Episode 19: My Normal Valentine

Episode 19: My Normal Valentine

(Act 1 opens at Norman’s apartment.  Brad, Norman, Adam and Scott are seen sitting around at the dining room table playing Risk.  We join them in the middle of their game)

Adam: So, I’m thinking I might take Rainbow out to dinner and then maybe to a movie afterward.

Brad: You finally asked Dash out to a movie?  Good for you, Adam!

Adam: No no...not Dash, Daft.

Norman: Oh...you mean the girl that looks like Dash but has the older fashioned haircut, lives with you, and seemingly appeared out of nowhere as if she was just created at random? (Laughter)

Adam: (Sweating a bit) Y...yeah.

Norman: (Looking suspiciously at him)...(then smiling) Great!  Have a good time!

Adam: T...Thanks!

Scott: Oh...and Adam?

Adam: Yeah?

Scott: I just captured your last country.  Remember, when in war, never mention the girl you love.

Adam:(Deflated) Yes sir. (Laughter)

Brad: So what about you, Scott?  Any plans with Colgate?

Scott: As a matter of fact, I was thinking about taking her to this little coffeehouse just off campus...it’s pretty small, you’ve probably never heard of it before.

The other three: (Unison): The Ragged Edge?

Scott: Nevermind. (Laughter)

Brad: Well personally, I plan to stay in.  I’ll just watch the Olympics or something...maybe curling is on.  Valentine’s day is so depressing.  Every girl I’ve ever been with is going to expect a card and chocolates from me.

Scott: (Under his breath, Knowingly, as if he’s seen it) You’re gonna love Father’s day in the future then. (Laughter)

Brad: What was that?

Scott: Hmm?  Oh, nothing.

Norman: Well, I was thinking about taking Rarity out for dinner and then going for a walk with her afterwards.

Brad: You should totally take her to that Italian place she and I went to that one time you and Sweetie followed us.

Norman: (Flashback to when he watched a man get smothered to death by a 48 inch pizza) Yeah.   No, not at all. (Laughter)

Adam: C’mon...their Spaghetti is amazing...you remember Pete from High School?  He’s the head chef...makes the noodles himself. (Laughter)

(Scene change over to a local diner where the Mane 6 are seen eating dinner together)

Applejack:  So what are you and Norman doing for Valentine’s day, Rarity?

Rarity:  Oh...nothing major, probably just going to dinner, perhaps a movie afterward.

Dash: Isn’t that kind of normal?

Rarity: Oh Dash, it’s the thought and the company that counts.

Dash: Pfft, whatever.  While you sit at dinner all night making googly eyes at each other, I’ll be in watching speedskating, enjoying myself.

Rarity: (Ignoring her) And what will you and Brad be doing, Twilight?

Twilight: For what?

Rarity: For Valentine’s Day, darling.

Twilight: Oh!  You mean this world’s equivalent of Hearts and Hooves day?   I dunno, last I talked to him he mentioned he was thinking about staying in and watching people slide rocks down ice while other people use brooms. (Laughter)

Rarity: No!  Why that simply won’t do...you two will come with Norman and I...a double date!

Twilight: I don’t know if that a good…

Rarity: Nonsense, Darling, you are coming with us and that is final.  We’ll go to that nice Italian place.

(Switch to the booth next to them where we see Sophie and Octavia sitting together, the high partition blocking the Mane 6’s view of them)

Octavia: Did you hear that?

Sophie: What, that there is curling on Friday night?  Yeah!  Now I have something to do.

Octavia: (Face Palm)  Not that...the date.

Sophie: Oh!  For Valentine’s Day…(downtrodden) Yeah.

Octavia: You know what this means, don’t you Soph?

Sophie: That I will be watching curling and having a threesome with Ben and Jerry. (Laughter)

Octavia: Not quite...we will follow them.

Sophie: Why?

Octavia: Because it is the only way I...er...you can get Norman to take responsibility.

Sophie: Responsibility for what?

Octavia: Look, do you want to go out with him?

Sophie: Y...Yes.

Octavia: Then we have to keep tabs on his date with Rarity...try to see if there is a weakness.

Rarity: (V/O heard from the other side of the partition) Oh my….that food was a bit too spicy for my liking.

Octavia: I think I just found it.

Sophie: Does this mean I’ll be missing the curling?

(Octavia face palms to laughter to end the scene)

 

 



(Act 2 opens at the Italian restaurant.  Seated at one of the tables is Norman and Rarity as well as Brad and Twilight.  At another table nearby are two fellows who look like stereotypical gangsters from the 1920s.  Also seen are two members of the wait staff who look a bit familiar.)

Sophie: (wearing a long blue wig) Tavi, why are we in disguise again?

Octavia: (Wearing her green wig) It will allow us to blend in with the rest of the staff and monitor the situation without any worries of being recognized by Norman.

Sophie: So...what is the plan exactly?

Octavia: Simple, when Rarity orders her food, we intercept it before it goes out and I add chili powder to it.  Rarity gets ill and leaves, then I...er, you sweep in to capture the heart of the lonely Norman.  Then a bunch of things happen and then you profit.  Make sense?

Sophie: Um...I guess, one question though.

Octavia: Yeah?

Sophie: Any chance we will get home in time to see the highlights from Sochi? (Laughter)

Octavia: Focus, Sophie!

Sophie: Yes m’am.

(scene change to the table at the restaurant with Norman, Brad, Rarity, and Twi)

Twilight: Norman, you seem really fidgety, are you alright?

Norman: Oh...yeah I’m fine.  Not like I’m scared of being killed by a giant pizza or anything. (Laughter)

Rarity: Twi, you’re going to love this place.  The food is wonderful.

Twilight: I look forward to it then.  I’m starving.

Brad:  That reminds me (he and norman each produce a bag and a bouquet of flowers from beneath the table)  Happy Valentine’s Day, just don’t spoil your appetite on these yet.

Norman: Happy Valentine’s Day Rarity!

Rarity: Norman, Darling, they’re beautiful.  And the chocolates look delicious.

Twilight: Mmhm...delicious. (She grabs one of the flowers and eats it much to the confusion of Norman and Rarity.  Brad seems unfazed)

Brad: Bradical! (Norman cringes to audience laughter)

(Norman looks over and notices Nolan and Tim Typhoon entering the restaurant and walking over to the table with the gangsters at it.  The taller of the two pats down both of them before nodding to the other as the four sit down)

Norman: That’s odd.

Rarity: What is, darling?

Norman: Well, why is Nolan here?  I figure he would be out with Amy tonight.

Brad: Maybe he’s meeting some people on behalf of his family’s business.

(The four sit watching them until the waiter arrives to take their orders)

(Scene change to the kitchen.  Sophie and Octavia are seen watching Pasta Pete cooking the dishes for Norman’s table.)

Octavia: Right...you go and distract him and I’ll add the chili powder to Rarity’s food.

Sophie: How am I supposed to do that?

Octavia: You’re a girl, right?

Sophie: (Taken aback) I beg your pardon?

Octavia: You heard me.

Sophie: Well, yeah I am.

Octavia: Trust me, you’ll be fine. (Laughter)

(Sophie walks up behind Pete)

Sophie: Um...h...hey there.

Pete: (Freezes up a bit before turning around.  He is sweating) Uh...hey...h...how are you?

Sophie: I’m fine...how are the meals coming for table thirty-two?

Pete: (His voice cracking a bit) F...Fine.  Probably some of my best work.

(Sophie has noticed a bulge growing in the pocket of his apron)

Sophie: (Inner-dialogue) Am I really turning him on that much? (Laughter)

(She notices Octavia adding the chili powder to the sauce as she finishes and gives Sophie a thumbs up)

Sophie: (aloud) Well, maybe later you can set aside a dish just for me.

Pete: S..sure, hold on a second. (He reaches into a pocket and produces a handful of spaghetti which he adds to a pot of boiling water, laughter) Table 32 will be up in  few minutes.

Sophie: (Taken aback) Great, thanks.

(Sophie returns to Octavia)

Sophie: How does he do that?

Octavia: Pete’s  a one man spaghetti factory.

Sophie: A...amazing. (Laughter)

(Scene change to later as Norman’s table receives their food, they dig in immediately.  Watching closely is Octavia and Sophie)

(Octavia watches as Rarity takes a bite of her pasta_

Octavia: (Laughing maniacally) Yes...yes, eat it all dear Rarity.  Eat it all and meet your doom.

Sophie: Isn’t she just going to get heartburn.

Octavia: Oh, it’ll be far worse than that.  

Sophie: How?

Octavia: I added laxatives to her food as well.  You could say shes going to have a “crappy” Valentine’s Day. (Laughter)

Sophie: (Angry) Tavi, this isn’t what we agreed on.

Octavia: All’s fair in love and war, dear Sophie.

Sophie: Still, this is going way too far!

Octavia: (Whispering) Quiet, you’re going to give us away.  Any second now, it’s going to hit her.

(Scene change to the table, Brad looks uncomfortable)

Brad: I’ll be back! (He runs for the bathroom as fast as possible)

Octavia: Crap! (Laughter to end the scene)



(Act 3 opens inside a bathroom.  We see Brad from the chest up, covered in sweat inside one of the stalls)

Brad: Damn it!  This is so unBradical!

(Cut to Norman cringing so hard he falls off his chair at the table, Laughter)

(Cut back to Bathroom we rejoin Brad)

Brad: (Sigh) Worst Valentine’s Day Ever.

(The door opens and Brad looks up at the sound)

Tim: (V/O) Whaddaya think, boss?

Nolan: (V/O) They know something about where she is.

Tim: Should we take care of them then?

Nolan: Well we certainly didn’t come in here together to fix our hair. (Laughter)

(They walk up to the stall door and find that it’s locked)

Tim: What’s wrong?

Brad:Um.  Occupado. (Laughter)

Nolan: Damn it!  Hey, listen you almost done in there?

Brad: Mate, it’s only just begun. (Laughter)

Tim: C’mon man, the boss needs the stall.

Brad: The rides never going to end. (Laughter)

Tim: I’m gonna tear the door off.

Nolan: (Holding him back) No…(to Brad) Listen, this is going to sound weird but I need your help.

Brad: Um, okay.

Nolan: Open up the tank of the toilet.

Brad: You want me to do an upper-decker? (Laughter)

Nolan: Jesus Christ...no...just no.  In there should be a baggie with a jumbo pizza crust and another of pasta.

Brad: Is this really how this place does take-out? (Laughter)

Nolan: Yeah, let’s go with that.  Did you find it?

Brad: Yeah, here. (He slides the bags under the door of the stall)

Nolan: Thanks, and bro?

Brad: Yeah?

Nolan: This never happened.

(They leave)

Brad: This couldn’t get any worse. (SFX of stomach rumbling) Oh God Not Again!

(Word Card: 30 Minutes later: Cut to Brad exiting the bathroom, pale and gaunt.  He is limping a little)

Brad: I think I left a lung back there. (Laughter)

(We see from the interior of a room as he walks past the door.  The shot lingers as he reappears)

(Interior shot of the room and we see that it is the restaurant’s banquet room.  What has caught Brad’s eye is a photo of him projected on a large screen.  Inside, sitting at tables are numerous women.  Derpy, Sunset Shimmer, Sapphire Shores, Button’s Mom, Lyra, and Carrot Top are the most recognizable.  Button’s mom stands at the Lectern)

Button’s Mom: Well, you know why you are all gathered here.  We have all been associated with this rapscallion and yet, we didn’t receive a single flower or piece of chocolate.  You girls all know that his means, don’t you?

Carrot Top: Death to the Waifu Stealer!

(The rest quickly join in)

Button’s Mom: Let’s make his Valentine’s Day the least Bradtastic one he’s ever had!

Brad: (Not Thinking) It’s Bradical!

(Quick Cut to Norman, Rarity, and Twi)

Twilight: I hope Brad’s alright.

Norman: He’s probably fi..(cringes out of his seat again) (Laughter)

(Cut back to Brad who now has a room full of angry women staring at him)

Lily: It’s the Waifu Stealer!  Kill Him!

Unison: Kill the Waifu Stealer!

Brad: Eep! (Laughter)

(Cut back to the table where the three remaining are finishing their meals)

Rarity: Norman?  Could you be a dear and check on Brad?

Norman: Of course, let me just…(He looks over Rarity and Twilight’s shoulders. Cut to Norman’s point of view.  We see Tim and Nolan killing the two gangsters.  Nolan is smothering the larger one with the pizza crust while Tim is viciously garroting a man with a long piece of spaghetti pasta)

Nolan: Where is she!?  Tell me and it will all stop!

(Just before the gangster drops he points toward his car keys which Nolan takes)

Rarity: Norman, what’s wrong dear?

Norman: We’re getting out of here!  Now!

Rarity: What?

Norman: I’m so done with this place.  Gangster’s should know never to go out on St. Valentine’s Day!

Twilight: What about Brad?

(Brad comes charging toward them, angry women with pitchforks and torches on his tail)

Brad: NORMAN!!! WE’RE GETTING OUT OF HERE!

(Scene change exterior as the four jump into the Braddilac to get out of there.  As the car peels out, we see Nolan opening the trunk of a car and pulling out a grateful Amy who hugs him and gives him a kiss.  Standing at the door of the restaurant watching the scene are Octavia and Sophie)

Sophie: So what did we learn here?

(Octavia raises a finger and prepares to speak only to sigh and shake her head)

(Laughter to end scene)

 



(After Credits Scene: Door of Rarity’s apartment, standing at it are Norman and Rarity)

Norman: Sorry it didn’t work out again.  We need to stop going to that place. (Laughter)

Rarity: No worries, Norman.

Norman: No, I ruined your Valentine’s Day...I’m so sorry!

Rarity: Norman!  What matters most to me is that we were together tonight.  I am never happier than when I am with you.  (She pulls him in and kisses him, Audience: Wooooo!) Goodnight Norman.

Norman: Goodnight Rarararara (Laughter as he continues to his apartment)

(Interior of the apartment, Norman walks in on Brad bathed in the light of his laptop)

Women’s Voice from the Laptop: Oh...oh….Hard!  Hurry!  Hurry Harder!

Norman: Jesus, Brad!  I don’t mind you watching porn but at least wear headphones.

Brad: But...it’s curling.

Norman: So that’s what they’re calling it these days.  (He exits to his room)

Brad: It was Curling! (Laughter to end the episode)