Episode 10: Pushing Buttons

Episode 10: Pushing Buttons

 

(Scene 1: We open overlooking a small, seemingly quiet, European village.  There is black smoke rising in the distance and sporadic gunfire can be heard ringing out every now and again.  White lettering appears on the bottom of the screen reading “France, June 1944”.  The camera pans down to the road leading into the town.  Here, behind a makeshift barricade, we find Norman, Brad, Scott, Big Macintosh and a few others huddled.  They are dressed in the attire of the 101st Airborne circa the Second World War.  Scott has Corporal’s Chevrons (much to Norman’s chagrin) while Big Mac is a sergeant.  Brad and Norman are stuck as buck privates.)

Scott: According to the Recce Squadron, there isn’t much left in this town.  Some grenadiers...maybe an infantry gun.  No armor to speak of.

Big Mac: Eeyup.

Norman: So what’s the plan?

Big Mac: Ah reckon we should go in, house to house and street by street and clean up any resistance.  Then, we hold the town and wait for 11th armored to get here.  

Scott: Then we can move on to the next town, rinse, repeat...all the way to Berlin.

Brad: (Whispering) Bradical! (Norman cringes to audience laughter) All goes well and we will be home by Christmas, boys!

Big Mac: Right, (turning to unseen soldiers behind them) Mortar team...drop a shell on the center square on my mark.  Then just keep shelling the hell out of them.  We will use that momentary distraction to move up to the first building on the right, get in and clear it...understood?

All: Yes sir!

(We hear Norman gulp audibly while other men prepare to move out.  Big Mac looks at his watch, then turns back one last time)

Big Mac: Mark!

(There is a thump as the mortar lobs its shell at the little town.  It lands not far from the square shattering windows and causing bricks to crumble)

Scott: Go, Go!

(We see the men clear the barricade and enter the town...almost immediately they are met by German gunfire as the town erupts around them.  Some men fall in the ensuing madness but most make to to the first building. As they get to it, Norman pulls the pin and tosses a grenade through the window.  The men take cover as it goes off and two screams can be heard inside)

Brad: Double Kill!

(Everyone just stares at him) (Laughter)

(They charge into the building and succeed in clearing it rather easily.  They then prepare to move across the street)

Scott: Brad and Mac go first, then you cover us.

Mac: Eeyup.

Norman: Covering Fire! (He and Scott fire into the distance as Mac and Brad dart across safely.  They both take position and then fire)

Scott: (Tapping Norman’s shoulder and running) Move!

(They get halfway across the street before Scott is hit.  Norman, thinking quickly grabs him and pulls him over to Mac and Brad)

Norman: Damn it!  Green….Green you alright?

Scott: (Badly wounded, it looks bleak for him) Knew I shouldn’t have lagged and gone last….Racist…(weaker)....Racist….

Norman: I am not a racist, I am a melting pot of friendship! (Laughter)

Scott: Shut up you God Damned pleb…(he dies) (laughter)

(there is a somber moment as the men look at him.  Norman reaches down and pulls one of his dog tags...he takes a look at it.)

Norman: (Choked up) sniff….Well whaddya know….sniff...his last name was Greene all this time. (Laughter)

Mac: We can take care of him after...we gotta go!

(The men regroup and run to the next building)

Brad: There’s resistance but they don’t seem to be winning this fight.

Norman: It looks like most of the Krauts are falling back.

Mac: Eeyu…(Proceeds to be hit by a sniper and falls dead)

Brad and Norman: Jesus!

(Meanwhile the whole rest of the town is seemingly silent.  The men around them have fought and chased off most of the Germans.  A young soldier runs over and joins Brad and Norman.  It is Atomic Adam...he is a younger man...probably hasn’t even shaved yet.  One of the few replacements that anyone has bothered to get to know thanks to his likable character. He sits next to Brad and Norman.)

Adam: I’m sorry about Red.

Norman: Yeah...its...its rough.

Brad: Looks like we cleared the town though.

Adam: Good...I tell you...when I get home from all of this….there is a certain rainbow haired girl I look forward to seeing...might even ask her to marry me.

(Norman and Brad smile at him as Adam gets up to head back over to his section….only to immediately get shot and killed by the sniper)

Brad: And that is why you never talk about your girl or show her picture to anyone… (Laughter)

Norman: He’s in the brick building...second window on the right top floor.

Brad: Well...let’s get him then.

(The two run out and get halfway there when Norman gets shot.)

Brad: Damn!  Norm...you alright?

Norman: I’ve had better…(Brad gets him to the building and leaves him near the front door) Be careful.

Brad: No worries...he won't have much ammo left.

(Brad sneaks into the house and walked quietly up the stairs.  He gets to the door of the sniper’s room and carefully opens the door.  He sees the gun at the window but no sniper.  He walks in and is shoved to the ground by the sniper who then produces a knife plunging it into Brad.  We don’t see the sniper aside from his German uniform from behind.  He leans down next to the dying Brad’s ear and in the brattiest, 8 year old voice possible screams:)

German: Get rek’t you freaking scrub! (Laughter to End Scene)



(Scene 2: We cut immediately to Brad and Norman sitting on the couch in their apartment.  A visibly angry Brad throws down his Xbox controller.)

Brad: God Damn it!  I swear to God xxMashTheStachexx, I will find out where you live and when I do I will screw your mother in front of you! (Laughter)

Norman: Seven rounds…..that's seven times we have failed to beat him...he’s good, I give him that.

Big Mac: (v/o through the teamspeak on the TV) Eeyup. (Laughter)

Scott: (Also v/o) And this is why consoles will always suck.

Norman: Shut it, Green. (Laughter)

(Norman looks at his watch)

Norman: Shoot, we have work. (To Scott and Mac) We will be on later.

Big Mac: Eeyup.

Scott: Sounds good...see you later Raci…(Norman shuts off the xbox) (Laughter)

Brad: (Still fuming) I can’t believe we have to work today.

Norman: Well, Harshwhinny wants us to put curtains up for that new family that just moved in down the hall.  

Brad: Wait….the one with the really banging mom?

Norman: You do know she is married, right?

Brad: Yeah...but I’ve never seen her husband around….God...I would hit that so hard, whoever succeeded in pulling me out would be declared the next King of England. (Laughter)

Norman: (dumbstruck)...Yeah...well..anyways, we have to get to work.

(Cut to the two of them standing in the hallway at the door waiting for it to be answered, Brad is fixing his hair.  They are dressed, once again, in their handyman’s attire)

Brad: My hair looks good, right?

Norman: I’m telling you, you’re barking up the wrong tree.

(The door is answered by a very pretty woman.  She has long brown hair and blue eyes.  She wears a beige colored sweater and a brown skirt.  Norman and Brad are completely awestruck)

Brad: Hello miss...we are here to give you the d…(Laughter)

Norman: (Panicky) Drapes!...We’re here to do the drapes and curtains.

Woman: (She giggles a bit and smiles at the boys) But of course...come right in.  (She walks ahead of them swaying her hips.  Norman and Brad follow her in as if in a trance)  I’m Milano...Milano Mash.

Brad: (Whispering to Norman) I’d like to eat her Pepperidge Farms… (laughter)

Norman: (Slapping Brad on the back of the head, nervously) Ah...Well, I’m Norman...Norman Normal.  This is my assistant, B..

(Brad steps in front of Norman interrupting him)

Brad: Bradley...Bradley Flash Sentry, although you can call me Brad.

Milano: (Giggles and shakes their hands) Well thank you so much for coming over.  

Brad: Its no problem at all.

Norman: Since you picked out the fabric you wanted before moving in, Brad and I can install today.  

(They walk into the living room.  We see a young boy sitting on the floor in front of the TV playing a video game.  He wears a brown t-shirt with a controller on it and a rainbow beanie cap with a prop on top of it.)

Milano: Button...we have visitors.

Button: (Miles away, he’s in the zone) Uh huh…

(Norman and Brad basically have to step over him to get to the window)

Milano: I’m sorry...he tends to get very involved in his video games.  I wish he would take time to go outside more often.  (She get uncomfortably close to Norman and Brad) I have some games I’d like to play myself you know. (She winks at them)

Norman: Ha...its quite alright I was that age once.

Milano: Well, I’ll leave you boys to it then. (She heads into the kitchen area)

(Norman and Brad get to work)

Brad: What’d I tell you….she’s hot.

Norman: I will admit, she’s quite pretty...not Aryan Beauty pretty but still nice.

Brad: Are you kidding me!  She’s amazing!  Plus, she’s practically asking for it.

Norman: Oh come off it.

Brad: Seriously man, she’s like that kid in class who half-asses all of his papers...she’s totally asking for the D. (Laughter)

(Norman opens his mouth to say something but they are interrupted by Button behind them)

Button: Get Blapped Noob!

(Brad and Norman freeze, look at each other and slowly turn back to look at him)

(We see Button playing and doing a damn good job of owning just about everyone on the other team.  He’s playing a World War II video game.  He gets another kill)

Button: Geez..are you this new!?  Do you even play?!  Are you not entertained Noob!?

Big Mac: (v/o) Eeeenope.

Scott: I’m just not used to the controls...unlike you plebs I am of the PC master race. (Laughter)

Norman: Green!  Red!  What are they doing there?

Button: Open your mouth, Noob….Open it! (Laughter)

Brad: I think we just found xxMashTheStachexx. (Laughter)

(Milano reappears and sees that the boys are done with the curtains)

Milano: Those look beautiful.

Norman: It isn’t a problem.  Glad to be of service.

Milano: Well...allow me to pay you back for it.

Brad: That won’t be necessary.  It will just be charged as part of your first month’s rent.  

Milano: Oh...well if you boys can help find a way to get Norman out to play with other kids his age, you boys might be able to unlock bonus achievements.  

Norman: (Nervously) I need an adult.

Milano: (Seductively) I am an adult. (Laughter to end scene)

 

 



(Scene 3 opens on Norman and Brad’s apartment.  We see Big Mac, Scott, Atomic Adam, and Norman sitting on the couch.  The first three look on with Rapt attention.  Norman’s face can only be described as one of abject confusion.  We now see what they see.  Brad has built a small stage, behind it a large American flag.  He is dressed as a General ala Patton and carrying a riding crop.)

Brad: Gentlemen….you are the finest men I have ever known.   I would never have asked for you if you weren't good. I have nothing but the best in my Army. I don't care what color you are as long as you go up there and kill those Kraut sons of bitches. Everyone has their eyes on you and is expecting great things from you.  If you do this...I will be getting some hot tail by the end of the night...You have a chance at revenge...Don’t let yourselves down and damn you, don’t let me down!

All except Norman: Sir, Yes Sir!

Norman: What…(The scene around him quickly dissolves around him.  Suddenly they are all in a landing craft with a bunch of other soldiers.  All are NCOs other than Brad in his General’s outfit still.  Correction: all are NCOs except for Norman)...How in the Sam Hill am I still a private. (Laughter)

Scott:  Someone needs to be cannon fodder...why not the pleb.

Norman: So help me Green...I will frag you so….

Brad: Enough!  Ten seconds men….I’ll see you on the beach!

(Norman looks over to see Adam holding a picture of Rainbow Dash)

Norman: Damn it, Adam!  I told you to get rid of that.

Adam: Why?  I have something to fight for n..(The door of the craft drops and Adam is immediately shot.

Norman: (Flatly) That’s why… (Laughter)

(The men storm the beach and  are under incredibly heavy fire.  At one point, Norman tries to help another man onto the beach.  He is hit and Norman tries to pull him along to safety.  He is oddly light, being blown in half tends to do that to a guy.  Norman stops for a second and stares at him terrified...just in time for a shell to go off nearby, the concussion knocking him to the ground.  He grovels on the ground trying to take cover.  Shocked and deafened by the explosion, time seems to slow down.  He sees Scott and Big Mac both get shot by the enemy.  Almost as soon as it started, it is down to just he and Brad.  Brad runs up to him and starts yelling at him.  Norman can’t hear him but he quickly regains the ability)

Brad:...have to get off the God Damned beach!  Come on, Norm!

(The two get up and run up to the seawall under heavy fire)

Norman: What are we supposed to do?  It’s just you and me again.

Brad: We work together and we get into the bunkers...he’ll be there.  

Norman: Guess its all we can do.

Brad: Right.  (He charges forward) For nookie!!!

(we proceed to see vignettes as Norman and Brad slowly clear each trenchline, covering each other, and working together.  They have gotten to the final bunker where there is a final man...xxMashTheStachexx)

Norman: Alright….here’s the plan, you provide covering fire, I flank the pillbox and drop a grenade. If that doesn’t kill him then he will at least be stunned and not expecting yo…

Brad: Alright Chum, Let’s do this!  Bradley Sentry!!!!! (Charges the pillbox and disappears inside)

Norman: Oh my god he just ran in…(Laughter)

(it is silent as Norman is in shock...its too quiet...Norman waits outside of the pillbox watching the door.  he cautiously approaches….The door swings open and Norman fires..hitting an already stabbed Brad being used as a human shield by Button...we see that his German helmet includes the little propeller from his hat (Laughter))

Norman: I am so sorry, Brad….yet I feel oddly satisfied…(Laughter)

Brad: (Through gritted teeth) Just kill him already!

Norman: (Levels his sights and pulls the trigger….CLICK...stares at gun) Welp…(Laughter)

(Button pulls out a pistol and points it at Norman)

Button:  A valiant effort...shame it will end the same way...with you getting owned so hard...I will enjoy this so very mu…(A shot rings out and Button stops….he stares down at the rapidly growing red spot on his uniform before collapsing down)

(Norman turns around and sees a Sniper on the hill behind him...he then stares next to him where the screen displays “xxMashTheStachexx killed by LoveTap” with an emblem of a baby bottle and heart)

Milano: (Waving at them) Hey boys!

(Brad and Norman stare mouth agape at her)

Brad: Bradical!

(Norman frags him) (Laughter)

(Cut to the real world where we see Norman and Brad run to the door down the hall.  The door opens and Button steps out followed by his mother)

Button: I...I think I’m not gonna play games for a while...I’m….I’m gonna go outside for a bit.  (He heads out)

Milano: Be careful, sweetie. (To Norman and Brad) Thank you so much for your help...of course, you’ve yet to face the final, non-optional boss battle. (She winks and walks seductively back into the apartment)

Brad: (Walking in after her) You coming, Norm?

Norman: No...I care for Rarity and Rarity only…

Brad: (Stopping, seriously) You’re a better man than I. (Awww)

Norman: Thanks…(Brad starts to leave) Wait… (Brad turns back to him) It’s dangerous to go alone…(handing him a condom)  Take this. (Laughter to end scene)

(After credits scene opens up in Milano’s apartment.  We see Button come back in from playing outside)

Button: Mom!  I’m home!  (Silence)...Mom!...Mom?  (He goes to her bedroom door and opens it.  We see Button from the front...eyes wide...one of them is twitching)

Brad’s Voice: (To Button) I told you I’d do it!

(Freeze frame and laughter to end episode)