Eldritch Quest part.09

    Deep in the emerald forest, where winter never reaches and the high heat of summer is but a rumor, there the Timeless Gate is found. Beyond the lake of the spectral dragon, beyond the nameless graveyard home to the venomous undead; there in a great circular meadow surrounded by the glowing flowers stands the Timeless Gate, not unlike a tombstone for some forgotten deity of the ancient world. Along the edges of the door frame are nine slots, each a clear place for one of the gems. Dorkaring places the gems and stands back as the door slides open. The stone double doors slide sideways in an impossible manner, vanishing into the frame, a light within briefly blinding Dorkaring. Beyond the Timeless Gate he can see another meadow, and a hill in the distance. He steps around the gate, there is no hill, and the gate is but a stone slab on its back. Yet there is no indication of a portal, or a descend, it is if he is looking through a clear archway and nothing more.

 

   Dorkaring steps through, sword drawn prepared for anything. He thought at least the gate would close behind him; yet it remains open. Like a mirage something appears at the top of the hill; a table, on either side of which sits two women. On his right side is a petite woman in a strange orange witch costume with cat ears and a tail; a woman he saw before, Xin. On his left side is a woman he’s never seen before, a bosom woman in a flowing green dress with living flowers growing along the hem, and long green hair. Both women drink their tea and chat in the language of birds.

 

   Dorkaring stands before them, “Stand and fight demon!” he demands.

 

  “She is no demon,” says the green haired woman, “she is my pet,”

 

  With that Xin transforms into a small grey cat and leaps into the woman’s lap.

 

 

  Dorkaring turns his blade to her, “who are you, some foul witch as well?”

 

  “Brave hero, I am Misaline, the goddess forgotten in this day. By being here you have passed my tests and proven yourself worthy of holding the great sword Exgladius to save this unfortunate world.”

 

   “Tests?” asks Dorkaring.

 

  “Yes,” says Misaline, “you and I have met before, however you wouldn’t know it. I have appeared before you many times along your journey in many forms. I guided you to the location of each of the gems, towards those adventures proving your skill, wisdom, and valor.”

 

   “A test…” says Dorkaring drooping his sword slightly thanks to his confusion.

 

  “To prove you are worthy to save the world.”

 

  He sheaths his blade, “but of course, I am the mighty Dorkaring, ha haa haaa haaaa! So Tavaris spoke the truth, Xin was not evil, but he said that other woman wanted something really evil.”

 

   “Indeed,” says Misaline projecting an image above her, “the scroll of the unspeakable one. She is a dark goddess who wishes to awaken an ancient evil sealed beyond the Gate of Goldra, the golden dragon who sealed the unspeakable one in the mountain of Goldra long ago before mankind was born upon this world.”

 

   Dorkaring crosses his arms and nods with a wide smile, “yep, and Dorkaring the hero is the only one that can stop it.”

 

   “Indeed,” says Misaline, “to do so, now that you have proven yourself with the nine gems, you have the power granted upon you the gems to wield Exgladius.”

 

  Dorkaring looks around, “okay, where is it? Gimme the sword and I’ll go slay your evil goddess and her pet…unspeakable thing…”

 

   “The sword,” says Misaline, “is held by the maiden of the Crystal Lake, you must go there, the spirit of the nine gems is within you now, this will be the proof of royalty she needs to grant you the sword.”

 

   “What?” says Dorkaring, “but didn’t you say I proved myself, and here and…”

 

 

  “The legend is lost,” says Misaline, “the ancient legend, that was ancient in your ancestor’s ancestor’s time. The Quest of the Nine Gems, to open the Timeless Door, into the land where the Crystal Lake lies to gain the sword which only the true king, ruler of all the land may wield.”

 

   “Oh…so…here right?” asks Dorkaring.

 

  “Upon the death of the king the nine gems would be reborn across the land, and the sword would return to the Crystal Lake…eventually the people stopped the trials for king…mainly due to the royal family being overthrown between (true kings). As with the sword none may question the rule, a law in your very biology that holds true even today, and is the key to unlock the stone temple in which the dark goddess lies in the Goldra mountains.”

 

   Dorkaring nods, “okay, I get the sword, I open the temple, fight this witch goddess, and become king of everything…I like it!”

 

   He actually gives a big thumbs up, “okay, so where’s this Crystal Lake?”

 

  Misaline points north, “travel North from here for two days and the lake will appear before you then. Think of it as another test, one of patience.”

 

   Dorkaring shrugs and heads off to the north. As he walks away Xin leaps from Misaline’s arms and turns back to her humanoid form and sits at the table. When Dorkaring is out of sight a figure emerges from the shadows; Rhulan.

 

   “Seriously,” says Rhulan, “and why again couldn’t I have just collected those gems myself and gotten the sword?”

 

   “Remember,” says Misaline, “the gems were designed to move away from any strong magic. The king was supposed to be one of pure human heritage, as the Ancient Dragon decreed…and the Lady of the Crystal Lake would never hand the sword over to a magical being of any kind, she wouldn’t even appear if one of us got close to that lake, so no chance of seducing or bargaining with her…or would you like to test the magic of Ancient Dragons with celestial governance again?”

 

   Rhulan crosses her arms and smiles, “someday I very well will.”

 

    ******

 

 

 

    Thus Dorkaring adventures for two days across the Timeless Plains, the tranquil scene is not without monsters for him to fight however; strange light based ethereal guardians. Prior to reaching the Crystal Lake he comes across a strange town of pointed eared people surprised to see an outsider. When asked they know nothing about any Xin, Misaline, or Rhulan, the Crystal Lake however is another story. He learns that there are two more tasks to be done to gain the sword Exgladius; he must first defeat the Crystal Serpent, guardian of the maiden of the lake, and then he must gain the maiden’s favor, without being tricked by her and drowned; taking a gift for her, a Blue Apple, and a Fire Rose as offering will prevent her from drowning him. These are two more tasks in themselves. The Blue Apples are guarded by Wrath Hawks, intelligent as humans, but many times more aggressive, and the blue dragon Fanfnir that is chained to the tree of the Blue Apples. The second task the Fire Rose, seemingly harmless looking flowers with fire like patterns on them and said to never wilt so long as either flames or water are present. He must brave combat against the Venus Guardians, walking rose petal headed fire spitting thorn vines for bodies plant monsters that travel about the Briar Labyrinth, the center of which is where the Fire Rose bush can be found. He is informed to avoid the mansion on the far end of the labyrinth, the paths to which can only be found from the center of the maze.

 

   Dorkaring first adventures to the Blue Apples, with his might and new found powers from the gems still in his body he is able to best the Wrath Hawks and defeat Fanfnir the blue dragon. Then he challenges the maze, it is a greater task of wisdom than he thought as crystal rods can change the paths, moving the briar walls, as well as raise and lower stones and change water ways. The Venus Guardians are not the only threat, as giant wasps with venomous stingers, and odd rolling stone mole/armadillo monsters have taken up residence in the maze as well. The atmosphere of the maze is grimmer than one expects from a rose bush based maze as the skeletons of those who failed can be found, signs left behind by past individuals seeking the Fire Roses. He reaches the center and gains the Fire Rose; however the mansion catches his eyes, and he decides to head for it despite the warnings not to. Upon reach the mansion, he finds a barrier over the door, odd giggling sounds can be heard from within, but none of his power can break the seal on the mansion. He vows to return once he has the sword.

 

     Dorkaring returns to the village and rests, he hates the fact that there are no wenches for him here, these “Elves” as they call themselves look down on him apparently and act very high class. They tell him a prince among humans is no better than a beggar among rats in their world until they have proven themselves. He heads out the next day to the Crystal Lake. It is a beauty among beauties; the water if not for rippling he would think was a giant blue gemstone. The beauty of the scenery is cut short as the serpent appears. Its body looks to be made of the water its self, yet has a rigidness to it like living crystal. The beast is some horrific cross between an eel and a snake with a touch of dragon in it. The battle is long and hard, yet with a mighty stroke the monster vanishes, turning into water like a burst bubble.

 

   The she appears, the maiden of the Crystal Lake. Her skin is smooth and pale, her body lithe and impossibly gorgeous, a white robe wrapped around her in such a way that she might as well be naked. Her blue hair and eyes are dead matches for the water, that she rises from as though floating free from it, dry, and now walking upon the surface towards him. He did not notice the water by his feet snake up on him as he watched the maiden, he did not feel it wrap around his feet and up his body, pinning him, until she is right up on him, her breasts rubbing into his chest as the water snakes under her and rises her up to his eye level. Her eyes glow and she put her finger to his lips and smiles.

 

   “Oh,” she says, her one word like honey to his ears, his eyes glazed over, enchanted by this woman.

 

   Her water pulls free from his pockets the Blue Apple, and the Fire Rose.

 

  “You brought me gifts,” she releases him, from the water, yet he remains enchanted as she lowers down and takes him by the hand. She bids him to follow her; she steps backwards onto the lake, Dorkaring follow, her magic guiding him on the water as well. In the center of the lake a round island rises up, in the center of which is a bed. She guides him to it and sits him down. She ever so gently pushes him down with her hand while stroking his chest hair. The water creeps up like serpents from the lake, onto the bed and wraps around his wrists and ankles. It transforms into blue crystal chains tying him to the bed. Her sheet like robe falls from her body revealing her full beauty. His pants are literally ripped from his body, allowing his nine inch member its full freedom to stand proud. Crawling on the bed she lowers her head to his crotch, in his blurred vision he can only see her tight ass cheeks, but he can feel her tongue as it extends from her mouth in an impossible for a human manner and wraps around his cock, stroking him in a way he has never felt before, her tongue flat and forked at the end. As her tongue undulates around his shaft it extends even further the sliding and undulation almost more than he can bare. The tip of her tongue comes back and snakes into his prick’s hole, plugging it. As her tongue continues to stroke him she gets up on her knees, somehow even more tongue coming from her mouth, now snaked down her body, going over her right tit, teasing herself and him.

 

   She straddles the hero, taking his shaft and her own tongue into her snatch. As she rides him, she uncurls her tongue pulling it free from both of them, rolling slowly back up her body. Back in her mouth, she licks her lips with a now human like tongue. Her eyes are pure lust as she rides him with such ferocity that he could swear the earth was literally moving beneath, as though the entire island were getting in on the action; not an impossible scenario. It is not long before he can take no more of it and explodes inside her.

 

    As he goes soft, still inside her, his mind starts to unfuzz and realize he is chained up. No sooner however does he begin in a just waking from a dream manner think of this than she leans over and pops her tit in his mouth. Obligingly he suckles, surprised when milk shoots down his throat. The taste is beyond anything he could imagine, a flavor beyond flavors, he teases her nipple with his tongue and teeth hoping to get more from her, earning a *coo* to escape her lips. His mind fuzzes over again, and his stamina returns, and prick goes hard again. Once more she rides him, he hears her whisper between her moans, “yes, breed me, give me daughters and sons, our children will be strong…”

 

   His next barely alert moment finds him still there, her thrusting on top of him, as though she were the man and him the wench, he can feel her tightening on his prick, painfully. Her long tongue has snaked up to the tree overlooking the bed and pulled down some berries. She feeds them into his mouth with her tongue, teasing every inch of his tongue as she feeds him. In a hiss like voice, and he could swear her pupils shift to snake like when she talks, “I can taste dragon inside you…I am never letting you go.”

 

    He does not know for how long this continues, his mind is a blur, he does feel strange magic being fed into his limbs by the chains keeping his muscles strong, maybe stronger than before as the pain he felt before does not return. She is making him stronger to be a better lover for her. He is there long enough to notice that the tree glows, causing him to lose track of day and night, but how long has it been until he noticed that? How often does she ride him? It is almost as if every waking moment is her riding his dick dry, feeding him berries, or making him drink from her ample lactating bosoms. She only briefly leaves him alone, during one such prolonged period his mind became clear enough to contemplate trying to escape. But that was short lived as she returned and engulfed his prick with a mind blowing blowjob in which she wrapped his dick up in a vibrating and undulating tongue cocoon and sucked on the tip with a gentle nip around the top, her lips teasing the head.

 

   Then it happened, while in a daze he swears while she is riding him a hand wraps around the maiden’s throat yanking her from him. He could not look up, but he could hear thunderous roars and felt a terrible wind blow across the island, if the bed were not magical, as well as the shackles he believes he would have blown clear of the lake. Then there is a strange silence, followed by a pair of loud pleasure filled female moans, one of which he knows to be the maiden.

 

   When he next awakes, he is really awake. His mind is clear and he is standing on the edge of the lake, fully clothed, no sign of any island. Before him is the maiden and an alter made of water holding a magnificent shimmering blade.

 

  “King of kings,” says the maiden, “you have proven your worth, here is your prize, Exgladius, the legendary blade. Now take it and do not look back.”

 

   He takes the sword and heads away, her words of not to look back catch his attention, her begins to turn, catching the glimpse of the end of a blue jewel like scaled tail with a red tuft on the end just as he feels a prick in his neck and loses consciousness.

 

   He awakens to a marvelous sensation, a tongue, a normal…well a little long…but not flat or forked or prehensile at any rate, licking up and down his shaft. He opens his eyes only a crack, realizing he is leaned up against a tree with his pants around his ankles and the sword stabbed into the ground just out of reach. Not that he’d want to before there between the cracks of his eyes is a long haired blond elf chick with much longer ears than the ones from the village. She is holding his prick in one hand as it grows and licking up the shaft, she moans, “juices from the dragoness…yes, delicious.”

 

   She grabs his shaft and stares at his engorged member, “she said you had dragon’s blood in your veins…juices of a dragoness…fluids of her dragon lover…the power I’ll gain,” she smiles and engulfs his cock in her mouth.

 

   She is not tender like the maiden was, she sucks on his cock like she was trying to pull a melon through a keyhole, her hand runs up and down forcing him to cum as quickly as possible.

 

  As he explodes into her mouth, and she is quick to swallow with a slightly disgusted expression he can’t help but say, “damn”

 

   She looks him in his eyes, as he looks down in hers. Before he can do or say anything she vanishes like a ghost. As he pulls his pants up and retrieves his new sword…wandering briefly what happened to his old sword, he says, “what was that about…wait…dragoness?” he remembers the scales briefly and the words he could make out when even partially alert.

 

   He shakes his head, realizing he is halfway between the lake and the village and thinks better of going back to the lake, even if the thought of doing so makes his dick jump remembering things he doesn’t.

   

    ******

 

    The villagers are not kind, but they are not as mean as before. More less snooty some supposes. However, rather than returning south Dorkaring remembers something and heads back to the Briar Maze. He defeats the monsters along the way, despite his personality he has a great memory. He comes once more to the door of the mansion, and touches his new sword Exgladius to the barrier, it snaps and vanishes. Something pink catches his eye, from behind a well trimmed bush beneath a window to his right. A pink mist comes over him and into his eyes.

 

     He sees a woman, the most attractive woman he has ever seen come out from behind the bushes, wearing a pink see through gown. Without a word she walks over to him and rubs her silky soft smooth hands cupped together over his chest and body, she rips his belt off and begins to pull his pants apart. He lowers himself down and lies on his back on the yellow stone walkway. She crouches over him, running her silky smooth hands still cupped together over his face, down his body, and wraps them around his mighty phallus. In a blink of his eyes her hands are replaced with her mouth sucking him off, she is leaning over him like some bird drinking water. In another blink she is lowering her womanhood onto him, taking his member in her strangely pulsating womanhood, and leaning over, running her hands up and down his body, somehow all at once but his dazed out mind doesn’t care. She leans over him and teases his lower lip with her teeth. He opens his mouth and she slips her tongue inside. She is drooling from her tongue as he kisses her, not noticing he is somehow stuck to the ground, and she isn’t even moving as he pussy pumps his dick on its own like a second strange mouth wrapped around him in its warm wetness. He feels a slight sting above his dick below his abs, and an odd warm wet flap cascade over his balls as he passes out completely.

 

-what is really happening-

 

   The sweet aroma overtakes his senses, he sees a woman in pink, the reality is it is a Venus Guardian, a mostly hidden stem wrapped around by thorn covered vines as thick as a woman’s arms. This one however instead of a red blossom closed up in a cone shape, has a pink one, and it is spewing out its sweet aroma. The roughly four foot tall when moving plant comes over to him. Its soft blossom *kissing* along his body, taking in his scent. The blossom moves up and down, it stops at his pants. By instinct it goes for the part that will ensure its illusion is complete, finding an inorganic barrier it rips through it (the belt and pants). Dorkaring obliges the plant and gets on the hard ground as it gently pushes against him with its blossom and vines. While on his back the plant coils its blossom around his member teasing it, preparing its vines that are stretching out to strike their deadly blow. Deep inside the blossom at the stem the toothy round maw starts to drool, the digestive juices stream down, weak digestive juices simulating human saliva to keep the victim in the trance till it is far too late. Something changes however; normally it would open up its blossom and go for the head (actual head, not dick head), enveloping it to close off air while biting and spitting its stronger digestive juices into the victim’s face. Perhaps it’s the thorns finding it hard to break his skin, or some scent that came from his pre-cum contacting the plant’s saliva, or a scent coming off his body or its behavior has been in this mode rather than feeding from the start.

 

   This Venus Guardian stops and raises its blossom skyward and repositions its self. It extends out its vines, exposing the stem, the vines wrap around his legs, arms, and waist. The plant hovers over his groin, a round pulsating wet orifice opens up at the base of the stem. It lowers it onto his dick, engulfing his member in its inviting warmness, pulsating goodness, and slick wetness. From a pouch like orifice on what is apparently the front of the plant new vines emerge, smooth one that unravel and inflate over his torso, growing broad leaves as they go. It stops short of his mouth, two little hooks paw at his lower lip, he opens his mouth. Two broad leaves grow out and cover his face as a tube extends from the vine into his mouth. He licks at the tube, believing he is kissing the woman, the plant actually shudders in pleasure at the unexpected treatment of the tube. It drips a fluid into his mouth. He doesn’t see it as the plant extends out a mucus, spider web patterned membrane from its sexual orifice over his testicles and lower body that adheres to him like glue and sticks his body and the stone beneath them. Two needle like hooks come out the front and stab into his pubic mound.

 

    Vines and leaves grow out from the plant, covering his body, leaves being used mainly to cover but not smother his face. The vines around his body break into the ground around them, easily splitting up stone as they turn into roots. The blossom opens up fully and extends three white and yellow stalks from its mouth that curl at the tip. Over the next few hours some of the vines change, growing small toothy cup mouths on their ends that grab at and devour small animals that come too close. Dorkaring is not still however, looking on one could see sporadic spasms as if he were trying to free himself. The plant also spasms, as it apparently enjoys his moments, its sexual orifice actually speeding up its pumping suction during these moments. The truth is the plant’s juices are feeding him and it is producing a special enzyme that it is pumping into him via the hooks that stimulates muscular activity so its mate doesn’t atrophy and die beneath it. The one part that Dorkaring wasn’t awake for, that might have broken the spell was the roots coming up between his legs, emitting a slick liquid and pegging him in his ass hole. This is the plant consuming his fecal matter, as the plant is not only eating for its self, but at times the fluid drip becomes a protein paste and there will be waste.

 

   However as the day goes on, the plant starts to pump the rectal tube at times, learning that the pressure on his prostate makes him cum harder. All this in a manner of hours, Dorkaring is in a dream, a dream about a woman riding him, her friends holding him down, and a part he tries to fight at first the girl bringing a shemale friend over who levitates him and fucks him in the ass while the first girl magically rides him, or he is on the edge of a bed; dreams don’t have to be realistic to be accepted by the brain.

 

   Days go by, the plant feeding, protecting, and constantly mating with him. It stops ever so often, but his flaccid penis stays inside the plant, whose manipulations once he is replenished get him going again. Only at night does it not do any pulsating or pumping, instead in feed mode while the blossom closes up. After a few days the three stems bud and tiny feathered seeds emerge that fly off in the wind.

 

    From a window in the mansion Rhulan pulls back a curtain, “I have to admit…I have the weirdest turn on right now…”

 

    A purple haired living mannequin wearing a sexy maid uniform that does pretty much nothing to contain its giant soft tits walks over, “engulfing,” she says, “a fetish rare, but beautiful in its own way. If I may madam I will get you off before you get to work.”

 

   Rhulan smiles, “Do as you wish Maria.”

 

   Maria the living doll gets down on her knees and licks at Rhulan’s shadow cloth covered crotch. The material spreads out on its own exposing Rhulan’s swollen clit. Maria takes it fully in her mouth and sucks on it, before slipping her tongue inside. Rhulan reaches for her own tits when another identical living doll appears and teases her tits for her. A third appears and takes Rhulan’s other tit in her mouth, circling the aureole and nipping on the tit as she massages the full body of the breast.

 

   “Oh my…” moans Rhulan, as the three guide her back to the bed in the room, giggling as they all jump into the bed with her. Rhulan’s shadow cloth fully retreats, as does her cape into the magical space she uses to hold it all.  The three living dolls are insatiable, nipping, licking, sucking, Rhulan’s entire body, literally, toes sucked, fingers sucked, armpit…weird as that is, earlobes, and especially her breasts, abdomen, and twat, like some super cat bath deluxe orgy. When it is all over, the three, one on each side and the third lying ontop of her say in unison, “see, being engulfed is sexy.”

 

    Rhulan smiles and says, “my turn, I’ll show you how insatiable my appetite is.” The three *squee* together on the bed as Rhulan gets up and smiles over them.

 

     ******

 

    “How many monster broods does this guy plan to make,” comes a woman’s voice.

 

   When Dorkaring opens his eyes, the woman he dream of his gone. The ground around him is torn all the hell though, full of holes, some bushes thrashed, small decorative trees smashed in half. He stands up confused, especially as he once again is wearing new pants. He walks over the door of the mansion and finds a note on the door that reads in his language [Get back to your mission you horndog, I’d say your “fucking” mission to emphasize it, but then you might try to screw the statues next.]

 

    He reaches for the sign, but finds the barrier in the way. He draws the sword Exgladius, but upon touching the barrier there is a flash of light and he finds himself standing on top of the hill that was about two days walk away. There is a table there and sitting there is a bosom Misaline.

 

   Dorkaring looks around, “what happened?” he asks.

 

  “Congratulations,” says Misaline, “you will now be the proud father of a brood of about twenty baby dragons, and oh about twenty thousand Snap Drakons, a deadly plant monster that is a hybrid of a Venus Guardian and dragons, usually riding dragons, the kind your mother fucked to make you. That’s right while here in the Timeless Land you fucked a dragon for about three weeks, and then fucked a fucking flower for about five days.”

 

   Dorkaring is about to say something, however Misaline continues, “remember those flowers you fought in the Briar Maze in front of the mansion that you can’t enter? Well those are called Venus Guardians, and they come in a variety of colors, the pink ones…that’s right…pink ones…give off a sweet aroma that makes animals think they see, smell, and touch an attractive member of their own species…sometimes multiple ones at a time, but that’s your brain correcting for all the vines. Normally a soft and squishy weak human would have been just been eaten; but no, not you, that dragon’s blood in your veins and strong body made you an attractive mate to it, not unlike some elves that go there for a quick pleasure now and again as the plant lets you go once its mating cycle is over. Oh but it wanted to make multiple cycles with you, might have kept you during the whole mating season with how strong your body is. Just be glad you weren’t a woman, they get weird with the tentacles and do this weird genetic parasitism thing to get what they need that you couldn’t possibly understand, but they don’t need to do with men as men produce millions of sperm cells.”

 

   Dorkaring just says, “what?”

 

   “Right,” says Misaline, “dumb as a rock, and your society doesn’t know about cells yet anyway. Long story short, you got the gems, their power, the sword…fucked some monsters along the way like a perverted freak, and now I’m kicking you out of here so you can get back to your actual quest.”

 

    “weeks and days…” says Dorkaring.

 

   “Oh for…” starts Misaline, “this is the Timeless Land, its timeline isn’t even connected to yours, to avoid a paradox overlap, when you leave only about ten seconds will have passed in your world. Sooo, bye.”

 

 

   There is another flash, but this time he is flying from the gate and lands on his face, and the sword appears a moment later in front of him and falls down sticking into the ground.

 

   He looks around and pops his neck before picking up the sword, “right…the quest. “ He raises Exgladius to the sky,  “ To slay the witch goddess, save the world.” He smiles and whispers, “and become king of the world.”  

 

     The Timeless Gate closes behind him, there are no notches for gems this time. Inside on the hill, Misaline’s form shimmers like a mirage to reveal Rhulan.

 

   The real Misaline appears, “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, buuuut….you didn’t get my cutesy demeanor down.”

 

   “My apologies,” says Rhulan, “for that, and tearing up your yard to get that frippin plant off him, damn thing was going to hold him down all breeding season…or until he died. My patience is limited….more so with a goal right in front of me…damn man, going to have to keep an eye on him, he might get side tracked and decide to start his own house of hero babies.”

 

    Misaline laughs as Rhulan crosses her arms and smiles trying not to.