Oestrus Tournament

>It's the dawn of spring in Equestria.

>Winter wrap up was a few weeks ago.

>The ice has thawed and life has returned to the thawing land.

>The flowers are blooming, the grass is green, the birds chirping.

>You sit on the hill top over looking the green pastures and admire the beauty of nature.

>You here hoofsteps.

>You turn your head to see a tall salt and pepper colored unicorn.

"Sure is pretty ain't it Anon?"

>"Ace!''

>"The fuck you doing here?"

>"I though you were taking care of business in the Crystal Empire?"

"It's taken care of So what's up man?"

>"Fuckin' winter wrap up was a bitch without you."

>You were a silverback compared to most ponies but Ace was a very proficient magic user, and with out him you ha had to do all of the heavy lifting.

"Speaking of winter wrap up how are things going around here?"

>"Nothings changed much since you've left, they mayor want's to raise taxes though, greedy fuck."

"That sucks ass."

>"I know man, I fuckin' know."

"Why don't we wash away the pain at the bar?"

>"Sounds good to me, I could use a stiff drink."

10 minutes later

>As soon as you guys walk into the pub you're overwhelmed by a dense cloud of smoke

>"Shit dude, they really need to open a fucking window up or something

>He just coughs in response.

>You make your way over to the counter and sit.

>You and Ace just cat for a minute until the bar tender approaches you.

"What'll you guy's be having?"

"I have some ale."

>The bar tender turns to you

"And you?"

 

>"Some vodka."

>The bar tender brings you your drinks.

>You and your pal engage in some idle conversation about random shit when everyone goes silent.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Shut yer mouth the announcement on!"

>The old radio in the corner of the bar is on and everyone's listening.

>'OH SHIT IS IT HAPPENING?'

 

"Stallions of Equestria, It is spring time and most mares are starting their oestrus cycle. Evey mare has one, and Princess Celestia is no exception. She needs a strong suiter to satisfy her needs. So if you think you got enough balls sign up for the Oestrus Tournament. If you are victorious, you will get to comfort Princess Celestia during her heat cycle and receive a lump some of bits. Go to the Canterlot barracks to sign up."

 

>"Comfort the Princess eh?"

>"And cash. Doesn't sound bad."

"You srsly thinking about signing up for that ."

>"Maybe, maybe."

"I mean you're tough and all but so are a lot of the stallions that sign up for that."

>"I know that."

"And it;s not just ponies that sign up, creatures from all over the globe compete, griffons, minotaurs, diamond dogs."

>"They don't seem so tough."

>"Remember that time I boxed that fool Iron Will?"

"But this ain't boxing."

>"I KNOW!"

>"Jesus fuck what happened to your balls? Normally you would be all happy ans encourage me"

"But this is some risky shit man!"

>"But it's worth it."

"Wait Anon, you talkin 'bout entering the tournament?"

>"Yeah!"

"FUCK YEAH ANON! PUT TROUGH TOWN ON THE MAP!"

"*sigh*"

 

>"Tomorrow morning I'll catch the train to Canterlot!"

>"I will enter the competition and get that pussy!"

>Everyone in the bar cheers in unison "ANON ANON ANON ANON!"

 

2 hours later

 

>You arrive at your house

>You are going to need some weapons for this

>You open up your weapons cabinet

 

>The shotgun was an obvious choice, can't go wrong with monkey space magic.

>Now for the melee

>You needed something swift and deadly

>You grabbed your ornate dueling rapier

>Now you needed a backup weapon in case the other's failed

>This was very important decision.

>Your life depends upon this decision.

>You need something reliable, and damaging

>Nunchucks? Daggers? NO!

>THE DILDO SABRE!

>"Wait where the fuck did I get this?"

>No matter, you throw in in with the other weapons

>You go to the reloading bench to make more shells, you're going to need them.