Up in Smoke: Chapter Two

>Nothing really special had followed the events of the previous night, the destruction of your home being the epitome of the peek of excitement

>Yep, Pinkie burning down your house certainly was something, and simply walking to Sugarcube Corner, marveling at the guest bed big enough to hold you, and falling asleep, couldn't match it

>Equestria has taken off her gloves, and you're all too ready to follow suit

 

>You are Anonymous

>When you wake up to unfamiliar surroundings, it takes you a minute to piece together your memories

>Ah, right, your house...

>You stretch out in bed, your body slowly adjusting to the waking world as you jolt them back to life

>You surmise that you have slept in, the smell of baked goods seeping into your room beneath the door only helping to wake you faster

>You didn't even notice your mouth watering until after you accidentally drooled a bit, quickly wiping your lips and cursing to yourself

>Now that you think about it, you haven't eaten since you arrived in Ponyville early yesterday morning. Food had been the last thing on your mind after all

>You sigh at the thought of the tasty treats that must be being made fresh right now just below you, and reluctantly climb out of your warm bed

>Damn you Human needs!

>You slip on your clothes, immediately realising that every other article had been incinerated in the blaze

>You'd have to see Rarity about ordering yourself some new clothes, happy to think that at least your bits weren't destroyed

>But for now, food. Only food.

>Maybe a drink too, you guess, couldn't have a full breakfast without juice or at least a coffee

>You opened the door leading to the hallway and made your down into the main room of Sugarcube Corner

>The place was already pretty busy with ponies buying and eating breakfast, the crunching of toast and other such delectable foods meeting your ears

>Before you could do much else, you felt yourself moving

>You raised an eyebrow as you were now sitting at a table

 

>Looking around you appear to have simply emerged here from across the room, your feet having never touched the ground

>Not that you had time to think about it as random plates began to appear before you in a flash of pink

>Before you lay a spread fit for a king, pancakes, toast with various jams and marmalades, a tall glass of some sort of fruit juice, and even a cup of steaming black coffee complete with small jug of milk

>When the feast finally stopped materialising before you, none other that Pinkie Pie sat on a chair opposite you, her smile a testament to the cheery atmosphere surrounding you

>"Goooood Morning Anon! How did you sleep? Are you hungry? I hope you are because I made you this super fantastic breakfast so that you could get the best start to the day! Because after all, breakfast is the most important meal of the da-"

"Pinkie..."

>"y, I remember one day that I didn't have breakfast! And do you know what happened? I could only throw three parties instead of five! Can you believ-"

"Pinkie."

>"And Mr Cake said that everyp0ny should have a full breakfast to give them the energy they need t-"

"Pinkie!"

>Pinkie fell quiet for a moment, and then sank back slightly, a sheepish grin appearing on her face followed by her turning a hint pinker

>"Oh, sorry Anon, I guess I just get a bit excited in the morning!"

>You can't help but chuckle at her boisterous demeanor, and shake your head

"Don't worry about it Pinkie, this all looks great, I don't think I've had a breakfast like this for a long time."

>Pinkie squees in delight at your complement, and lights up as she sees you smiling at the spread, then at her

>"That's just super! I made sure to make the things I thought a Human would enjoy, not that I was sure what a Human would enjoy, but if you're happy then I'm happy!"

>You raise your eyebrow inquisitively once more, a smile still on your face

"Wait, you made all of this yourself?"

>Pinkie's full grin returns, and she nods proudly

 

>"I sure did! I couldn't see my very most favouritist house guest go hungry could I?"

>You're pretty impressed that Pinkie had made all this alone, there certainly was enough there to appease your hunger, and then some

>It's weird, but you almost feel important, like you were a VIP at a high end restaurant or something similar

>Surely Pinkie must have been busy anyway with all the business coming in, but you can't help but feel that she took extra special care with your meal

"Thanks Pinkie. Hey, why don't you help me out here and eat with me? I don't think I could finish all of this on my own."

>Pinkie's smile only gets bigger, and for a moment she seems excited, before you can actually see her mind jolt

>"Oh, I'd love to Anon, but I've got to get back to work! Mr and Mrs Cake wouldn't be very happy if I just took a break!"

>Seems fair enough

>You nod understandingly and give her a smile of your own

"Maybe another time then, I suppose you had better get back to work."

>Pinkie giggles and hops from the chair, giving you a small wave of her hoof and a "See ya later!" before disappearing back into the kitchen

>Now, there is only you and the food before you

>You can hear it beckoning, taunting you as its scent entices your senses

>With swiftness and grace known only to a few members of the African feline world, your hand plucks up a piece of toast

>Your other hand follows the same momentum, seizing a butter knife and applying some of the sweet yellow substance to the surface of your soon-to-be victim

>Without hesitation, you uncap a jar of fine jam, and accurately plunge the knife inside it, acquiring just enough to nicely adorn your toast

>You close your eyes as the moment is upon you, slowly lifting the crunchy perfection to your lips, its screams of fear only galvanizing you further

>Then comes the glorious crunch of toasted bread, the sound, smell, and taste all filling up your being with pleasure unmatched by anything

>You chew, swallow, then open your eyes

 

>Your eyes dart about the room as you suddenly notice everyp0ny in the immediate area staring at you in awe, others in amusement

>You freeze in place as you can feel their eyes upon you, bewildered by your incredibly epic method of eating breakfast

>You choke out a nervous laugh, not really having thought about what it was you were doing until now

>Returning to your meal, now eating in just as mundane a manner as all else, you hear the ponies returning to their conversations and breakfasts

>Well that was awkward

>You finish up the rest of your breakfast as normal, and for the first time since arriving in Ponyville you feel satisfied and content

>Before now you had felt nervous about coming to a new town, although you knew a few of the ponies here already it didn't change those fresh start jitters

>You had felt excited about your party, and then quickly distressed about your home becoming no more than a bonfire

>But now, you didn't seem to have a care in the world, at least for a few moments anyway

>You move to return your plates to the kitchen, placing them all in a neat pile on the counter before Pinkie pops up from behind it like a Jack in the box

>"Enjoy your breakfast Anon? That was some show you put on there!"

>Pinkie giggles and you rub the back of your neck with your hand, feeling your face flushing slightly at the mostly unwanted attention

"You saw that too huh...? Yeah, sure was something... The breakfast was great though, thanks again."

>Pinkie waves a hoof dismissively as she uses the other to skillfully remove your dirty plates from the counter and slide them on a tray backwards into the kitchen

>"Don't even think of it! It was the least I could do!"

>You smile a bit and give her a nod

"Well yeah, but still, best breakfast I've had in a long time. I'm gunna go sort a few things out today, I need to see Rarity about some clothes and Twilight about... Well."

>Pinkie gives you a knowing look, and nods back, "Yeah... hah..."

 

 

>You can tell that Pinkie is still feeling pretty guilty about the entire affair, and you suppose you can understand why

>Even though you'd told her it was ok and that you knew it wasn't her fault, you'd probably feel the same way in her position

"You want me to get you anything while I'm out?"

>You offer Pinkie another smile to push the point across, but you're sure she knew you didn't hold a grudge

>With a smile of her own, the pink mare shakes her head, her cotton candy hair staying impressively in place

>"No thanks Anon, I can't really think of anything, say hi to the girls for me though!"

>You nod once more and turn away from the counter, waving over your shoulder as you make your way towards the door

>You can't help but notice a few of the ponies giving you glance, the image of your performance still fresh in their minds

>Damn ponies, it's like they'd never seen a Human eating his toast in a dramatic fashion known only from the greatest of actors and actresses

>And people that enjoy toast a bit too much

>You get your thoughts back on track as you head out into Ponyville, and what a wonderful day it is

>The sun lights up the streets as if they were made of gemstones, and every pony you see is either smiling or laughing

>You hadn't been sure if Ponyville was going to be the right place for you, but you're feeling better and better about it as time goes on

>That being said, you still notice the ponies look at you warily, unsure about who or what you are

>You can't say you blame them, you hadn't really had much 'face time' around here, but you were sure with time they'd grow accustomed to you

>Maybe you'd do something to get yourself known a bit more, throw a party or something, hopefully without putting lives at risk this time around

>Oh Pinkie...

>Still, you were happy here so far, and as you arrived at the Boutique you gave one last look around before heading inside to see the fashionista that was Rarity

 

>You step into the boutique, ducking slightly under the doorway as you enter the beautifully maintained building

>It seems to be pretty quiet at first, almost too quiet, before Rarity appears from the opposite side of the room

>"Oh! Anonymous my dear, how lovely to see you, and I'm so very sorry to hear about your house."

>Looks like news travels fast around here, not that you had expected any different, Ponyville was a small place after all and all the ponies seemed to know each other

"Yeah, thanks, I was jus-"

>Rarity interrupts you suddenly, almost as if she had read your mind

>"Say no more Anonymous, say no more! I can already see by your... ahem, worn attire that you are in desperate need of some new clothes!"

>You let out a small, "huh" as Rarity read you like a book, before nodding in the affirmative

"Actually you're right, all my other clothes were burned to a crisp."

>Rarity beams, "Oh don't worry Anonymous, that was probably a blessing, I mean... well, you get to have brand new, stylish clothes now! Made with only the utmost care, of course."

>Well, you're impressed if nothing else, but somehow you feel like you were just insulted in some way

>Eh, fuck it

"Yeah I suppose, I'd like to order some new clothing, y'know, just daily living kind of stuff, nothing special. I suppose you'll need to take my measurements?"

>Rarity shakes her head and waves a hoof dismissively, "Oh no dear, that won't be necessary. When I found out you were coming to live here in Ponyville, I sent a letter to the castle tailor personally requesting them. I have the measurements of everyp0ny in the town you know!"

>Well this mare was nothing if not organised, you know you wouldn't have thought this far ahead. Then again, you're not sure many people would

"Oh, well then I'd like eight shirts, eight pairs of pants, and ten pairs of underwear and socks, that should be enough to get me by for now."

>Rarity levitates a quill and pad, no doubt writing down your request.

 

>"There we are! I'll get right on those and get them too you as soon as I can."

>You reach into your pockets to feel around for the bits you know you had on you somewhere, but Rarity quickly interjects

>"Oh don't worry about that Anonymous, this is a rather simple order, and I'd like to give it to you as a, hmm... 'Welcome to Ponyville' present!"

"Rarity, I couldn't possibl-"

>"Nonsense dear! I won't hear it. This is my gift to you and I will be offended if you turn it away!"

>Rarity lifts a hoof to her forehead dramatically, covering her eyes and making soft sobbing noises

>However, she suddenly stops sobbing, peeks over her foreleg at you and speaks, "You wouldn't want that would you Anonymous?"

>You roll your eyes and chuckle a little bit

"I guess not, thank you Rarity, it means a lot, really."

>The white mare waves her hoof once more, "Oh think nothing of it darling! Now, I must get to work, but do stop by again soon."

>You smile and nod, before turning and starting to head out

>The ponies here really knew how to look after someone, back on Earth if people had treated you this kindly you would have expected to end up in some debt you didn't even agree too

>Yep, they sure di-

>Strange, you don't remember being in this much pain a second ago. As a matter of fact, you don't remember being in pain at all a second ago

>But now, pain, and growling

>You look down, and latched onto your crotch by its front claws, is a cat

"Oh... AUAGHH!"

>You turn back towards the white pony, your hands now up in the air as you shake your body side to side, trying to remove the furry little demon

"Getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!!"

>Rarity gasps and runs over, her horn glowing as a white aura appears around the feline and starts to lift it away from you

>The fluffy little fucker has other plans however, and clings for dear life to your pants, taking some of your skin with it as it is pulled away from you

"What is wrong with that thing?!"

>"Opal! That is not how we treat our guests!"

 

>You're not sure whether to be shocked, confused or just straight up pissed, so you decide to display a look that resembles all three

>"I'm so sorry Anonymous, Opal can be rather rude sometimes, but I'm sure she meant nothing by it."

>You shrug your shoulders and shake your head

"Right, well, I'm going to head over to the library. Thanks again Rarity"

>"Don't worry about it dear, farewell!"

>You share a death stare with Opal when Rarity isn't looking. This shit ain't over bitch

>With your clothes ordered, you make your way over to Twilight's library

>You figure the sooner you get in touch with Celestia, the sooner you can get your house fixed

>You're sure that staying with Pinkie would be fun enough, but you didn't want to impose, and frankly you wanted your own place

>You can just image what you'd be doing right now, taking a long nap in your big, quiet house

>Another sigh forces its way out of you, and you can't help but notice you've been doing that a lot lately

>It can't look good

>Before too long you make it to the library, and carefully push the door open, ducking once more to get inside

>Damn ponies with their low doorways!

>You instantly spotted Twilight, digging through a pile of books, moving the occasional one or two with her magic to one side

>She didn't seem to notice you come in, making your way closer to her and leaning against one of the bookcases

"Morning Twilight!"

>Twilight nearly jumped through the roof as you spoke, clearly more caught off guard than you had thought she be

"Woah, Twilight, you okay?"

>"Oh! Anonymous! Hello! Sorry about that, I um, you caught me off guard."

>You certainly had, you're surprised she didn't physically jump out of her skin

"Sorry about that, I just stopped by to ask if I could get a letter to the Princess, about my house."

>Twilight raises a brow at you, "I don't see why not, is something wrong with it?"

>You return the raised brow

"You haven't heard? I thought everyp0ny had by now"

 

>Twilight shrugs slightly, "I'm afraid I've been a bit busy recently, so I haven't had the time to get the news. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

>You sit by on a nearby chair and rest your elbows on your knees before you begin to speak again

"Well, we had a lovely housewarming party..."

>Twilight looks confused, "Yeess?"

"There was dancing, laughing, music, you know, all that fun stuff."

>The little purple pony leans in closer as you talk, "Yeess? Yess?!"

"The food and drink was very tasty, I must say, well prepared an-"

>"Anonymous!"

"And Pinkie Pie accidentally burnt down my house with a party cannon."

>Twilight's jaw drops, "But, I thought Pinkies cannon was safe, she's used it before at-"

"This one was new, and experimental."

>Twilight places a hoof on her face and shakes her head, "Well that explains the siren I thought I'd imagined last night. Sleep deprivation can cause those kind of things you know?"

>You shrug a little, "Well that's the story, so can I write to her or...?"

>The purple mare nods and looks around the library, "That's fine Anonymous, but I'm afraid Spike isn't here right now, he's out getting some supplies. How about you leave a message with me and I'll send it as soon as he gets back."

>You don't see a problem with the idea, you suppose it gives you time to spend the rest of the day getting your bearings of Ponyville

"Ok, sure. Dear Princess Celestia, house destroyed by freak party decoration accident, please send help, maybe even a new house. Will work to help pay for the construction. Anonymous. P.S. I'd like curtains that aren't as flammable as gasoline, if possible.

>Twilight is wearing an expression that's something between unimpressed and speechless

>Either works you suppose

>"Ok Anon, I'll have this sent off and I'll let you know when the Princess responds."

>You smile and bow in an exaggerated manner, "Thank you Twilight, for your kindness!"

>She rolls her eyes and smiles as you turn and head on your way

 

>Stepping out once more into the fresh afternoon air, you quickly realise that you have absolutely nothing else to do today

>You probably would have done some shopping or something to stock up your house

>Still, there's sure to be plenty to do around here, you just have to look in the right places you suppose

>You carefully scan the surrounding area, hoping that your eyes will automatically zoom in on something interesting like some kind of machine

>You have no such luck however, and so you decide to just walk in no particular direction

>You hadn't really been in Ponyville much before. It had been the place you had arrived, and it was the home to the ponies that had found you half dead

>You shook your head, you didn't really want to think about that. Today was a good day, no point in spoiling it with grim thoughts

>Still, that had been a strange day indeed, and one that you won't soon forget

>By now you have trudged along for quite a while, not that you've been paying attention to anything

>In fact, you don't really snap back to reality until you hear a whooshing sound, and jump backwards slightly as a familiar cyan Pegasus stops you in your tracks

>"Woah there! You should watch where you're going, you almost ended up in the Everfree Forest!"

>You quirk a brow before looking around, noticing that you were indeed only steps away from the haunting grip of the forest

"Huh, I didn't even notice. Damn, how far did I walk?"

>Rainbow dons a shit-eating grin as she chuckles a little bit, "In a world of your own huh Anon? What you thinking about?"

>You shrug a little bit

"Oh y'know, stuff."

>Rainbow raises her eyebrow, "Stuff? What kinda stuff?"

>You scoff a little bit at the interrogation, looking up at the pegasus who hovers just over you

"What are you, the thought police?"

>Rainbow rolls her eyes, "Oh ha ha, jeez Anon, somep0ny shows a bit of an interest and you blow them off? I'm sure you'll fit in great around here."

>She had a point, you were new here.

 

>First impressions were going to be pretty important if you expected to ponies to take you in as one of their own

>That's why you chose to live here right?

>You sigh and shrug your shoulders, returning your gaze to RD

"Yeah I guess you're right. I was just thinking about when I got here."

>Rainbow lets out a sound of understanding and then chuckles once more, "Yeah, that was a messy day."

>You glare at her for a moment, and her eyes dart around nervously

>"Well, I mean... You were pretty beat up, but at least you ended up being ok right?"

>You smile a little bit

"I guess I did, and now here I am again right back where it started."

>Rainbow stays quiet for a moment in thought before she carefully lands before you, the forest looking even bigger in comparison to her

>"Hey, Anon, you wanna hang out for a bit? I just got finished with my weather duties before I saw you heading over here, and it'd be nice to get to know the only Human in Equestria a bit more."

>You put on a confused look, not entirely sure what brought this about. Out of all of the other ponies, Dash had been the most suspicious of you when you first arrived

>Maybe she was sorry for judging you a little too soon? Or she could actually want to just get to know you better

>Fuck it, you've got nothing better to do

"Sure, why not, can't hurt to make more friends."

>Rainbow grins widely and she flies back into the air in front of you, "Yeah, and not everyp0ny is lucky enough to have a friend like me! And even if they did, there is only one Rainbow Dash!"

>The cyan pegasus does a flip in the air before landing once more, and you rolls your eyes

"Oh yeah, I'm the luckiest guy in the world! Thank you oh great Rainbow Dash for blessing me with your presence!"

>Rainbow scoffs at your sarcasm, "Whatever! You're just jealous because you can't be as fast or as awesome as me!"

>You snicker, this mare clearly needed to be put in her place

"Oh yeah, we'll just see about that! Let's have a little race back to town."

 

>Rainbow lights up at your challenge before laughing loudly, "You honestly think you could beat me? I'm probably faster than you in my sleep!"

>You grin at her comment

"You're right, after all, you could only beat me in your dreams!"

>Ohshitit'sonnow

>Dash narrows her eyes and leans forward a little bit, "Okay then wise guy, first one to the fountain in the town square wins!"

>You grin and ready yourself up

"Let's go then, I hope you brought some goggles, you don't wanna get my dust in your eyes when I leave you in it!"

>You know your trash talk is terrible, but who gives a shit? This pony was going down

>Both yourself and Rainbow Dash get into a starting position, before you start to count down

"3!"

>"2!"

"1!"

>"GO!"

>You take off running, following the trail that clearly led back into town, breathing steadily and trying to keep a good pace

>Just to your left you could see Dash matching your pace, running neck to knee with you

>Damn this pony was fast, but not as fast as you!

>You push yourself a little more as you see the bridge leading into town coming into view, picking up your pace and taking a fair lead

>You could almost hear Rainbow curse as you pulled out ahead of her and kept on running strong

>Soon you could see it, the fountain!

>You look back to see Rainbow moving up quickly on your side, meeting you side to side once more before getting slightly ahead of you

"Oh no you don't!"

>You near the fountain step by step, the passing ponies watching as you and Rainbow sprint desperately for the finish

>With Rainbow slightly ahead, you need to think fast

>Doing the complete opposite, you simply dive forward with your arms outstretched, a cry of manly power erupting from your tired lungs

>As you hit the ground, Rainbow skidding beside you, a cloud of thick dust surrounds you both as the pedestrian ponies watch on in awe

>The dust clears, and you look to see your hand squarely on the base of the fountain

"Hah! I won, how do you lik-

>"I don't think so hot shot!"

 

>As you look to your side again, you are suddenly met with the sight of Rainbow's hoof also planted to the fountain

>You tied

>Rainbow let out a frustrated sigh, "Tied again?!"

>You raise an eyebrow in bewilderment, you're sure you'd never raced Dash before

"Huh?"

>Rainbow looked at you before shaking her head and getting to her hooves, dusting herself off, "Oh nothing, just getting tired of ties."

>You shrug it off and chuckle, getting to your feet and wiping bits of dirt from your clothes

>Oh yeah, you definitely need to wash these, burnt and now muddy too

"You know this ain't over right? I shall taste victory, and you will know defeat."

>Rainbow gives you a deadpan look before altering it to a grin again, "Right! Next time you won't get so lucky, and you'll be spending the next week picking those words out of your teeth!"

>You raise your eyebrow once more

>"...Y'know, when I make you eat them!"

>You both stare at each other in silence, before losing it, and sharing a laugh

>"You're alright Anon, come on, there's a bar not too far from here. I'll even buy you a drink for tying with me, that is, if you're not a wimp!"

>You laugh, this mare might be faster than you, but she definitely couldn't drink like you

"Ha! You'd be seeing stars before I even got tipsy"

>Rainbow grins, "Challenge accepted bub, let's see what you've got!"

>You and Dash head off to the nearby bar, and after the first couple of drinks the hours seemed to fade away

>All things considered, shit was going better than expected

>You had a place to stay while your home got rebuilt, you had ponies that were there to help you, and now you even had a drinking buddy!

>Yep, things sure are starting to look up.

>Or at least they were... for now.