door to see this, chuckles) and good afternoon to you Norman.

Norman: (Surprised) Ah!  Hello Rarity...um...curtains... I came to do them and...

Rarity: So I heard, come in Norman. (Both Enter)

(As he enters, he notices that she has brand new curtains on her windows)

Norman: Did you make these?

Rarity: Yes, I had some leftover fabric from a commission.  

Norman: Oh....then I guess I am not needed then....

Rarity: Nonsense, I want you to take measurements for the curtains in my room. (She takes his arm and leads him toward her room.)

Norman: (internally v/o) Oh God.....I’m going into Aryan Beauty’s room....with her!  Okay...calm down Norman....remember what Brad taught you:

(Flashback as we see Brad in first person as Norman)

Brad: Only use a few dabs of Chloroform, otherwise you might kill her...

Norman: (v/o) No...that wasn’t it.  (Laughter)

Brad: Swing Hard to cut through the bone.

Norman: Why would he even say that!? (laughter)

Brad: ...and I was like, Slaughter?  I don’t even know her.

Norman: Damn it Brad why do you never say anything useful! (laughter)

(Norman snaps out of it as he looks around her room....it even includes a large red couch, it looks abit like one that someone could faint on to)

Rarity: If you could just measure that window right there.

Norman:  Oh...yes of course.

(He begins measuring...he seems uncomfortable, like he wants to ask something)

Norman: Rarity?

Rarity: (Smiling) Yes?

Norman: Would you want to do something with me this weekend?  Like, go to the park or something?

Rarity: (Frowning) Oh well I’m very sorry Norman but I have plans already...

Norman: (Deflating) Oh...oh well thats okay the...

Rarity: Of course I have an extra ticket and would like to have someone accompany me.

Norman: Eh?

Rarity: Well I have a ticket to the Equestria Derby this weekend.  Perhaps you would like to come?

Norman: (Perking up) I’d...I’d be honored to.

Rarity: Good, of course I will have to take your measurements?

Norman: I beg your pardon?

Rarity: Your measurements, your going to need a new suit.  They certainly won’t let you into Canterlot Downs looking like that.

Norman: Ah...okay then.  I would be honored to accompany you and have you make a suit for me.

Rarity: Wonderful Darling!

(We close out on the two smiling at eachother)

Norman: (v/o) She called me darling!  And thats how the two of us set up a date to one of the biggest horse races in the country.  Nothing could possibly go wrong!

(End of Episode)

 

(Credits scene: Norman walks into the apartment and see Brad sitting on the couch, disheveled and staring off into space)

Norman: Brad?...you okay sport?  Buddy? (Brad doesn’t move) Come on Slugger...what’s the matter?

Brad: (Looking at Norman with red eyes) You know how every relationship I’ve been in has had a man and a woman?

Norman: Well...I wouldn’t exactly call any of what you’ve been in a relationship...(Laughter), but yes it has always involved you and a very unfortunate woman. (laughter)

Brad: (Mumbles something quietly)

Norman: Eh?

Brad: Fluttershy....(Mumbles)

Norman: What?

Brad: (sobbing) Fluttershy was the man!

Norman: Hey now....(comforting) hey....it will be okay...you’ll be back to raping in no time. (laughter) (Knock on the door)...Shoot, that must be the new neighbor...

Brad: Neighbor?

Norman: Yeah, Harshwhinny mentioned some new girl who transferred to our school to be closer to her friends from High School...

Brad: (Perking right up) A new girl, Bradical!

Norman: (Cringing) Goddamit...(opens the door to see Twilight  standing there) Purple!

(Next week, Episode 4: A Day at the Races)