Fanfic: Rhulan vs the Killer Scarecrow

In the dark field on a cold autumn’s night far away from the sounds of man and beast a stillness robs the air of sound. Rhulan the sorceress stands in a dead farmer’s field standing before a shambling scarecrow, a vicious monster…of…, a vicious…Rhulan…Rhulan? Hey! Get back here!

 

   “Fuck this!”  “fuck you!” “and fuck all of you who want to see me fight these weak pathedic low class no level horror pansy monsters!!”

 

“Seriously, what am I? A mary sue? Making me fight these pathedic freaks, dream demons, masked psychos…like what three or four? I hardly get to fight anything worth my time in these triple gods damned stories. So you know what…fuck you I’m leaving.”

 

Uh…okay, Rhulan seeing that the monster isn’t doing any harm in this empty pocket di…

 

“Demiurge of Ra!!”

 

Oh sweet mother of the gods! Why! The horror…the horror..right, you can’t see this. She…the Demiurge of Ra…I mean, right. The Demiurge of Ra is a spell that basically creates a hurricane of fire…literally a full sized hurricane…made of fire. Its an Omega Level spell she rarely uses, because…well.. lets just say there used to be a farm house in this scene, a field, some dark trees, now…just wow…never got to see this spell used anywhere but in a cosmic battle zone before and once on a cyber world. This is just…

 

“No more Scarecrow, you happy, now don’t bother me again unless you plan to actually finish the story with that evil darkness thing, remember the meeting with us four powerful sorceresses? Remember? Or pit me up against some superheroes or supervillains, next time I am just going to kick superman in the nuts with kryptonite laced boots…oh don’t think I don’t know you brought him back to life…oh sorry I mean he was only in a coma, Deus Ex Machina mother fucker. Not even a real story and you fucking make excuses like you work for DC. Its fanficiton for crying out loud, you could have me fight five supermans, an army of them, slice them up with my dimension cape, rip their heads off with the Cataclysm of the Demon lord move and juggle them, its not like those battles are canon to their universe or mine anyway. Or are you afraid I’ll be labled your Mary Sue? Not like pitting me against B-movie….”

 

Not all B-movies, Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th…

 

“B-movie making BIG BUCKS is still a B-movie in my books kiddo, or do I have to point out the shit in your theaters right now, oh look explosions, oh look the ghost jumped out…oooh I’m so fucking scared right now, hold me tommy, because I am a bitch.”

 

Oookay, no more low level monsters.

 

“and where is that sex scene with Wonder Woman and Supergirl? Wasn’t that the whole point of me going into DC comics stuff in the first place? Also I know you have it on a list for me to fight the Ninja Turtles, or at least meet them. Also Thor, really where are the Marvel comics cross-overs? You don’t even read DC comics? You’ve bought what? One Supergirl comic in the last decade just to see what DC looks like right now and you thought it was stupid.”

 

I watch the cartoons.

 

“Hence fighting a superman that doesn’t compare to what you saw on ScrewAttack.com, what was that you said, I wouldn’t have stood a chance? I still know that Kryptonite crystal barrage…not that it matters. You actually READ Marvel comics, and Witchblade…now there are some nice tits and a nice ass, send me there, that should be a nice lesbo scene. Maybe a threeway with that Angelus…oooh, fourway with her girlfriend in there too. Hell throw me into My Little Ponies, just anythings better than more DC comics…(unless I get to fuck Wonderwoman and Supergirl), or these pansy ass horror monsters.

 

Right, I think we should end this story now. Till next time folks, maybe Rhulan will do something a bit more incredible.

 

“Like get a tongue bath from Wonder Woman.”

 

*facepalm*