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Purple is the new Black. #1

By: Saint_Dane on Feb 2nd, 2014  |  syntax: None  |  size: 3.81 KB  |  hits: 56  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Waking up in the middle of a field, you feel lighter for some reason.
  2. >Checking for your weapons, the only one you find, is your faithful Penetrator.
  3. >Ahh your giant purple dildo bat.
  4. >You remember killing some good civilians with it.
  5. "What the fuck happened this time?"
  6. >You ask yourself.
  7. >Equipping your bat, you walk in whatever direction you want, because you know, you're a goddamn billionaire.
  8. >Sucks that you don't have anyone to talk to, preferably someone you give a fuck about, sooo, anyone but Pierce.
  9. >Fuck Pierce.
  10. >Probably his fault you're here, that black motherfucker.
  11. >A while later, you hear, "Umm, e-excuse m-me mr a-ape thing, where are y-you g-going?"
  12. >Looking around, the only thing you notice one animal.
  13. "Hey small horse, who said that?"
  14. >Somehow it looks offended, "You may be frightening, but you don't h-have to be mean."
  15. >It just fuckin talked, a talking horse. What the blueberry fuck is going on here?
  16. >"I m-mean, if you're going to call me anything, call me a pony, but my name is Fluttershy."
  17. >She's still talking?
  18. "Hey, horse. I don't know where the fuck I am right now. If I did, the world would already idolize me."
  19. >Meh, you met one person who didn't know your name, he should remember with it engraved in his chest.
  20. >You put your hand out.
  21. "Name's Anon, but most just call me Boss."
  22. >She reluctantly shakes you hand with a "hoof".
  23. >As soon as you establish a small street gang, first, celebrity, next, world leader.
  24. >But first, gain the ponys trust.
  25. "So, Butterfly, what do you ponies do for fun here?"
  26. >"Umm, actually my name is Fluttershy." she tries to correct
  27. "Sure it is, now what usually happens here, gang fights, drive-bys, gameshow that lets you kill people for money?"
  28. >She looks terrified, "Why would you kill others for money!?" she asks.
  29. "Hey, someone's gotta entertain a gangland city."
  30. >God, how can these ponies not enjoy a good ol' cold-blooded murder?
  31. >She's awfully quiet for the rest of the trip, was it something you said?
  32. >She must be like that one girl you met as a kid, you don't think she like all the murdering.
  33.  
  34. *Five minutes later*
  35.  
  36. >Arriving in a small village full of ponies, she leaves you at a large tree-house.
  37. >You remember your first tree-house, you hated it, you burnt it down with the neighborhood bully in it, no one fucked with you again.
  38. >Well you were sent to a correctional facility about twenty miles in all directions to civilization.
  39. >It sucked.
  40. >Knocking on the door it opens to a small horse with a horn on her head.
  41. >Walking past her you say.
  42. "Yo bitch, Shutterflutter told me to talk to you."
  43. >You sit down on her couch, getting used to all the books on the walls.
  44. >Must be a library, you remember when you burnt down that cities library, along with half of it too.
  45. >Easy to say, they didn't want you to be president.
  46. >You realise that you burnt down alot of buildings as a kid.
  47. >Exiting the thoughts you look at lavender librarian.
  48. >She looks at you strangely, as if you had three heads.
  49. "What?"
  50. >She continues to stare.
  51. >What are you looking at?
  52. "What da fuck you lookin' at bitch!?"
  53. >You hear, "Nope!" just before you teleport.
  54. >Ughh, it feels like Pierce gave you one of his fruity drinks he mixes, and forced you to drink it.
  55. >You find yourself infront of what looks like a bakery.
  56. >Something doesn't feel right.
  57. >Using your detection skills, you snap to face a mint colored pony.
  58. >She flinches when you trn but sit still afterwards.
  59. >She just sits there and stares at you.
  60. >Very awkwardly you might add.
  61. "Hey, if you keep looking at me like that, there will be a baseball bat entering your ass-hole."
  62. >You say holding your dildo-bat in one hand and pointing at her with your right index finger.
  63. >She gets the message and starts to run away.
  64. >You turn to enter the bakery not knowing it to be one of the worst things you could do in small horse world.
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