Title:           Return Of the Thestralians Ch 1 /MLP/ [RGRE]
Author:          Scrapt0r
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/C89ZSHFJ
First Edit:      Thursday 8th of December 2016 05:42:14 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Saturday 24th of December 2016 10:24:23 AM CDT

https://derpibooru.org/932457?scope=scpe8c298a6b89362368b65d25626afeac544f7544d6
 
"This makes even more sense once you realize that political prisoners were shipped to penal colonies in Australia in the 18th century."
"So it’s very possible that, once Nightmare Moon was defeated all those years ago, her thestral soldiers were sent to a faraway island continent, later named "Thestralia"."
--------------------------------------------------------
>be Celestia
>1000 years ago
>After Nightmare moon was BTFO things seemed to go nearly back to normal
>except she was gone of course
>that and your guards had just informed you of a protest that is happening infront of the castle
>ziggerchimpout.painting
"sigh, again? This is the third time this month..."
>you walk towards the balcony
>only to find that there were no ziggers in the protest
>only thestral's
>ohshitzigger.scroll
>what do
>what do...
>...
>...
>Idea.painting
"private swift"
>"yes your Majesty"
"Bring me Captain Thunder"
>"at once your majesty"
 
>4 minutes later
>your are watching the protest slowly turn ugly
>Your guards have tried to intervene to quell the protest
>but its only getting worse
>you hear the door open
>and see captain thunder enter your vision
>"you called for me your Majesty?"
"Yes, do you see what is going on down there?"
>he trotted up to the railing and looked over
>"yes your Majesty, I was notified about this just as private Swift entered my office"
>you see one on the thestral's buck one of your guards
"Captain Thunder, I want you to gather up all the thestral's and banish them"
>"Why your majesty?"
"Because they are protesting the defeat of nightmare moon and from now on they are considered traitors to the crown"
>You sense your captain feel uneasy
>understandable since this is the first time you had given out this type of order to your guards in 200 years
>but he shakes off the uneasiness and salutes
>"At once your majesty"
>your sure it wont come back to bite you in the ass
>probably
 
>Be Celestia
>Current Year +1
>nothing of value was lost that day
>luckily you finish your memory as the noble in front of you finishes his complaint
>some Minoshit about another pony wearing socks out in public
>fuckmylife.scroll
 
>Be Anon
>Strayan anon you cunt
>Princess Twigglelight Sperglord sent you out with a map and a compass
>apparently you and Thundercunt need to look for some friendship problem in the white tail woods
>Magic Friendship Map Ex Machina
>you insisted that you could carry something
>But Twiggles said something about needing help from a mare
>She gave you that map and teleported away to do more princess shit
>So here you are with Dashie walking through the woods
>"What does the map say anon?"
>Opening the map all you see is a shitty drawing of equestria and the surrounding areas.
>Fuckme.gif
"That cunt gave me a shitty map of all of equestria instead of one for this fuck off forest"
>Rainbow looks at you like your crazy
>"Let me look at that map colt"
>she snatches it off you and looks at it for a few seconds
>"Well, I'm sure that we will find it easy. After all Im here with you"
>Arrogant fuck
>whatever
>She chucks the shitty map back to you
>Might as well look at it to try and find some kind of clue
>...
>...
>Wait a minute
>Hold the fucking phone cunt
>Either this is some weird alternate universe north america or its some time in the future
>"Hurry up Anon, I wanna find this thing"
>Cunt, I will fucking thong you in the face
>You go back to looking at the map but walk a bit faster
>OH shit wow
>Manehattan
>Fillydelphia
>Las Pegasus
>Baltimare
>What is this shit
>Pony puns fucking everywhere
>Wait...
>Griffonstone?
>Does that mean that if were currently in North America that griffonstone is in Europe
>So Gryphons are yuropoors?
>Pinkie did mention something like that once
>Trash everywhere, broken shit and a shithole in general
>Pure Coincidence.mp4
>Looks like many other countrys merged and everyone just said fuck it
>Wait
>So does that mean there is an Australia as well?
>You fucking hope that New Zealand didn't merge with Australia
>That be fucked cunt
>You need to do more research
>Later
>"oww"
>You see dash fly into a set of vines
>Fucking idiot
>You go up to help her out
>"Don't worry Anon. I can get myself out"
>Fucking ponies
>You go sit on a nearby rock
>You give her 10 minutes before she asks for help
 
>2 Hours Later
>be back at crystal shitcastle
>Rainbow took 30 minutes to get herself out
>could have gone off and had a wank onto a birds nest in that time
>probably should have
>then Dash would have hurried up
>some bullshit about a stallion being alone in a 'dark and scary forest'
>Fucking ponies and there bullshit
>The males are soft cunts and the females white knighting cunts
>Except for maybe Catdance
>She at least treats you normal
>except for her 'HI ANON' crap
>And her husband is no better
>'Bomb ass' this and 'bomb ass' that
>maybe you should go shoot yourself in the face to see what happens
>...
>Na, it funnier to piss em off by doing something crazy
>CMC tier crazy
>like going out into the everfree to see how many Cocatraces you can kick in the face
>Kekles
>Twiggles nearly pissed herself in panic and you nearly shit yourself laughing because of it.
>your record is 7
 
>Moving on
>tWHYlight said that the friend ship marks disappeared from the map 2 hours ago
>something about them disappearing when you completed the quest
>So
>you decided to continue your mission to find best cuntry
>you head to the library
>were you see the butt slee- I mean assistant sorting books
>again
>FFS twilight
>Let him do something else for a change
>"hiya Anon"
"hey scales"
>"What do you need"
"Is there a book about different countries or an atlas/world map lying around here?"
>He jumps off the ladder and walks over to another part of the bookshelf
>"there is a couple here about world maps"
>he hands you a book titled 'the northern lands v2' by some pony named 'Magnetic North'
>quickly flipping through the book you see information about the northern hemisphere
>Pretty sure toilets swirl left not right
>and there are snakes living in them
>every FUCKING time you need to take a shit
>Putting the book down you pick up another book from the pile that Spike made
>'The frozen North'
>Nope
>*plunk*
>Looking at a few more books you see that there irrelevant to your quest
"you wouldn't happen to have anything about the southern hemisphere?"
>"hmm"
>"Ohh, I think i saw one over here"
>while he was doing that you put the books back in the bookcase
>He handed you the book just as your finished restacking the pile
>"Here you go Anon"
>'Great southern land'
>pure coincidence.webm
>flipping over the book you start skimming through it
>"So what's this all about Anon?"
"equestria looks like a country from my world mate, need to see if my cuntry is here as well"
>you finally get to a page with the country drawn in the book
>Holy jizz soaked aborted fetus
>It looks like one of those maps from when they first discovered it
>the Tasmanian cunts are attached to the rest of the place
>"is that it anon?"
>Ignoring him you snap up the book and run out the door to find twiggles
>she's gotta have more info on this bullshittery
>"Hey wait up"
>after slamming multiple doors looking for her
>she teleports in front of you and spike
>"What are you doing Anon!"
>You open up the book to the map page and shove it in her face
>scrunchie level: 4
"Do you know anything about this?"
>she grabs the book with her magic and starts reading
>"I've never seen this before Anon, were did you find it?"
>spike interrupts you
>"we found it in the library Twilight"
>fuck she's a fast reader
>you swear she was going to invent a spell to gain knowledge from any book just by eating it
>that would be interesting to watch
>maybe you should get some images of the pony version of goatse so there stuck in her head forever
>Even Luna's bullshit 'cut that shit out' spell to remove nightmares wont work
>It would be a kekpocalipse the likes of which no man has ever seen before
>You would make Eris proud
>Your thoughts were interrupted when twilight started talking
>"-need to tell Celestia about this"
"wait, no"
>and she teleported
>just after you grabbed her shoulder
>leaving spike alone in the hallway
>Next thing you know your in Twilight's office and feeling really sick
>unable to stop the inevitable you should at least try to direct it somewhere safe
>but you failed
>And you vomit after collapsing to your knees
>Right onto Twilights back
>Totally worth it
>It takes a second for her to realize
>but when she does her reaction is glorious
>totally worth your stomach doing 10 backflips a second
>"EW!, EW!, EW!, EW!, EW!, EW!, Dear Celestia Anon that's disgusting!"
>Her wings are splayed out causing puke to fly allover the room
>including your face
>and she running around like a chicken with its head cut off
>Her notes, signed documents and some books were all over her office and covered in puke
>Orbital_sides.jpg
>leaving her distracted with your puke you decide it would be best to stumble towards your room in a barely held in fit of Kekles
>might as well take a shower and get a change of clothes