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Rage Anon Chp 1

By: Sinistertriip on Oct 23rd, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 11.02 KB | hits: 46 | expires: Never

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>That mother fucking Gorilla Munch.
>Shit is so cash.
>You shove a spoonful of your favorite cereal in your mouth, savoring the flavor.
>Eyes closed; you let out a soft groan of satisfaction as you let the flavor of the cereal make contact with your tongue.
>Your jimmies are dancing with delight, no signs of any rustling in sight.
>Today is going to be fucking great.
>After you swallow down the mouthful of cereal, you pick up the Gorilla Munch box and stare at the cover.
>Dat mutha fucking Gorilla, so much swag right there.
>Only hopes and dreams from here on out.
>You are Anonymous.
>Living in a shitty apartment, you have nothing going on in your life.
>You play World of Warcraft occasionally, a Rogue at max level.
>Besides that you do nothing else in your free time
>Occasional dungeoning and leveling in World of Warcraft, there isn’t really much else to do.
>No one ever takes your rogue to raids.
>That fact alone rustles your jimmies to no end, and you make sure they get a taste of your rage.
>Hell from how much rage that you emit is enough to make all your online friends think you should reroll a warrior.
>Fuck that, you ain’t gonna be some stupid class.
>Probably explains why you can’t join a decent guild.
>Other than that, you are living a pretty boring life.
>Working at a grocery store, retail.
>$14 an hour, not much but it pays the rent.
>You should have listened to your parents when they told you to get good grades, but no.
>You just HAD to sleep.
>Nobody disrupts your sleep.
>You were always late to school, thus gained bad grades.
>Which explains why you aren’t going to college.
>Thus that is why you live in an apartment that charges you out the ass in rent.
>You slam your bowl down on the table after you finish chugging down the remnants of milk from the devouring of a mixture between sugar and grains.
>You push yourself out of the chair and stand.
>More, you need more of dat Gorilla Munch.
>You walk to the fridge and open the door, peering inside, hunting for that carton of milk.
>The carton of milk you had earlier was devoured in the second bowl of cereal; this will be your third bowl.
>Good thing you had more than one carton, right?
>Ah there it is, you reach out and grab the half gallon of homogenized milk, the red carton and take it back over to the table and set it down.
>You sit back down in your seat and scoot yourself in, mouth salivating at the thought of more Gorilla Munch.
>Damn you love that cereal.
>You grab the box of cereal and pour it in the bowl, listening to the resonating sound of the chunks compact the glass surface of the bowl.
>After you are satisfied with the amount of cereal contained by the bowl, you grab the milk and pour it in.
>With a lick of your lips, you grab the spoon and dip it into the cereal and bring it to your mouth.
>Almost there Anon, the taste of sweet sweet dreams will be yours soon.
>As soon as you chomp down on the spoon, the taste of sour milk floods your senses and taste buds.
>The nauseating flavor is too much, this is disgusting!
>You spit out the cereal, going all over your table and wall.
“THE FUCK IS THIS!?”
>You grab the carton of milk and look at it angerly.
>Dafuq?! It expired three weeks ago!
>Enraged, you throw the milk against the wall, splattering its contents all over the wall.
>With a mighty roar, you flip over your table.
>Steam emitting from your ears.
>Your jimmies are now completely rustled.
>This is fucking bullshit!
>Whole ENTIRE breakfast RUINED.
“CURSE YOU SOCIETY!!!!!”
>You raise your fist to the air and shake it angrily.
>Blaming the world for shattering your dreams, you continue to shout.
>This is going to be one hell of a mess to clean once you are done.
>Your rage session is interrupted when you hear a loud thunk come from your floor.
>Need to remember, you live in an apartment, not a house.
>Other tenants live here too.
>”HEY, BE QUIET! IT’S GOD DAMNED FOUR AM IN THE MORNING!”
>You don’t give a fuck, your jimmies are rustled.
>Ain’t gonna take no shit from nobody!
>You stomp the floor hard once.
>A few seconds after the stomp, another thunk is heard coming from the floor.
>This fucker has a broom and is raping his ceiling with it now, he is pissed.
> And so are you.
>Thus, for the next ten minutes you keep stomping and he keeps beating the broom handle against his ceiling/ your floor.
>This means war.
>Later, after coming back from the gas station, you are back with another carton of FRESH milk.
>Walking up to your door, you fumble in your pockets looking for your keys.
>It isn’t helping that you are holding a bag with your milk in it, but you don’t really care.
>Finally, after a few moments of cussing and fumbling around you manage to yank out the keys from your pocket.
>As you twirl your keys around in you right hand to get the door key, a cat meows loudly in the stairwell.
>That rustles your jimmies and scares the crap out of you.
>With a yelp, you jump and spin around to face the direction of noise.
>But doing so, you drop your keys and they fall through the grates and fall three stories.
>UGH! This day is turning to complete crap.
>Rage levels increasing, you growl, malice clear in your eyes.
>You approach the cat, hands outstretched.
>Wringing that dumb cat by the neck sounds like a very good idea at this point in time.
>You lunge out at the cat.
>The cat hisses at you and lunges at your face, latching itself on.
>OW OW OW THESE CLAWS HURT.
“GET OFF ME YOU STUPID CAT!”
>Flailing your arms around, you spin in circles.
>That will prove to be a very stupid idea, as you are blind and struggling to get the cat off your face, you walk towards the stairs and fall down them.
>As you do the cat leaps off of you, landing on the rail, runs off.
>Leaving you to tumble down the stairs alone.
>As you hit the bottom of the stairs, you smash the carton of milk.
>This day just got worse.
>You yell out to the heavens.
“CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?!”
>As if some sort of God is really out to get you, a rift tears through reality, shining a very bright light, blinding you.
>You raise your arm to shield your eyes from the light.
>Yeah, you have a bounty on your head from the heavens, you’re sure of it.
>Also, you jimmies are in ultra-rustle mode now.
>After the light dies down, you lower your arm to see.
>Eyes squinting, you peer into the rift.
>Is that…. Another world?
>you rip the wet bad away from your behind and stand.
>Your ass is drenched from the landing involving it and the carton of milk.
>You are just gonna have to deal with it.
>With no delay, you approach the rift, trying to get a better look.
>You see….. A Purple Unicorn?
>A floating book is also next to her, floating with a purple hue.
>it was literally right in front of the portal.
>The unicorn has her eyes shut, concentrating.
>What is she doing?
>when you finally get close to the portal, you stop and put your hands on the side of the opening.
>Not the smartest idea, but right now you are transfixed on the sight before you, curious.
“Hey. Purple…. Unicorn thingy….. What are you doing?”
>that is all that you can manage, many more relevant questions could have been asked, but you were dumb enough to ask what it was doing.
>It’s obvious! She’s opening the portal between you and her!
>You have no idea if it’s to a new world, a ranch, a farm, hell it could even be hell itself.
>Hell has bright colored unicorns?
>Damn, it truly is hell.
>Again, you attempt to get its’ attention as your first attempt didn’t faze her.
>You then grab the sides of the portal and pull yourself in.
>You are going to get her attention no matter what you say to yourself.
>When you are done climbing though the tear through reality, you poke her side.
>When you do, you see some sort of mark on her flank.
>Ignoring the mark, you poke her again, breaking her concentration.
>That’s when she notices you and yelps in fright.
>She didn’t know that she was summoning you? This isn’t right.
>As soon as she yelps and jumps in fright, the portal shuts quickly.
>Your only gateway home, Vanished.
>It seems like in her fright, she threw the book through the portal as it shut.
>That can’t be good.
>You stand awestruck facing where the portal once was.
>The purple Unicorn recovers from her state in shock, unsure what is standing in her home, clears her throat.
>”Um… excuse me…. But would you mind telling me why you are standing on my table…. And just what are you?”
>You turn your head to the Unicorn, all signs of fear vanished, and all that remains is a face ridden with curiosity.
“Um…. I should be asking you that first….”
>The Unicorn snorts.
>”I asked you first.”
>great, this talking Unicorn (Which I might add, is rustling your jimmies, causing your rage meter to rise up) has an attitude.
>This is going to be fun.
>With a sigh, you shrug, arms remaining in the air.
“I have no idea why I am standing on your table…. Hmmmm I guess I am standing on it because I crawled through the portal you conjured up…. Or whatever you call it…. And would you mind telling me how you opened up a portal?”
>The unicorn gazes on your figure with a confused look.
>”Portal? I was merely practicing the long range teleportation spell…. I wanted to go to Canterlot… That’s interesting. I need to write that down!”
>The Unicorn trots over to a book on a stand, with another purple aura picks up a quill and ink, the aura seeming to emit from her horn.
>With that you step down from the table, but as you do that, you smack your head against the chandelier hanging about the table.
>Spilling wax all over your already cut up face.
>Screaming with agony, you fall down breaking the table.
>You startle the purple unicorn writing down notes; she trots over to you with a concerned look on her face.
>”Are you alright?”
“THE FUCK I AM!”
>You rapidly try and smear off the burning wax from your face.
>Your rage meter is almost at its boiling point.
>At your sudden shout, the unicorn backs up slowly, but regains her composure and walks back towards you.
>With that purple aura again, she takes off the wax from your face.
>”Oh my…. Seems like you got yourself quite the nasty burn… give me a second.”
>She grabs a washcloth and cleans off your face, which has an unamused expression on it as she finishes wiping your face down.
“You finished torturing me or what?”
>The unicorn smiles and throws the washcloth in the sink.
>You stand up and wipe yourself off with your hands.
>After you finish, you cross your arms and look at the unicorn quizzically.
“Alright, so tell me. What is it that you just did, what are you, and what is your name?”
>The unicorn cocks and eye brow at you.
>”You mean you don’t know what magic is? Oh….. How rude of me, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I am a unicorn, one of the three races of P0nies.”
>Portals, Technicolor unicorn…. P0ny thing, magic…..
>Yeah, today is really going to be a bad day.
>Not to mention your face still hurts from the scratches and wax burns.

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>That mother fucking Gorilla Munch.
>Shit is so cash.
>You shove a spoonful of your favorite cereal in your mouth, savoring the flavor.
>Eyes closed; you let out a soft groan of satisfaction as you let the flavor of the cereal make contact with your tongue.
>Your jimmies are dancing with delight, no signs of any rustling in sight.
>Today is going to be fucking great.
>After you swallow down the mouthful of cereal, you pick up the Gorilla Munch box and stare at the cover.
>Dat mutha fucking Gorilla, so much swag right there.
>Only hopes and dreams from here on out.

>You are Anonymous.
>Living in a shitty apartment, you have nothing going on in your life.
>You play World of Warcraft occasionally, a Rogue at max level.
>Besides that you do nothing else in your free time
>Occasional dungeoning and leveling in World of Warcraft, there isn’t really much else to do.
 >No one ever takes your rogue to raids.
>That fact alone rustles your jimmies to no end, and you make sure they get a taste of your rage.
>Hell from how much rage that you emit is enough to make all your online friends think you should reroll a warrior.
>Fuck that, you ain’t gonna be some stupid class.
>Probably explains why you can’t join a decent guild.

>Other than that, you are living a pretty boring life.
>Working at a grocery store, retail.
>$14 an hour, not much but it pays the rent.
>You should have listened to your parents when they told you to get good grades, but no.
>You just HAD to sleep.
>Nobody disrupts your sleep.
>You were always late to school, thus gained bad grades.
>Which explains why you aren’t going to college.
>Thus that is why you live in an apartment that charges you out the ass in rent.

>You slam your bowl down on the table after you finish chugging down the remnants of milk from the devouring of a mixture between sugar and grains.
>You push yourself out of the chair and stand.
>More, you need more of dat Gorilla Munch.
>You walk to the fridge and open the door, peering inside, hunting for that carton of milk.
>The carton of milk you had earlier was devoured in the second bowl of cereal; this will be your third bowl.
>Good thing you had more than one carton, right?
>Ah there it is, you reach out and grab the half gallon of homogenized milk, the red carton and take it back over to the table and set it down.

>You sit back down in your seat and scoot yourself in, mouth salivating at the thought of more Gorilla Munch.
>Damn you love that cereal.
>You grab the box of cereal and pour it in the bowl, listening to the resonating sound of the chunks compact the glass surface of the bowl.
>After you are satisfied with the amount of cereal contained by the bowl, you grab the milk and pour it in.
>With a lick of your lips, you grab the spoon and dip it into the cereal and bring it to your mouth.
>Almost there Anon, the taste of sweet sweet dreams will be yours soon.
>As soon as you chomp down on the spoon, the taste of sour milk floods your senses and taste buds.
>The nauseating flavor is too much, this is disgusting!
>You spit out the cereal, going all over your table and wall.

“THE FUCK IS THIS!?”
>You grab the carton of milk and look at it angerly.
>Dafuq?! It expired three weeks ago!
>Enraged, you throw the milk against the wall, splattering its contents all over the wall.
>With a mighty roar, you flip over your table.
>Steam emitting from your ears.
>Your jimmies are now completely rustled.
>This is fucking bullshit!
>Whole ENTIRE breakfast RUINED.
“CURSE YOU SOCIETY!!!!!”
>You raise your fist to the air and shake it angrily.
>Blaming the world for shattering your dreams, you continue to shout.
>This is going to be one hell of a mess to clean once you are done.

>Your rage session is interrupted when you hear a loud thunk come from your floor.
>Need to remember, you live in an apartment, not a house.
>Other tenants live here too.
>”HEY, BE QUIET! IT’S GOD DAMNED FOUR AM IN THE MORNING!”
>You don’t give a fuck, your jimmies are rustled. 
>Ain’t gonna take no shit from nobody!
>You stomp the floor hard once.
>A few seconds after the stomp, another thunk is heard coming from the floor.
>This fucker has a broom and is raping his ceiling with it now, he is pissed.
> And so are you.
>Thus, for the next ten minutes you keep stomping and he keeps beating the broom handle against his ceiling/ your floor. 
>This means war.

>Later, after coming back from the gas station, you are back with another carton of FRESH milk.
>Walking up to your door, you fumble in your pockets looking for your keys.
>It isn’t helping that you are holding a bag with your milk in it, but you don’t really care.
>Finally, after a few moments of cussing and fumbling around you manage to yank out the keys from your pocket.
>As you twirl your keys around in you right hand to get the door key, a cat meows loudly in the stairwell.
>That rustles your jimmies and scares the crap out of you.
>With a yelp, you jump and spin around to face the direction of noise.
>But doing so, you drop your keys and they fall through the grates and fall three stories.
>UGH! This day is turning to complete crap.
>Rage levels increasing, you growl, malice clear in your eyes.

>You approach the cat, hands outstretched.
>Wringing that dumb cat by the neck sounds like a very good idea at this point in time.
>You lunge out at the cat.
>The cat hisses at you and lunges at your face, latching itself on.
>OW OW OW THESE CLAWS HURT.
“GET OFF ME YOU STUPID CAT!”
>Flailing your arms around, you spin in circles.
>That will prove to be a very stupid idea, as you are blind and struggling to get the cat off your face, you walk towards the stairs and fall down them.
>As you do the cat leaps off of you, landing on the rail, runs off.
>Leaving you to tumble down the stairs alone.
>As you hit the bottom of the stairs, you smash the carton of milk.
>This day just got worse.

>You yell out to the heavens.
“CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?!”
>As if some sort of God is really out to get you, a rift tears through reality, shining a very bright light, blinding you.
>You raise your arm to shield your eyes from the light.
>Yeah, you have a bounty on your head from the heavens, you’re sure of it.
>Also, you jimmies are in ultra-rustle mode now.
>After the light dies down, you lower your arm to see.
>Eyes squinting, you peer into the rift.
>Is that…. Another world?
>you rip the wet bad away from your behind and stand.
>Your ass is drenched from the landing involving it and the carton of milk.
>You are just gonna have to deal with it.
>With no delay, you approach the rift, trying to get a better look.
>You see….. A Purple Unicorn?
>A floating book is also next to her, floating with a purple hue. 
>it was literally right in front of the portal.

>The unicorn has her eyes shut, concentrating.
>What is she doing?
>when you finally get close to the portal, you stop and put your hands on the side of the opening.
>Not the smartest idea, but right now you are transfixed on the sight before you, curious.
“Hey. Purple…. Unicorn thingy….. What are you doing?”
>that is all that you can manage, many more relevant questions could have been asked, but you were dumb enough to ask what it was doing.
>It’s obvious! She’s opening the portal between you and her!
>You have no idea if it’s to a new world, a ranch, a farm, hell it could even be hell itself.
>Hell has bright colored unicorns?
>Damn, it truly is hell.
>Again, you attempt to get its’ attention as your first attempt didn’t faze her.
>You then grab the sides of the portal and pull yourself in.
>You are going to get her attention no matter what you say to yourself.

>When you are done climbing though the tear through reality, you poke her side.
>When you do, you see some sort of mark on her flank.
>Ignoring the mark, you poke her again, breaking her concentration.
>That’s when she notices you and yelps in fright.
>She didn’t know that she was summoning you? This isn’t right.
>As soon as she yelps and jumps in fright, the portal shuts quickly.
>Your only gateway home, Vanished.
>It seems like in her fright, she threw the book through the portal as it shut.
>That can’t be good.

>You stand awestruck facing where the portal once was.
>The purple Unicorn recovers from her state in shock, unsure what is standing in her home, clears her throat.
>”Um… excuse me…. But would you mind telling me why you are standing on my table…. And just what are you?”
>You turn your head to the Unicorn, all signs of fear vanished, and all that remains is a face ridden with curiosity.
“Um…. I should be asking you that first….”
>The Unicorn snorts.
>”I asked you first.”
>great, this talking Unicorn (Which I might add, is rustling your jimmies, causing your rage meter to rise up) has an attitude. 
>This is going to be fun.
>With a sigh, you shrug, arms remaining in the air.
“I have no idea why I am standing on your table…. Hmmmm I guess I am standing on it because I crawled through the portal you conjured up…. Or whatever you call it…. And would you mind telling me how you opened up a portal?”
>The unicorn gazes on your figure with a confused look.
>”Portal? I was merely practicing the long range teleportation spell…. I wanted to go to Canterlot… That’s interesting. I need to write that down!”
>The Unicorn trots over to a book on a stand, with another purple aura picks up a quill and ink, the aura seeming to emit from her horn.

>With that you step down from the table, but as you do that, you smack your head against the chandelier hanging about the table.
>Spilling wax all over your already cut up face.
>Screaming with agony, you fall down breaking the table.
>You startle the purple unicorn writing down notes; she trots over to you with a concerned look on her face.
>”Are you alright?”
“THE FUCK I AM!”
>You rapidly try and smear off the burning wax from your face.
>Your rage meter is almost at its boiling point.

>At your sudden shout, the unicorn backs up slowly, but regains her composure and walks back towards you.
>With that purple aura again, she takes off the wax from your face.
>”Oh my…. Seems like you got yourself quite the nasty burn… give me a second.”
>She grabs a washcloth and cleans off your face, which has an unamused expression on it as she finishes wiping your face down.
“You finished torturing me or what?”
>The unicorn smiles and throws the washcloth in the sink.
>You stand up and wipe yourself off with your hands.
>After you finish, you cross your arms and look at the unicorn quizzically. 
“Alright, so tell me. What is it that you just did, what are you, and what is your name?”
>The unicorn cocks and eye brow at you.
>”You mean you don’t know what magic is? Oh….. How rude of me, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I am a unicorn, one of the three races of P0nies.”
>Portals, Technicolor unicorn…. P0ny thing, magic….. 
>Yeah, today is really going to be a bad day.
>Not to mention your face still hurts from the scratches and wax burns.

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