Unamed AiE series Chapter 1: Pinkie's Surprise (Garbage)

>You are Anon

>Well this was a given since you should know your own name

>You have been magically or scientifically transported to the magical land of Equestria

>It has been about two weeks since you accidentally put that fork in the microwave

>Why did you put that fork in the microwave, anyway?

>You were microwaving an old slice of pizza for Christ's sake!

>You didn't even get to eat that slice afterward, did you?

>Dumbass

>You just dropped out of the sky right in front of a purple unicorn named Twilight

>Miraculously, you didn't have any severe injuries from the fall. Maybe you lost a bit of dignity, but hey, who needs that anymore?

>She took you into her library house and was able to make sure nop0ny else saw you

>It was nice, living in that library for a while

>You had all the time and the books to read

>She asked a lot of questions about humans from you

>You asked a lot of questions about ponies from her

>It was back and forth with questions, like a game of tennis

>But not as boring

>As time went on, eventually she introduced you to some of her friends one day

>But as she did it you were reading a book and didn't really pay attention

>So you fucked up their names

>Applejack, Rainboo Mash, Rurdi, Dinkie Pie, and Yellow Quiet

>But you eventually got the names right later

>Pinkie wanted to throw you a party, but Twilight couldn't let anyp0ny find out about you yet

>Pinkie whispered about putting it down as a rain check for later

>It was the 2nd day of the 2nd week, you are almost done finishing a mystery book "The Great Canterlot Magic Show Murder"

 

"Well that was certainly a huge twist at the end, never would have thought that the butler would do it"

>You look around at the books to your left, to the end table next to your bed

>It was mostly some DaringDo books, History books and one Daring Do Fanfiction from the online alias DBR

>You think Twilight randomly started to give you books just to see what you would read when you first got here

>Besides the history book more interesting than Daring Do to you, no idea why

>But you didn't want to read, you just wanted to get outside, or at least do something

>No, you couldn't do that Twilight would get mad then she probably won't let you stay in her house

>You take a look at your socked feet

>You slowly take off your right sock and put it on your hand

>Huh.....

"Well hey Mr. Sock how yah doing today!?"

>MS: "Well I don't know about you Anon but I myself is pretty bored"

"Yeah, I know I am too, maybe we should go bother Spike!"

>MS: "Yeah let's g---"

>TS: "Uh Anon what are you doing?"

>You trail your gaze from your sock over to Twilight

"Nothing, what are you doing?"

>She just sort of shakes her head

>TS: "Riiight... anyways Anon, you should get ready today, The Princess was supposed to meet you at Sugar Cube Corner for the little dinner we are going to have

"Right, right then there is the public announcement and celebration the next week right?"

>TS: "Yes, I didn't think you remembered when I told you the first time"

"Twilight I am more capable then you think"

"Isn't that right Mr. Sock?"

>MS:" Yeah Twilight you should listen to Anon more often, he is very smart"

"See Twilight it'll be fine, you don't have to worry too much"

>TS: "Yes sure just stop doing whatever your doing now the princess will be there soon so get ready and I will teleport us there for the meeting"

>You nod while taking off the sock from your hand, and throw it down on the floor

>Twilight leaves your room and you start to get dressed into your formal suit

>You put on the coat, but get distracted on what tie to use

>You picked the most regular looking one

>No need to make a bad first impression right?

>You check how the suit fits you in the mirror

>It was a little big for you but not really noticeable

>You looked pretty good in general, all snazzy in the suit

>You are Suit Man

>The hero everyone deserves

>Saving Equestria one pony at a time, or several depending on the situation

>Or it could be something else, like griffons!

 

>The door opened a few minutes later and Twilight walked in a blue dress covered in stars and moons

>It suited her well

>Like it was made just for her

>TS: "Alright Anon, are you almost ready to go to Sugar Cube Corner?"

>You slowly turn around, and look at her with a blank stare

"No, I don't wanna"

>TS: "What do you mean you don't want to go? You have to go!"

"I don't wanna"

>You could see her grit her teeth and just had a look full of rage

>She turned away then turned backed with a huge forced smile

>TS: "Come on Anon, you have to go, there is no backing out of this"

"No I just don't wanna"

>Her right eye started to twitch

>TS: "Spike can you come in here and convince Anon to go!?"

>Spike walked in while eating a grilled cheese sandwich

>S: "Alright, Come on Anon you gotta go to the thing that, I don't really care about"

"I don't wanna"

>S: "Come on"

"No, I don't wanna"

>S: "Come on"

>He starts to poke you in the gut

"Ok"

>S: "See Twilight it isn't that hard, it's not hard to understand what he thinks"

>She stood there with her mouth a agape, just astonished

>She facehoofed trying to regain her composition again

>You start to laugh and Spike joins in with you

"It's fine Twilight we are just messing you"

>S: "Hahaha Yeah Twilight you should see the look on your face"

>She just sort of rolled her eyes

>TS: "Alright, but can we please go now, this is really important"

"Yeah, yeah let's just go now"

>Her horn started to glow and a force of wind began to spin around you two

>In a flash you were gone, on your way to sugarcube corner through space and time and whatever

>Spike walked over to your bed so he could finish his sandwich

>For some reason his attention was caught onto Mr. Sock, who was lying on the bed

>S: "...Huh weird"

>MS: "Hey Spike can I have some of that sandwich"

>Spike jumped, nearly falling off the bed

>S: "Whoa, dude that's creepy"

 

>You arrive in the kitchen of Sugarcube corner

>Taking a look around, it was a giant fucking mess

>Dough and flour were everywhere

>You look over at Twilight, she had her hoof on her forehead like she had a headache

"Hey Twilight, are you alright?"

>TS: "Yes Anon, I'm fine ,but what happened here?"

>Both of you walk over to the counter

>Twilight started to examine a bowl of batter

>You grabbed a cookie from the tray on the counter

"Seems like somebody cooked something really hard"

>Wait did that sentence even make sense?

>You start to nibble on the cookie, while you're confused by your own sentence

>Hmm... sugar cookies

>TS: "Why is it so dark in the other room? Do you mind if I take a quick look Anon?"

"Sure, just watch out for bats, they are always everywhere mocking people"

>TS: "I don't understand you at all Anon. I hope not all humans are as weird as you"

>You shove the rest of the cookie in your mouth, as Twilight walks into the other room

>You grab another cookie and lean against the fridge, waiting for Twilight

>Hmm....oh gross raisins

>You stopped eating, when you heard something strange from the other room

"Twilight? Are you ok?"

>No answer

>You cautiously start to make your way into the other room

>It was too dark to even see four feet in front of you, even with the red sunset light seeping in through the curtained windows

"Twilight, are you in here?"

 

>You stopped dead when you hear a faint scuffling noise

>You decide that you have to turn the lights back on

>Feeling for the light switch, you slowly make your way along the wall

"Ok, where is this stupid lightswitch? Wait what is this?"

>You felt something on the wall, it was a bit, furry?

>Your hands slid up, and you start to feel curly hair

"Wait....."

>"SURPRISE!"

>Pinkie jumped at you, knocking you over

>The lights shot back on, almost blinding you on the floor

>You try to regain your senses, and as you look up you can see Pinkie's face full of glee, staring back at you

>PP: "Anon! Are you surprised? I new I just had to make sure that a party was going to be thrown for you, so just to make sure I invited everyp0ny to this one!"

>Invited everyp0ny?

>You look behind her and notice a crowd of ponies, standing behind Pinkie

>They were all staring at you, speechless

>Oh God Anon this is bad, where is Twilight when you need her?

>You could see her tied up with silly string, behind the counter behind you

>Obviously this whole thing was Pinkies idea, but you might be suffering for it

>The ponies were still staring at you,  the tension was starting to build

>You grab Pinkie by the collar of hear dress and pull her closer, so you can whisper in her ear

"Pinkie, what are you doing you know that I'm not supposed to be found out about yet"

>PP: "Oh no, I must've forgotten about it, silly me"

>You thought she was lying, but it seemed like she was being sincere

>Ok, just try to talk to the ponies, that might fix it right?

>You slide Pinkie off of you, and begin to stand up

"Look, I know what you're all thinking, but just because I'm a giant alien thing you haven't seen before let's just try to remain calm, I want to eat some of those cupcakes over there and if you all freak out I might not be able to do that"

>All the ponies gasped and started to rabble with each other

>"What is it?" "How does it know how speak?" "What if it starts to eat us?"

>They all seemed to be in panic, you started to back up against the counter with Pinkie

>Twilight bumped into your leg, and you started to untie her

>Man this is starting to get out of hand very fast

 

>Outside on the streets in P0nyville Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity

>RD: "All I'm saying is that maybe having Pinkie host the dinner is a little bit risky"

>AJ: "I know what you mean Dash that's why I wanted to get there as fast as I could. Isn't that right, Rarity?"

>She gave a hard stern look at Rarity

>R: "What? I'm sorry, but if I'm going to meet with the Princess and the huma-- uh... I mean Anon, I want to look my best!"

>AJ:  "I'm just implying that you could be a bit more sincere to other ponies Rarity. I don't want have this fight with you right now."

>Rarity stopped talking and pulled out a mirror to make sure her hair was fine

>Maybe because she didn't want to continue either

>The 4 ponies arrived outside Sugarcube at the same time as Princess Celestia, on her golden chariot

>PC: "Well, hello there you four, I see that you are late as well"

>FS: "Yes, Princess we just had to sort out a couple things"

>RD: "Yeah, like which bow to put in our hair today"

>R: "And I'm glad I picked this beautiful shade of velvet, thank you very much"

>AJ: "Can we just please go inside? I have to know if something is wrong or not, my apple senses are tingling"

>PC: "Yes, I am eager to see the human as well, come along now you four"

 

"Uh Pinkie, what do we do!?"

>You started to fill with panic

>The ponies started to get hostile, and have threatened to tie you up

>You were trying to untie Twilight, and with all the other ponies walking slowly towards you, your mingers kept mingering on the string

>You could hear the muffling of Twilight starting to panic as well, she kept squirming which wasn't helping

>Pinkie was trying to distract them as best she could, but to no avail

>PP: "How about I grab my accordion, and we all just sing a happy song?"

>They all took another step closer in unison

>PP: "Yeah I think I lost them Anon"

>You turned around and started to lose all hope, till the doors opened

>Celestia and the rest of the mane six walked inside

>PC: "What is going on here!?"

>All the ponies turned around to the princess

>There was a total silence, until one pony spoke up

>"Well princess we found this um, thing and we are going to tie him up"

>All five of them looked at the pony with a faces full of what

>RD: "What are you, retarded? You don't know what it is, and you think it's ok to mess with it?"

>The pony slowly backed into the crowd, all of the ponies in the crowd lowered their ears in shame

>You start to untie Twilight again, Pinkie started to help as well

"Wait, Pinkie don't pull that one"

>PP: "Which one do I pull then?"

"Uh.. here, try this one"

>Your fingers were making this difficult

>The princess gave all the ponies a stern look

>PC: "I am very disappointed in all of you ponies"

>"But what if he was going to destroy P0nyville?"

>Princess looked over behind the crowd at you and smiled

>PC: "Does he look like he would hurt anyp0ny?"

>You had managed to get yourself stuck in the silly string with Twilight and Pinkie, it was much more sturdy then you thought

"Uh.. Ok try moving a bit"

>T: "Hey! Who is touching me back there!?"

>PP: "Sorry Twilight, my hoof is stuck there"

"How did this even happen? I don't even...."

>Celestia giggled a bit

>The Princess moved towards the three of you with her horn glowing, and she shot a beam of light from it that blinded you again

>You looked down after her light cleared, and the silly string had disappeared

>Twilight walked up to the Princess, trying looking kind of nervous

>TS: "Princess Celestia I'm so sorry about what happened, this wasn't supposed to happe...

>PC: "It's alright Twilight, everything went a bit better than expected actually

>Celestia turned around to all the other ponies, and quickly cleared her throat

>PC: "Listen my little ponies this Human is not here to cause us any harm. Since this is a bit unexpected, I will take him to Canterlot in the next few days to make a public announcement and celebration in his honor. But for now, let's just have some fun"

>Celestia took a couple steps towards Pinkie Pie and whispered in her ear

>PC: "Pinkie you know what to do"

>Pinkie jumped into the air, and let out a scream

>PP: "EVERYP0NY PARTY!!!!"

>A rain of confetti showered the room, and the jukebox started to play

>A wave of excitement rushed over you, and all you can say is a special four letter word

"Yeah!"

 

>It was a great party for what it was

>You mostly just stayed in the back at a table

>Mostly drinking some Manehatten Malt, while you chatted with the ponies at your table playing some card games, with the music playing in the background

>AJ: "Alright I call your bluff"

>Applejack pushed all her chips in and flip her cards

>AJ: "Pair of two's"

>You flipped your cards, and stared at her blankly

"Pair of three's, go fish"

>Applejacks jaw dropped and she put her head on the table

>Derpy spoke up from her, just staring at her cards

>D: "Wait, I have the old maid what does that mean?"

"That activates yahtzee which means everybo-er p0ny wins!"

>Derpy threw her cards in the air

>D: "Yay!"

>She trotted off to go get some punch, you assume she did, but you lost her in the crowd of poines

>You look back at Applejack, she has on a cocky smile

>AJ: "Everyp0ny wins huh?"

"Yeah everyone wins in Two card hold em', Go Fish Yahtzee"

>Out of nowhere Pinkie Pie's head popped out from above you

>PP: "Oh I love that game! I'm one of the best at TCHGFY!"

>You look up at her, she is basically sticking to the ceiling with her hooves somehow

"Whoa Pinkie how are you doin--"

>Your feet start to float to the ceiling

"Oh okay"

>You move around trying to get your bearing on the ceiling

"Pinkie Pie, if I'm on the ceiling do you know what this means!?"

>PP: "Cake for breakfast!?"

"No wait...Yes, and we can have a ceiling dance moment of awesomeness"

>You slide over to the dance floor

>Well, above the dance floor and start pulling some shuffling

>Which was one of the only dance moves you knew besides the sprinkler

>Pinkie started to copy you, shuffling on her hind legs

>All the ponies watched you two in awe, Twilight was just stupefied

>You and Pinkie were going to finish this duet of dance with an epic high five

>You both leap at the same time and bring your hand and hoof together

>Except after the jump you didn't go back up, you went both went down

>You landed on the floor HARD!

>Pinkie fell onto your gut just short of your dick

>At least that's what you remembered before you blacked out

 

>TS: "Anon? Anon? Anon!"

>You slowly start to open your eyes, you see through the crack of your eyes, Twilight looking straight down at you

"Twilight? Ugh, what happened?"

>You lift your hand to her face, and boop her on the nose with your finger, it made you chuckle

>TS: "You passed out from being way too drunk and losing a card game to Derpy"

>You sat up, you realized that you were on the floor and the whole building was empty except for Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie sleeping on a table

"So I didn't dance on the ceiling?"

>Applejack walked up to you with a cocky smile

>AJ: "I tell you what did happen, you lost pretty bad at cards"

>You don't know why but you got really mad at her

"Well you know what, Applejack you a uhh... fuck your hat!"

>You flip her hat right off her head with your hand

"....I'm sorry Applejack I'm really drunk I'm sorry"

>You pick her hat back up and placed it on her head

"....No wait, fuck your hat!"

>You swing and knock over her hat....again

"I'm sorry Applejack that was really uncalled for and I won't do it again unless I really want to"

>Applejack just sort of rolled her eyes, and picked her hat back up

>AJ: "Alright, we should head home for the night, Dash said there's a heavy storm tonight"

>You nod and try to stand up, but you stagger as you try to

>You just realized how drunk you actually were and you and Twilight head back to the Library

 

>While walking, you lean on Twilight with an arm wrapped around her neck for support

>TS: "So, that whole ordeal went a bit better than expected, very different then what I thought would happen but good nonetheless"

"If you try, you usually get what you want..er..need"

>TS: "Yeah I guess your right, I just feel that, everything that went wrong was my fault"

>In a drunken haze you wanted to prove that statement wrong to make her feel better

"No, Twilight you, you are a good friend, I mean you took me in for no raisin, an-and I need to repay you somehow. I'll do it one day, you can count on that and..."

>You took a deep breath through your nose

"....the Alphabet"

>She just looked back at you and smiled

>TS: "Thanks Anon"

>You both got to the library just before the rain started

>Sneaking your way past Spike, so that you wouldn't wake him you managed to get to your bed and pass out on it

>Things were starting to get very interesting for you

 

About an hour earlier

>Bon Bon was walking with Berry Punch back to their respective houses

>BB: "Man, this certainly something to take in. I mean you know a human? Lyra will never be able to let me live this down"

>BP: "Why wasn't she at the party? heh heh. She is too busy with her human stuff?"

>BB: "No, She has a cold and didn't feel like going to the party"

>They arrived at Bon Bon's house and both said goodbye

>Bon Bon knocked on the door

>BB: "Lyra are you still up? I don't have my key"

>A few grunts were heard and hoof steps before the door opened

>L: "Hey, Bon Bon how was the party?"

>Lyra looked like she had just woken up, or hasn't sleep in two days

>BB: "Oh well, uh, let's see it was normal Pinkie Pie party except..."

>Bon Bon started to mumble

>BB: "....except there was a human at the party"

>Lyra tilted her head

>L: "Except for what?"

>Bon Bon said it again in a regular voice

>BB: "There was a real life Human at the party.. and there's going to be an even at Canterlot for it in about a week"

>Lyra eyes lit up, she grew a giant grin, then turned into a giant scowl

>L: "THERE WAS A HUMAN AT THE PARTY AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME?"

>BB: "I'm sorry Lyra bu-but..."

>Lyra slammed the door in Bon Bon's face, locked the door, and went to bed

>Bon Bon kept knocking on the door

>BB: "L-Lyra come on, I'm sorry, oh no, she locked me out...."