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Archivist Anon Part III UNFINISHED UNEDITED INCOMPLETE

By: Silver_Smoulder on Jun 28th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 17.40 KB | hits: 62 | expires: Never

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>Fluttershy's cottage is... cozy
>and has a surprising amount of human furniture
>proof that this is a hallucination - yes
>you grin, and then do a little jump as the yellow pegasus bumps into your leg
Oh, excuse me. You really should go sit down, just in case you heart your head.
>your head is kinda pounding, but it's not that bad
>still you walk over to the couch, and sit down
>fairly comfortable, but kinda small
>the pegasus lifts off into the air, and flies off to what is presumably the kitchen, and returns with an ice pack
>you take it from her, and place it against your head
>"Thank you, Miss Fluttershy."
>she smiles at you warmly
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>you hear the sound of hoofbeats, and the sound of the multiple female voices
"Oh, he doesn't look too bad. But yes, he does have the same general body shape as a 'human.'"
"How positively dreadful. I do hope he isn't at all what like the stories are."
"Y'know, Daring Do did come up against one of them once. They absorb magic, don't they?"
"Hmm, an interesting idea, Rainbow Dash. I think a standard thaumic reson-"
"Yeah, that's all nice and all, but ah'm more concerned about if he's telling the truth."
>the door opens, and a whole bunch more technicolor ponies tromp into Fluttershy's cottage
>there's a pregnant moment of silence, as the a white unicorn with stunning purple curls faints to the ground
>you wince
>"I didn't think I was that ugly."
>a rainbow-maned pegasus
>wait, two of them? you were under the assumption that it was THE pegasus, not a pegasus
>weird
>a rainbow maned pegasus and an orange... pony burst into laughter
"Boy howdy, pardner. There's some strange things in Equestria, but you sure take the cake."
"Take the cake?! Are you ponies telling me that the human has cake, and is NOT SHARING IT WITH US?!"
>pinkness blurs before your eyes, and a... neon-pink/fuchisa pony is standing less than an inch from you
>bright blue eyes widen, as her nostrils flare while she sniffs around you
>her muzzle wrinkles, and her eyes narrow
"He doesn't smell like cake! He smells like yeast that's been out in the sun for too long!"
>you give a frown
>"That would probably be the tissue cultures. You should see my growing room, it smells like a rotten bread factory."
>the purple unicorn trots closer, shooing her dragon assistant out of the way
"Growing room? Tissue cultures? What in the wide, wide world of Equestria are you talking about?"
>you grin at her
>"You're awfully inquisitive for a hallucination. To answer your question, I'm a scientist."
>the orange one narrows her eyes at you
"Twilight here said you called yerself a human. Now yer saying yer a scientist."
>you blink at them
>5 pairs of multicolored eyes stare at you, save Spike, who is holding a vial of what presumably are smelling salts next to the white unicorn
>"O...kay. Let's start this again. I've already met the one you call Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle. My name is... Anonymous."
>go for that slight veneer of mystery
>the other ponies introduce themselves
>the rainbow-maned one is called Rainbow Dash (no, really), the white unicorn who came to, and looked slightly guilty is Rarity, the orange pony is Applejack (your ears perk up at this), and the pink one with no concept of personal space
is Pinkie Pie
>you're beginning to worry slightly
>this... does not feel like a hallucination
>not that you would know, but from the various stories you've read, they're usually not as self-organized as this one
>"Uhh, Miss Fluttershy, could I bother you for some more water, if you could?"
>the yellow pegasus nods, and flies off to the kitchen, returning with a glass of cool, refreshing water, which you drain immediately
>Twilight is holding a book aloft with the same purple energy field, while Rarity is looking at you with a critical eye
>Rainbow Dash speaks up
"You know, you don't look like the description of the human given in Daring Do, and the Mystery of the Molybdenum Desert."
>you raise an eyebrow at her
>"And yet, as a human, I strongly assure, that I am, in fact, a human. Two arms, two legs, a head. Fingers, toes, sparse body hair-"
>you're interrupted, as the pink one reaches her hoof down your shirt and pulls it so that your chest is exposed
>"HEY!"
>you attempt to swipe her hoof away, but she's stronger than she looks
>"Oh gosh, look at this Rarity! This ISN'T his coat, it's a set of clothes. His coat is rather sparse."
>you feel slightly self-conscious
>the white unicorn comes closer, looking at you clothes
"Mr. Anonymous, dear, would you mind removing your-"
>"Uh-uh. Ain't happening, sister."
"I'm not your-"
>"Figure of speech. The clothes stay on, until I can ascertain whether you're hallucinations of my broken and ruined body; or demons of the afterlife that are going to poke me with pitchforks, and roast me over a slow flame."
>six pairs of eyes are looking at you funny
"Mr. Anonymous, being that the only pony here that actually OWNS a pitchfork, ah ain't letting any of these ones here stick them in you."
>she gives a slight snort of laughter
"Mainly because that would probably ruin it."
>"So... you aren't demons? Demons that took an aesthetically pleasing form, and non-threatening voices to lull me into a sense of complacency, and will rend the flesh from my bones, and boil my fat into tallow?"
>the pink one sorta leans away from you
"Not if you'd like us to, Annie."
>"N-no, really that's fine."
"Good! Now, do you promise that you aren't gonna use your knowledge of 5000 years of human culture and development to establish a one-person global tyranny, then we'll call it Even Stevens."
>you and the ponies stare at her
"What? My Pinkie Sense told me that I should specifically warn him about that."
>"Ookay. But how did you know about 5000 years?"
"Pinkie sense!"
>"And-"
"Pinkie sense!"
>you give her a flat stare, which she returns with a big ol' grin
>"You do realize that doesn't answer anything. What the hay is a Pinkie Sense anyway?"
>wait, hay?
>you wanted to say hell
"Hay! Hay! Bucking hay, why the buck can't I bucking say the bucking words that I want to say! BUCK! What kind of sour-eating fantasy sack world is this?! BUUUUUUCK!"
>Applejack looks at you funny
"If you was my sister, I'd make you eat a bar of soap."
>Rarity chimes in
"Indeed, and don't forget that there are ladies present."
>you look slightly sheepish, and attempt to put on an apologetic smile on your face
>"My apologies. It's just that I was merely trying to vent my frustrations at the fact that your friend Pinkie is alluding to some kind of quasi-mystical sense as an answer to a query; and some kind of censoring mechanism is changing the
words that are coming out of my mouth."
>Twilight looks up at you
>"Pinkie sense? Yeah, don't bother. I've taken an anvil to the head for my troubles. Just smile, nod, and accept it."
>you give a sideways glance to the ridiculously pink pony, who nods so fast, you'd be concerned that her head might fall off
>you turn back to Twilight, who looks at you critically, and then levitates the book she was looking at to you
"As I was saying, you look like a human superficially. But your musculature is atrophied, you are generally smaller, you have less armoring, and your face looks completely different."
>the picture is that of a gray... actually, it looks like some kind of knight
>different than the knights you remember from medieval fairs and textbooks, but it's unmistakeable
>plate armor, spurred boots, gauntlets
>the only thing that's different is a visored face plate, and the fact that one of his hands is holding a ball of flame
"Now, from what I can recall from my other studies, humans were generally brutish and savage, while you possess a certain degree of eloquence-"
>Rarity interrupts Twilight
"Certain degree of eloquence?! Twilight, dahling, after conversing with Rainbow Dash and Applejack for so long, it's as if I forgot what the sound of flowery speech sounds like."
>the cyan and orange mares snicker at Rarity, and start making "hurr-durr" noises, and grunting
>you chuckle politely
>"Why, Miss Rarity! Had it be known to me that your delicate ears seek to be soothed by the melodious lullaby of a practiced orator, and a maestro of harmonic frequencies, it would have.."
>you smirk
>"...behooved you to mention it sooner. Why, in fact, I know a combination of words that is SO pleasing, it has been recorded by our top scholars back on Earth."
>the purple unicorn looks at you quizzically
"Earth?"
>you hold up a finger, roll and enunciate each letter
>"Cellar door."
>Rarity seems to think about this, rubbing her chin with her hoof. Twilight mimicks her motion, but seems less focused on the abstract, and is dead intent on studying you.
"Ummm, well, I think it sounds very pretty. It has a certain je ne sai quois that appeals to both pony, and human ears."
"Yeah, dragon ears too! If I ever have hatchings, I'm definitely calling one Cellar Door!"
>you grin, and lean back on the couch, scratching Pinkie's mane
>wait, how did that happen
>she's draped over your lap, and is snoozing, and you sorta did this on reflex
>nobody seems to mind though, least of all you, so you keep doing it
>Twilight clears her throat
"Well, as I was saying, before Mr. Anonymous distracted us, is that you seem to be far more intelligent than the humans of olden days. Which is why I am forced to revise my general degeneracy idea, and instead have to come to the
conclusion that you are in fact a more advanced specimen. Though, where did you come from?"
>Rainbow Dash stops laughing, and looks at Twilight
"Well, hey, you're the egghead here. You were the one that said that this eh-nomaly-"
"Ah-nomaly."
"Right, ah-nomaly, had some kind of otherworldly component. And this guy claims he's a human, and judging by the looks of him, he seems to not recognize the picture in your book."
"Actually, Rainbow, ah reckon he just looks like that. He does look pretty goofy."
>you stroke your chin in what you hope is a look of wisdom
>then it hits you - you can't tell their body language; but they can't tell yours either
>"Miss Twilight Sparkle? Could you perhaps... enlighten me in something. I would presume that... Equestria, you called it, has a library, yes? Would you permit me to see it?"
>Twilight makes an "oh" with her mouth
"Weeeeell... the thing is, the book here says you are a vicios tribe that was wiped out after a mysterious god of chaos had you join his forces, and went to war against Equestria."
>you facepalm
>of course, the humans of this world-
>wait, you're accepting this
>a decision requires further data as far as the reality or unreality of your predicament
>Thomas Covenant would be so jelly
>anyway, the humans of this world/hallucination, of course they would go apeshit (heh, get it) over some kind of god, and go to war, and get themselves killed off in the process
>you rub your temples, as a headache begins to form
"Okay, no, I understand. Potential enemy, and all that. Uh, well, I certainly do wish to declare, as I mentioned to the esteemed Miss Pinkie Pie that I certainly have no plans of world domination, or vengeance, or even harm. Even if you
are the products of an overactive imagination coupled with the trauma of a head injury from my resonator exploding... I would still not seek to do you harm. As long as no harm comes to me first, of course."
>Twilight nods slowly, while Rainbow Dash and Applejack watch you warily
"Ah think that sounds fair Twi. If ah understood 'im, he said 'don't mess with me, an' ah won't mess with you.' Can't argue that."
>Rainbow Dash flies into the air, and swoops closer to you
"He doesn't SMELL aggressive. Though yeah, he does smell kinda funky."
>hah
>they haven't been to the biochem lab on Thursday
>all of a sudden, Rarity rears and whinnies
"By Celestia, I think we can trust this... person. He hasn't been aggressive, he's very polite, he's clear in his declarations. He can't be helped if he doesn't meet the standards of equine beauty and grace... and that his ambre is
slightly off. I personally think that Mr. Anonymous is as fine a gentlecolt as any."
>you incline your head to her from your seat
"I thank you for your kind words, Miss Rarity. I must say, I am rather pleased by the lack of a xeophobic reaction by all of you."
>Rarity returns the smile, and then glances outside
"But pleasantries aside, I really must be off. Mysterious strange being or not, a lady does have commitments, especially when the gleam of bits is at stake. I must bid you all adieu, but Twilight, do tell me what you decide to do with
Mr. Anonymous."
>Twilight nods, and approaches you
"Mr. Anonymous?"
>"Yes?"
"The book also mentions that humans were very resistant to magic. Would you mind if I attempted a simple spell on you, to verify that?"
>you shake your head
>"Not with that kind of methodology."
>she raises an eyebrow at you
"Huh?"
>you roll your eyes
>"No offense to you, Miss Sparkle, but the way you described it hardly sounds like an experiment. I mean, sure, it is to the extent that mixing soda and vinegar can make a volcano-"
>Rainbow Dash looks up, and stares at you
"MIXING SODA AND VINEGAR CAN MAKE A VOLCANO?! I AM SO THERE!"
>with that, she flies off right out the window in a polychromatic blur
>both you and Twilight blink at her receding trail-lines
"Uhhh...
>"Uhhh... right, as I was saying. You didn't quantify the amount of 'magic' you'll be using- wait, did you say MAGIC?!"
>boy, for a genius scientist, you're kinda slow sometimes
>Applejack speaks from where she's talking about something with Fluttershy
"Twilight here is the strongest unicorn in Equestria. She's got more magical talent and power than any three unicorns combined."
>you stare at them incredulously
"Why, Mr. Anonymous. Do humans not have magic? They are shown to be using it here, with lethal effectiveness."
>you slowly shake your head
>"Nnnnno. We do not."
>this is bad
>this is probably not a hallucination after all
>there's no way in hell you would dream up of a world full of technicolor ponies, who use magic, and do horse puns
>you're clever, but not that clever
>wait a minute, this reminds you of something
>wasn't there a show back in 2010 or something, about this basic premise?
>you've never watched it though, but you vaguely recall it being somewhat popular
>so...
>either your subconscious is a really weird place, or...
>results are inconclusive, more data must be acquired
>you shake your head again to clear your mind, but Twilight takes it as a sign of denial
"Oh, very well then. I'll use a spell that'll deliver about 10 thaums of magical kinetic energy - think of it as about a light pinch. Then you will describe how you felt it. I can't risk you taking you to my equipment, because who knows
how the ponies of POnyville will react to you."
>you pause
>holy shit
>contamination
>you jump up, throwing the pink pony off your lap
"Who-aaah!:
>you scurry over to the other side of the room, as far away from the others
>Flutterhsy is the quickest to react, beginning to approach
>"NO DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"
>she looks at you with hurt eyes, while Twilight looks at you quizzically
>"Supposing this isn't a hallucination, and that this is real - something that is concievable, yes, then holy shit. You've got no defense against my pathogens, and I don't have any against yours! Back off!"
>Twilight looks at you funny
"What's a... pathogen?"
>you stare at her incredulously
>"Really? A pathogen is a disease causing agent, such as a virus or a bacterium. In light of the circumstances that we're different species, it's possible that there are a few overlaps, but any one of those could be fatal! Our immune
systems wouldn't know what to do!"
>Fluttershy and Twilight exchange glances, and the yellow pegasus pulls out... a hazmat suit?
>only, it covers the front part of her only, and doesn't even have an air filter
>you facepalm yet again
>"Miss Fluttershy, please. It's leaving most of your skin and mucous membranes exposed. If any of them are airborne, we're done for."
>Twilight shakes her head
"Mr. Anonymous, please. You sound incoherent. Almost nothing you said makes sense, but I got the gist that we shouldn't be breathing the same air."
>her horn glows
>Fluttershy, Applejack, and Twilight are encased by three glowing purple spheres that slightly obscures their forms
>you hear Twilight begin to say something, but can't hear her
>she frowns, and her horn glows again
"Honestly, Twilight, next time give a pony some warning! Anyways, ah'm gonna head on back to the farm. It seems like you've got this situation handled."
>the bubble pops as the orange mare walks out of it
>she looks at you cowering in the far corner
"Ah hope you enjoy yer visit in Ponyville."
>with that she walks out
>you try to breathe as shallowly as possible, and then draw your shirt over your mouth and nose
>you can see Fluttershy asking something from Twilight, but can't make it out
"Mr. Anonymous? If you're concerned about the air mixing, maybe it would make sense for both you and Twilight to go outside?"
>no that's a terrible idea, because there's germs that you're not accustomed to
>granted, considering the amount of animal life you've seen, it's likely that they're in here as well
>might as well, it'll disperse your pathogens better
>you clamber up to your feet
>"Okay, nobody move. As soon as I leave the place, try to sterilize it."
>with that, you press your back against the wall, watching the ponies warily

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>Fluttershy's cottage is... cozy
>and has a surprising amount of human furniture
>proof that this is a hallucination - yes
>you grin, and then do a little jump as the yellow pegasus bumps into your leg
Oh, excuse me. You really should go sit down, just in case you heart your head.
>your head is kinda pounding, but it's not that bad
>still you walk over to the couch, and sit down
>fairly comfortable, but kinda small
>the pegasus lifts off into the air, and flies off to what is presumably the kitchen, and returns with an ice pack
>you take it from her, and place it against your head
>"Thank you, Miss Fluttershy." 
>she smiles at you warmly
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>you hear the sound of hoofbeats, and the sound of the multiple female voices
"Oh, he doesn't look too bad. But yes, he does have the same general body shape as a 'human.'"
"How positively dreadful. I do hope he isn't at all what like the stories are."
"Y'know, Daring Do did come up against one of them once. They absorb magic, don't they?"
"Hmm, an interesting idea, Rainbow Dash. I think a standard thaumic reson-"
"Yeah, that's all nice and all, but ah'm more concerned about if he's telling the truth."
>the door opens, and a whole bunch more technicolor ponies tromp into Fluttershy's cottage
>there's a pregnant moment of silence, as the a white unicorn with stunning purple curls faints to the ground
>you wince
>"I didn't think I was that ugly."
>a rainbow-maned pegasus
>wait, two of them? you were under the assumption that it was THE pegasus, not a pegasus
>weird
>a rainbow maned pegasus and an orange... pony burst into laughter
"Boy howdy, pardner. There's some strange things in Equestria, but you sure take the cake."
"Take the cake?! Are you ponies telling me that the human has cake, and is NOT SHARING IT WITH US?!"
>pinkness blurs before your eyes, and a... neon-pink/fuchisa pony is standing less than an inch from you
>bright blue eyes widen, as her nostrils flare while she sniffs around you
>her muzzle wrinkles, and her eyes narrow
"He doesn't smell like cake! He smells like yeast that's been out in the sun for too long!"
>you give a frown
>"That would probably be the tissue cultures. You should see my growing room, it smells like a rotten bread factory."
>the purple unicorn trots closer, shooing her dragon assistant out of the way
"Growing room? Tissue cultures? What in the wide, wide world of Equestria are you talking about?"
>you grin at her
>"You're awfully inquisitive for a hallucination. To answer your question, I'm a scientist."
>the orange one narrows her eyes at you
"Twilight here said you called yerself a human. Now yer saying yer a scientist."
>you blink at them
>5 pairs of multicolored eyes stare at you, save Spike, who is holding a vial of what presumably are smelling salts next to the white unicorn
>"O...kay. Let's start this again. I've already met the one you call Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle. My name is... Anonymous."
>go for that slight veneer of mystery
>the other ponies introduce themselves
>the rainbow-maned one is called Rainbow Dash (no, really), the white unicorn who came to, and looked slightly guilty is Rarity, the orange pony is Applejack (your ears perk up at this), and the pink one with no concept of personal space 

is Pinkie Pie
>you're beginning to worry slightly
>this... does not feel like a hallucination
>not that you would know, but from the various stories you've read, they're usually not as self-organized as this one
>"Uhh, Miss Fluttershy, could I bother you for some more water, if you could?"
>the yellow pegasus nods, and flies off to the kitchen, returning with a glass of cool, refreshing water, which you drain immediately
>Twilight is holding a book aloft with the same purple energy field, while Rarity is looking at you with a critical eye
>Rainbow Dash speaks up
"You know, you don't look like the description of the human given in Daring Do, and the Mystery of the Molybdenum Desert."
>you raise an eyebrow at her
>"And yet, as a human, I strongly assure, that I am, in fact, a human. Two arms, two legs, a head. Fingers, toes, sparse body hair-"
>you're interrupted, as the pink one reaches her hoof down your shirt and pulls it so that your chest is exposed
>"HEY!"
>you attempt to swipe her hoof away, but she's stronger than she looks
>"Oh gosh, look at this Rarity! This ISN'T his coat, it's a set of clothes. His coat is rather sparse."
>you feel slightly self-conscious
>the white unicorn comes closer, looking at you clothes
"Mr. Anonymous, dear, would you mind removing your-"
>"Uh-uh. Ain't happening, sister."
"I'm not your-"
>"Figure of speech. The clothes stay on, until I can ascertain whether you're hallucinations of my broken and ruined body; or demons of the afterlife that are going to poke me with pitchforks, and roast me over a slow flame."
>six pairs of eyes are looking at you funny
"Mr. Anonymous, being that the only pony here that actually OWNS a pitchfork, ah ain't letting any of these ones here stick them in you."
>she gives a slight snort of laughter
"Mainly because that would probably ruin it."
>"So... you aren't demons? Demons that took an aesthetically pleasing form, and non-threatening voices to lull me into a sense of complacency, and will rend the flesh from my bones, and boil my fat into tallow?"
>the pink one sorta leans away from you
"Not if you'd like us to, Annie."
>"N-no, really that's fine."
"Good! Now, do you promise that you aren't gonna use your knowledge of 5000 years of human culture and development to establish a one-person global tyranny, then we'll call it Even Stevens."
>you and the ponies stare at her
"What? My Pinkie Sense told me that I should specifically warn him about that."
>"Ookay. But how did you know about 5000 years?"
"Pinkie sense!"
>"And-"
"Pinkie sense!"
>you give her a flat stare, which she returns with a big ol' grin
>"You do realize that doesn't answer anything. What the hay is a Pinkie Sense anyway?"
>wait, hay?
>you wanted to say hell
"Hay! Hay! Bucking hay, why the buck can't I bucking say the bucking words that I want to say! BUCK! What kind of sour-eating fantasy sack world is this?! BUUUUUUCK!"
>Applejack looks at you funny
"If you was my sister, I'd make you eat a bar of soap."
>Rarity chimes in
"Indeed, and don't forget that there are ladies present."
>you look slightly sheepish, and attempt to put on an apologetic smile on your face
>"My apologies. It's just that I was merely trying to vent my frustrations at the fact that your friend Pinkie is alluding to some kind of quasi-mystical sense as an answer to a query; and some kind of censoring mechanism is changing the 

words that are coming out of my mouth."
>Twilight looks up at you
>"Pinkie sense? Yeah, don't bother. I've taken an anvil to the head for my troubles. Just smile, nod, and accept it."
>you give a sideways glance to the ridiculously pink pony, who nods so fast, you'd be concerned that her head might fall off
>you turn back to Twilight, who looks at you critically, and then levitates the book she was looking at to you
"As I was saying, you look like a human superficially. But your musculature is atrophied, you are generally smaller, you have less armoring, and your face looks completely different."
>the picture is that of a gray... actually, it looks like some kind of knight
>different than the knights you remember from medieval fairs and textbooks, but it's unmistakeable
>plate armor, spurred boots, gauntlets
>the only thing that's different is a visored face plate, and the fact that one of his hands is holding a ball of flame
"Now, from what I can recall from my other studies, humans were generally brutish and savage, while you possess a certain degree of eloquence-"
>Rarity interrupts Twilight
"Certain degree of eloquence?! Twilight, dahling, after conversing with Rainbow Dash and Applejack for so long, it's as if I forgot what the sound of flowery speech sounds like."
>the cyan and orange mares snicker at Rarity, and start making "hurr-durr" noises, and grunting
>you chuckle politely
>"Why, Miss Rarity! Had it be known to me that your delicate ears seek to be soothed by the melodious lullaby of a practiced orator, and a maestro of harmonic frequencies, it would have.."
>you smirk
>"...behooved you to mention it sooner. Why, in fact, I know a combination of words that is SO pleasing, it has been recorded by our top scholars back on Earth."
>the purple unicorn looks at you quizzically
"Earth?"
>you hold up a finger, roll and enunciate each letter
>"Cellar door."
>Rarity seems to think about this, rubbing her chin with her hoof. Twilight mimicks her motion, but seems less focused on the abstract, and is dead intent on studying you.
"Ummm, well, I think it sounds very pretty. It has a certain je ne sai quois that appeals to both pony, and human ears."
"Yeah, dragon ears too! If I ever have hatchings, I'm definitely calling one Cellar Door!"
>you grin, and lean back on the couch, scratching Pinkie's mane
>wait, how did that happen
>she's draped over your lap, and is snoozing, and you sorta did this on reflex
>nobody seems to mind though, least of all you, so you keep doing it
>Twilight clears her throat
"Well, as I was saying, before Mr. Anonymous distracted us, is that you seem to be far more intelligent than the humans of olden days. Which is why I am forced to revise my general degeneracy idea, and instead have to come to the 

conclusion that you are in fact a more advanced specimen. Though, where did you come from?"
>Rainbow Dash stops laughing, and looks at Twilight
"Well, hey, you're the egghead here. You were the one that said that this eh-nomaly-"
"Ah-nomaly."
"Right, ah-nomaly, had some kind of otherworldly component. And this guy claims he's a human, and judging by the looks of him, he seems to not recognize the picture in your book."
"Actually, Rainbow, ah reckon he just looks like that. He does look pretty goofy."
>you stroke your chin in what you hope is a look of wisdom
>then it hits you - you can't tell their body language; but they can't tell yours either
>"Miss Twilight Sparkle? Could you perhaps... enlighten me in something. I would presume that... Equestria, you called it, has a library, yes? Would you permit me to see it?"
>Twilight makes an "oh" with her mouth
"Weeeeell... the thing is, the book here says you are a vicios tribe that was wiped out after a mysterious god of chaos had you join his forces, and went to war against Equestria."
>you facepalm
>of course, the humans of this world-
>wait, you're accepting this
>a decision requires further data as far as the reality or unreality of your predicament
>Thomas Covenant would be so jelly
>anyway, the humans of this world/hallucination, of course they would go apeshit (heh, get it) over some kind of god, and go to war, and get themselves killed off in the process
>you rub your temples, as a headache begins to form
"Okay, no, I understand. Potential enemy, and all that. Uh, well, I certainly do wish to declare, as I mentioned to the esteemed Miss Pinkie Pie that I certainly have no plans of world domination, or vengeance, or even harm. Even if you 

are the products of an overactive imagination coupled with the trauma of a head injury from my resonator exploding... I would still not seek to do you harm. As long as no harm comes to me first, of course."
>Twilight nods slowly, while Rainbow Dash and Applejack watch you warily
"Ah think that sounds fair Twi. If ah understood 'im, he said 'don't mess with me, an' ah won't mess with you.' Can't argue that."
>Rainbow Dash flies into the air, and swoops closer to you
"He doesn't SMELL aggressive. Though yeah, he does smell kinda funky."
>hah
>they haven't been to the biochem lab on Thursday
>all of a sudden, Rarity rears and whinnies
"By Celestia, I think we can trust this... person. He hasn't been aggressive, he's very polite, he's clear in his declarations. He can't be helped if he doesn't meet the standards of equine beauty and grace... and that his ambre is 

slightly off. I personally think that Mr. Anonymous is as fine a gentlecolt as any."
>you incline your head to her from your seat
"I thank you for your kind words, Miss Rarity. I must say, I am rather pleased by the lack of a xeophobic reaction by all of you."
>Rarity returns the smile, and then glances outside
"But pleasantries aside, I really must be off. Mysterious strange being or not, a lady does have commitments, especially when the gleam of bits is at stake. I must bid you all adieu, but Twilight, do tell me what you decide to do with 

Mr. Anonymous."
>Twilight nods, and approaches you
"Mr. Anonymous?"
>"Yes?"
"The book also mentions that humans were very resistant to magic. Would you mind if I attempted a simple spell on you, to verify that?"
>you shake your head
>"Not with that kind of methodology."
>she raises an eyebrow at you
"Huh?"
>you roll your eyes
>"No offense to you, Miss Sparkle, but the way you described it hardly sounds like an experiment. I mean, sure, it is to the extent that mixing soda and vinegar can make a volcano-"
>Rainbow Dash looks up, and stares at you
"MIXING SODA AND VINEGAR CAN MAKE A VOLCANO?! I AM SO THERE!"
>with that, she flies off right out the window in a polychromatic blur
>both you and Twilight blink at her receding trail-lines
"Uhhh...
>"Uhhh... right, as I was saying. You didn't quantify the amount of 'magic' you'll be using- wait, did you say MAGIC?!"
>boy, for a genius scientist, you're kinda slow sometimes
>Applejack speaks from where she's talking about something with Fluttershy
"Twilight here is the strongest unicorn in Equestria. She's got more magical talent and power than any three unicorns combined."
>you stare at them incredulously
"Why, Mr. Anonymous. Do humans not have magic? They are shown to be using it here, with lethal effectiveness."
>you slowly shake your head
>"Nnnnno. We do not."
>this is bad
>this is probably not a hallucination after all
>there's no way in hell you would dream up of a world full of technicolor ponies, who use magic, and do horse puns
>you're clever, but not that clever
>wait a minute, this reminds you of something
>wasn't there a show back in 2010 or something, about this basic premise?
>you've never watched it though, but you vaguely recall it being somewhat popular
>so...
>either your subconscious is a really weird place, or...
>results are inconclusive, more data must be acquired
>you shake your head again to clear your mind, but Twilight takes it as a sign of denial
"Oh, very well then. I'll use a spell that'll deliver about 10 thaums of magical kinetic energy - think of it as about a light pinch. Then you will describe how you felt it. I can't risk you taking you to my equipment, because who knows 

how the ponies of POnyville will react to you."
>you pause
>holy shit
>contamination
>you jump up, throwing the pink pony off your lap
"Who-aaah!:
>you scurry over to the other side of the room, as far away from the others
>Flutterhsy is the quickest to react, beginning to approach
>"NO DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"
>she looks at you with hurt eyes, while Twilight looks at you quizzically
>"Supposing this isn't a hallucination, and that this is real - something that is concievable, yes, then holy shit. You've got no defense against my pathogens, and I don't have any against yours! Back off!"
>Twilight looks at you funny
"What's a... pathogen?"
>you stare at her incredulously
>"Really? A pathogen is a disease causing agent, such as a virus or a bacterium. In light of the circumstances that we're different species, it's possible that there are a few overlaps, but any one of those could be fatal! Our immune 

systems wouldn't know what to do!"
>Fluttershy and Twilight exchange glances, and the yellow pegasus pulls out... a hazmat suit?
>only, it covers the front part of her only, and doesn't even have an air filter
>you facepalm yet again
>"Miss Fluttershy, please. It's leaving most of your skin and mucous membranes exposed. If any of them are airborne, we're done for."
>Twilight shakes her head
"Mr. Anonymous, please. You sound incoherent. Almost nothing you said makes sense, but I got the gist that we shouldn't be breathing the same air."
>her horn glows
>Fluttershy, Applejack, and Twilight are encased by three glowing purple spheres that slightly obscures their forms
>you hear Twilight begin to say something, but can't hear her
>she frowns, and her horn glows again
"Honestly, Twilight, next time give a pony some warning! Anyways, ah'm gonna head on back to the farm. It seems like you've got this situation handled."
>the bubble pops as the orange mare walks out of it
>she looks at you cowering in the far corner
"Ah hope you enjoy yer visit in Ponyville."
>with that she walks out
>you try to breathe as shallowly as possible, and then draw your shirt over your mouth and nose
>you can see Fluttershy asking something from Twilight, but can't make it out
"Mr. Anonymous? If you're concerned about the air mixing, maybe it would make sense for both you and Twilight to go outside?" 
>no that's a terrible idea, because there's germs that you're not accustomed to
>granted, considering the amount of animal life you've seen, it's likely that they're in here as well
>might as well, it'll disperse your pathogens better
>you clamber up to your feet 
>"Okay, nobody move. As soon as I leave the place, try to sterilize it."
>with that, you press your back against the wall, watching the ponies warily

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