Shorts

=======================Shorts=========================

 

===The Dentist(non-pony)===

 

>Be dentist

>This one kid is annoying as fuck

>Never shuts up and won't hold still

>Even bites us

>One day he has a checkup

>His mother has to force him into the chair

>He keeps screaming

>Tell him to stop

>He screams louder

>His mom tells him to be quite

"No mom, he's going to hurt me! WAAAHHHHH!"

>"Son, I'll get the drill unless you keep quiet."

>I wink at his mom and she smiles.

"Do what Dr. Anon says honey."

>He lets out the most painful, eardrum rupturing screech ever

>With out saying a word I get the drill and rev it up a few times

>His mom's trying not to lel

>He's crying his eyes out

>I still have it going

>"Are you going to stop screaming?"

"YES!"

>"PROMISE?"

"YES!"

>The checkup went smoothly and he never threw a temper tantrum at the office again

 

===The True Horror of EQG===

 

>MLP-FIM DVDs + DVDPLAYER + Projector, and tell them (all) there is free movies and popcorn.

 

>Once they realise they see themselves

>watch them all go batshit crazy (especially most of the mane 6 and the princesses)

>most ponies would be completely horrified and put their entire lives and reality into question.

>Princess Celestia would mentally shit herself because her immortal life was a lie

>The only people that doesn't find this mind bending experience menacing is...

>Discord, who already knows the reality and accepts it because he's pleased with the mass chaos

>Derpy, which thinks this is the best movie she' ever seen ever!.

> and Pinkie Pie, because she could break the 4th wall

 

===Boredom Laser===

 

~~~Post 1~~~

>Life in Equestria has gotten amazingly boring lately.

>Twilight broke your laptop when trying to power it up for you.

>Pinkie took all the stickers off your Rubix Cube after trying to solve it.

>Derpy's ass broke your Nokia from 2001 by sitting on it (Good lord you are afraid of that ass) so no more Snake for you.

>All you have left is the laser pointer that you would point things out with to your college class.

>You sit lazily on your couch and try to make patterns on the wall with it when you hear your front door creak open.

>It is Speedyblue, the only pone who wants to see your boring ass anymore

>"Hey Anon! I figured we coul-" Her eyes lazily move to what you are doing but quickly turn to tiny specks as she sees the dot dancing on the wall

>Within the span of one second she is off the floor and speeding at the wall, her focus on catching that glorious red dot.

>She smashes head first into the wall and groans before passing out in a heap of blood and a cracked skull.

Huh.

>Life in Equestria just got interesting again.

 

~~~Post 2~~~

>You unceremoniously dump the dazed pegasi into your "compost pile"

>Pretty much just your shitter since these ponies never bothered to help you make a proper toilet.

>You pocket the now godly device and whistle a tune before heading out into the weirdly expansive town of Ponyville.

>Waving and grinning to ponies who are confused by your uncharacteristically happy attiude you zero in on your next target.

>That fucking mailmare who is currently trying to shove a box of dragon dildos into the mail slot at PurpleBook's.

>You are not sure at all how that mare manages to go through a 6-pack a week but you are honestly afraid to even ask.

>Jogging slightly over to Derpy with a big grin she drops the package and the rest of the her mailbag from her mouth as well while giving you a huge spaced out looking smile.

>Pretty sure you heard about five different packages break and see (and smell) some awful liquids leak out.

>You pat Derpy softly on the head and lean down to look her in the eyes...Well the one that is not currently orbiting around in it's socket anyway and smile.

How would you like to spend a night with your favorite human at the park? We can get together after your shift and just watch Luna paint the night sky for us.

>She looks like she is about to burst and seems to vibrating somehow..oh that is just the dildo in stuck in her wings. "Of course, Anon!" She always had something of obsession with you because of the whole being different like her thing.

>You just found it creepy as fuck and the last time you hung out she managed to break every piece of furniture in your house just by looking at it.

>Hugging her gently, you try your best not to catch whatever made her this way and wave her off to her next task of trying to convince Rarity that the dress she just poured some kind of bleach on was still salvgable.

>Cackling to yourself you get ready for a night of fun, pain and endless laughs for yourself.

 

===A Monkey Music Maker===

 

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>There is was again...

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>With an exaggerated sigh, you get up from your seat and place you marker in the book.

>Twilight looks at to you in confusion.

>Today was supposed to be a peaceful day of reading with your friend.

>"What's that noise, Anon?"

"Just some stupid thing that came with me when I came to Equestria. It's nothing important."

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>Opening the closet door, something falls at your feet.

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>Twilight walks up to you, peering into the closet out of curiosity.

>"What's tha—"

>Her eyes widen as you pick up the cymbal monkey, Pepi.

>With a shrill cry, she backs up against the far wall in a breakneck speed.

>"Get it away!" she shrieks, scooting up against the wall in hopes of getting farther away.

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>Looking at the toy in your hands, you can't help but crack a smile.

>Sure, this thing instilled fear in pets and children alike, but to scare someone as smart as Twilight?

>This was too rich.

>Extending your arm out, you put on a grimace and walk forward, pretending to fight a nonexistent struggle.

"It's taking control of me! Twilight! I can't stop it!"

>You move closer to the unicorn as she lays stuck against the wall, frozen in fear.

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>Her pupils dilate as you inch closer and closer.

"Save yourself Twilight!"

>The mare pounces, grabbing the monkey with her teeth as she bellows, "I'll save you, Anon!"

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>With deadly precision that could only match a tiger, she tears away at the toy, ripping it to shreds.

>CLANG...CLANG...CLANG

>The clanging stops.

>Twilight stands over the remains of the invader and pants.

>"I think... it's dead."

>Pinching the bridge of your nose, you let out a distraught sigh.

"Twilight, I was just kidding. It's only a toy."

>She gives you an uneasy grin before muttering, "Sorry."

>CLANGCLANGCLANG

>You both look at the monkey's remains.

>Nothing is moving.

>CLANGCLANGCLANG