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Lets do this shit!

By: Roadsidespectacle on Jan 18th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 13.20 KB | hits: 26 | expires: Never

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If I pull this off then I will make a pastebin I also need you guys to help me with ideas, I'll ask and maybe you can supply answers.
Time to cobble this abortion into a somewhat readable abomination. I am going to need your help as well, cause I suck at this.
First off: Fractured the prison Bitch
>Day wearedoingthis2: Doing harder
>Holy Shit on a biscuit
>Cadence and Harry are seriously fighting out there, and if this happened on earth Micheal Vick would cream his pants
>Now why is this happening you ask?
>Well its easy and we are going to take a page from the holy book of Highlander: There can only be one
>So there it is, a Mary Sue and a Gary Stu trying to kill each other while you look on: indifferent your default reaction
>You so wish for salted plums, great stuff, so salty, wrinkly and the way you can just nibble on the skin if you keep in your mouth long enough- oh deity its so good
>a pleasant shiver goes through your back, its the best kind of shiver
>back to the topic at hand, its a fight that no one is winning, both of them are evenly matched
>There is an occasional clash as both of them use different powers that cancel each other out
>Lets see: Some Blood red (of course) light rays coming from the tool shed
>Some really gay Pink rays from the princess of love
>Well over to your right is a fire ax, sleek as all hell waiting to get tested on the streets
>hmmm, who would you kill
>oh Deity you dreamed of it but never in your life did you think it would happen: you have the chance to kill/not main or disable, kill
>You got a fucking boner thinking of this, MURDERING without a repercussion
>but who would get the literal axe, the girly ass pony who has no use other than to further the goddam plot and to infuriate everyone it meets
>the other is cadence
>hmmm
>"Dammit Anon kill Harry you stupid brick"
>Lets go with what Pinkie wants
>So here we are: in your hands is a fire Ax ready and primed for maximum killing power
>and so you make your way to the battle, by now they are locked into each other in an embrace that spews electricity and power
>yup p0nies that don't have names sure are regretting not having a name
>what with the being set on fire and the like "I DONT LIKE BEING ON FIRE"
>No shit dipwad, and so you throw water on the poor p0ny
>"Thanks"
Sure...Fire Walker
>"I have a name yayyy!"
>Hmm this is going to be weird
>here you are
>Starting this story right in
3
2
1
Hey, Harry I'm going to AX you to leave
>And so you split his skull
>It was done in one shot, swift and bloody this was not what you expected
>on Earth whenever, you got the chance, you and homeless Pete saw those movies, normal families would say no to such brutality, but your weren't in a normal family: to just to see the blood, animalistic carnage, and the suffering of others its was fun
>and you loved every second of it
>not that you wanted to do that, you knew the consequence of such actions
>but right now, at this very moment, time slowed down as you could hear the crunch of the skull caving in
>the blood that came out of every orifice
>his left eye popped out of his own cavity, a rush of blood came out as well
>his right eye just popped into a jelly like substance
>by now his body caught up with his head and its receding ending with a sickening thud
>can you believe that only ten seconds passed?
>Wow today you figured something out, no wonder you didn't have any friends, parents warned their children about you
>You were the quintessential parental caution
>You were the bad influence
>hmmm this is new
>the sky turned blue
>is that supposed to happen?
>maybe if you didn't look at the whole cadre of soldiers coming your way you-
>and your ass was tasered for the second time in one day
>You are in agony, to be paralyzed from the pain and the-
>hey, there's Culo Blanco
Hey prince-
>again tasered
>Three, Three times you were tasered, for fucks fucking sake why?
>Why cause fuck you thats why
>"Anonymous the Human, you have committed a great crime against us, you have murdered our kind and for that you are p0nykinds most vile and horrid creature"
But you HAVE heard of me right?
>Genius
>"You shall be sent to the Royal Canterlot dungeon, pending sentence and punishment"
>Welp this is going just the way you expected
>"Hey A-anon is being raped by big strong stallions your fetish" here she is right on time. The yellow menace, her one cameo wasted on a cliche
>"If you want m-maybe I could be your cell mate?"
FUCK THIS GA-
>Well being tasered for a fourth time is the magic key, cause you got automatic inhibition deprivation syndrome or AIDS, or in ghetto language: You got knocked the hell out
>You slept through the next 2 days like a baby
>and so you got sentenced for 20 years for the murder of an alicorn
>originally it was 6000 years because alicorns were hard to come by
>the fact that everyone liked that tool made it worse
>but because you did a "particular favor" to the two princesses you only got 20 years
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3MXiTeH_Pg
>They even had the two chariot modified to look like the cars
>you are not proud of it
>and you still plan on breaking out
>Whats worse is that Fluttershy is the warden
>this is bullshit and you know it
>welp this is your life, you better enjoy it, at least she cant get in the shower with you
>Those are the best 30 seconds of your life
>Until you drop the soap someday
>enough about your job as an asexual pornstar now, its chow time and today its chili bean day
>Ahh the joys of Friday, if you weren't in prison it would be better
>whatchagonnadofaggot?.mpeg
>right now you're in the line to get the food, suddenly you get poked by what you hope is a horn
>"Hey big colt come her often?" Yup its the aggressor: Aka Sweet Roll the biggest bastard in the prison yard, but he is still up to your chest
>midgets
>he was arrested and sentenced for 2 years because he has a real problem with p0nies dropping random stuff in bakery
>poor Prince Blueblood, never stood a chance to the wide girth that is Sweet Roll, now you can't get rid of that mental image
>You're welcome
>Time to heavy metal this bitch
Hey man, I'm cool as a cucumber lets not start something
>and so you grab hold of him and shove him to the grill pressing as hard as you can
>He is in agony and you know it
>His head is sizzling by now and his skin and fur is starting to peel, it smells like beef and your mouth is watering, pupils dilating, you haven't had meat for so long your having thoughts, evil thoughts
>its bedlam as everyone has gone batshit insane level 4
>By now the guards regained control of their muscles and restrained you, but you had a few words for the p0nies here
DON'T YOU FORGET: I'M NOT IN HERE WITH YOU, YOU'RE IN HERE WITH ME!
>Could of gone better, hell you could of made a friend, he was the equivalent of a black person, would of made prison fun
>but you got yourself a prison bitch now and he is the toughest one, no one is going to go against you, this is going a lot better that expected
>Fluttershy really hasn't done alot to you, and even then, almost killing the stallion got you a week in the hole
>"I-I want you to think about w-what you just did mister, but momma still loves you and h-hopefully a week here will make you realize that you're meant for me"
>crazy bitch
>still, she does have perseverance though, still tries the whole fetish routine
>gives you something to do even if you've been here for a whoping 3 days
>so here we are, in the hole
Tick, tock
around the clock.
The world doesn't stop
>This is boring
>"Hey dude, whats up"
Nothing much the roof maybe the sk-
HOLY HAKUNA MAHTATA's
>wut happened
>"Hey bby wun sum fuk?"
>okay, there went the last drop of serotonin in your brain
Hello insanity
>"I'd prefer Fractured Flow if you don't mind"
>Your mind doesn't have enough cpu to understand the situation-reboot in safemode (y/n)
(y)
Uhh hey Fractured, why are you in my head?
>"I was in the neighborhood and I just wanted pop in, seeing as I'm the other side of the wall dipshit"
>oh yeah the hole in the wall, why didn't you notice it earlier
>welp. Its official, you're a moron, let it be known to the townspeople that you are a moron
>"I swear to god if you put your dick in that hole I am gonna cut it off and add it to my collection"
>Seems legit and it snaps you out of your trance, two for one: nice
Uhh okay then, how long were you in here for?
>"I don't know, is blood a number"
>Its one of those guys isn't it?
In real numbers, how many bloods
>"ten"
years?
>"months"
Why so long? What did you do?
>"I fucking caused a massacre at the elementary school. Made a little filly get a paper cut"
>the Monster
>"Oh yeah how the paper sheared through her supple skin, breaking it and the flesh of the innocent showing its beautiful color and smell. How she was in pain, knowing that she could have stopped it but didn't. Oh how I moaned loudly being filled with carnal pleasures and shivers going through my body. I came loads after that, probably should of done that at home, not at an elementary school. Wow, I have lack of foresight don't I? I deserve to be here"
>Yeah you tuned him out
>After you stopped puking at that mental image you decided that a plan is needed
>You will not spend another day in here let alone 20 years
>They do not the proper facilities for you
>Sucks, can't shower without having to bend down
>You haven't showered in 3 days
>and you will not shower as long as those predatory eyes are gawking at you
>The massive grey unicorn with the soap bars for a cutie mark does a sucking motion every time he passes by you
>You shudder as that image popped up
>why is this your life?
>It may have something to do with punching the Dali Llama
>good times
>Anywho
>You have got to get out of this prison
>And you know just how to do it, complicated just how you like it
Hey Fractured come here for a bit
>"And then I decided to give the little filly a rib resection to cure her cold"
Fractured
>"oh god her lung, so soft and warm"
FRACTURED
>"hmm yeah"
Come here
>"okay, but why-AHH WHY DID YOU SHANK ME, PAIN HURTS"
>Oh yeah you just shanked him
>You are going to need as much prison bitches in order to make this plan work
>"I'm okay, the blood is slowly stopping, I can see the color lavenderrrrrr"
>Yup he passed out...wuss
>Bitch this is happening
>ONE NEXT DAY LATER
>Warden Fluttershy is making her rounds
>and so begins your overly convoluted plan
Hey Fluttershy, you want to give me a bath and maybe talk about our feelings?
>oh yeah In like Flynn [fun fact: Errol Flynn was acquitted of statutory rape of a 16 year old in 1943- hence the phrase]
>"Baby come here, momma is going to clean you u-"
>You grab her keys and you lock the door sprinting at the speed of kenyans, just to stop at the front of your cell, you are exhausted
>Lazy bastard
>"l-let me out"
>tap tap
>"help me"
>knock knock
>Damn, you can't barely hear her
>Gonna get that bitch a megaphone just to hear her properly
>Okay then lets get Fractured
>Still asleep, he had sex with the blood
Wake up, lazy ass
>"Hmm is that you lung? Come back to bed honey."
>What is this?
>I don't even
WAKE THE FUCK UP
>"huh whats happening"
We're breaking out
>"But we had so much in common, has our talks of our future mean nothing, we didn't even have sex"
No you moron, BREAKING OUT not BREAKING UP
>"oh. You were gonna be my first"
>Yup that was a violent shudder
>Okay then, its rec time and you need to find Sweet Roll
>There he is and is he happy to see you
>"Hey baby-who is this hussy?"
>No that cannot happen, to many gay jokes
>ABORT ABORT
----------------------------------------
Okay so you guys know what your doing right?
>"Right"
>"yeah"
>Time to start this plan
>no gay jokes
>right?
>RIGHT
>...yeah
>okay
>and so Fractured made it to the prison recreational courtyard
>and so he pushed on his breasts and danced
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGL2rytTraA
>the entire prison complex is entranced and even in awe in this display
>The flamicus goricus is doing his mating dance
>and there are bites in his dance
>many prison inmates are vying for his attention displaying their predominant colors
>it is a delicate balance in this concrete jungle
>but he shies away to his cell
>maybe another day
...Really
>yes
I'm done with this
Going home, hands in the air not gonna care
Fuck you all
>You proudly display your middle finger for all to see
>good thing this prison is volunteer only
>Time to go home
>Fucking exhausting this month has been
>Harry Fucking Potter and Cadence wiping out 1% of the entire population
>You got sent to prison
>Got two prison bitches
>And now you have a craving for olives
>You know what?
>Your not going home
>In fact your here
>Its night, you are exhausted, drowsy and dirty from walking out of Canterlot for two days
>Its her house you know
>You feel like going to her now, you just don't want to be alone right now
>and so you knock on the door and in a seconds, she opens the door
>You can see the shock go through her but she gains enough control to hug you tightly, as if she wants the reassurance that you're not a figment of her imagination
Hey
[P0nyville Cemetary 0000 Hours]
>"Wll tht waznt very xtremly nic wll i do hav my neu frinds to halp me ima tech hm sum lesons in bing nic."

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

If I pull this off then I will make a pastebin I also need you guys to help me with ideas, I'll ask and maybe you can supply answers.
Time to cobble this abortion into a somewhat readable abomination. I am going to need your help as well, cause I suck at this.
First off: Fractured the prison Bitch

>Day wearedoingthis2: Doing harder
>Holy Shit on a biscuit
>Cadence and Harry are seriously fighting out there, and if this happened on earth Micheal Vick would cream his pants
>Now why is this happening you ask?
>Well its easy and we are going to take a page from the holy book of Highlander: There can only be one
>So there it is, a Mary Sue and a Gary Stu trying to kill each other while you look on: indifferent your default reaction
>You so wish for salted plums, great stuff, so salty, wrinkly and the way you can just nibble on the skin if you keep in your mouth long enough- oh deity its so good
>a pleasant shiver goes through your back, its the best kind of shiver
>back to the topic at hand, its a fight that no one is winning, both of them are evenly matched
>There is an occasional clash as both of them use different powers that cancel each other out
>Lets see: Some Blood red (of course) light rays coming from the tool shed
>Some really gay Pink rays from the princess of love
>Well over to your right is a fire ax, sleek as all hell waiting to get tested on the streets
>hmmm, who would you kill
>oh Deity you dreamed of it but never in your life did you think it would happen: you have the chance to kill/not main or disable, kill
>You got a fucking boner thinking of this, MURDERING without a repercussion
 >but who would get the literal axe, the girly ass pony who has no use other than to further the goddam plot and to infuriate everyone it meets
>the other is cadence
>hmmm
>"Dammit Anon kill Harry you stupid brick"
>Lets go with what Pinkie wants
>So here we are: in your hands is a fire Ax ready and primed for maximum killing power
>and so you make your way to the battle, by now they are locked into each other in an embrace that spews electricity and power
>yup p0nies that don't have names sure are regretting not having a name
>what with the being set on fire and the like "I DONT LIKE BEING ON FIRE"
>No shit dipwad, and so you throw water on the poor p0ny
>"Thanks"
Sure...Fire Walker
>"I have a name yayyy!"
>Hmm this is going to be weird
>here you are
>Starting this story right in
3
2
1
Hey, Harry I'm going to AX you to leave
>And so you split his skull
>It was done in one shot, swift and bloody this was not what you expected
>on Earth whenever, you got the chance, you and homeless Pete saw those movies, normal families would say no to such brutality, but your weren't in a normal family: to just to see the blood, animalistic carnage, and the suffering of others its was fun
>and you loved every second of it
>not that you wanted to do that, you knew the consequence of such actions
>but right now, at this very moment, time slowed down as you could hear the crunch of the skull caving in
>the blood that came out of every orifice
>his left eye popped out of his own cavity, a rush of blood came out as well
>his right eye just popped into a jelly like substance
>by now his body caught up with his head and its receding ending with a sickening thud
>can you believe that only ten seconds passed?
>Wow today you figured something out, no wonder you didn't have any friends, parents warned their children about you
>You were the quintessential parental caution
>You were the bad influence
>hmmm this is new
>the sky turned blue
>is that supposed to happen?
>maybe if you didn't look at the whole cadre of soldiers coming your way you- 
>and your ass was tasered for the second time in one day
>You are in agony, to be paralyzed from the pain and the-
>hey, there's Culo Blanco
Hey prince-
>again tasered
>Three, Three times you were tasered, for fucks fucking sake why?
>Why cause fuck you thats why
>"Anonymous the Human, you have committed a great crime against us, you have murdered our kind and for that you are p0nykinds most vile and horrid creature"
But you HAVE heard of me right?
>Genius
>"You shall be sent to the Royal Canterlot dungeon, pending sentence and punishment"
>Welp this is going just the way you expected
>"Hey A-anon is being raped by big strong stallions your fetish" here she is right on time. The yellow menace, her one cameo wasted on a cliche
>"If you want m-maybe I could be your cell mate?"
FUCK THIS GA-
>Well being tasered for a fourth time is the magic key, cause you got automatic inhibition deprivation syndrome or AIDS, or in ghetto language: You got knocked the hell out
>You slept through the next 2 days like a baby
>and so you got sentenced for 20 years for the murder of an alicorn
>originally it was 6000 years because alicorns were hard to come by
>the fact that everyone liked that tool made it worse
>but because you did a "particular favor" to the two princesses you only got 20 years
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3MXiTeH_Pg
>They even had the two chariot modified to look like the cars
>you are not proud of it
>and you still plan on breaking out
>Whats worse is that Fluttershy is the warden
>this is bullshit and you know it
>welp this is your life, you better enjoy it, at least she cant get in the shower with you
>Those are the best 30 seconds of your life
>Until you drop the soap someday
>enough about your job as an asexual pornstar now, its chow time and today its chili bean day
>Ahh the joys of Friday, if you weren't in prison it would be better
>whatchagonnadofaggot?.mpeg
>right now you're in the line to get the food, suddenly you get poked by what you hope is a horn
>"Hey big colt come her often?" Yup its the aggressor: Aka Sweet Roll the biggest bastard in the prison yard, but he is still up to your chest
>midgets
>he was arrested and sentenced for 2 years because he has a real problem with p0nies dropping random stuff in bakery
>poor Prince Blueblood, never stood a chance to the wide girth that is Sweet Roll, now you can't get rid of that mental image
>You're welcome
>Time to heavy metal this bitch
Hey man, I'm cool as a cucumber lets not start something
>and so you grab hold of him and shove him to the grill pressing as hard as you can
>He is in agony and you know it
>His head is sizzling by now and his skin and fur is starting to peel, it smells like beef and your mouth is watering, pupils dilating, you haven't had meat for so long your having thoughts, evil thoughts
>its bedlam as everyone has gone batshit insane level 4
>By now the guards regained control of their muscles and restrained you, but you had a few words for the p0nies here
DON'T YOU FORGET: I'M NOT IN HERE WITH YOU, YOU'RE IN HERE WITH ME!
>Could of gone better, hell you could of made a friend, he was the equivalent of a black person, would of made prison fun
>but you got yourself a prison bitch now and he is the toughest one, no one is going to go against you, this is going a lot better that expected
>Fluttershy really hasn't done alot to you, and even then, almost killing the stallion got you a week in the hole
>"I-I want you to think about w-what  you just did mister, but momma still loves you and h-hopefully a week here will make you realize that you're meant for me"
>crazy bitch
>still, she does have perseverance though, still tries the whole fetish routine
>gives you something to do even if you've been here for a whoping 3 days
>so here we are, in the hole
Tick, tock
around the clock.
The world doesn't stop
>This is boring
>"Hey dude, whats up"
Nothing much the roof maybe the sk-
HOLY HAKUNA MAHTATA's
>wut happened
>"Hey bby wun sum fuk?"
>okay, there went the last drop of serotonin in your brain
Hello insanity
>"I'd prefer Fractured Flow if you don't mind"
>Your mind doesn't have enough cpu to understand the situation-reboot in safemode (y/n)
(y)
Uhh hey Fractured, why are you in my head?
>"I was in the neighborhood and I just wanted pop in, seeing as I'm the other side of the wall dipshit"
>oh yeah the hole in the wall, why didn't you notice it earlier
>welp. Its official, you're a moron, let it be known to the townspeople that you are a moron
>"I swear to god if you put your dick in that hole I am gonna cut it off and add it to my collection"
>Seems legit and it snaps you out of your trance, two for one: nice
Uhh okay then, how long were you in here for?
>"I don't know, is blood a number"
>Its one of those guys isn't it?
In real numbers, how many bloods
>"ten"
years?
>"months"
Why so long? What did you do?
>"I fucking caused a massacre at the elementary school. Made a little filly get a paper cut"
>the Monster
>"Oh yeah how the paper sheared through her supple skin, breaking it and the flesh of the innocent showing its beautiful color and smell. How she was in pain, knowing that she could have stopped it but didn't. Oh how I moaned loudly being filled with carnal pleasures and shivers going through my body. I came loads after that, probably should of done that at home, not at an elementary school. Wow, I have lack of foresight don't I? I deserve to be here"
>Yeah you tuned him out
>After you stopped puking at that mental image you decided that a plan is needed
>You will not spend another day in here let alone 20 years
>They do not the proper facilities for you
>Sucks, can't shower without having to bend down
>You haven't showered in 3 days
>and you will not shower as long as those predatory eyes are gawking at you
>The massive grey unicorn with the soap bars for a cutie mark does a sucking motion every time he passes by you
>You shudder as that image popped up
>why is this your life?
>It may have something to do with punching the Dali Llama
>good times
>Anywho
>You have got to get out of this prison
>And you know just how to do it, complicated just how you like it
Hey Fractured come here for a bit
>"And then I decided to give the little filly a rib resection to cure her cold"
Fractured
>"oh god her lung, so soft and warm"
FRACTURED
>"hmm yeah"
Come here
>"okay, but why-AHH WHY DID YOU SHANK ME, PAIN HURTS"
>Oh yeah you just shanked him
>You are going to need as much prison bitches in order to make this plan work
>"I'm okay, the blood is slowly stopping, I can see the color lavenderrrrrr"
>Yup he passed out...wuss
>Bitch this is happening
>ONE NEXT DAY LATER
>Warden Fluttershy is making her rounds
>and so begins your overly convoluted plan
Hey Fluttershy, you want to give me a bath and maybe talk about our feelings?
>oh yeah In like Flynn [fun fact: Errol Flynn was acquitted of statutory rape of a 16 year old in 1943- hence the phrase]
>"Baby come here, momma is going to clean you u-"
>You grab her keys and you lock the door sprinting at the speed of kenyans, just to stop at the front of your cell, you are exhausted
>Lazy bastard
>"l-let me out"
>tap tap
>"help me"
>knock knock
>Damn, you can't barely hear her
>Gonna get that bitch a megaphone just to hear her properly
>Okay then lets get Fractured
>Still asleep, he had sex with the blood
Wake up, lazy ass
>"Hmm is that you lung? Come back to bed honey."
>What is this?
>I don't even
WAKE THE FUCK UP
>"huh whats happening"
We're breaking out
>"But we had so much in common, has our talks of our future mean nothing, we didn't even have sex"
No you moron, BREAKING OUT not BREAKING UP
>"oh. You were gonna be my first"
>Yup that was a violent shudder
>Okay then, its rec time and you need to find Sweet Roll
>There he is and is he happy to see you
>"Hey baby-who is this hussy?"
>No that cannot happen, to many gay jokes
>ABORT ABORT
----------------------------------------
Okay so you guys know what your doing right?
>"Right"
>"yeah"
>Time to start this plan
>no gay jokes
>right?
>RIGHT
>...yeah
>okay
>and so Fractured made it to the prison recreational courtyard
>and so he pushed on his breasts and danced
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGL2rytTraA
>the entire prison complex is entranced and even in awe in this display
>The flamicus goricus is doing his mating dance
>and there are bites in his dance
>many prison inmates are vying for his attention displaying their predominant colors
>it is a delicate balance in this concrete jungle
>but he shies away to his cell
>maybe another day
...Really
>yes
I'm done with this
Going home, hands in the air not gonna care
Fuck you all
>You proudly display your middle finger for all to see
>good thing this prison is volunteer only
>Time to go home
>Fucking exhausting this month has been
>Harry Fucking Potter and Cadence wiping out 1% of the entire population
>You got sent to prison
>Got two prison bitches
>And now you have a craving for olives
>You know what?
>Your not going home
>In fact your here
>Its night, you are exhausted, drowsy and dirty from walking out of Canterlot for two days
>Its her house you know
>You feel like going to her now, you just don't want to be alone right now
>and so you knock on the door and in a seconds, she opens the door
>You can see the shock go through her but she gains enough control to hug you tightly, as if she wants the reassurance that you're not a figment of her imagination
Hey


[P0nyville Cemetary 0000 Hours]
>"Wll tht waznt very xtremly nic wll i do hav my neu frinds to halp me ima tech hm sum lesons in bing nic."

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